How to Skillfully Apply Compassion in the Treatment of Trauma and Attachment Ruptures
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with Paul Gilbert, PhD;
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with Paul Gilbert, PhD; Kristin Neff, PhD; Deborah Lee, DClinPsy; Dennis Tirch, PhD; Christopher Germer, PhD; Christopher Willard, PsyD; Susan Pollak, MTS, EdD; Laura Silberstein-Tirch, PsyD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD and Ashley Vigil-Otero, PsyD
Sign up for a Gold Membership
Excellent series. Wonderful speakers, wise knowledge, helpful skills and deep compassion for yours/our work. Elizabeth Theiler, Futurity, Gold Coast, Australia.
Hearing from amazing speakers like Deborah Lee & Susan Pollak, it sounds as if most of the Compassion-base therapies “take a long time\years” when working with traumatized clients. Since I sit on both sides of the fence (clinical background in Occupational Therapy, as well as significant past traumas & ongoing trauma triggers in my current life), I do not have time & funds for intensive therapy for years. Also my adult son & I are both in career transition. Besides having to deal with constant crises from trauma triggers for myself & my son who also has significant past trauma, I also have enormous pressures in my life, that have resulted from a severe backlog of important life issues that need to be handled ASAP. Tackling these issues has been hindered by me being frequently in SNS overdrive, to the point of jeopardizing my health & wellbeing, in a very serious way.
Therefore, in future trauma webinars, I would like to see inclusion of more self-help techniques, or formalized therapy techniques that can be adapted for in-home use. This request will likely also speak to others in your audience (practitioners & lay people), judging by some of the comments below.
Anyone else lose the audio (15mins in) from Silbersteen Tirch firstly, then Lee, then Tirch? I’m struggling to stay compassionate with the overly edited and punctuated/truncated clips. It seems to me unnecessary to constantly interrupt a flow of ideas and paraphrase the person in each episode . It only serves to hinder and disrupt both my learning and understanding of the excellent communication of CFT ideas and theory by the contributors.
I am not a therapist. I hope to be one someday. There are people in my life who have suffered childhood trauma (we have all experienced trauma to some degree in our lives) and I see how they suffer and how their automatic safety response sabotages the very loving relationships that they crave. Seeing so much suffering motivated me to listen in to this program. These sessions have given me hope for them that they can be healed and live full lives. I hope to encourage them to consider a Mindful Self Compassion program for their healing. I, myself, am a student in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification program with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. We are studying trauma, mindfulness and self-compassion. This series was amazing, chock full of information, strategies, solutions. It marries so well with what we are learning about self-compassion in MMTCP. This series has reinforced in me the need to show more self-compassion. The “back draft” discussion is something we, as mindfulness meditation teachers must be aware of as meditation can potentially lead to re-living the trauma. And finally as I pursue my MSW with the objective of becoming a licensed therapist, I look forward to using the strategies and solutions this series covered in my work as a therapist in the future. Thank you so much for putting this together. Amazing.
Thank you so much! This workshop was one of the most useful I have taken and was very much a “meta” workshop in terms of pulling together key mechanisms underpinning successful therapy interventions across modalities. I hope the current Gold Membership price holds until I’m done paying for my new snow tires :-). I know I will want to come back to this again and again. I greatly appreciate the explanations for various mechanisms and processes underlying trauma and recovery from trauma provided herein in clear language, which I can share with my clients as part of the psychoeducation phase of treatment. It is, indeed, deshaming for them to learn that their reaction and suffering following trauma is not unique or a failure or weakness on their part, but as aspect of the human condition. My clients are also appreciating “shame cannot grow in compassion rich soil” (revised version of a comment from a patient I shared in an earlier comment). I particularly appreciated in today’s module “opening and closing” (something I’m sure most of us already do, but that language is very succinct and helpful) and the articulation of “backdraft” (again, something I’m sure most of us already observe and manage, but the summary term and metaphor is enormously helpful).
Dear all who are producing this,
the contents are very informative , satisfying and encouraging continuing the
path of mindfulness with clients or as an educator disciples.
But I want to share as well the reaction I felt concerning the way you are presenting the
broadcast:
as skilled professionals seem to participate:
to advertise the “Gold package” several times during the video is decreasing the interest
in it. We are able to decide without manipulation, as it is objectively.
Second: it is not written obviously how long the video takes and hence you cannot not stop ore make a pause
e.g. a person is calling you or zou are out of time for a moment, it means a difficulty for those who try to put the skillful and great broadcast inbetween the daily work.
Third: the gold packages price is even too expensive for therapist e.g. in Japan who are payed very low like 10 Dollars per 25 Minutes and other countries even less. Social workers even more less…Thank you for listening and thanks for the broadcast. Kind regards. Elisabeth
This is all so wonderful! Thank you for sharing your incredible knowledge with courage and compassion.
I work with non-verbal clients who have complex learning needs such as Autism and intellectual disability. They have experienced trauma and severe attachment disruptions but can’t talk about it or understand the knowledge based practices. The sensory treatments and breath work is most effective and I find the Wilbarger Therapressure protocol, proprioceptive input and deep pressure to be amazing in treating sensory defensiveness and calms down the FFF response. Do you know anyone who practices trauma and compassion based therapies with this population who might be able to provide advice? Thank you all. Bountiful blessings. Natasha – Occupational Therapist from Sydney, Australia.
I have now read many thought provoking and beautiful comments after listening to the fourth talk in this series – beautifully presented, accessible, fascinating.
I am absorbing a lot of teaching from sources, teaching that is meaningful and helps me to grow and find long waited for space.
I am intending to return to a M.M.T.C.P. with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield.
Now I have more of a space to sit this material in, some nourishing and life-giving, some more difficult than I’d ever imagined. So, I need some time to help the good stuff grow. This can be a beautiful place!
Perhaps I have a different perspective than many of the responders below, likely because I straddle both sides of the fence, as a health care practitioner & also having significant trauma from childhood into adulthood. Seems to me that the structure of the webinars & Comment board act like Pavlovian conditioning, as they tend to be prohibitive to speaking out about our true feelings & thoughts e.g. previously I mentioned that I was grateful for pause & replay feature, as I am not in a position to purchase series any longer, due to challenging life circumstances & now it has been removed!! So, I feel reticent about expressing my thoughts & sharing my personal methods of accommodating my needs for knowledge, for use myself & with others in the future. Also when reading the comments of others, I find many comments to be overly “sugar-coated”, possibly fear-based from an overactive SNS Threat Drive (from attachment\upbringing), therefore it fosters “Appease” rather than expression of one’s own true views & opinions. So, after starting with “Emotional Opening” in anticipation of new learning in each webinar, I quickly retreat into “Emotional Closing,” as the valuable info. is presented very quickly, yet time is taken during the presentation to repeatedly mention Gold subscription purchase & bonuses, thereby disrupting my train of thought when still processing speakers’ ideas & techniques. By the end, I am totally frustrated & exhausted, as a potential lifeline of information is quickly “cut off.”. My “felt sense” at the end of these webinars is that the primary agenda is Marketing, regardless of whether some or many of the audience cannot afford it. It appears that there is minimal attention paid to practitioners & lay people who have tuned in to gain sufficient knowledge for their needs (personal and\or professional) & application of this info. for the higher good of themselves & others, without purchasing the series. So this contradicts (sabotages) the concepts of “Self-Compassion” &”Post-Traumatic Growth” that can occur through activism\reaching out to help others, when the lifeline (airplane oxygen mask, in this case knowledge) is suddenly cut off from the audience who are “caregivers” to themselves & to others\clients.
In contrast, I found Jack Kornfield’s Loving Kindness mantra at the end to be genuine & authentic, loving & caring to everyone with no thought of personal monetary gain, which is REALLY what humanity needs RIGHT NOW!!
Thank you so very much. Very, very grateful for this entire series. One of NICABM’s best, in my opinion. So glad that not only mindfulness but compassion is coming to the fore in how to work with and heal trauma. I can’t think of anything more valuable. Namaste.
Joan M.
Just watched your 4th session. How inspiring. The tone of the overall broadcast was so constructive and does not focus upon pathologizing people’s suffering. Thanks to each of you for your contributions. As you well know, It is a great honour and privilege to walk beside and offer a safe place and aid to those who have been wounded during their life’s journey and who are only trying to heal. Each of you have offered some very important ideas and precious tools to use whilst accompanying such people. I have always found visualization and imagery to be very helpful in my practice even with clients who are generally very concrete in their ways of thinking. It is wondrous how people have the ability to heal themselves with wise and practical support. I look forward to many more of your broadcasts. The world needs them.
I have learned how I may access self-compassion for myself and help clients to develop this to move beyond their symptoms of trauma. As Ruth said at the end, this isn’t just helping clients, it’s changing the course of civilisation. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this wonderful presentation! I will pass these on to my clients and share it with friends and strangers to help make the world a more compassionate place.
I need time to reflect and process but what a wonderful,inspiring training- I cant wait to use the ‘perfect nurturer’ imagery with some of my clients- and, as an art therapist, I may invite them to create this nurturer in an artwork
Overall, an excellent training!!
thank you
It was a relief to hear about the backdraft effect. Often therapy gets ended when this occurs. It’s good to hear it in a theraputic area as it is also difficult to relate to in meditation experience and focusing work (Gendlin). Starting work with creating a safe space when the client wants to jump in immediately is also helpful. It’s often skipped.
I loved the Perfect Nurturer guide imagery used to help cultivate Self Compassion.
I have a client who insists on seeing her wounded young child in her as something that will never change – “this is me” – and find it difficult to accept that these are the survival mechanism that is defending her from being hurt.
so, today’s session opened to me more options to approach her.
Thank you.
I am with you for many years and bought series in the past that were great.
But this time I am not going to sign up for Gold membership. Sorry.
Thank you for your wonderful enterprise. Ruth
This was really very helpful!! It makes a big differens to work with compassion before the traumememory, and to educate and build skills before going there!! Psycoeducation, human rights, imagetry – so important and strong things to work with. I will start working with this tools tomorrow! Thank you❤ From Norway
Thank you for another informative and helpful webinar. Helping a client see that they are in charge of their emotional opening and closing seems an effective skill to encourage as it gives them some experiential control in contrast to feeling so out of control from the trauma experience. I speak personally in relation to this. Once again you show the importance of self-compassion in all it’s guises as a prerequisite before any work on the trauma begins.. Enlightening, empowering & hope-building. Thank you.
Many thanks to all the team for such an informative and accessible webinar course; I have learnt much in all 4 modules. From today’s session, I found the use of imagery and the value of psycho-education particularly useful. It would be great if the speakers are able to provide printed lists of the references that popped up on the screen whilst they were delivering their talk. Also, is there a way of receiving a certificate of completion that is valid for use in the U.K., the country I am registered and practising as a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist.
This has been amazing, the most moving of all the NICABM series so far. I have finally understood my husband- after 40 years! And I feel such love for him. Infinite thanks. This is where I want to be as a counsellor too. I feel I have come home and some of this material will be going into the book that I’m writing ( with full acknowledgments), giving it far greater depth than I could ever have provided myself. Well we all build on what has come before, but I must say that the Nicabm community has transformed providing this kind of information into a true and very beautiful art. What has particularly struck me is the first psychoeducation phase, which I already do a bit – but now will do so much better and much more. I look forward to being able to buy the gold membership in future.
As an almost retired therapist, I have learned a lot from this series in particular. I would love to have bought the package but it would not financially make sense . None the less, please know how impressed I have been. Thank you.
Thank you very much for the four very informative series of compassion focused therapy which I am integrating daily into my work with my clients!
I attended an Ad De Jong workshop in Glasgow, UK the other day which focused on New Approaches and Interventions for complex PTSD.
I asked ADJ what his thoughts were in using CFT as an intervention with clients presenting with trauma. He responded saying it is a therapists way of avoiding commencing EMDR processing with their clients and is not necessary. IMHO I feel CFT is highly effective, especially when working with clients who present with a high levels of self criticism.
Hi Karen, thank you for this comment. It helped me clarify further. How interesting that ADJ would say this. I actually have a client who was originally referred to a very experienced EMDR therapist by a lawyer due to a compensation claim. My client felt overwhelmed by the immediately direct approach and slowed things down by ceasing the sessions. Its such a balance isn’t it…. with these dear people who have had damaging attachments. Building attunement with them in a loving compassionate way, helping them build their resources in order to eventually do the deep work – the pot hole filling. As an analogy, my client and I are not dealing with the potholes yet, but smoothing the tarmac, sweeping leaves of the road and planting the verges with flowers. Pot holes later…. 🙂
Karen Hodgson and Catherine Stone: I know of someone who saw a therapist who went straight into EMDR. The person’s trauma was only intensified, it became quite frightening and overwhelming — “made things worse” in other words — and the person had to stop the sessions. From the perspective of all we have learned in this NICABM compassion series, it seems to me the foundations of safety, self-soothing and self-compassion weren’t put in place first, and so the EMDR was an inappropriate approach that not only didn’t fit with where this person was, but was also bound to fail. Put another way, some emotional “muscle” had to be built up first, before going in to do the heavy-lifting of trauma work. I sincerely hope more and more practitioners learn this and apply this!
I am also very grateful for this series and am seriously considering buying a Gold Package although finances are very tight. I have listened to this twice and will at least one more time, have taken notes and added to them, and have found everything useful/helpful/valuable and to be things I can incorporate into my work with my clients. In fact, with my young adult female client whom I saw today, I used the psycho-ed. about common humanity to de-pathologize and normalize her threat responses to stressors, psycho-ed. also about the three parts of the emotion regulation system, Loving Kindness Meditation, and began to help her develop the perfect nurturer imagery. I also helped her to identify some feelings of shame that she has; I’m so glad to be learning how to help clients with those. What most stood out for me are being careful to use language that is normalizing and not pathologizing or re-pathologizing including using “we” instead of “you” and developing an image of the perfect nurturer which/who actually represents one’s own inner wisdom. I wonder if NICAMB would be willing to form some kind of interactive group supervision-like experience w/ a fee for therapists from around the world to ask questions about specific clients. That might not be workable right now. The other thing I was thinking about was besides buying the Gold Package, reading the different books which these psychologists have written about compassion therapies! Thank you so much again for this free series! I’m very excited about learning and using it more and more!
Love this idea of a group.
So helpful. Shame is emotional not cognitive so a traumatized individual numbs emotions. Consequently, when working with compassion, preparing a client for backdraft when shame and trauma flare transiently is important. Compassion is the blanket that smothers the fire.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys do a wonderful job. Lots of love.
I have been watching this series from the beginning. I was new to the idea of self-compassion in helping clients and now I am in tune. I have already used a mix of these ideas and NLP tools to help a clients through a childhood experience that was affecting her current work life.
This was amazing information. Where can I find the prayer that ended the session?
I find it very helpful in thinking about my patients – the talk incorporated multiple perspectives and insights into theory and practice of compassion-based therapy.
It was clear, engaging and thought-provoking. I wonder what would be the use of this approach in family therapy. It makes me think of neuroplasticity and how we can re-train our brain in thinking and responding differently to traumatic events.
Thank you!
I found the concept of the client using the imagery of a ‘compassionate other’ very useful and can use this.
Thank you so much for your generous sharing of your expertise and learning. It will really help inform my work teaching mindfulness in a women’s centre, so I can teach in a way that is safe and helpful for the women who have experienced trauma. The groups I have taught are hungry for the information about the 3 systems of emotional regulation and often ask me to repeat it in later sessions; the destigmatising, deshaming and understanding of our common human givens is transformative in itself. Thank you for the tools to share.
It has also helped me personally to hear all of your compassionate voices, and fed my practice and my intention to learn more.
Thank you for providing these presentations. A good reminder to continue subjective treatment!
Inspiring. What I really like about this series is how positive and solutions-oriented it is. I am seeing solutions-oriented language in a lot of places. There is even a movement called “solutions-oriented journalism” that focuses on solutions instead of problems for the “news.” What we focus on, we get more of. If we focus on compassion, we will get more of that. If we focus on despair, we will get more of that. If we focus on health, we will get more health. If we focus on solutions… 🙂 Hi. I help moms who lose their temper (I’ve been there). I teach them how to break the yelling “habit” that they learned from their parent, and use emotional intelligence for a new kind of discipline in their home. Thank you to Ruth and all of the teachers – you are making the world a better place.
I appreciated the 3 phases of self compassion training. also liked the 3 stages of treatment. Again I would like more visual pictographs. Seems like many words for same
ideas. Pictures really helpful. This entire series was very beneficial for me. Thank you for offering.
Agreed, I’d also like more pictures. I love a good diagram.
Useful and. compassionately presented. Also affirming what I am practicing already through my training in Psychosynthesis. Thank you
The Perfect Nurturer imagery will be very useful.
The strong correlation between self compassion and resiliency is fascinating!
Beautifully done 4th session. Thank you for more tools to bring to my clients. I appreciate the efforts involved in making this series possible.
Great presentation of very useful stuff that has also transformed Vajrayana
Listening second time today.The potholes are very visible and ways of filling them to be explored.
Thank you so much for this most enlightening programme.
Leaves me inspired. I can feel the relevance of words and tone. Taking part in this way is very refreshing. The community is soothing. It´s therapy right on, just sitting here, listening, taking notes, immersing myself. This is a huge experience again for how I can contribute- right here and in the future. So, this experience adds to my authentic presence. It also expands my tool kit for helping others to reestablish connection with self and transform their relational world. It has worked on me, so my delivery will be from that place, too. Thank you for your generosity and how you organize the whole thing. I really needed this right now.
So beautifully designed for the trans-lation of compassion “with love” a,therapy that carries the wounded child into loving adulthood..How could that not be
Amazing!
I love your work and no words for
The way it can transform pain into love…Thanks! Ms Carol Ebitz
Have you folks ever considered offering some of the information in here (or in some of your other courses) that would be relevant to clients from a perspective that would be useful to them, a psycho-education type small course? A lot of pieces of this could be reworked into that sort of thing, and you could offer it free like you did with this and then offer a paid (for like $25 or something) with some printable copies of the info, some extras, and maybe some worksheets or…. something? I was working as a youth care worker but honestly I watched this free stuff mostly for myself and working on my own struggles and well-being, and I found it immensely helpful but obviously it is practitioner oriented. I’m sure you could do smaller things that are client oriented that would be quite useful. Obviously you know how to present things to clients since that is discussed extensively. It could give people something to come to their therapists with even and work through WITH their therapists (who might also check out your training for more information too – bonus). Just a thought.
Thanks.
Yes, Amber, I would certainly welcome that. It was through NICABM that I finally began to discover ME after three misdiagnoses of schizoaffective disorder in The sixties,, as it would be termed today, and two within the last ten years of GAD and clinical depression. I have bought a few of NICABM’s courses and they’re absolutely fantastic.
In the UK even today there are very few therapists who seem up to date with the research into deep trauma work. I relate to everything that the experts are saying for therapists, but for me Deborah Lee stood out so much that I thought that if I could find a therapist similar to her, I know I would recover completely.
I had a childhood devoid of nurture from any adult authority figure. In fact, it was quite the opposite, and life at the age of six to seventeen at boarding took me to breaking point. I was hospitalised at 19 and given inappropriate treatment which did not result in healing and finally I broke away from professional help for fear of life institutionalisation like my aunt. But I know the doctors did their utmost, they just didn’t have the knowledge back then, and unfortunately the psychiatrist I saw about ten years didn’t either, and even said that if I came the sntipxychotic I would be dysfunctional
. So when it came off the market without warning about six years ago, I had to come off it cold turkey. I’ve never been psychotic. Then only a few months ago I learned online that I had the symptoms of akathisia, they were intolerable, and I told my doctor and I’m now struggling with a new medication regime.
NICABM you are absolutely lifesaving, Even though I’ve had some therapy no one here seems to be able to help me as much as your professionals do. I’m about to move house nearer family but my dipoctor hasn’t found anyone who can help me yet.
I know I’ve survived fir a long time, But I still think our lives are so precious, if only I could get rid of all this tension, etc.
Thank you once again, everyone involved in NICABM. I am trupuly grateful.
I also watch this stuff for myself (i.e, I am a client) and to better understand my friends who have gone through similar things. Yes, PLEASE, make a client-oriented version!
Margaret, I’m so sorry to hear your story and that you got “help” that didn’t help. If you are having trouble finding a qualified therapist near where you’re moving to, you could consider checking out online therapy, like Better Help or something. There’s lots of online therapy out there these days. I haven’t used it personally but have heard many good things from people I know.
Deborah Lee’s developing the Perfect Nurturer figure with all the ideal qualities needed and using it in the trauma accessing and processing phase is something that could be applied very soon in my work.Thank you for the series!
being no practitioner but a client I’m very very thankful for all of your work. it is very insightful! i like the idea of an imaginary nourisher.
Wow! What an extensive, intense, deep session for just one hour! Definitively not enough for this topic. Plenty of questions arise. Many useful points, and I also saw many points that seem so threatening for a developmental trauma client, I would take with a grain of salt -or with a more slow, delicate, careful, safe approach- some part of the techniques/processes explained here. Definitively a session worth listening over and over again, an worth of expanding the knowledge of this particular approaches. I am inclined for a less confrontational technique, I expected that compassion oriented trauma therapy would be softer. Thank you! Plenty of take outs for my practice, plenty of reflections and insights.
My biggest takeaway from today’s session was learning that we cannot treat shame as a cognitive entity, as it is experienced on an emotional level. This is a game-changer in client interactions, as many people will pretend, even hide behind an apparent “recognition” of insight into their situation. I see that this as actually an inadvertent attempt to placate or appease, as they may think they’ll be disapproved of if they don’t ‘get it’. It is necessary to gently validate and allow them to be where they actually ARE -emotionally- in the moment.
What an insightful time these four lessons have been!
Thank you so very much!
-Christine
I’m wondering … if you are able to get a client to the point of ‘acceptance and non-blaming self’ and even to the point of ‘considering taking action’ (I.e., similar to Deborah’s story of the female who wanted to report the teacher who abused her), how do we deal with person who ‘wants to report but chooses not to (I.e., fear of repercussions for the abuser)’ and how do we prevent them from feeling ‘shame’ for not reporting it? [I think there is more I want to say about this last part but can’t find the words but hopefully someone will be able to ‘decipher it’!!]
Another amazing series by NICABM!!
Chris
Thanks so much for these four conversations. I am encouraged forward by noticing some natural steps that I have taken with clients that I could see woven through your discussions of process and steps and purposes regarding trauma recovery work with clients. This gave me confidence to “trust my instincts” and my uptake of wisdom and guidance from learning opportunities (like these you have provided), because I am on good pathways as a practitioner. Self compassion and kindness and the work they achieve for the human who is brave enough to seek support…..the rewards are lovely to be witness to, as people open up to themselves and become stronger and more settled. Thanks for the framework of meaning and a bit more shared language for these ways of being with people in my therapeutic practices.
Chris Lam – yes I connect with your question – when clients are stitched into family systems and cultural ways that prevent them from speaking out when they want to, due to repercussions o r fear of repercussions and disconnect. The cultural milieu can be so powerful. How to support the person in celebrating how far they have come…..so they become powerful to take the next step when they are ready.
Wow! Session 4 was amazing! I thought that what hurting people need is compassion from ME, but what I learned is that they need compassion from THEMSELVES. And we can, help ourselves and help others develop that compassion and to look at their memories in the safety of a compassionate person. The image of the train tracks was very helpful. If we assume that everyone knows how to soothe themselves, we may run into trouble and bring more shame upon them. But if we can help them build the tracks. . .wow… thank you thank you thank you!
Most magnificent way to end the Teaching session on CFT
With Heartfelt Gratitude
Thank you
I am glad I purchased the gold Membership
Thank you for all the food for thought and the healing that comes from listening to you and your guests.
Helping oneself to help others, a positive goal.
For me, this is the most useful session so far. The Gold package allows me to review the material on my own time.
I’m very glad I purchased it.
Bernard