I feel pain and guilt about a particular relationship . This makes communication difficult . I think if I could forgive myself abd show self compassion and self acceptance i could open up more and improve how we communicate in a fuller way
Keeping this in mind It’s easier to consciously act, not react. Noone can shine if they feel flawed and guilty. Self forgiveness helps us be kinder to all, from first being kinder to ourselves. Then The dysfunctional reactions don’t come out sideways we can consciously watch them
Forgiveness in the most radical thing that can be given to someone. I think there are probably a lot of things and people I need to forgive, but forgiving myself seems hardest of all. But if it is freeing to grant others forgiveness, I’m sure it would be just as freeing to grant myself forgiveness.
Forgiving myself by comforting my inner child, who would lash out at my elder brother, feels like a way to start to repair a relationship that has been completely estranged for 12 years.
Thank you Tara. This is very affirming of my counselling practice. and se;lf-strategies. After the meditation, I can see I will be calmer with this person when we relate.
Thanks Tara!! For me , before hearing you today, it totally was unthinkable to say “It’s not my fault” , now I understand that only accepting that phrase : “It was not my fault”, I can really act from compassion for me and others. ( I hope I understand you correctly!). Thank you for all your beautiful teachings!
We forgive when we understand the higher intention of the behavior. Once we know the higher intention we can find more excellent ways with the same intention.?
I grew up with an angry alcoholic father. That is how I was taught to deal with life. I became my dad. I’m now three years sober but have caused damage to my only son. He’s 21 and won’t even talk to me.
For as long time as I remember (and I am an old lady now!)- I have been burdened with shame and guilt. Working with myself also for a long time listening to Tara Brach both now and to RAIN with more, something deeply is touched. It is with pleasure I listen to her guided meditations. Thanks.
Thank you so very much – learning how to self-forgive with those words is a big breakthrough – I will be focusing on self-forgiveness and look forward to the benefits of how I relate to myself and how it impacts my relationships.
I really enjoyed listening to the guided meditation and the discussion on self judgment and guilt and shame. Wonderful perspective and lovely reminder of how important we all are to each other!
I haven’t thought much about an incident I had in 7th grade regarding running for student council. I was suppose to “run” for office and write a speech. I was good with running for office but chose not to write a speech. The day the school assembled to hear the candidates, I was first up and had nothing to say. I just stood there and felt humiliated, ashamed, stupid and finally sat down. I internalized those feelings and never told anyone. I realized that I am a responsible person, but in looking back at this event, I needed help and didn’t know where to get help or feel safe asking anyone. I forgave both my parents for being clueless to what I was about to do and any adult who was in charge of those of us running for student council who were not available to us to give direction and any support or help we had. I gave myself as an adult today the love and nurturing I would have liked to have had back then. I feel the event has lost it’s impact now. Thank you.
It would dissolve the self-conscious, uncomfortable effort of trying so hard, of walking on egg shells in that relationship, to ensure I don’t slip and make yet another mistake. Not a fun way to be!
Tara☮️ Thank you for offering these free lessons. I’ve never thought that I need to do a self compation meditation, because I never have any outbursts of anger and I never argue or verbally or physically hurt anyone. But, while listening to your posts, suddenly it dawned on me that one does not have to be abusive to hurt someone … that sometimes a lack of dialogue or ignoring other person’s problems, can hurt them. Maybe even worse than an anger outburst … Your lessons may make me come closer to inderstanding that I may needsrlf acceptance, even though I already love myself in my peace☮️??♀️… THANK YOU
Genuine forgiveness of oneself in an unhealthy relationship can lead to healthier interactions in that relationship, and the rebuilding of trust. In my own relationship I think back to a time where I cheated on my partner. This left me feeling an immense amount of guilt, and left him in a position where he could not trust me. I realized through the exercise you talked about that the only way we can truly heal from this starts with me forgiving myself and letting go of that self hatred that I was holding onto for so long. In doing this I can let go of the negative emotions that lead to me cheating in the first place. Just like Sam in your example my partner struggles with Anger issues. I’m excited to ask him the question of what would he say to himself if he was viewing his anger and hurt through the eyes of a friend. I feel like this will help him dive into a better understanding of himself and his emotions.
As you have stated, not being able to accept ourselves cuts us off from true connectedness from others. I am a Vietnam combat veteran. I go back to Vietnam at least every other year with other veterans and or their families on healing journeys. We go were the veteran served during the war. He tells all of his stories from his time there. Invariably we will meet former enemy that we fought against or civilians that we killed their families, destroyed their business or homes and yet they invite us into their homes for a meal or tea or conversation. Those Vietnamese will tell our veterans to let the war go. It is in past. This connection within their capacity for compassion and forgiveness is transformative in our veterans. They can get on with living a life of self compassion instead of guilt for what they might have done.
The exercise is very difficult-I do hold myself accountable for what I did to my middle child-I don’t believe that I’m not responsible so can’t use those words.
She is ok now, but went through needless suffering because I could not give her what she needed.
I agree that self forgiveness is a very important component of our ability to make changes in our lives. It seems counterintuitive that telling yourself ‘it’s not my fault’ can actually help you become more accountable in your relationships. But staying stuck in shame only increases our likelihood of repeating the same mistakes. It is as if shame locks us in our own prison and self forgiveness frees us to walk out of that prison Into transformation. In the same way, forgiving others is a way of unlocking a prison around both of us. Thank you for this insightful tool!
An eye opener because it’s hard for me to remember that it’s not always me doing a bad things, sometimes it’s because of self hate or self doubt that moves my actions to lash out at others. Thank you for this insight!
In forgiving myself, I physically feel lighter, open and willing to approach a friend whom I haven’t spoken to over political differences. My guilt resides around the fact that she is physically handicapped and unable to leave her home and I was one of her few connections. I will reach out to her. Thank-you.
Going within and felling kindness for myself I am better able to make a more sincere inner connection with the family member I’ve been in conflict with through my own self guilt. After many years of hiding behind my guilt through feelings of shame, instead of simply hearing her pain and anger, I transferred it onto myself and adopted the victim role.
I am working with loving kindness mediations and other tools to make life serving changes – even at 71 we can still make changes to ours and the lives of others
Thank you Tara Brach for your words of wisdom and loving kindness.
The ability to accept myself creates an opening and more compassion to nurture the loving relationships with self and others instead of focusing on what’s not there. It also helped me to have a better understandOmg and acceptance of letting go of toxic relationships instead of trying to control the outcome which o have no control over the other person.
‘It’s not your fault’ is such a supportive and caring phrase to hear when self judgement is very harsh. My partner said this to me very recently and was exactly what I needed to hear at a painful time. And, besides comforting me, it very importantly allowed me to stop any feelings of anger and pursue a more gentle exploration of understanding and forgiveness of the issues at hand.
Thank you so much for these videos.
Susan WIlkens, Marriage/Family Therapy, San Francisco , CA, USAsays
The softening that comes from self-forgiveness creates spaciousness and compassion that I can then send to the person before me who has triggered my shame.
I feel pain and guilt about a particular relationship . This makes communication difficult . I think if I could forgive myself abd show self compassion and self acceptance i could open up more and improve how we communicate in a fuller way
Grace = peace. Thank you
Keeping this in mind It’s easier to consciously act, not react. Noone can shine if they feel flawed and guilty. Self forgiveness helps us be kinder to all, from first being kinder to ourselves. Then The dysfunctional reactions don’t come out sideways we can consciously watch them
Tara, thank you for spreading kindness around the world, there is not a lot of it.
Forgiveness in the most radical thing that can be given to someone. I think there are probably a lot of things and people I need to forgive, but forgiving myself seems hardest of all. But if it is freeing to grant others forgiveness, I’m sure it would be just as freeing to grant myself forgiveness.
Forgiving myself by comforting my inner child, who would lash out at my elder brother, feels like a way to start to repair a relationship that has been completely estranged for 12 years.
Thank you Tara. This is very affirming of my counselling practice. and se;lf-strategies. After the meditation, I can see I will be calmer with this person when we relate.
Kind regards,
Jennifer
Self forgiveness gives me more spaciousness to see a bigger picture of those with whom I interact.
Thanks Tara!! For me , before hearing you today, it totally was unthinkable to say “It’s not my fault” , now I understand that only accepting that phrase : “It was not my fault”, I can really act from compassion for me and others. ( I hope I understand you correctly!). Thank you for all your beautiful teachings!
We forgive when we understand the higher intention of the behavior. Once we know the higher intention we can find more excellent ways with the same intention.?
I grew up with an angry alcoholic father. That is how I was taught to deal with life. I became my dad. I’m now three years sober but have caused damage to my only son. He’s 21 and won’t even talk to me.
For as long time as I remember (and I am an old lady now!)- I have been burdened with shame and guilt. Working with myself also for a long time listening to Tara Brach both now and to RAIN with more, something deeply is touched. It is with pleasure I listen to her guided meditations. Thanks.
Have being my own worst critic for many years.
My intention is to practice self forgiveness to bring myself more peace. Thank you Tara
Thank you so very much – learning how to self-forgive with those words is a big breakthrough – I will be focusing on self-forgiveness and look forward to the benefits of how I relate to myself and how it impacts my relationships.
I felt more detached from my judgement on this person.
I really enjoyed listening to the guided meditation and the discussion on self judgment and guilt and shame. Wonderful perspective and lovely reminder of how important we all are to each other!
Cory
I haven’t thought much about an incident I had in 7th grade regarding running for student council. I was suppose to “run” for office and write a speech. I was good with running for office but chose not to write a speech. The day the school assembled to hear the candidates, I was first up and had nothing to say. I just stood there and felt humiliated, ashamed, stupid and finally sat down. I internalized those feelings and never told anyone. I realized that I am a responsible person, but in looking back at this event, I needed help and didn’t know where to get help or feel safe asking anyone. I forgave both my parents for being clueless to what I was about to do and any adult who was in charge of those of us running for student council who were not available to us to give direction and any support or help we had. I gave myself as an adult today the love and nurturing I would have liked to have had back then. I feel the event has lost it’s impact now. Thank you.
❤️ Dear Tara, Amazing the way you teach this simple truths. May more people have access to the jewel of mindfulness. Sylvia from Mexico
Love the question: “have the feelings of shame, guilt etc helped you become a better person”
It would dissolve the self-conscious, uncomfortable effort of trying so hard, of walking on egg shells in that relationship, to ensure I don’t slip and make yet another mistake. Not a fun way to be!
Thanks for the practical applications!
Tara☮️ Thank you for offering these free lessons. I’ve never thought that I need to do a self compation meditation, because I never have any outbursts of anger and I never argue or verbally or physically hurt anyone. But, while listening to your posts, suddenly it dawned on me that one does not have to be abusive to hurt someone … that sometimes a lack of dialogue or ignoring other person’s problems, can hurt them. Maybe even worse than an anger outburst … Your lessons may make me come closer to inderstanding that I may needsrlf acceptance, even though I already love myself in my peace☮️??♀️… THANK YOU
Genuine forgiveness of oneself in an unhealthy relationship can lead to healthier interactions in that relationship, and the rebuilding of trust. In my own relationship I think back to a time where I cheated on my partner. This left me feeling an immense amount of guilt, and left him in a position where he could not trust me. I realized through the exercise you talked about that the only way we can truly heal from this starts with me forgiving myself and letting go of that self hatred that I was holding onto for so long. In doing this I can let go of the negative emotions that lead to me cheating in the first place. Just like Sam in your example my partner struggles with Anger issues. I’m excited to ask him the question of what would he say to himself if he was viewing his anger and hurt through the eyes of a friend. I feel like this will help him dive into a better understanding of himself and his emotions.
Genuine self forgiveness also takes time and practice. Thankyou again for this wonderful gift of learning
Very powerful exercise I will utilise with angry patient
As you have stated, not being able to accept ourselves cuts us off from true connectedness from others. I am a Vietnam combat veteran. I go back to Vietnam at least every other year with other veterans and or their families on healing journeys. We go were the veteran served during the war. He tells all of his stories from his time there. Invariably we will meet former enemy that we fought against or civilians that we killed their families, destroyed their business or homes and yet they invite us into their homes for a meal or tea or conversation. Those Vietnamese will tell our veterans to let the war go. It is in past. This connection within their capacity for compassion and forgiveness is transformative in our veterans. They can get on with living a life of self compassion instead of guilt for what they might have done.
This is really helpful and very much appreciated. Thanks so much.
Always wonderful to hear your calm, informed messages
The exercise is very difficult-I do hold myself accountable for what I did to my middle child-I don’t believe that I’m not responsible so can’t use those words.
She is ok now, but went through needless suffering because I could not give her what she needed.
Thank you, I feel reliëf and calmness
It allows us to open our hearts and our true selves with each other, further deepening our relationships other human beings, and the world.
This helps me understand a friend who appears to act unreasonably at times.
I agree that self forgiveness is a very important component of our ability to make changes in our lives. It seems counterintuitive that telling yourself ‘it’s not my fault’ can actually help you become more accountable in your relationships. But staying stuck in shame only increases our likelihood of repeating the same mistakes. It is as if shame locks us in our own prison and self forgiveness frees us to walk out of that prison Into transformation. In the same way, forgiving others is a way of unlocking a prison around both of us. Thank you for this insightful tool!
Thank you for your loving and kind presence. I was able to feel a little compassion for myself….
Very good .
An eye opener because it’s hard for me to remember that it’s not always me doing a bad things, sometimes it’s because of self hate or self doubt that moves my actions to lash out at others. Thank you for this insight!
In forgiving myself, I physically feel lighter, open and willing to approach a friend whom I haven’t spoken to over political differences. My guilt resides around the fact that she is physically handicapped and unable to leave her home and I was one of her few connections. I will reach out to her. Thank-you.
Going within and felling kindness for myself I am better able to make a more sincere inner connection with the family member I’ve been in conflict with through my own self guilt. After many years of hiding behind my guilt through feelings of shame, instead of simply hearing her pain and anger, I transferred it onto myself and adopted the victim role.
I am working with loving kindness mediations and other tools to make life serving changes – even at 71 we can still make changes to ours and the lives of others
Thank you Tara Brach for your words of wisdom and loving kindness.
Forgiving myself sets me free to Be my more authentic self. It frees the other also. We are all free.
The ability to accept myself creates an opening and more compassion to nurture the loving relationships with self and others instead of focusing on what’s not there. It also helped me to have a better understandOmg and acceptance of letting go of toxic relationships instead of trying to control the outcome which o have no control over the other person.
‘It’s not your fault’ is such a supportive and caring phrase to hear when self judgement is very harsh. My partner said this to me very recently and was exactly what I needed to hear at a painful time. And, besides comforting me, it very importantly allowed me to stop any feelings of anger and pursue a more gentle exploration of understanding and forgiveness of the issues at hand.
Thank you so much for these videos.
Wonderful guidance to her case study to meditate to help with relationships.
i felt a lot lighter
Great help to know this
discovered more ways to build flexibility in my thoughts around this person
I discovered more ways to be thoughtful and kind to that person.
I feel understanding for myself. It opens my heart even more to the other person.
The softening that comes from self-forgiveness creates spaciousness and compassion that I can then send to the person before me who has triggered my shame.
Thank you. I am becoming the person I want to be.
Self-forgiveness and self-compassion opens the door to forgiveness and compassion in my relationship(s).
Thank you for these insightful video’s.