How Compassion-Oriented Therapies Work and What Makes Them So Effective
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with Christopher Germer, PhD;
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with Christopher Germer, PhD; Dennis Tirch, PhD; Geshe Lobsang Tenzin Negi, PhD; Paul Gilbert, PhD;
Kristin Neff, PhD; Jack Kornfield, PhD; Susan Pollak, MTS, EdD; Christopher Willard, PsyD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD and Ashley Vigil-Otero, PsyD
Sign up for a Gold Membership
I teach MBSR courses and found the lessons of this session to widen the lens of the practices I’m guiding in class including how we relate to stress and judgement. Connecting with our common humanity and noticing when we’re fusing with our thoughts and defusing without trying to change them and seeing them as mental events rather than reality. The SEAT acronym opened the triangle of awareness (thoughts, feelings, physical sensations) to include actions – what we want to do when we’re feeling a certain way – noticing habits of behavior – which we explore with inquiry during the MBSR course. Also, how loving kindness meditation can be used on the spot when we’re suffering rather than simply during it’s absence.
Great work! Very insightful and really well designed! My take-away is definately the reality check: becoming aware of how our brains work and then taking wise action, responding skillfully. All the practices very useful too. Thanks a lot!
This program is so outstanding, fresh, new and valuable its worth ten times what you’re asking. Thank you for your tireless commitment to relieve suffering.
So useful, many thanks to share so valuable experiences to deal with our patients!
Thank you for sharing so specifically and meaningfully on the subject of compassion. I am a LMFT/RDT and getting ready to go to China to give a workshop on Narradrama: Witnessing and Healing Practices (Narradrama is a combination of Narrative and Drama Therapy pioneered by Dr Pam Dunne) and I would like to take your some of your concepts of externalizing (Narrative Therapy) and concretize them through not only imagining but creating symbols through art, masks and movement having some meaningful dialog. I enjoyed the richness of the various contributors and some very concrete ways of applying these principles. Thank you!!!!
This integrates so much of what I have learned into a useable, cohesive method for helping clients move through their current presenting issues and emerge with a set of skills that will serve them wee in their future.
i HAVE A NEW CLIENT WITH WHOM i WILL CERTAINLY USE THE MINDFULSEAT APPROACH. i THINK IT ENCOMPASSES A LOT OF THE COMPASSION AND SELF COMPASSION ELEMENTS. ALSO THE REFRAMING THE “WHY ME” INTO COMMON HUMANITY IS SOMETHING I DO NATURALLY, BUT TO SHARE IT AND LET THE CLIENT FEEL IT IS HELPFUL. INTEGRATING LOVING KINDNESS AND MEDITATION IS A DIFICULT CONCEPT TO TEACH IF YOU DO NOT PRACTICE IT YOURSELF.
The reminder that we are not isolated – I see people who truly believe they are the ‘only’ person experiencing such suffering to remember we are not alone in suffering can help – it did however bring up the issue of empathy as in the ’empath’ over identifying and becoming overwhelmed with the notion of anyone suffering as they are/have or do …. how to deal with this?
I loved the Mindful SEAT, the Diffusive Practice of observe not merge and gaining insight to the Inner Critic and the Inner Compassionate Self by describing these entities and again coming into empathy and understanding of the wounding of the Inner Critic. Many thanks for this series – I live in rural NZ and have a few clients about 6 so my work is very part time – and this free series helps me help others 🙂
What I appreciate most about these lessons and approaches to healing is that they are universally applicable; it makes the secular sacred because the lessons are about how to humanize our interactions – especially with ourselves. For people with over-developed inner critics and histories of trauma, these strategies help normalize powerful feelings, recognize old thought habits, and create space for us to learn how to relate to ourselves with compassion and loving kindness. I use these concepts with clients when they feel stuck, when they’re depressed, and when they are paralized by anxiety, and I certainly have benefited from them for my own growth. Thank you for putting together these programs. Namaste.
Unfortunately I missed the start of the broadcast. What I did hear provided me with some validation to how I have tried working compassionately with clients. I have used similar techniques however hearing these examples has broadened my perspective on how to help clients use these skills. It will also help me explain what compassion is and how it helps to clients, thank you.
Thank you I really enjoyed today’s lecture.. take away’s for me will be the Self compassion break and mindful SEAT. Also understanding the importance of using language that resonates for the client and speaking words of goodwill.. safe, peaceful, healthy, living with ease
It was all affirming and helpful, especially concept of compassionate diffusion, thanking the mind, imagining the shame-based critic using the non-judgmental compassionate self
Also “if I spoke to others as I speak to myself I’d have no friends “
I thought the discussion about slowing down client experience and exploring the inner critic as well as the compassionate self to be extremely helpful. Moreover, exploring what this critic is most worried, afraid, and hurting from is a phenomenal way to gain awareness and practice compassion to the self in a very tangible and understandable way.
One of the things that I learned today was the practice that Paul Gilbert uses to talk to the inner critic. I had never heard about that strategy but I think that so much healing can come from that.
This is actually a simplified version of Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) which you might wish to check out, Viviana. 🙂
I am a retired therapist, but I continue with some research into “school shooters.” what I have found is that many of them have been abused as children or are the product of some sort of trauma. This compassion program seems to offer an excellent treatment for this kids. thank you for allowing us to participate. Jim Christensen
I am a Uk based Gestalt therapist and I found some of these themes very in line with gestalt philosophy. There are some really useful interventions here, in my own practise and personally having self compassion For myself has been very grounding and aided me to support my clients in the same.
This Is very beautiful work. Thank you so much. In my work as a bereavement support volunteer, I see this being so helpful – jacks phrase’ can you hold that thought with compassion?’ And the mindful seat are certainly practices I will use on myself and clients.
This information is great….and I feel that compassion (both for self and for others) is a major catalyst for healing…thank you so much for sharing this…I am going to try the SEAT exercise to practice being present in the moment, and compassionate self talk to cultivate more acceptance and patience in challenging situations. Thank you so much, God bless you all!
Best explanation of how compassion plays huge role n healing n recovery, highlight was howst metaphor. Thank you stay blessed we talk to our selves. Story of zebra was be
All the theory in the world won’t matter if you don’t apply it. Recognize that certain ways you think about things aren’t necessarily reality or the only way to think about things and acknowledge and accept the emotions, actions, sensations you experience and try a different approach that serves you better.
Observing the mind without judgement really spoke to my heart, which I’m sure will help encourage freedom in owning emotions and get them dealt with in a healthy and productive way
Really wonderful! Often it can be hard to slow someone down when they are in distress so these tools offer a great structured guided way to do just that! Many thanks
Thank you so much. I’m going to use Loving Kindness Meditation and Mindful Seat with a couple of clients. I too would love to purchase the Gold Membership, but I’m not able to afford it right now.
Very useful as usual. I particularly like the Seat acronym. What I’ve heard links in very much with what I am reading around existential therapy currently. I work 8th bereavement & trauma so always
learning.. Thank you.
My biggest takaway is motto:
May I be helpful, not harmful.
Thank you!
Does any one have ever worked this therapy with patients suffering terminal cancer?
I had a client that was very resistant to do the loving-kindness meditation because she attended a catholic school all her life and that sounds like praying and she did that all her life. How would you approach that?
Stephanie Mandel, did you explore what makes it sound like a prayer and how would it sound if it didn’t with the client? I think that you can make it into a song, a dance, a painting, an essay if you wanted, but let the person lead.
I am personally grateful for these videos. I am a physician rather than therapist but I see many traumatised patients, homeless, victims of persecution or trafficking, I am now retiring so catching up with these videos for free, know of Kristen Neff through Brene Brown since 2016 and has been revolutionary with my busy and harsh inner critic. Thank you!
Thank you so much for providing a free component of this practice. I love getting to learn and hear from professionals with whom I’ve never worked. I’m excited to try the self-compassion break, both with my patients and with myself. So grateful for this community of compassionate researchers and clinicians!!
I really like the mindful SEAT and the visualization of the shame-based critic and the compassionate side. I will definitely be using those with clients. I really love this series I would 100% pay for the GOLD package, I just unfortunately cannot afford it at this time. It is definitely worth the cost, just more than I am able to do right now. Thank you for making these videos free.
Mindful seat is definitely something I will implement immediately.
Talking about inner threat, why don’t you mention autoimmune illnesses? That is aggression to oneself. How to treat it?
Much of what is being presented sounds familiar to what I have learned from Buddhist teachings. The incorporation of Buddhist teachings with current terminology and scientific discovery, I am learning a deeper understanding of how self-compassion works. I can envision how this (secular) approach would be more acceptable to many clients. Some of the phrases, like “may I be helpful, not harmful” add to my own word choices in work with clients.
Great presentation. I really appreciate the in depth insight on compassion and self-compassion on how it can help with developing self-love.
I hope to use the self compassion break and possibly Mindful Seat with clients. The whole idea of helping clients to see the human experience of old brain /new brain dichotomy and learn about the capacity to self- soothe can enable them to recover from stress and trauma., and the inner critic . I was moved by the simplicity and humanity of Jack Kornfield’s contribution. Really important work overall . Thank you
Lots to take away, thank you. Biggest today is how we use fight , flight and freeze reactions internally when there is no external threat. It gives see a new perspective on one of my clients
I liked the SEAT system to use as a roadmap with clients in my coaching practice. The entire webinar was valuable for broadening my perspective and generating ways of seeing my clients. Thank you. Don Morgan
More and more clients seek to understand the science behind the therapy. Having the language to share that exercising self-compassion moves the activity of the mind from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex — or from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic where healing happens, will be enormously helpful with these clients.
Thank you. I’ve done DBT with many clients and have found it extremely helpful. I feel this self-compassion workshop just ads a wonderful new layer to my work. I also feel this is very good for therapist to do on themselves as well.
It is so powerful to learn how we can collaborate with our clients and help them to tell a different story because of loving kindness. Using language about being safe, peaceful, joyful or happy seems so powerful in switching off the inner critic. Thanks for those insights.
I see in my practice how helping clients build self compassion and loving kindness are powerfully transformative. Really learned from this session how to explain it better and the applications of Self Compassion break and Mindfulness Seat are going to be valuable tools. Thank you!
Hi, friends. I work with suburban Christian moms who yell at their kids and want to stop yelling. I use a version of SEAT to help them. It works and it’s very simple. I help them feel their body sensations and put a feeling word to it. Then we explore ways that they can be helpful instead of hurtful. This applies to all of their feelings (including happiness), because you can have an unhealthy reaction to even happiness, such as over-eating or drinking too much. The compassionate side of my program comes in when they realize that I used to have their struggle too (I used to yell at my kids), and many others have experienced the same yelling in their families. The shared experience of the struggle and the hope in healing helps them achieve their goals.
I’d like to add compassion techniques to training we do to help people manage intrusive non-verbal, at times overwhelming symptoms of their traumas.
I have found this so helpful as I have been very concerned about the loss of compassion, concern for humanity, and coarseness in our society. I knew that there was a lot of fear, anxiety and trauma involved but this gives me language to discuss the need for compassion with clients, coworkers, family and those who are stuck in an anxious and fearful place without discussing the political climate. We need more of this training for our culture at large but this is a beginning.
Thanks for the great content. I look forward to implementing some of these interventions with my clients. I do have a question, however.
I have encountered a bit of a stone wall when trying to implement the Common Humanity step in the mindful self-compassion exercise. When I have clients who are very deeply rooted in shame, usually those from intensely competitive or high-standards oriented families such as the children of teachers, pastors, missionaries, high achievers with a sense of public service involved, common humanity tends to trigger a greater sense of shame. “Well, all these other people have the same problems nd they do just fine. Why can’t I do fine?” or “Yeah, I know, everyone else has it worse so I should suck it up and just do my job.” Bringing up common humanity tends to trigger a secondary shame spiral rather than alleviating a sense of loneliness. In fact, it increases the sense of isolation. now, not only are they separated (in their minds) from healthy, functioning people but also from everyone who suffers like them, too.
how do I address this in therapy? How can I disrupt and reframe this secondary shame spiral in order to move on to the final step of administering self-compassion?
Hi Anneliese, my experience is that NICABM never answers or comments. Maybe you can have an answer if you write directly to the expert on their webpage or their social media. I have done that many times and found beautiful professionals willing to share.
I see the same issue as you do.
My guess is that underlying there is an attachment wound that needs to be addressed and healed first.
My line is trauma healing. In developmental trauma, childhood trauma, complex trauma, etc. ‘common humanity’ would be a bad move, hurting further; we have to manage with delicacy, common sense, timing and acknowledging more pressing needs first.
I would love to hear more about how to guide the process toward ‘common humanity’ with these cases.
Maybe we’ll hear more in the session dedicated to trauma.
Thank you for this comment I look forward to the response. I have experienced this reaction as well.
Anneliese, the 3 circles exercise shared in the first session might help (somewhere in these comments NICABM posted the blog post where you can find the beautiful graphics you could share). I thought when it was shared that the exercise can help competitive people to better balance emotional systems, it de-pathologizes and normalizes the whole thing because it’s simply a matter of oversized drive emotional system in detriment of self-soothing one. In your case you clearly speak about therapy clients. I was thinking more in the coaching sphere, or when working with highly educated people who love understanding better. The 3 circles brings compassionate understanding to the way our brain works, so foster sense of shared humanity. Also, some humour and tender playfulness through the zebra story might help (loved that), using compelling language you know they might resonate with etc. Plus, of course, using mindful SEAT, what is like sensing here body and emotions before they explore those thoughts and therefore take actions from them…
Hi,
My understanding that allows people to move past comparisons that may exacerbate shame, self-contempt and deeper depression–I can personally attest to this–is teaching, informing, reminding the person that there are so many other people in the world who also react as they do to “common humanity” statements. Group classes CBT/DBT/ACT/IFS etc., as well as support groups literally reinforce these understandings, in my experience. How could they not when other members voice these same thoughts/reactions/behaviors as you do? 🙂
Loved the affirmations: May I be healthy, may I be at peace, may I be safe, and may I live with ease…
AMAZING! Such good content that I know I can apply immediately in my practice. Thank you!
Really valuable information. I learned things to help myself and my client. Thank you for making this video available.
Big taking
Can you hold that with compassion?
Thank you
Loved the affirmations: May i be healthy, may be at peace, may i be safe, and i live with ease…
**Video comment**
Really missing the graphics that usually / normally accompany Ruth’s walk-thrus.
I watch the videos to learn… important component.
Thanks so much.