Karina Ahumada, Marriage/Family Therapy, San Diego, CA, USAsays
By forgiving myself, I feel relief to know that mistakes are not condemnable for life, there’s always an opportunity to correct my self and be more conscious of how I respond to others, Thank you for this exercise
Thank you!
Your talks, meditations, and course offerings always seem to speak to exactly where I am at any moment. You make a tremendous difference in my life.
Yes, I am dealing in relationship with the difficult impacts of world events this year especially. It’s hard sometimes to forgive oneself for things we do or say…that aren’t our fault. Not entirely, that’s for sure. I admit I’m reminded of Robin Williams saying so in GOOD WILL HUNTING.
I love the idea of this exercise and will try it with myself and my clients! I really feel that it is so important to hold ourselves kindly while imagining possibilities. Thank you!!
Genuinely forgiving myself could make me realize that I was trying my best. Giving up on self doubt could make finding the best course of action easier.
Forgiveness is sometimes difficult for me. I find that if I have the intention to forgive that person (or myself) when I am ready, I have already taken the first step to what had seemed a herculean task. I use a lot of self-compassion and remind myself often (paraphrasing Maya Angelou) that I can forgive myself for what I did not know before I knew it. Thank you for the wisdom that you share. I will never forget hearing you the first time at a conference in Washington, DC and feeling the compassion and goodness that emanates from you and your work.
Pamela Elliott, Counseling, BLOOMINGTON, IL, USAsays
This will and has helped many of my clients. I believe this is the key to heal past so much trauma and hurt. Self Compassion has gotten a bad rap and I am so glad people are seeing the light. Thank you for your work.
Self-compassion has taught me to let go of some learned defences to keep myself safe in relationships. It has helped me bring a vulnerability and authenticity to the other. Thank you Tara. I hope to continue the work with you.
I have been using mindfulness a little bit more in my practice and would like more information, perhaps leading to some formalized training.
Thank you!
How do I overcome the pain of losing my soul mate because of my anger and judgmental nature. I was demanding, uncompromising, mean, hurtful, and a bully. Now he has left me and I am scared and so sad. I am highly sensitive, grew up with an angry, critical, and manipulative mother. Im in deep pain.
Frank Celaeti, Another Field, South Kingstown, RI, USAsays
I experienced the same anger and controlling behavior in my past relationships. Much of these behaviors have to do with our relationships with our parents. Through their controlling behaviors and our fears in life we learned to be the same way. This isn’t your fault. What I learned is that when we feel afraid or anxious we can’t be calm and loving.
Dr. Brach is on the right track about forgiving ourselves instead of being self critical. I was a perfectionist and expected unrealistic results from myself and others. I was very critical and judgmental of my fiancé and she left. But I learned that my learned behaviors were damaging to my relationships. I was unknowingly holding in resentment instead of offering forgiveness and mercy to my fiancé. We can unlearn our hurtful behaviors of the past and be more loving in our relationships.
Through one of your longer talks and meditations our Self-compassion, i had an insight about how my judgments of my teenage daughter were a repetition of judgments I had about myself at her age and have been carrying for many years. That was pretty eye ? opening. I would like to take your longer course on this topic of self compassion and relationships. Please send more info.
It was a pleasure to simply watch you Tara. I am not a therapist. I am someone on the journey of stepping out of the trance of unworthiness and limiting beliefs. Listening to you was such a healing and reinforcing experience. Thank you. -Aileen Reyes-Picknell
I felt a little lighter, realizing that the burden that I had placed solely on myself to shape the relationship and/or the person (resulting in guilt) was not all mine to bear. It is liberating, reminding me that, although I do hold responsibility, I will make mistakes.
I’m very interested in this programme. I’m particularly thinking of a person in my family who has chronic depression and it manifests in sudden busts of anger and verbal abuse to others, after which this person feels horrible and asks for forgiveness while saying he doesn’ t know what happened, he lost control. I’m hoping these teachings will help us support this very dear family member who is suffering and making others suffer too. Thank you Tara.
So powerful. Great reminder about the importance of helping clients forgive these angry, fight parts of themselves and access the hurt parts underneath the anger. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you. I appreciate the basic question of whether self-criticism actually helps or leads to anything good or productive, even though that is it’s intention.
I always see the truth in your advice, thank you. Forgiving self is a deep realization. Often I feel the lack of its reality, the heaviness of heart that comes with the thought “what have I done” with the knowledge of not being able to change the results my action has ultimately brought.
I was able to deeply feel my own pain and sadness and while I imagined this seen I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and I cried tears of gratitude. It was as though I was being held in the living hands of my creator. Very powerful. Thank you ?
Tara, I have taken several of your courses and am on your mailing list. I use your practices myself constantly and teach them to others. I am deeply grateful.
Jason Saltarelli, Counseling, Kennett Square, PA, USAsays
Forgiving myself for judging a family member has taught me, those projected judgments were really fears of my own mistakes. Compassion continues to teach me each of our mistakes become opportunities once paired with equanimity.
The relationship that I feel most need for self-forgiveness is with my mom before she died. I am unsure HOW to move forward in this example since the last question is “how might this change the relationship”?
It would target the deep rooted shame that is such a barrier to healing. For one of my clients, daily mistakes/failures further reinforce his self-hatred, so his narrative has become quite debilitating. His inner child has carried these beliefs for some time.
By forgiving myself, I feel relief to know that mistakes are not condemnable for life, there’s always an opportunity to correct my self and be more conscious of how I respond to others, Thank you for this exercise
This. Exactly this. Thank you.
Thank you!
Your talks, meditations, and course offerings always seem to speak to exactly where I am at any moment. You make a tremendous difference in my life.
Looking beneath the anger to find what is there is a wonderful pause. Thank you.
Powerful, thank you so much. That helped me personally, although I’m still with a feeling of guilt. Maybe your guide will close the circle.
Yes, I am dealing in relationship with the difficult impacts of world events this year especially. It’s hard sometimes to forgive oneself for things we do or say…that aren’t our fault. Not entirely, that’s for sure. I admit I’m reminded of Robin Williams saying so in GOOD WILL HUNTING.
And peace to all.
I love the idea of this exercise and will try it with myself and my clients! I really feel that it is so important to hold ourselves kindly while imagining possibilities. Thank you!!
Thank you, Tara.
Thank you. Guilt is sometimes helpful. Shame… nope. Not yet. Time to release it.
This was helpful, thank you. I would love to have more information including the guided meditation.
Genuinely forgiving myself could make me realize that I was trying my best. Giving up on self doubt could make finding the best course of action easier.
Forgiveness is sometimes difficult for me. I find that if I have the intention to forgive that person (or myself) when I am ready, I have already taken the first step to what had seemed a herculean task. I use a lot of self-compassion and remind myself often (paraphrasing Maya Angelou) that I can forgive myself for what I did not know before I knew it. Thank you for the wisdom that you share. I will never forget hearing you the first time at a conference in Washington, DC and feeling the compassion and goodness that emanates from you and your work.
This will and has helped many of my clients. I believe this is the key to heal past so much trauma and hurt. Self Compassion has gotten a bad rap and I am so glad people are seeing the light. Thank you for your work.
Forgiveness
Yes as I observe my guilt feelings over past
mistakes.
I will use these strategies
Thank you
Self-compassion has taught me to let go of some learned defences to keep myself safe in relationships. It has helped me bring a vulnerability and authenticity to the other. Thank you Tara. I hope to continue the work with you.
Thank you, I have never thought of anger in such terms. It has helped me make sense of it and understand, for the first time in my life !
I have been using mindfulness a little bit more in my practice and would like more information, perhaps leading to some formalized training.
Thank you!
Gentle, kind, profound. Thanks for sharing
Following your guidance to forgive myself was like pushing a door slightly ajar and enjoying the first chink of light shining through.
The silence enabled me to focus on my inner thoughts that have I been there emotionally for others! And myself.
Thank you
Tara, thank you. Your presence and teachings are a blessing!
Looking from the outside in enables a different perspective of self and so forgiveness is easier
How do I overcome the pain of losing my soul mate because of my anger and judgmental nature. I was demanding, uncompromising, mean, hurtful, and a bully. Now he has left me and I am scared and so sad. I am highly sensitive, grew up with an angry, critical, and manipulative mother. Im in deep pain.
I experienced the same anger and controlling behavior in my past relationships. Much of these behaviors have to do with our relationships with our parents. Through their controlling behaviors and our fears in life we learned to be the same way. This isn’t your fault. What I learned is that when we feel afraid or anxious we can’t be calm and loving.
Dr. Brach is on the right track about forgiving ourselves instead of being self critical. I was a perfectionist and expected unrealistic results from myself and others. I was very critical and judgmental of my fiancé and she left. But I learned that my learned behaviors were damaging to my relationships. I was unknowingly holding in resentment instead of offering forgiveness and mercy to my fiancé. We can unlearn our hurtful behaviors of the past and be more loving in our relationships.
Through one of your longer talks and meditations our Self-compassion, i had an insight about how my judgments of my teenage daughter were a repetition of judgments I had about myself at her age and have been carrying for many years. That was pretty eye ? opening. I would like to take your longer course on this topic of self compassion and relationships. Please send more info.
It was a pleasure to simply watch you Tara. I am not a therapist. I am someone on the journey of stepping out of the trance of unworthiness and limiting beliefs. Listening to you was such a healing and reinforcing experience. Thank you. -Aileen Reyes-Picknell
Thank you Tara, this was very helpful.
Forgiving yourself opens a window to a new self, less judgmental, more loving and accepting…
That is a great step towards loving relationships.
I felt a little lighter, realizing that the burden that I had placed solely on myself to shape the relationship and/or the person (resulting in guilt) was not all mine to bear. It is liberating, reminding me that, although I do hold responsibility, I will make mistakes.
Learning to forgive self is practise for forgiving others.
I’m very interested in this programme. I’m particularly thinking of a person in my family who has chronic depression and it manifests in sudden busts of anger and verbal abuse to others, after which this person feels horrible and asks for forgiveness while saying he doesn’ t know what happened, he lost control. I’m hoping these teachings will help us support this very dear family member who is suffering and making others suffer too. Thank you Tara.
So powerful. Great reminder about the importance of helping clients forgive these angry, fight parts of themselves and access the hurt parts underneath the anger. Thank you for sharing.
When I tried this exercise I came to an immediate heart opening moment, seeing myself and my friend with fresh eyes. Thanks so much, Tara
Thank you. I appreciate the basic question of whether self-criticism actually helps or leads to anything good or productive, even though that is it’s intention.
When applying self love to my relationship that had a component of guilt I was able to gradually relax and feel a smile come to my whole body.
I always see the truth in your advice, thank you. Forgiving self is a deep realization. Often I feel the lack of its reality, the heaviness of heart that comes with the thought “what have I done” with the knowledge of not being able to change the results my action has ultimately brought.
I can detach from my perceived role as the “complicated” or “troubled” one.
This is very helpful, thank you
I was able to deeply feel my own pain and sadness and while I imagined this seen I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and I cried tears of gratitude. It was as though I was being held in the living hands of my creator. Very powerful. Thank you ?
Martha Williams
I’m really not sure. I think I need more time to reflect on the concept.
Tara, I have taken several of your courses and am on your mailing list. I use your practices myself constantly and teach them to others. I am deeply grateful.
Forgiving myself for judging a family member has taught me, those projected judgments were really fears of my own mistakes. Compassion continues to teach me each of our mistakes become opportunities once paired with equanimity.
Considering self compassion when speaking or thinking of this relationship was liberating And hopeful.
The relationship that I feel most need for self-forgiveness is with my mom before she died. I am unsure HOW to move forward in this example since the last question is “how might this change the relationship”?
Very useful! As a practitioner , this was a great reminder of how to explain the worth in eradicating those inner demons.
My heart softens and expands. I can breathe easier. There’s a welling up of emotion and space.
Icky sticky guilt and shame! Thank you.
Very interesting approach to self forgiving. Broaden perspective forwards more choice and self awareness.
It would target the deep rooted shame that is such a barrier to healing. For one of my clients, daily mistakes/failures further reinforce his self-hatred, so his narrative has become quite debilitating. His inner child has carried these beliefs for some time.
These videos have been very helpful.
Powerful messages here for both self and clients. It does all come back to examining our own thoughts and suffering
The calmness and care I can give myself allows courage and hope to come into my being- both restful and energizing.