I was able to reach back into a memory that enabled me to say “It’s not my fault”. But the fact that I modeled this behavior under stress many times makes it difficult to really be comfortable with saying (and believing) to myself that it’s not my fault. I’ll continue to try it though.
Imagining forgiving myself for something i did in a relationship: I realize my own imperfection and I soften have compassion for myself. This helps to accept others’ imperfections and have compassion for their own self judgment and suffering. Overall it leads to a sense of belonging, for me and others, to our own humanity.
It is really difficult for me to forgive myself with my relationship with my son. I have to realize that I did the best I could given the situation. And let go.
I find that I direct my anger to the people that are the most important to me. The ones that show me unconditional love. I guess I feel safe to be vulnerable around them. It is when I feel so bad about myself. And regret my actions as soon as I respond out of anger verses love. Or I say to myself this is your emotional response and don’t take it out on them. Such a struggle. .
Thank you Tara
Even though I do not have space in my schedule for your course, I greatly appreciate these free short videos. Thank you for your generosity. Your gentle, calm and confident manner is itself inspiring.
I found that my guilt and shame is so great it blocks me from finding a place of self compassion. I will keep repeating the exercise and hope that I will chip away at that blockage. Thank you for these videos
Firstly, I would like to say thank you so much for these 3 teaching videos. I’ve enjoyed them immensely and have watched them each and all several times. I will use them myself and then with my clients. When I sat with this emotion, I began to feel at peace. Thank you Tara
Bringing compassion to myself allows for emotional movement, tears and I feel in a deep way my own pain rather than blame. We all do the best we can in the moment.
Namaste.
Ruth
It would allow me to show up in the present moment with kindness because I wouldn’t have thoughts of shame and guilt on repeat while interacting with others.
J, Marriage/Family Therapy, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
I see many adult clients who were abused as children by their parents or caretakers. They are angry but want to move on. The word ‘forgiveness’ is often misleading because it is misconstrued as ‘condoning’. I help them to see that the anger is hurting them more than helping them. The idea is never to be OK with the abusive behaviors but to channel their anger/energy towards self love and building a healthy relationship with themselves and others who are accepting and safe.
Thank you for this video, Tara. Your message was beautiful and well taken!
Nancy Whiting, Another Field, Washington, DC, USAsays
I like the practice and perspective that when I succumb to a limbic hijack, I can shift into ‘it’s not my fault’, but then my mind wants to find someone else to blame.
Shehnaaz Danak, Social Work, Saint Louis, MO, USAsays
Thank You. I loved the quote about suffering by Mother Theresa (I have had the honor of meeting her in person) and how self forgiving is important for self compassion
Genuine forgiveness is a process for me. It doesn’t happen at once; it continues to happen as I offer myself loving kindness and as I let myself be vulnerable with others.
Perhaps my self forgiveness is not a one time action, but a process I need to have in my life that I can use whenever the shame arises, and to which I am committed to using for myself and for the relationship.
This brief video was inspiring. I appreciate your acknowledgement of racial injustice and hope for a a society that can build richer relationships, by acknowledging our own generational shame and guilt; then intentionally finding ways of forgiving each other. Thank you Tara.
hi thank you for your beautiful work. I do believe this work can help my clients learn self-compassion and get thru blocks they have not been able to previously.
I’m really enjoying your book Radical Acceptance. This 4 part process is very helpful for me as an individual, but also as social worker. I appreciated the opportunity to take a moment to practice forgiveness of self.
Genuine forgiveness I think would be connected with self-compassion and self-compassion is connected with compassion for others – forgiveness would allow a person to be able to be more honest and authentic versus hiding behind things like shame and projection that lead to conflict and disconnection with others. Forgiveness can foster connection and increased intimacy because it creates safety and trust.
Thank you Tara for very excellent videos. Here at our Center, we facilitate DBT skills classes where we emphasize mindfulness of thoughts and mindfulness of emotions. This video makes a nice transition from skills mastery into beautifully explained practice guidance. I value your wisdom and your gentleness.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I have been carrying some guilt about not fighting harder for my children…aproximately 40 years ago. Your brief comments took me directly back to then where I am able in these few moments forgive myself even for a brief few moments. Much love and deep bows. Renee Potik
Daniel Marlowe, Psychotherapy, Portland, ME, USAsays
Gratitude Tara! For the lifting and the light you share.
As we, “….deepen our commitment to caring relationships with our inner selves, with each other, and all beings.” Your words make even a melded, forged, and seriously tough soul, such as dear Mother Theresa’s; SMILE!
I am in awe off your wisdoms.
I feel confused. Not sure if I feel guilty or it’s just the effect of the other person statements.Not sure if I need to forgive myself. I need to explore more.
Cristina Klenz, Counseling, Long Beach, CA, USAsays
I am struggling with aging changes that affected my body, which are also affecting the relationship with my partner. I meditated and told myself “it’s not my fault.” This was so helpful to ease the burden of guilt I have been feeling. I will be more at ease to explain to my partner that my actions are not intentional. They are due to my physical limitations and are not my fault.
Hi
I’m struggling with the statement “it’s not my fault.” I’m sure that feeds guilt to not accept that statement but what about personal responsibility?
Hi Tara. I love listening to you, and viewing your kind gestures. I so appreciate this program. I was one years ago (I hate to admit), had a self hate persecution mantra.
Through many years of therapies of releasing past trauma, and by replacing my negative talk to myself with the regular consistent use of positive affirmations, I began to experience success in feeling better about myself. Through the years, I began meditating, and the practice of stepping out of myself, and having my string healthy adult parent self be there and comfort my scared wounded inner child. In a sense, I learned from my own practice and intuition to follow the steps you have laid out. Yesterday a good close friend of mine shared with me their feelings of self hatred/ unworthiness. I took some time to reflect on this in myself, remembering just how many years I spent hating myself, and all the nasty things I would say to myself. It was a joy to then notice and realize I do not do that anymore, through the very steps you have laid out: noticing, allowing the feelings, and then kind gentle care/reparenting. I was left actually with a sense of feeling empowered by my own ability to make this transformation. It is very inspiring. With all the doom and gloom out there right now, I find I am so much inspired and motivated by inspiration, hope and encouragement. In light of this, I took action and wrote to a couple government officials stating my request to hear more about what we can do, what is being done and what is in the works. I do appreciate all your work Tara. It is so what we all need right now. Thank you. ❤️ Annie
I’ve been struggling with these emotions myself for what feels like an eternity. I certainly can’t help others if I don’t heal this within myself. Thank you for this training!
Alan Wagner, Another Field, Watsonville, CA, USAsays
Thanks Tara,
This series of videos has been very insightful and leading to healing…
This exercises to look at a person that you still feel guilty and remorseful…I blamed myself for my outburst of anger and rage. When I visualized back giving myself love and Foregiveness and hugged myself i felt a positive shift in that self judgement.
Yes!
Doing right by people now, feeling our goodness and acting from it now, therein lies the love fest. The only place for past cruelties is in being acknowledged. Lovely.
My take is different. Different in that I need my own language. The words I hear are clinical and mindful. I know their meaning but in order to penetrate my body and my mind, I write my own words. What I wrote for me for me, was it is not self forgiveness for my self hate and imbibing the behavior of those around me, I could not feel RELIEF from self blame because that is part of my skin, so deeply embedded in my brain, but to know, know, know, click, click, click, that I have a parasite worming and homey in my stomach that I battle every day with the part of the brain that is mine, not the part that was diminished, washed away, made bald, to contain that parasite. That is how I survived. Containiment, not knowing why constant consistent self haranguing would not go away. After many years, I have a label that I can agree with, not reject, and I am happy with my diagnosis. It is the parasite. It is not me. Even with the lost 52 years, I have relief of separation. I feel and acknowledge trauma. It is objective. I can now accept why there were two tracks and many tributaries of confusion. Now I have a chance.
I was able to reach back into a memory that enabled me to say “It’s not my fault”. But the fact that I modeled this behavior under stress many times makes it difficult to really be comfortable with saying (and believing) to myself that it’s not my fault. I’ll continue to try it though.
Imagining forgiving myself for something i did in a relationship: I realize my own imperfection and I soften have compassion for myself. This helps to accept others’ imperfections and have compassion for their own self judgment and suffering. Overall it leads to a sense of belonging, for me and others, to our own humanity.
I felt more able to hear the other person’s perspective without it threatening my sense of self as good.
Very insightful, difficult lesson to learn, how can I truly love others if not being a good forgiving friend to myself! Thank you Tara!
It is really difficult for me to forgive myself with my relationship with my son. I have to realize that I did the best I could given the situation. And let go.
Flowing tears….
I find that I direct my anger to the people that are the most important to me. The ones that show me unconditional love. I guess I feel safe to be vulnerable around them. It is when I feel so bad about myself. And regret my actions as soon as I respond out of anger verses love. Or I say to myself this is your emotional response and don’t take it out on them. Such a struggle. .
Thank you Tara
Even though I do not have space in my schedule for your course, I greatly appreciate these free short videos. Thank you for your generosity. Your gentle, calm and confident manner is itself inspiring.
Thank you for the gentle reminders for us to be gentle with ourselves and how it serves no-one to live in self-blame.
It opened up a feeling of lightness, and compassion within me.
I found that my guilt and shame is so great it blocks me from finding a place of self compassion. I will keep repeating the exercise and hope that I will chip away at that blockage. Thank you for these videos
It left me feeling more at peace with myself and in turn more open to others
Firstly, I would like to say thank you so much for these 3 teaching videos. I’ve enjoyed them immensely and have watched them each and all several times. I will use them myself and then with my clients. When I sat with this emotion, I began to feel at peace. Thank you Tara
Bringing compassion to myself allows for emotional movement, tears and I feel in a deep way my own pain rather than blame. We all do the best we can in the moment.
Namaste.
Ruth
It would allow me to show up in the present moment with kindness because I wouldn’t have thoughts of shame and guilt on repeat while interacting with others.
Tara, Thank you so much for sharing these valuable tools! They will change my practice this week!
“It’s not your fault”, and “Self-forgiveness allows us to make amends.” Thank you for these powerful words.
I see many adult clients who were abused as children by their parents or caretakers. They are angry but want to move on. The word ‘forgiveness’ is often misleading because it is misconstrued as ‘condoning’. I help them to see that the anger is hurting them more than helping them. The idea is never to be OK with the abusive behaviors but to channel their anger/energy towards self love and building a healthy relationship with themselves and others who are accepting and safe.
Thank you for this video, Tara. Your message was beautiful and well taken!
I like the practice and perspective that when I succumb to a limbic hijack, I can shift into ‘it’s not my fault’, but then my mind wants to find someone else to blame.
Thank You. I loved the quote about suffering by Mother Theresa (I have had the honor of meeting her in person) and how self forgiving is important for self compassion
Thank you Tara for your love and compassionate guidance.
They could access their grief
Thank you so much for this lesson. Your work is such a blessing and a gift to this world!
Genuine forgiveness is a process for me. It doesn’t happen at once; it continues to happen as I offer myself loving kindness and as I let myself be vulnerable with others.
Perhaps my self forgiveness is not a one time action, but a process I need to have in my life that I can use whenever the shame arises, and to which I am committed to using for myself and for the relationship.
This brief video was inspiring. I appreciate your acknowledgement of racial injustice and hope for a a society that can build richer relationships, by acknowledging our own generational shame and guilt; then intentionally finding ways of forgiving each other. Thank you Tara.
hi thank you for your beautiful work. I do believe this work can help my clients learn self-compassion and get thru blocks they have not been able to previously.
Thank you for the insights. I will use them well!
Thank you! I love Tara Branch’s gentle way of showing what’s underneath the shadow emotions.
Very helpful and brings hope for change within myself and others.
I’m really enjoying your book Radical Acceptance. This 4 part process is very helpful for me as an individual, but also as social worker. I appreciated the opportunity to take a moment to practice forgiveness of self.
Thanks Tara, beautiful as always!
Genuine forgiveness I think would be connected with self-compassion and self-compassion is connected with compassion for others – forgiveness would allow a person to be able to be more honest and authentic versus hiding behind things like shame and projection that lead to conflict and disconnection with others. Forgiveness can foster connection and increased intimacy because it creates safety and trust.
Thank you Tara, I appreciate your teaching! I would be interested in the exercise.
Thank you for sharing this
It seems to create space. curious where it takes me.
Thank you Tara for very excellent videos. Here at our Center, we facilitate DBT skills classes where we emphasize mindfulness of thoughts and mindfulness of emotions. This video makes a nice transition from skills mastery into beautifully explained practice guidance. I value your wisdom and your gentleness.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I have been carrying some guilt about not fighting harder for my children…aproximately 40 years ago. Your brief comments took me directly back to then where I am able in these few moments forgive myself even for a brief few moments. Much love and deep bows. Renee Potik
Gratitude Tara! For the lifting and the light you share.
As we, “….deepen our commitment to caring relationships with our inner selves, with each other, and all beings.” Your words make even a melded, forged, and seriously tough soul, such as dear Mother Theresa’s; SMILE!
I am in awe off your wisdoms.
Excellent guidance. Thank you!
The exercise helps me to envision more spaciousness and live in my relationships
By practicing forgiveness of myself it helps me to recognize what a I need to forgive in others.
I feel confused. Not sure if I feel guilty or it’s just the effect of the other person statements.Not sure if I need to forgive myself. I need to explore more.
I am struggling with aging changes that affected my body, which are also affecting the relationship with my partner. I meditated and told myself “it’s not my fault.” This was so helpful to ease the burden of guilt I have been feeling. I will be more at ease to explain to my partner that my actions are not intentional. They are due to my physical limitations and are not my fault.
Helps in being truer to myself and others around …thank you so much for sharing 🙂
Hi
I’m struggling with the statement “it’s not my fault.” I’m sure that feeds guilt to not accept that statement but what about personal responsibility?
Thank you
Hi Tara. I love listening to you, and viewing your kind gestures. I so appreciate this program. I was one years ago (I hate to admit), had a self hate persecution mantra.
Through many years of therapies of releasing past trauma, and by replacing my negative talk to myself with the regular consistent use of positive affirmations, I began to experience success in feeling better about myself. Through the years, I began meditating, and the practice of stepping out of myself, and having my string healthy adult parent self be there and comfort my scared wounded inner child. In a sense, I learned from my own practice and intuition to follow the steps you have laid out. Yesterday a good close friend of mine shared with me their feelings of self hatred/ unworthiness. I took some time to reflect on this in myself, remembering just how many years I spent hating myself, and all the nasty things I would say to myself. It was a joy to then notice and realize I do not do that anymore, through the very steps you have laid out: noticing, allowing the feelings, and then kind gentle care/reparenting. I was left actually with a sense of feeling empowered by my own ability to make this transformation. It is very inspiring. With all the doom and gloom out there right now, I find I am so much inspired and motivated by inspiration, hope and encouragement. In light of this, I took action and wrote to a couple government officials stating my request to hear more about what we can do, what is being done and what is in the works. I do appreciate all your work Tara. It is so what we all need right now. Thank you. ❤️ Annie
I’ve been struggling with these emotions myself for what feels like an eternity. I certainly can’t help others if I don’t heal this within myself. Thank you for this training!
Thanks Tara,
This series of videos has been very insightful and leading to healing…
This exercises to look at a person that you still feel guilty and remorseful…I blamed myself for my outburst of anger and rage. When I visualized back giving myself love and Foregiveness and hugged myself i felt a positive shift in that self judgement.
I’m signed up for you conscious loving program.
With Great respect and appreciation,
Alan
Yes!
Doing right by people now, feeling our goodness and acting from it now, therein lies the love fest. The only place for past cruelties is in being acknowledged. Lovely.
My take is different. Different in that I need my own language. The words I hear are clinical and mindful. I know their meaning but in order to penetrate my body and my mind, I write my own words. What I wrote for me for me, was it is not self forgiveness for my self hate and imbibing the behavior of those around me, I could not feel RELIEF from self blame because that is part of my skin, so deeply embedded in my brain, but to know, know, know, click, click, click, that I have a parasite worming and homey in my stomach that I battle every day with the part of the brain that is mine, not the part that was diminished, washed away, made bald, to contain that parasite. That is how I survived. Containiment, not knowing why constant consistent self haranguing would not go away. After many years, I have a label that I can agree with, not reject, and I am happy with my diagnosis. It is the parasite. It is not me. Even with the lost 52 years, I have relief of separation. I feel and acknowledge trauma. It is objective. I can now accept why there were two tracks and many tributaries of confusion. Now I have a chance.