How do we stay socially distant yet safely connected?
Well, according to Deb Dana there’s no one-size-fits-all answer here . . . and it also depends on the “shape” of your nervous system.
In the video below, she’ll share the 3 states of the nervous system and explain a simple exercise your clients can use to learn how to tune in to their own nervous system – and begin to figure out what it needs during this unusual time.
Have a listen.
Click here for full transcript
Now we’d like to hear from you. What strategies are you finding most helpful in sessions?
Please share your experience in the comments below.
Thank you. I needed to hear this, especially the bit about solitude. I crave heaps of solitude and people tend to regard this as unhealthy and their injunctions to connect more destabilise me. I LOVE being alone most of the time!
Would you say that there is a connection between the need for solitude and Asperger’s? Or is there no relation between them? My Asperger clients claim that they never feel loneliness. They just want to be alone and then they feel good. Is it because they are hard-wired completely differently? When I tried psycho-education and talked about sympathetic and parasympathetic systems they are interested, but I do not know if it has any positive effect.
Strategies to help dis-regulated clients: grounding with breath, mindfulness, encouraging them to look at how they have dealt with uncertainty in the past, gratitudes. Vagal regulation, being connected, feeling able to manage and exercising self-compassion – I have found all these useful with clients.
Is the description the same as the window of tolerance?
Insightful, what stood out for me about better understanding how the nervous system works. It gave me a better language to explain the difference between isolation vs solitude. Based on my experience with clients the belief is that solitude and lonliness are the same, and has the same impact on the body/nervous system. The strategies will definitely help in identifying where a person is at on a daily basis.
Solitude and Loneliness are very different for many of my clients that chose pictures of an unhappy figure all alone for loneliness, but chose a picture of a happy figure alone happily doing something all by himself to represent solitude. For many of my clients, when they speak about solitude, they also speak about peacefulness; some mention religion; some yoga.
Forwarded to me by my psychologist. In therapy for trauma based background Central Nervous System issues.These are great practical ideas to help pinpoint where I am on a certain day which helps with regulation.
Thanks Dana.
Also ready to learn in these areas. Such a help for clients and me.
Love these practical applications so elegantly presented by Deb Dana. I can’t wait to utilize myself and with my clients- how timely- a much appreciated life line-many thanks for this beautiful offering.
Great visual exercise to identify movement through the systems and to recognize in oneself.
Hi Deb
wonderful to hear you speak in such an attuned way about the spectrum of responses to the current situation. It is good to have resources not only to map my own experience, but also to share with clients and thus connect with them. Hope to hear more from you. Sending you glimmers
Barbara (South Africa)
Well done! Clarifying what is happening, normalizing to the time we are living in and learning to set a plan was calming and empowering
I am a visual learner and totally loved the continuum idea! I will definitely use this with my participants during this challenging time. Thank you.
Although I have a counseling related background, my professional life was more in education because I am a trauma survivor. As I listened to the description of the 3 states the word I scribbled down was “sheltered”. At once I felt calm and comforted. Thank you!
This was great. I use continuum work a lot in sessions. I use it for judgement, self care and I will definitely add this now.
Thank you! I “drew” my understanding of the 3 states as they relate to recovery from substances . . may I share and get feedback? (system won’t let me insert)
That was great, thank you very much. I like the intervention of drawing the line and determining where the client is that and what they need to move forward. I also like the three different nervous system responses: I’m okay, I am amped up, and I am flat. Very helpful, thank you. And cute earings too 🙂
Thank you- I posted this to FB … very helpful in general but especially now. I’m a bit of an introvert, and as a natural introvert sometimes the social distance feels like a relief but I definitely feel the edge lately between enough time to introspect and too much aloneness as loneliness, then, a very uncomfortable sense of helplessness- which from your description is the dorsal vagal immobilization- feels like a free fall. It is empowering to name it and recognize that I can change the pattern.
So helpful! Thank you! Would love to have a visual/infographic.
I appreciate the clarity in which you spoke about the continuum of the Polyvagal theory and then provided some tools to encourage how to apply it to oneself. The continuum will be so useful with some teenagers that I am working with, although I will use mindfulness and play/art materials for them to explore further. Thank you
A lovely, succinct and accessible way of making the 3 ‘states’ clear, engagable, and useful for clients, and a wonderful way to personalise the science. Thank you.
Many thanks for consolidating important markers that you have shown us at the conference in London last year.
Gloria Ruggieri, psychotherapist, Oxford UK
Thank you so much. Your wonderful way of speaking about the 3 states of the nervous system, helped me tremendously to understand more deeply the polyvagal theory. For my own personal experience not being able to sleep at night, waking up wanting to run away, i can now understand which part of my nervous system is aroused.
This is so helpful in understanding my clients window of tolerance and assisting them to more deeply understand their own nervous system and there for recovery.
Dr. Buczynski..Thank you so much for these posts..they are very very helpful..I just finished listening to your webinar on working with the pain of abandonment I found information in that that I virtually had never heard before..You do such a good job of putting these things together and I want you to know that they are very much appreciated…Joan Grier
Thank you for this information and ways to talk about the impact of isolation/sheltering (etc.) on our nervous systems. The physiological information is especially useful.
Thank you for this amazing tool. I have been educating fellow coaches and group and community leaders on this topic as may are struggling not only with their own ability to move through and process this challenge, but to support their clients and communities.
Many have no clue that their nervous systems are highly active, and just learning the information and finding new tools has been key with my clients and community. We have been talking about fight/flight activation, narrowing windows of tolerance and the realization that their responses are normal has brought a lot of relief. The “what’s wrong with me?” Inner talk is gone, and that takes away so much of the stress itself. Thank you so much!
From my perspective as someone who is more drawn to solitude, it seems there is another “line” at the end opposite of dropping into the despair of loneliness. For me I can drop over a line into an uncomfortable and overwhelmed state of having too much time surrounded by others. These days if I’m on a video call with too many people, too long, I can start to feel an unpleasant shift in my nervous system.
Love this continuum graphic. It gives us a concrete tool that is simple and accessible. Thank-you!
Sherry Reiter, Director, The Creative Righting Center
Normalizing reactions, whatever they are,
Discussing strategies to ameliorate distress.
That’s a useful continuum. A bit like Jim Kepner’s continuum of trust. Good to ask the question – when in the day do you need most/least connection, and why? I like the idea of ‘physical distancing’, as mentioned by someone on this string – it empowers the capacity socially connect (even though this may be online ornon phone). I also like to support a sense of groundedness through Earth breathing, and a then sense of connection to others by heart breathing to them. We can maintain our network of ‘felt sense’ in some way though this practice.
Thank you I love wha you said about the breathing….a sense of groundedness through Earth breathing, and a then sense of connection to others by heart breathing to them. We can maintain our network of ‘felt sense’ in some way though this practice.
I will practice this while on my zoom calls with friend. Thank you so much!!!
I have been offering a free Somatic Skills Resources Support Group/Webinar on Mondays at 11 am PST, which has been really helpful both for me and others. The audience seems to really respond to the psyschoed. about the nervous system, the guided interoception meditations, and tools to orient to safety via sensation, sight, sound, smell, etc. Personally, practicing mindfulness in nature as well as meditation have been the most effective tools for me to orient to safety and connection. I have also really benefitted from staying active, practicing yoga, taking walks, or going for bike rides. The endorphins help me maintain a positive attitude.
Could you give me your email or facebook address to get in touch with you as I am interested in our Somatic Skills resources support Broug, thank you
I really know this material, wrote a book about it in 2018, Play the Brain for Change How to Activate the Vagus Nerve for Quick and Lasting Change. I would recommend first introducing the three nervous system states. I refer to them as activated(sympathetic), calm-optimal-connected(parasympathetic/ventral vagal), and deactivated(parasympathetic/dorsal vagal). Then Dana’s exercise with introducing one’s subjective cognitive descriptions of the states makes more sense when applied. Get to know what the states feel like in your body and do it experientially by tuning in, then you name it to tame it, and train it. I teach poly-vagal theory to psychotherapists and clients using an applied clinical neuroscience system Emotional Pain Intervention. I’m so grateful to Stephen Porges and now Deb Dana for their work as it’s helped me help others.
Yes, me too. So grateful for their work. I would love to read your book. Going to try to order it today.
Me too. I highly recommend Somatic Experience and Peter Levine’s and Irene Lyons. Irene’s Smart Body Smart Mind is a wonderful training for those interested. Thanks, jane
Very good can use with my clients …Thank you
I work as a therapist in the metro area of Minneapolis, MN. I am starting to use the term “physically distancing” vs “social distancing”. “Physical distancing” sounds less isolating to me. I have an elderly parent with whom we (my husband and I) make an effort to see outside his assisted living building for an hour or two on the weekend, and we use physical distancing to “hang out”. We also have the option to video chat and phone chat during the week.
Colleen G., Minnesota
Simply describing and discussing. Then some exploring of in the moment experience. And validation that all humans, me, too, have nervous systems that are affected. And that there is a huge amount of grief.
It’s helpful to have a reminder of the three states of the vagal/nervous system, and I can certainly feel and see movement throughout this continuum in myself and clients. Having said that, we are so inextricably connected into the overarching threat that a certain amount of trauma and hypervigilance permeates, for most people, all but a few moments of utter poetry and presence. I also think being “alone” with a significant other, is far different than the aloneness of one who is not touched by anyone else, and that it requires, for those people, a great exercise in creating anything like a satisfying alternative means for connecting. Walking the other day in the woods, at a distance from my five year old granddaughter who approached me as I stepped back was heartbreaking. My body literally felt like a hole had been blown in it, while under the branches of white pine, a blue sky and listening to a swiftly running stream. For my clients I want to acknowledge, beyond those three states, utter grief, different than depression/no energy; different than a solitude one might enjoy; different than actions taken when the barrier is not human skin.
Thank you for this post! I am a therapist and will use the continuum with myself and my clients.
Two words I like are “ Quiet together.”
Hi, this is a really good tool to explore, thanks. I am still struggling with the assumptions that we all seem to making right now, mainly because I feel I was not prepared, on any level- professionally, emotionally etc. to have to make such a sudden transition and this is significant to how I can use new information right now. The other part is the factor that our personal resources are suddenly gone right now- resources for calming the system for example, so for our for self-care and sustenance we don’t have the necessary resources. The factor of means and resources – is essential to any discussion about loneliness and coping skills, otherwise it is invisible. We need to name that the risks that we are facing now in a completely unique moment.
Many of the assumptions being made about introversion and social connections and loneliness, I feel, are getting in the way of crisis prevention. This video begins to help us understand how to begin to unpack and manage these assumptions and start pushing through the barriers of how we can respond to the current threats – by supporting each other in the most helpful ways such as psycho education. I appreciate the emphasis on individuality expressions of each person’s own coping system and find the mapping along a continuum helpful and will use this. Would love to learn more! Can you make more of your theory-based work available as a gift? I would love to see our mentors taking some big, bold leaps right now and begin the conversations that are urgent especially around everything that we don’t know because we were not prepared and cannot possible see or understand the results of what we are being asked to do right now and how it will effect our communities. Much of what we are doing right now is innovation, so please keep the innovations coming! In gratitude.
Thanks a lot Deb!! I have read your book and since then I am including many of your concepts to my practice. This example of yours on how to identify where you are in the the ladder or line between vagal and dorsal is definitely applicable. I am currently working via phone with my clients because my agency has not yet provided us with telehealth, however I am still able via phone to explain to my clients this simple but rich in awareness exercise. Thanks a lot.
My clients most of them suffering from generalized anxiety, panic attacks and depression and this shelter at home is affecting them significantly . I am helping them to develop a daily schedule of routine so they can regain agency over their lives and most of all structuring their circadian rhythm so important for the body, brain and immune system. I am encouraging them to include exercises of the mind in this schedule. I call exercises of the mind a set of Mindfulness grounding, diaphragmatic breathing and the Basic Exercise developed by Stanley Rosenberg ( poly vagal theory ). I will now include your line of awareness between vagal ventral and dorsal which will promote interoceptive awareness and knowledge of their status of their autonomic nervous system.Thanks Deb!!!
Thank you Deb, thank you NICABM for your time and desire to help. I loved the three stages to access the continium from connection to isolation. I’ll use with my clients.
What I have done in some of my meetings with clients is a guided grounding meditation. After that we call what we are feeling in moment by it’s name. Very often the name id fear. Then we invite a bit or more than a bit of compassion to ourselves. Gratitude
LIke the idea of a continuum for understanding our preferences and needs, generally and at specific times. Thank you.
Yes, i would have like a simple chart too, as I could not catch all the words easily.
The first group in the same order (as I recall as the whole video goes quite fast)
Mindfulness of peoples eyes and face. Also mindfulness in nature (trees, birds, birdsongs (have different ones in 4 different seasons.Right now it’s mainly robins and morning doves on my patio ledge.etc and winter appears to be morning doves and the ones that splash in the tiniest puddlesI find both to be absolutely stunning as with all sizes of deer running across the lawn outside my patio, etc all are fascinating! And I can see God without thinking in mindfulness. I’m getting long, so I’ll end with that! .
Thank you for the video ~ I’ll be watching it many times to absorb it all!
It’s not live, it’s on a video which you can replay, and simultaneously design your own visual aid or representations, until you feel you have a full enough understanding of it to make use of it in whatever way you choose to.
Different people have different learning modes, please be mindful of others’ ways which may be different to your own, and consider being (or at least responding in a way which is) less reactive and judgmental.
When I find that I need to _read_ something 10-15 times to get even a glimmer of initial understanding of it, I have come to understand that this is a reflection of the current state of my mind / being, and my own blockages from past adverse experiences. Polyvagal theory and applications /practice can be enormously challenging when first encountered, and eventually enormously liberating from patterns of being, relating, and reacting, shaped by the past.
Patience and kindness, towards ones self and others, go a long way.
I found this a really helpful video, I can clearly identify when I have been in all three states over the past few weeks. I was however left wondering ‘now I have this insight, what should I do with it?’ Might it be possible to extend this video into a second which explains where to go from here? And why it is important to know which state I am in? Many thanks.
Yes! A second sharing would be wonderful.
Knowing and naming and compassion.
Then. What are some practices/choices/ activities to balance the states?
Hi! Probably you are right and it would be better transmitted. But, also, your comment could be more kindly “delivered” ….. I thank the organization and Deb Dana for sharing this the best they can. And I thank you for your comment, it gave me “food for thought”. Habe a nice day!
*have
Thank you so much
Really enjoyed tbis short very informative video.
I think have the simple explaination of 3 stages of nervoys dystwm will be very helpful to use with some of my clients at this strange time…
TRISH