For some clients, not an hour goes by without an intrusive thought from their “inner critic” . . .
. . . and the shame, blame, and fear that it stirs up can be paralyzing.
So how can we help clients who struggle to keep these unwelcome thoughts in check?
Well, Dennis Tirch, PhD, has a compassion-focused spin on a strategy from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to do just that. Have a listen.
By thanking the mind for doing its job, clients can acknowledge unwelcome thoughts without being beholden to them.
Now we’d like to hear from you. Do you have a client who could benefit from this practice? What strategies have you found helpful for working with unwelcome, self-critical thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.
If you found this helpful, here are a few more resources you might be interested in:
How to Reframe a Client’s Relationship with an Inner Critic
Tara Brach, PhD, and How to Work with Chronic Self-Judgement
An Exercise to Decrease Negative Self-Talk
Want to know, what the ring is all about? Mind over matter!
Dr Tirch,
I appreciate this spin, very adaptable and appeals to my humorist side.
I have a client I do need your thoughts on.
Female, mid 40’s, history of relationship trauma, detached from bio parents, both have passed. Husband of 16 years, alcoholic, gambling addiction, committed suicide after she kicked him out.
Tried long distance relationship, drug her along for 3 years, bailed out.
She is severely depressed, afraid of any relationship,
Sorry, just looking for help.
Daryl Lace, LPC
I am the client. My sexual trauma happened before one year old, discovered by my OBGYN doctor at 15 years old when he saw my scars on my labia. The doctor called my mother in and handled it badly. I am 70 now…alone
Thinking of clients, the strategy seems so helpful. Thinking of myself, it’s a different story. “I am not taking any responsability for my mistakes by stating ‘but’. I want to be compassionate AND responsable by acknowledging that I did wrong, I don’t always respond as if I got this.
Applied to myself, this feels like bypassing. The trick is so to find balance between compassion in allowing ourselves time to learn and grow and responsability for mistakes.
Very helpful suggestion and so consistent with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I often work with ASD families and autism-seeded anxiety. The symbols and thanks is something I appreciate and will be more mindful of with this reminder. Thanks – great topic!
Well yes but there has to be a sound element of balance though for any of those perfectly reasonable sounding …” thank you mind for your input, know where yr coming from… but im just going to go ahead and make awesome pancakes for the fam” alternate POVs by the core self to be heard. I think i need to go into whatever stage/ intervention comes before compassion and love have ANY chance. Maybe a shaman.
I really enjoy hearing where Dennis is coming from, the depth of his experience and compassion and the ease of communicating the strategy to assist. Thankyou.
For me (and it helps,) I use this biblical principles, “Whatsoever things are true..honest.. just.. pure.. lovely.. of good report, if there be any virtue.. praise, think on these things”
Love this!!!
This is a great way to observe the thought as the mind doing its job trying to protect. Identifying the position to take charge and tell the mind – I’ve got this reminded me of a client I worked with years ago struggling with intrusive thoughts / OCD.
They attributed their success in the little piece of paper I gave them… three words “you’ve got this!”
I had forgotten about how powerful those words were.
Thank you for the reminder!
Love that I now have a name (compassion-focused) to the practice I do daily to combat negative self-talk. “Thank you mind….”
I love that…stand down, mind! ?
When we have developed the skill of Using the cognitive part of our brain to notice the conversations our mind is having and choosing how to respond instead of reacting. We are not our thoughts but we are the person who is observing our thoughts. We are more powerful than we could ever imagine – it’s really about learning to love ourselves so we can love others by increasing self- awareness ❤️
thank you, mind I got this…love that
What is interesting here is the development of the ability to not only observe the mind dispassionately, but to separate with detachment and kindness….self observing self, and not buying everything the mind ‘self’ is telling the self. I love the phrase ‘compassionate authority’
I do this all the time with myself. Happens at different developmental stages of life you feel different emotions. Life is worrying for everyone especially when you have grown children. Know the strategies to put in, and money becomes the key. We live in an extremely classist society. Unfortunately this is true, money talks bullshit walks. My friend told me this in our 20s, she is correct.
Thanking the mind for its job is a very helpful intervention as it creates a distance to critical or stressful thoughts. it also interrupts a vicious circle of self-blaming. Often I first notice an uncomfortable feeling, and I have to sort out, what is happening, what is the mind speaking right now. The thoughts are so elusive, often not explicit and I only percieve the result in my feelings or mood.