Tara I’ve been listening to your talks for many years and have them to be not only helpful but also having a calming affect on me. I remember on one of your talks you said something like this. I’m not sure if this woman was a client or in one of your events but she was dying and before she passed on she told her daughter that she always felt there was something wrong with here. Having experienced a very abusive childhood from both of my parents I grew up feeling just like that. There’s something wrong with me and I know that those negative programming beliefs can affect the choice we make as it did for me. So thank you for the beautiful work you to do to assist so many others
Thank You Tara – it all makes perfect sense although I’m still finding it hard to practice these crucial steps under pressure. (judgment from others) However I felt a shift in my physical body when I placed my hand on the heart, shoulders dropped and upper body relaxed. I have been practicing it for a couple of years so do know how it works and not to be despondent through tough times – for they are the crucial times to practice the 3 steps and rewire our brain.
This is a fabulous step. The gesture of kindness. I’ve been doing something similar. I love your terminology. Self compassion is awesome. It took me a very long time to start to really get it. Historically self talk takes a long time to change. I feel I’m personally on that journey and having great success. My clients are also benefiting from what I’ve learned. Thank you Tara so much for your kindness in sharing this information
Lynn
What you say makes so much sense – I just wish there was a transcript of your video that I could return to it to remind myself after the clarity of your words have faded, so as to be refreshed of the good sense in what you say. I would dearly like to nurture a kindness and generosity with myself which I could then transfer onwards within all my close relationships. I really do have so much to be grateful for. Ongoing thanks to you Tara…
Hi Tara,
I really love your talks.i am always struggling to really connect to others .I am always caring for others but deep down I am always alone and this feeling gives me grief.
I very much appreciate Tara’s teachings. Have watched her in videos and read some of her books. She always brings me back to a loving heart space. Thanks for this free series. My practice needs constant renewal!
I found that I experienced resistance to this exercise, like something inside was saying how selfish and pathetic it was for me to need a gesture of kindness. Also, I had a lump in my throat.
Thank you Tara. It’s good to hear your teaching people how to radically accept yourself. I am a certified IFS therapist and so much space and love can happen when we make space for the parts of us that have been buried in the basement for so long. When you listen to them you realize why they do the things they do. They try to help even though these parts wind up hurting you sometimes. I value meditation and deeply know that this is the only way to feel love and peace for me and the ones I love and come in contact with.
Inner peace from inner acceptance, loving kindness and trusting all will be well.
With much gratitude for your empowering methods. Thankyou from my heart.
Hallo Tara,
Everything in my body relaxed and opened up as broad as the sky!
Perhaps I’ll give it a try in the context of a yoga lesson, when the situation asks for it.
Thanks for your time and kindness.
When I did the self-compassion gesture, and thought about myself and all the things I’m trying to do with the limitations that I have, I actually felt respect and admiration that I’m working hard on the right things. A very rare feeling.
Your statement that feelings of unworthiness can prevent you from connecting deeply with others rings true of my son, who we adopted from abroad as a baby. Every time I gently remind him of something — say, to replace the garbage bag in the container after he takes out the garbage- he’ll respond with, “I’m an idiot.” Spills a few drops of milk or breaks a glass: “I’m an idiot.” He has deep feeling of unworthiness that I believe come from his having been abandoned by his birth mother, and having spent his crucial first months in an orphanage, instead of living as a beloved being in a family.
So this “feelings of unworthiness make it hard or impossible to connect with others” rings really true for my son. Also for me and my late mother, for different reasons. All 3 of us have often failed to reach out to grasp the opportunities for deep friendship that have been offered us.
You’re inspiring me to meditate, feel my feelings, and feel compassion for myself.
Thank you so much, Tara.
Tears welled up in my eyes both from acknowledging
my deep feelings of pain and grief and from feeling the tenderness of my care for myself represented by placing my hand on my heart. Thank you for this video and your love and support!
About my gesture of kindness to my self.
First came tears and empty feeiing in chest area.
Then I didn’t know what message to send.
Also I didn’t know where to send it.
Also couldn’t imagine/locate the injured part of myself.
Thank you for invoking the tears in me. I love you.
Deep tears, sorrow, not really sure why… I could pin point stuff – ouch! Suffering… Now accepting (For the minute!) that feeling because of the deep understanding, the Buddha’s direct take on humans’ life- that indeed “life Or living is suffering”. Then moving softly, gently, standing back (softer demeanour!) and recognizing/ identifying / accepting 2nd premise) that “suffering is caused by attachment”.
Now to practice, yeah practice! Letting go of attachments (like, “I want my toy!) is paramount. Perhaps this is a soupçon of mindful ness brought about by some moments alone of involuntary meditation! Thank you Tara for keeping the music down of keeping these few quiet moments S
simple, honest and uncomplicated! I am glad I stayed to listen and to put my hand on my heart!
I first felt a choking feeling in my throat representing everything I think I have to live up to to be able to really accept my own gesture of kindness. I still proceeded to tell myself “you are beautiful” and a smile came on my face and my heart was filled with lightness and gratitude for a moment.
When placing my hands on my heart, I felt the tears coming to my eyes.I told myself that I have always been enough. I felt the love rising in my chest and radiating outwards. All these years of feeling like I had to more just to be accepted was clear and present. It is in my nature to do my very best in whatever I am engaged in, but I can do this with a sense of worthiness. I am enough is my take-a-way today. Thank you
Pamela
In the last four years of our 50 years old marriage, my husband denigrated me. He had a mistress to whom he sent a love letter one month before dying on January 2019. I wanted to get separated in amical terms, but he refused saying it would cost him too much.
During those four years, he said I didn’t attract him because I was getting ugly with age. He said that I didn’t contribute enough to our marriage and family of three children, men had lost privileges and he tried legally to take away from me some capital money that we had accumulated. He said that the best trips he had was when he was alone. But we took a year to travel around the world and it was idyllic. Also, we travelled a lot afterwards, I was the one doing all the preparations, and those trips were precious. He accused me of several things and was very negative towards me. I didn’t have the strength to file for a divorce but instead I went into therapy. I have done a lot of meditation with you and am still seeing my therapist, four hours a week.
I just can’t reach self-compassion. My friends don’t call me. I feel lonely, even if my kids and seven little children are very present. I feel flawed, unrespectable, unlovable, etc. I am on the verge of stopping my therapy and ceasing to hope for a better and more fulfilled life.
Ohh Claire! Ouch! You are indeed recognizing and accepting that life IS suffering! Congratulations! First step taken! Now, on to the next, the second step that the Buddha (and other wise prophets) have set down on our individual path to Freedom: our attachment(s). – to our thoughts, to our ‘reasonings’. That being realized, we feel compassion towards ourselves, and now with this new gentleness and Self acceptance, let’s look to the 3rd and final step of the process: let go! Gently, kindly, release the current destructive habits, (of thinking and doing). Regular meditation, with a trusted friend or ‘guru’ , or on own, guides us through the muddy waters.
I am sorry that you are going through this. Please don’t stop therapy….maybe a different therapist is this one is not working for you. Keeping you on my thoughts today.
During the gesture of Kindness practice, I visualised sending that compassion to my two different ages of my younger self and both of them looked up at me in heartfelt surprise.
This was a lovely opening. The gesture of kindness brought up some uneasiness for me, feeling nervous to trust it. It was as though the waves picked up, bracing for a storm.
The gesture of kindness provided a sense of Inner calm and peace. After doing this practice for several weeks I’ve noticed my level of compassion has increased in my engagement with others and with myself.
Caitlin Chang, Other, Hastings on Hudson, NY, USAsays
I felt loved and also the poignancy that the feeling of love/ tenderness towards myself is always available to me (us) and yet so, so often forget that it’s there waiting when I need it.
So very grateful Tara for your kind education and practice. Yes, as I bring my awareness and kind gesture to my inner self I feel a shift. I can let go and relax and feel calm. Thank you.
Placing my hand on my chest brought tears. In that moment I recognized how I long to achieve my goal of being fit which I believe is the equivalent of getting younger in years. Same actual age but younger. I’m enjoying my life now more than ever before and I just want as much time as possible to keep doing that. Thank you Tara for your role in helping me get here.
I felt that this video opened me up to not only accepting love of myself but to love others more unconditionally. I am worthy to be loved. The gesture of kindness triggered feelings of compassion, self-acceptance, nurtured and braveness. I felt safe to experience uncomfortable feelings because now I have the tool of putting my hand on my heart and to give voice to the suffering. To sum it up I do not have to feel afraid, controlled or paralyzed by my uncomfortable feelings.
Sadness and long deep hurt
The need to lay down and rest. The feeling of being in touch with myself.
Tara I’ve been listening to your talks for many years and have them to be not only helpful but also having a calming affect on me. I remember on one of your talks you said something like this. I’m not sure if this woman was a client or in one of your events but she was dying and before she passed on she told her daughter that she always felt there was something wrong with here. Having experienced a very abusive childhood from both of my parents I grew up feeling just like that. There’s something wrong with me and I know that those negative programming beliefs can affect the choice we make as it did for me. So thank you for the beautiful work you to do to assist so many others
I felt cleansed and free; in the sense of being unchained from a boulder.
Thank You Tara – it all makes perfect sense although I’m still finding it hard to practice these crucial steps under pressure. (judgment from others) However I felt a shift in my physical body when I placed my hand on the heart, shoulders dropped and upper body relaxed. I have been practicing it for a couple of years so do know how it works and not to be despondent through tough times – for they are the crucial times to practice the 3 steps and rewire our brain.
This is a fabulous step. The gesture of kindness. I’ve been doing something similar. I love your terminology. Self compassion is awesome. It took me a very long time to start to really get it. Historically self talk takes a long time to change. I feel I’m personally on that journey and having great success. My clients are also benefiting from what I’ve learned. Thank you Tara so much for your kindness in sharing this information
Lynn
What you say makes so much sense – I just wish there was a transcript of your video that I could return to it to remind myself after the clarity of your words have faded, so as to be refreshed of the good sense in what you say. I would dearly like to nurture a kindness and generosity with myself which I could then transfer onwards within all my close relationships. I really do have so much to be grateful for. Ongoing thanks to you Tara…
Hi Tara,
I really love your talks.i am always struggling to really connect to others .I am always caring for others but deep down I am always alone and this feeling gives me grief.
I very much appreciate Tara’s teachings. Have watched her in videos and read some of her books. She always brings me back to a loving heart space. Thanks for this free series. My practice needs constant renewal!
I found that I experienced resistance to this exercise, like something inside was saying how selfish and pathetic it was for me to need a gesture of kindness. Also, I had a lump in my throat.
I’m not a therapist however I try to practice self kindness and that calms me. Thanks
The feeling softens very slightly but profound, and this releases a comforting, relieving and reassuring feeling as if the heart is sighing.
Thank you Tara. It’s good to hear your teaching people how to radically accept yourself. I am a certified IFS therapist and so much space and love can happen when we make space for the parts of us that have been buried in the basement for so long. When you listen to them you realize why they do the things they do. They try to help even though these parts wind up hurting you sometimes. I value meditation and deeply know that this is the only way to feel love and peace for me and the ones I love and come in contact with.
Feeling of hope that it will be OK, that the universe or God will take care of it.
Profound peace & love. Instantly.
Warmth and love
Inner peace from inner acceptance, loving kindness and trusting all will be well.
With much gratitude for your empowering methods. Thankyou from my heart.
I felt some healing of grief, thank you.
Hallo Tara,
Everything in my body relaxed and opened up as broad as the sky!
Perhaps I’ll give it a try in the context of a yoga lesson, when the situation asks for it.
Thanks for your time and kindness.
I felt safe and it helped calm me .
Dear Tara,
When I did the self-compassion gesture, and thought about myself and all the things I’m trying to do with the limitations that I have, I actually felt respect and admiration that I’m working hard on the right things. A very rare feeling.
Your statement that feelings of unworthiness can prevent you from connecting deeply with others rings true of my son, who we adopted from abroad as a baby. Every time I gently remind him of something — say, to replace the garbage bag in the container after he takes out the garbage- he’ll respond with, “I’m an idiot.” Spills a few drops of milk or breaks a glass: “I’m an idiot.” He has deep feeling of unworthiness that I believe come from his having been abandoned by his birth mother, and having spent his crucial first months in an orphanage, instead of living as a beloved being in a family.
So this “feelings of unworthiness make it hard or impossible to connect with others” rings really true for my son. Also for me and my late mother, for different reasons. All 3 of us have often failed to reach out to grasp the opportunities for deep friendship that have been offered us.
You’re inspiring me to meditate, feel my feelings, and feel compassion for myself.
Thank you so much, Tara.
Anonymous in North Carolina
Tears welled up in my eyes both from acknowledging
my deep feelings of pain and grief and from feeling the tenderness of my care for myself represented by placing my hand on my heart. Thank you for this video and your love and support!
About my gesture of kindness to my self.
First came tears and empty feeiing in chest area.
Then I didn’t know what message to send.
Also I didn’t know where to send it.
Also couldn’t imagine/locate the injured part of myself.
Thank you for invoking the tears in me. I love you.
I will have a@better understanding of the process
felt like crying. Had to tell myself I have tried hard to be loving and strong.
The simplicity of these 3 steps is refreshing and soul-touching. Beginnings of self- forgiveness are here for real. Thank you, meredith
Deep tears, sorrow, not really sure why… I could pin point stuff – ouch! Suffering… Now accepting (For the minute!) that feeling because of the deep understanding, the Buddha’s direct take on humans’ life- that indeed “life Or living is suffering”. Then moving softly, gently, standing back (softer demeanour!) and recognizing/ identifying / accepting 2nd premise) that “suffering is caused by attachment”.
Now to practice, yeah practice! Letting go of attachments (like, “I want my toy!) is paramount. Perhaps this is a soupçon of mindful ness brought about by some moments alone of involuntary meditation! Thank you Tara for keeping the music down of keeping these few quiet moments S
simple, honest and uncomplicated! I am glad I stayed to listen and to put my hand on my heart!
Felt sad and learning to observe my thoughts and realize that I am enough!
Thank you!
My meditation is working.
I first felt a choking feeling in my throat representing everything I think I have to live up to to be able to really accept my own gesture of kindness. I still proceeded to tell myself “you are beautiful” and a smile came on my face and my heart was filled with lightness and gratitude for a moment.
Sadness
I’ve moved from the harsh judgement of my mind to the open tenderness of my heart… beautiful and nourishing words
When placing my hands on my heart, I felt the tears coming to my eyes.I told myself that I have always been enough. I felt the love rising in my chest and radiating outwards. All these years of feeling like I had to more just to be accepted was clear and present. It is in my nature to do my very best in whatever I am engaged in, but I can do this with a sense of worthiness. I am enough is my take-a-way today. Thank you
Pamela
Please be patient with my poor english.
In the last four years of our 50 years old marriage, my husband denigrated me. He had a mistress to whom he sent a love letter one month before dying on January 2019. I wanted to get separated in amical terms, but he refused saying it would cost him too much.
During those four years, he said I didn’t attract him because I was getting ugly with age. He said that I didn’t contribute enough to our marriage and family of three children, men had lost privileges and he tried legally to take away from me some capital money that we had accumulated. He said that the best trips he had was when he was alone. But we took a year to travel around the world and it was idyllic. Also, we travelled a lot afterwards, I was the one doing all the preparations, and those trips were precious. He accused me of several things and was very negative towards me. I didn’t have the strength to file for a divorce but instead I went into therapy. I have done a lot of meditation with you and am still seeing my therapist, four hours a week.
I just can’t reach self-compassion. My friends don’t call me. I feel lonely, even if my kids and seven little children are very present. I feel flawed, unrespectable, unlovable, etc. I am on the verge of stopping my therapy and ceasing to hope for a better and more fulfilled life.
Ohh Claire! Ouch! You are indeed recognizing and accepting that life IS suffering! Congratulations! First step taken! Now, on to the next, the second step that the Buddha (and other wise prophets) have set down on our individual path to Freedom: our attachment(s). – to our thoughts, to our ‘reasonings’. That being realized, we feel compassion towards ourselves, and now with this new gentleness and Self acceptance, let’s look to the 3rd and final step of the process: let go! Gently, kindly, release the current destructive habits, (of thinking and doing). Regular meditation, with a trusted friend or ‘guru’ , or on own, guides us through the muddy waters.
Claire, I hope this helps. Dyane
I am sorry that you are going through this. Please don’t stop therapy….maybe a different therapist is this one is not working for you. Keeping you on my thoughts today.
i felt a surge of kindness towards myself and I felt a lightness! Tara, deeply grateful to you for all your work.??
Tenderness and warmth. I like to close my sessions with this. It helps us mirror to each other
I felt sadness, after naming the sadness i felt a sense of caring and compasion for myself
During the gesture of Kindness practice, I visualised sending that compassion to my two different ages of my younger self and both of them looked up at me in heartfelt surprise.
A sense of warmth, a sense of arriving in my body, a sense of “I am OK”, and ease.
First I felt sadness, and once I recognized the sadness and named it I felt calm.
This was a lovely opening. The gesture of kindness brought up some uneasiness for me, feeling nervous to trust it. It was as though the waves picked up, bracing for a storm.
With deep gratitude and love. Jana ❤️
Threes steps
Practice over and over
Rewire
Yes
?❤️
The gesture of kindness provided a sense of Inner calm and peace. After doing this practice for several weeks I’ve noticed my level of compassion has increased in my engagement with others and with myself.
I felt challenged and sad at first. Then I old myself I am a good person of quality. I’m struggling…
I felt loved and also the poignancy that the feeling of love/ tenderness towards myself is always available to me (us) and yet so, so often forget that it’s there waiting when I need it.
I experienced a feeling of deep sadness and became tearful
So very grateful Tara for your kind education and practice. Yes, as I bring my awareness and kind gesture to my inner self I feel a shift. I can let go and relax and feel calm. Thank you.
Placing my hand on my chest brought tears. In that moment I recognized how I long to achieve my goal of being fit which I believe is the equivalent of getting younger in years. Same actual age but younger. I’m enjoying my life now more than ever before and I just want as much time as possible to keep doing that. Thank you Tara for your role in helping me get here.
I felt that this video opened me up to not only accepting love of myself but to love others more unconditionally. I am worthy to be loved. The gesture of kindness triggered feelings of compassion, self-acceptance, nurtured and braveness. I felt safe to experience uncomfortable feelings because now I have the tool of putting my hand on my heart and to give voice to the suffering. To sum it up I do not have to feel afraid, controlled or paralyzed by my uncomfortable feelings.
I felt calmer and relaxed , thank you Tara.