How to Transform Shame with Self-Compassion
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with Deborah Lee, DClinPsy;
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with Deborah Lee, DClinPsy; Christopher Germer, PhD; Kristin Neff, PhD; Paul Gilbert, PhD; Jack Kornfield, PhD; Dennis Tirch, PhD; Susan Pollak, MTS, EdD; Laura Silberstein-Tirch, PsyD; Christopher Willard, PsyD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD and Ashley Vigil-Otero, PsyD
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Wonderful presentation of assisting clients develop and compassionate connection and approach to the self relationship. This is essential to the developing person and humanity.
i love the practical skills that can be used when working with a client. I will bring some of the ideas such as visualizations or talking with their younger self to my work with teens, whose shame and negative self-talk can often be magnified. Thanks for wonderful presentation! It was so useful!
My clients recovering from compulsive/addictive eating and dealing with ADHD are quite literally swimming in a sea of shame and it’s ingrained and normalized. This was a tremendous session providing gentle tools full of clarity to help them climb out and craft a new reality. Thank you particularly, for the affirmation of the guidance to not torment them further by trying to force clinician kindness or wise client insights while they’re still bound up in the shame. Excellent advice, that will prevent great suffering and clients jumping ship before they can follow the compassion pathway!
I was disappointed as I was unable to access the session. I work either for the bank( temporary to fill a need) in the NHS or voluntarily. I do not have the possibility to pay for the Gold package. But I want the best for my clients, and have benefited from other offers. It was a shame for me!
There are still 3 more repeats of the session you could access.
I have used the feature of ‘kindness’ to self, rather than compassion for some time, but I found the coherent and practical account offered in your webinars improve confidence – not only in the things I can do already but by way of suggesting changes in the future.
Deborah’s remarks about the Brain not caring whether it works on reality or illusion was fun. Shades of Greek philosophers echoing through the millenia. An helpful way to sustain a conversation that has curiosity at its heart! As does ‘acting as if ……’
I really liked the idea of developing compassion motivation , and the compassionate self /other. The description by Tirch that the “sad and frustrated inner critic” is getting his job “colossally wrong” by using threats and fears to get the job done had me laughing . Beautiful!
I have a 13 year old client who told me that her inner critic is a workaholic.
Really appreciated this module !
Illustrious; easy and a personal “natural gift” to apply these ideas when helping others, but must keep the learning process up of applying this to help myself…even the “mentor” has old abuse survivor issues! Funniest take-away was the British therapist who noted abuse survivors can’t stand too “understanding” a face in a therapist when dealing with shame (“Yuk!”), and thus, to cite the shame in a, quote, matter-of-fact way, to find an appropriate client/therapist “tempo.” Just great, your best series ever, breakthrough!! PS…and let us remember the concept of “tone!!”
i totally agree that tx for shame is bottom up. i encourage each of you and nicabm to check out and consider the bilateral tx of
Accelerated Resolution Therapy that is totally Limbic and Right Brain focused and thrives on brain induced metaphors.
Helping the client understand that shame is innocent, they were an innocent child and so became thier worse critic..but by understanding that concept and recognizing it and lovingly nameing it can then learn to love thier inner child and heal by loving self and others through words and actions.
I love the idea of developing compassionate other to help counteract the resistant inner critic. The therapeutic value of that process itself seems powerful and valuable.
I’m not a therapist. I had a number of ah-ha moments during this session. I wil be journaling about what harm my isolation has done. One of my big thoughts was about some dreams I’ve had lately. I always dream of a younger me. It’s as if my subconscious mind has been trying to put me in touch with my inner child, who actually knew a lot of love. My parents are no longer alive, but they gave me the best possible foundation for connecting with my lovable inner child. Thank you so much for this session.
I like the addition of having an actual compassionate companion or mentor and the understanding of how expressing self Compassion can affect the neuronal pathways positively. The word not mentioned here is forgiveness. Forgiveness of self. Self parenting is also useful if visualising self as a loving and caring parent of the self as a shameful small being.
Thank you so much Roz for mentioning forgiveness as a vital part of healing shame. Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness and Self Forgiveness approach helped me a lot in working with shame.
Today’s Session has given me some invaluable Tools to move around a particularly resistant Client’s Self Critic! I am now able to tackle the resistance in a more circular approach, but also with Someone in mind that they have referred to repeatedly, to put forward as their “Compassionate Other” starting point of reference! Your Work is INVALUABLE!!!
I like your perspective that the Inner critic has a purpose, however misguided. The therapist can help the client understand this concept and then find a new, healthier way of meeting that need/achieving that goal. Thank you for offering this training for free. I’m not able to purchase it at this time, but it was a wonderful thing to offer. The world is in great need of more compassion – for ourselves and for others!
I too appreciate the free options of your presentations.
Wow. Thank you for digging deeply into the vital role of compassion for others and for ourselves. The healing in emphasizing our common humanity really has embedded this truth in my heart. Thank you!
Today was the first session I was able to hook up to. I unfortunately did not get the links for the previous ones, however, I loved today’s session and would certainly like to apply some of these principles into my counseling. I also have suffered shame myself so I will be trying some of these ideas in my own life when I am triggered. Thank you for allowing us to have this free access. Just hoping the access issues get sorted soon.
My clients are greatly appreciating the application of the techniques in this workshop. As one of them said, “Shame cannot grow in a field of Compassion.”
I need to work with myself to be less judgmental of me and more accepting of where people are.
I’m curious to learn more about why people who’ve experienced trauma experience kindness as revolting? I’ve seen it quite a lot, but don’t understand it.
I think that perhaps their traumatic experience damaged their ability to trust. For them it would feel dangerous and scary, even terrifying to trust kindness – although a part of them might want to.
Partially because if they are carrying a huge load of shame, they don’t feel they deserve to be treated kindly, which actually feeds into the shame cycle – “I’m awful, how can this person even stand to be nice to me?”
I agree with those first two answers and can think of a third one as well.The person may have been lured into a trauma (such as an assault) by someone appealing to their instinct to be helpful or trusting, and now they blame their own kindness for having gotten them into trouble. Similarly, they might blame their own naivete, rather than the perpetrator’s evil, for the event(s). They develop disdain for naivete and kindness in general, not just their own, because they see it as a trait that will cause anybody who has it to simply be a “sitting duck.” In some cases, it can ironically be their ability to empathize that makes them run away from being near such a person, because they anticipate (conscious or unconsciously) having to vicariously experience this kind/naive person “inevitably” being traumatized, and the pain will be too much to witness, or even hear about. But in younger people, this empathy can outwardly manifest as mocking and ridiculing the person, to distance oneself from the pain they predict will befall that person.
Interesting persepctive. Thank you.
I really appreciated the idea of discussing the function of the inner critic and what vulnerabilities that may expose in revealing what is underneath. I plan on introducing and using this intervention with a fifth grader who identifies most of his feelings as ‘ashamed’.
My apologies; just read your tips sheet. I am using an iphone, a couple of versions older, than the minimum required. It might not be possible gor me to access your webcasts with this phone.
Unfortunately, this us the third time I’ve tried to access one of your free broadcasts unsuccessfullly. In this particulsr one, I tried accessing sessions 2 & 3, both without success. Today, the video session came up as expected, but the screen prompt wasn’t active. Disappointed as I’ve been looking forward to biewing it. ?
Wow! I thought I was being a nice counsellor by saying nice things to my clients. But it’s YUK if they aren’t ready for it. Eeek! lol
Shame is such a tricky thing but this seminar has allowed me to finally understand it.
I also love the way compassion fits so well with Internal Family Systems, a therapy I use and love.
Terrific session!!!
Personally I thought today’s session was not helpful at all. I’m a person who’s experienced a lot of trauma. The worst of which was caused knowingly by my long time therapist 3 years ago this month. Because I’m
not a PhD I would guess my comments won’t hold the weight others will. Never the less it won’t stop me from saying most of what I heard today is not helpful and not because Im not a PhD but because I’m the one it’s meant to help. I’m extremely intelligent and educated (some from Harvard.) I like it and appreciate it when people are nice to me and kind to me so that reference in the video is not a common one. A lot of this, in my opinion, is more intellectual sparing and not helpful for the client. Even when applied to the client. While I do understand these sessions are not designed for the client my experience with years of therapy is that sadly this is the norm in therapy as well. Way too much intellect and not enough connection. In the end therapy is much more about the connection than any of what was said today. Instead of “figuring out” how to teach self-compassion therapists need to learn how to connect to people more instead of designing ways to “teach” clients. Clients are less interested in intellectual teachings than they are in a strong connection to someone. That is how they will heal and change how they deal with any issues they have. PhD’s are so caught up in the intellect they are not equipped to connect. And that’s what most clients need. The rest will follow.
Thank you for sharing your comment. I really agree with you about this – that the connection part is the most important piece. I have worked with therapists who I felt were really harmful and almost seemed connection phobic and so focused on interventions and so misattuned that she didn’t seem to notice or care that I was feeling unsafe and dissociated. She continually threatened to abandon me if I didn’t start doing the work and said she could not just do check-ins (when I had fear of abandonment). What she seemed blind to was that I was trying to form a safe secure connection with her. It ended horribly. She has no empathy. I think there needs to be a balance of connection and interventions and ways to raise self awareness of the client and help them understand their brain better and how their childhoods shaped them. Without a safe secure attachment with the therapist then nothing will heal. Sadly my experience has been being rewounded repeatedly by therapists. Therapists themselves need to be more aware of the ways the trauma story and transference and counter-transference will play out in therapy and not fall into a re-enactment that will further harm the client. It is far too common. So many therapists are doing it for their ego and have compassion fatigue but don’t realize it.
True…Having a strong good connection with the therapist…puts the client at ease & comfort & calmness…so that they are more accepting & trusting of the kindness * compassion offered to them from counselling therapy 🙂
LCSWs are often more humble and real, and therefor more able and inclined to authentically connect. Speaking in generalities, when someone has a doctorate, they seem much more likely to feel a need to lord that over you in subtle or not so subtle ways. With their doctorate, they also charge a lot more money, basically positioning themselves to help only people who are well off or fortunate enough to have insurance, and people who cannot afford their fee are literally “beneath” them. I have never felt true healing energy emanate from someone who thinks it’s okay to charge $80+ an hour for you to sit with them. Just the fact that they can leverage a fee like that makes them think they’re pretty special. If this is to be a healing profession, it’s time for them to stop price gouging the customers. If being in their presence is conditional on paying $100+ an hour, no wonder they cannot connect with you, and no wonder very little real healing is going to transpire there. Our culture needs to equip each and every one of us with the skills to be good listeners and good friends. Until then, professionals are a stop gap measure, not the mechanism of real and widespread healing in our society, or even typically in any individual’s personal life.
Interesting! I resonate…. I too do not have a a degree or phd. I have two different training certificates and my additional training is from never having stopped therapy myself. I am a work in progress and I tell my clients this. I work with attunement. I’m probably an “Attunement Therapist” lol. In my experience if there is no attunement then there will be no healing. AND, these videos and the research from these folks (the phd’s) gives real backbone to my work. My clients can feel that I’m cutting edge and love that my methods are now backed by science even though I don’t remember the specific language (my brain doesn’t remember that kind of stuff!).
I think the videos themselves could be triggering to anyone who has had a poorly attuned therapist because there, “yet again” is a poorly attuned therapist! Ie a video/virtual person and not a real person sitting there, attunened to you…. seeing you…. understanding you….
I think it can be especially difficult for clients who had early childhood trauma or developmental trauma, particularly attachment based where perhaps they have never had a stable experience of a relationship where they felt safe, trusting, held, cared for. Often shame plays a big part in processing that as the child can take responsibility, it is not rationally thought out but the process is something like “I need my parent to survive so I can not blame them for the abuse so it must be my fault, they do not love me because I am unlovable and if I could just change myself maybe they could be the better parents I am longing for”. But then at some point perhaps they give up on that hope too and then reject kindness altogether – they have survived without it up until now, they don’t understand it, they have seen other people be let down by it and maybe it is just best to never have it.
That is definitely part of it.. everyones trauma is different. Sometimes a parent might have a mental illness themselves and sometimes idealize their child and tell them how much they love them and how special they are and how important but completely neglect their emotions, have a viciously bad temper, hit them and make fun of their emotions etc. This I think teaches a child not to trust kindness and think people are actors and you can’t trust anyone. As an adult they might find themselves dating someone incredibly kind and good hearted who treats them well and get angry at them for being so kind and want them to hurt them. They have learnt they are unlovable despite their parents occasional overly sweet praise because they were not truly loved. Real love is not words people say or what they buy you. I person knows they are loved because someone gives a shit about how they feel and their emotions and inner world is known – someone is attuned to them. This lack of attunement also causes someone to not know who they are. They will constantly try to be what others want them to be and always fall short because now they are an actor disconnected from their true self. Internally carrying so much pain that they are not enough and not worthy of love. Leading to hating their bodies, self harm, changing their gender or plastic surgery. Not feeling like you are enough to be loved leads to a deep terror and survival fear. All they needed was someone to be attuned to them and feel like they are enough for someone to care about their emotions and inner world and want to know who they are. “Shame is the experience of one’s felt sense of self disintegrating in relation to a dysregulating other.” Disintegrating means feeling unlovable and the dysregulating other is disconnected and unempathetic and misattuned. (quote from Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame by Pat DeYoung).
What if a lot of people are telling you that you should feel shame, but there is no content to what they say, nothing concrete, just that you’re an inherently bad person, and you don’t know whether they’re right or you’re a repeated target of bullying? And if you are a regular target for bullying, then what can you do to reduce the bullying? For instance, there are stories of witches who were burned or simply driven out of their communities, which at that time was a death sentence. They did nothing concretely wrong. The townspeople simply didn’t like them and used them as a scapegoat. Maybe they were weird or shy or presumptuous or ugly. Even in modern times, there are homeless people who are homeless in part because their families have disowned them and managers wouldn’t hire them. Actually, even witch burnings still exist in modern times. When I look around at the world, I see very obviously mean people and people who harm others having much success in life, while kind, compassionate people are driven into poverty. I think to myself, “These people did nothing to deserve this, and even if they did some small thing, it can’t be worse than the terrible things I’ve seen others do who have much success in life and somehow many loyal friends.” So say the client comes in and is being bullied, and they’re asking what they can do to win people over so that they stop getting bullied and can get some help and support in reality. What do you say to that person?
I have often wondered why people are mean and want to make other people feel ashamed. Why do some people become targets their whole lives for bullies? This is often because they were abused as a child and the past is repeating as we are drawn to repeat the original wounding. Being bullied is what is known to them – they were never taught self-worth – the road to hurting them is already paved. People seem to often be mean because they have been wounded. Someone comes along in some way resembling the original wounder – does something that reminds them of that person. Then they are that person in their mind and they start attacking them. Often what they are accusing them of being are traits that they carry but are unaware of being or ashamed of being. Humans are tribal – they will find one person to project all their own disowned shadow and shame onto and cast them out as the other.. or they will see that person as resembling the past wounder (often a parent) and want to cast them out or hurt them – as retalliation against the person that hurt them from the past. Highly successful people are often narcissistic. Our culture rewards narcissism. Kind compassionate people perhaps do not have the cut-throat emptiness required to climb the ladder and kick other people in the face as they rise to success. Perhaps they are seen as easy victims because they won’t be mean back to the bully. You can’t win over bullies. You need to leave the abusive people. They need to focus on healing their childhood and past wounding that is possibly what is attracting bullies. I don’t know how to win people over. Everyone is different and what it would take to win over one person might be different for others. I suppose it also goes back to healing. Find who you are and be who you are and you will hopefully attract your tribe eventually. Which is hard to do if you have been conditioned to be a chameleon and change who you are to attract others and feel this deep pervasive fear that you are not enough as what you are – bullies will see your insecurity – some people just want to dominate and control others. You are easy prey when you don’t know who you are and you desperately want to be loved and to belong. Sick people will take advantage of that.
I’ve been thinking about this question since I saw it yesterday and I’ve been really stumped. I’m not sure my recent thoughts are any “answer” either, but in case they might be, I’ll try. What I did was try to get into the mind of the bullies, who probably have a multitude of motives, but I wonder if what unites them is a disdain for people who seem “weak” or vulnerable. And I think the reason bullies have this disdain is because they hate that (perceived) quality in themselves and their only relief from the intense discomfort of self-disregard is to seek out people who seem to be even more vulnerable than they are. But just in case that victim might not be as weak and vulnerable as the bully supposes, the bully will say and do things to really hammer home the role they want the victim to play in the drama the bully is feels compelled to enact. I hesitate to say this theory because it might sound like I’m blaming the victim. I’m not at all. But if the victim understood the dynamic in this way, they might be far less interested in “winning the bullies over.” As long as they’re trying to win over the bully, it sounds like they are implicitly blaming themselves for not being good enough to be liked by this bully. Also, in my theory, the bully isn’t interested being won over, but only in demoralizing you, so it’s a dead end. There will always be bullies as long as our culture promotes them into power, which it does. If it’s your boss, you do in fact have to “win them over” but only to the degree that you must co-exist. With a parent-bully, a child has to co-exist. But except for examples like that, where there’s just no getting away from having to interact with the bully/ies, then “winning over” is really not the issue. Walking away and finding compatible people, other compassionate good people, is the actual skill and the goal needed. And the start is to believe that such people exist (it sounds like you are admirably serving that role.) And one needs to believe that one is worthy of finding and knowing these good people. Then the bullies become irrelevant, and once a bully can see that you think they’re irrelevant (not powerful over you), they tend not to bully you (as much) because in essence, you’ve rejected them and they don’t like to stick around to experience that. As to your other point — that good people are marginalized socially and even economically, and cheaters become “successful” and “have friends” — well, as people who can vote, let’s elect leaders who behave with dignity and open-mindedness. Let’s give ourselves, and give to the children and friends in our lives, the role models we deserve to see in our leaders. It’s an important start, along side the people we choose to include in our personal lives. I know these are very incomplete answers to your important question, so I hope my reply will spur others to think, to disagree, and to add thoughts.
Protecting oneself against rejection was a useful purpose for and way to accept the inner critic. I liked your Inner Critic Retirement Center and lightness about our inner critics meeting there. It all comes down to love …. well, who can dismiss that? Than you, All! Congrats on your latest paper, too, Kristen!
Because my clients grew up with psychologically absent or “dead” parents, they developed enormous fears and an inner critic that’s taking up far too much space in their lives. This may sound confusing to some so best explained either via my research entitled: “Lives Unseen: Unacknowledged Trauma of Non-disordered, Competent Adult Children Of Parents with a Severe Mental Illness” at The University of Melbourne (freely accessible if you Google my name: Suzette Misrachi) or the free brief articles (see medium.com). Having been heavily criticized by their parental figures meant taking away their inner critic – too quickly – would be too traumatic because it connects with their identity. So I have to help them dissolve any shame produced very, very slowly and gradually. The hints given in this module are certainly confirming and wonderful! Thanks to the NICABM team!
With much appreciation, Suzette Misrachi.
I will use the idea of a functional analysis of the person’s inner critic. I also love the idea of asking what they would fear most of the inner critic was left at the therapists office.
Thanks to all of you amazing therapists for sharing your wisdom and expertise!
Laura
In my naming and describing what the experience of shame is like … I will pay more attention to HOW I talk about that and engage the therapeutic space with the client with greater warmth to disarm the inner critic which can be both their and mine.
Thank you for this great session – my first in this free series: a great innovation for busy practitioners trying to fit in good CPD / CE with their schedule. We can be so isolated in our work and your team is really trying to, and effective in, bridging that gap between professionals in the caring profession. In today’s angry and blame filled world this work is increasingly important. Thank you.
Seeing shame as a safety warning/strategy was really helpful… protecting against the “threat of disconnection”. …Reconnection takes plc when we access Self-C. …Move to prosocial/caring about person who was hurt and then repair the rupture… even when that person is self. Love it! all of it – thank you. I often ask my clients to write letter of support and care and hope to their inner child – it’s time to similarly offer letter/message of care and love to their inner critic for all the hard work (retirement home for inner critics has an opening :)).
Thank you for this post.
Many take-always. One of which is about how, when I have a compassionate tone in my voice, it actually creates more compassion in my heart and in my feelings toward the other and the self.
What a wonderful thing!! Something that I was initially frustrated or angry about, all of a sudden loses its negative valence and I no longer feel frustrated or angry about it. I feel more accepting and loving. Kathleen Powell, IL
This was a well organized presentation. I liked learning the importance of making amends to self if feeling guilty about a behavior self has done and using self parenting skills to heal. Thank you
Also liked the idea of constructing a compassionate coach inner parent with self correction.
This has been very helpful in trying to understand myself and my shame. The stories and word pictures and the techniques are great. I have a lot of shame and trauma and pain from childhood and adulthood. i am not sure i can overcome this inner critic. I am not a counselor and have severe depression and negative self talk and thoughts of suicide. I am not sure how i can get through this, especially with the situations we are in right now with no jobs or a home and feeling like a failure all the time. Thank you making these videos available.
Blessings to you Ruth and your team!
Thank you for this post. Courageous.
I haven’t been able to overcome my inner critic, but thanks to Internal Family Systems (IFS), I’ve had experiences of being able to connect with it and learn how it thinks it’s protecting me. I haven’t gotten far enough in this work and I’m often blended with the critic, so much so that I don’t have the ability to do the work on my own. I encourage you to find an IFS therapist. There’s even a book aimed at teaching people how to work with their internal parts by themselves called Self Therapy. Good luck!
Really love Dennis’ use of humour as it resonates with the idea that clients in deep shame find too warm and empathic an approach actually mitigates against engagement. Shared laughter can be so soothing and healing. The idea of building a ‘designer’ compassionate companion is one I will definitely use more often …
I appreciate the compassion in the language of the speakers in this presentation and particularly could relate, as a practitioner, to the work/perspectives of Kirstin Neff and Dennis Tirch. I notice breakthroughs in my client’s work when we pay attention to parts of self and I heard this approach validated in this presentation. It was good to hear about the benefit of voice training. Thank you, all, for this presentation.
The functional analysis is a great tool to name. With this understanding, clients will understand themselves better and shift to a more compassionate and effective way to achieve the same goal. I love the two principle imagery suggestions. I will be using that in my work with clients.
Thank you to all for the hard work and knowledge that put this out there. I’d also like to say a Big thank you to all the comments that are filled with curiosity, insight, learning and bringing a sense of global community for myself.
The ‘I’ in illness is isolated; and the crucial letters in Wellness are ‘We’
I appreciate Jack Kornfield’s comment–that most therapy is about love.
I also enjoyed discussion about the strategy of using imagery to evoke a compassionate response. When using imagery, the client was encouraged to visualize a strong compassionate “other”, e.g. someone from a movie, a book, a supportive aunt. From a secular perspective, these compassionate others may readily come to mind. However, when I’ve worked with individuals with a Christian or other spiritual perspective, they may visualize the compassionate other as a loving, merciful, and forgiving God. While I was trained to side step the topic of spirituality in psychotherapy, my thinking has evolved. Shame, forgiveness, and self-acceptance have a spiritual component. If we aim to provide holistic care for our clients, the physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual dimensions need consideration.
Totallty agree!
Laura, LCSW, Connecticut
Really appreciating this series. And agree re spirituality. My own experience of extending love to my inner critic, and finding healing from shame came through my spiritual journey in the tradition of Jesus’ teaching, in which love is central. And some of my clients with early trauma have a sense of relationship with a loving Lord. This series is increasing my confidence to bring the implications of this more actively into my practice, where the client has this framework. Many thanks for this series.
I will definitely use the tools/ideas regarding compassion for the inner critic and for the client as his young self. I also like the idea of supporting the client in creating an inner mentor to carry with him.
Sadly I can’t afford the gold package. Really wish we had the option to pay in instalments. I would definitely purchase it then!
This catalyzed my perceiving and emotionally feeling the core of my transformative/alchemical inner work over a lifetime to create an inner loving, kind, understanding, accepting container/alembic. The creation of this inner loving container feels like the core from which a human being impacts all relationships in the world: self, other, clients, whomever & I would suggest even by simply being in the world, in presence, without necessarily intentionally interacting on an “outer” level. Much coalesced for me while listening to these insightful presentations – thank you!
It seems there’s a mix-up because I just signed up for this series but today the session is Part 3. Where is #1 and #2?
They happened last week and the week before.
Sessions one and two are the previous two weeks. They were broadcasted live, but are not available to be re-watched.
I often reflect that my clients want to be heard and understood and like Jack Kornfield it all boils down to love. How we achieve this acceptance of our clients perhaps reflects on our acceptance of ourselves.
Thank you for today’s session.
Thank you so much for the gift of this . I know my learning will bring a richness to my practice.
Art Therapist with adults with complex trauma and history of previously-incarcerated or formerly gang-involved who struggle mightily with shame, the inner-child self-compassion group work I’m privileged to facilitate at Homeboy Industries (Father Greg Boyle/Tattoos On The Heart) has both elevated and inspired the imagery work I use as well as have shared the necessary and very appreciated academic articles to support this work that – as both Jack Kornfield and Greg Boyle so often say – comes down to love.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful speakers and reference articles. Please come to the the annual Art Therapy Conference, we would all love to learn from you all!
Building a sense of compassion, and understanding the biological and emotional benefits is not that easy, but so important to get in attending patients to overcome their personal conflicts. Your guide on these issues is really useful. Thanks so much for sharing your highly valuable experience!
Tonal awareness in practice and guidance for clients.
You know, I am overwhelmed with take-aways from this particular mini-series. I feel so much gratitude to you Ruth and Ashley. I can see how hard you have worked on putting this whole, extensive programme together. This evening I have seen that this compassion-based approach is what I particularly need for me personally – like a missing piece. I can feel that I have some inner-connections to make within myself that will be having me soaring! I can feel it! And my dear clients…. well goodness me I feel so excited to share this with them. Oh, and to end the video with Jack Kornfield was perfect. I was undone! Many thanks from Cambridge UK
I agree 100%.
Totally agree. So insightful, sincere and also practical. Thank you so much NICABM
The other important take away was the part about the labeling and the tone of the compationate self or compationate other. My late father was a true story teller and used to tell about the couple who’s son was away from home, perhaps at university, and sent a Email saying “Father send money”. The father got incensed, and complained in a harsh voice ” He only writes when he needs something from us. He is a selfish bastard”. The mother looked at the Email and said, ” No you did not read it correctly. He sais (in a compasionate and suthing voice, Father, (please I need you), Send Mmoney (I am hurting)” and he ended by saying “It is the tone that creates the music” .
Only he said it in French.
Thanks for reminding me of his wisdom and his love.
I like the 3 circle system to think about emotions: the threat system, drive system, and soothing system. I used this with a client this week and it really helped her realize she was going back and forth between the first two and not enough of the caring system. It reminds me of self-management ways to cope (which come more from drive system) vs self-regulation (more from the soothing system).
The most important take for me was creating a compassionate other….As I can only remember being or feeling compassionate with another one time in my life.