Helps to open heart. In gentle way. There can be expansion of compassion that can be shared with another. Deeper awareness of human beings pain,hurt. Can help to soften natural defensive that have been put up as protection from being hurt by others.
Thankyou for your sharing Tara. Always a joy to hear you speak, and to have awareness of your deep listening to the heart.
A very powerful video which has greatly supported me in working with men who hold onto their anger and who find it difficult to forgive themselves for the men that they have become. This of course reduces the possibility of them contemplating that change is possible. Anger has become their safety valve so it is difficult to let go of it.
Teaching others how to forgive themselves opens the door to seeing their true worth. I see it would open deep depths of healing processes for the client. Releasing self blame and shame creates room for self acceptance.
Thank you for your wisdom and the gift of your knowledge. I am able to use the techniques taught in how I feel about myself and in how I manage my relationships.
It’s very difficult to forgive myself for being a bad mother. I made some terrible mistakes! I don’t know how I can forgive myself, because some of the things I did, I was aware I was making mistakes when I did them…..I’m old now and desperately want to feel like I deserve some happiness….I’v been meditating off and on for years….just can’t convince myself I deserve peace. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m whining…thank you, Tara, you have helped me through some tough spots!
I really liked how you said to Sam “it’s not your fault” This is so simple yet such a powerful way, to get the heart of your clients suffering. I will definitely use this phrase with a client. Thank you.
When we approach ourselves with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, we are able to see that others can see us through the same lens. I have used this in a personal relationship, one in which I feel I have let the other person down somewhat. I have left her wanting more from me, or at least something different from what I was able to give at the time. I have practiced talking to someone else who might be in the same situation, and then, in turn, offer the same grace and understanding to myself.
Knowing it is not my fault is not enough to make me feel it’s not my fault..it does turn anger into sadness though,which Turns to compassion- to self and immediately to others.
What I learned is that self forgiveness is not a one time event.
It is an ongoing practice.
Thank you Tara for reaching out and sharing your wisdom.
Nava
Genuine forgiveness happens when we are less critical of self and others; it is a powerful tool to let ourselves be more humane with effort of being mindful moments-by-moments. Display anger outwardly is easy though it drains our energy; rather than taking the courage to explore our inner thoughts and emotions as we are afraid of seeing and re-experiencing the pain inside of us.
I had to let go of an important relationship because it was emotionally unhealthy for me. There is a lot of guilt there, but by using compassion and forgiveness toward myself I am able to find more compassion for the other person too.
Genuine forgiveness is the most beautiful tool that I have encountered while growing up as a toddler from my old grandparent. He never got angry, losing temper, he had that genuine forgiveness into his daily practice. As you say Tara, it’s easier to say than to feel it or share it with myself and others. This opens and deepens every aspect of relationship and tools in the healing process. As we began to be aware of the pain we feel inside, transformation begins to happen and we start to relate to ourselves and others in more compassionate and connected way. Thank you Tara!
I loved your explanation about anger and how to overcome it by looking at what lies beneath it – bringing a ‘friend’ in to help. How wonderful when we can turn people’s lifes around like that and that of the people around them.
I think I recently found an answer as to why I did something 37 years ago and this video helped me see that those circumstances causing me to do what I did were not my fault. I did what I did out of pure love to my own detriment. I have accepted the fact that I truly loved someone to spare them from my toxic family dysfunction – which I myself exited from years ago. He’s led a magnificently happy and productive life and I am very happy for him.
Jane Stefani Kasdan, Another Field, Marina Del Rey, CA, USAsays
Thank you for this Wonderful overview
And insightful tools.
Are you suggesting not taking responsibility for a wrongdoing
as somehow part of this process?
I agree that one must first break through the self hatred.How to know that a mistake even a bad one can be learned from. That it does not have to devalue the core truth of a person.
I have judged myself for not being able to get certain things done. I offered myself compassion as I have struggled with health issues. “I am sorry it has felt so hard. I care about you. I am with you on your journey. You are not alone.”
I have expected my young adult children to validate & approve of me without accepting myself. This has caused tremendous pressure on them & now they have chosen no contact with me. While incredibly painful, I am trusting healing will come as I focus on loving & forgiving myself. Thank you for all!
i find it hard that its not my fault for most things because ive always felt that way my whole life. I know its an old thought but sometimes hard to stop that record if that makes sense. thank you for these short video’s.
Jim Karkut, Another Field, Salt Lake City, UT, USAsays
If I could forgive myself for, almost 40 years ago, failing to let my partner at the time know how much I loved her and that I was fully committed to being with her and raising a family, which led to her abruptly terminating the relationship and us never having any meaningful contact ever again, that forgiveness might free me from the shame that has since then been an undercurrent of my day-to-day life, which in many respects has turned out pretty well, and for which I am very grateful. In such case, I would hopefully be more present, have some inner peace, and be more open to everyone, including my family and friends, and friends I have not yet met.
I think because I deal in the realm of religion for want of a better word The inner critic and shameful feelings are sometimes magnified greatly and much harder to find forgiveness or closure but these videos along with other material you have offered has been an enormous help when talking with people Thank you much
sometimes its very hard to accept its not my fault. the guilt & shame can be overwhelming. i think some of us caught a unlucky courtroom with a real prick for a judge. lol
I know that I am a forgiven beloved child of God’s unconditional love. The deep listening and full presence of a pastoral counselor was like Jesus with skin on helped me heal. We all need to learn more about truly listening to others after we have been heard. Being with in true presence is the answer.
Thank you Tara. “It’s not your fault” – those words are truly powerful and can potentially initiate the required lift/shift needed to commit to taking action to be different
Alyce Elbern, PhD, The Safe Place, Inc., Columbia, MO, USA
My comments are that this presentation by Dr. Brach, described, in a truly thought-provoking manner, a great solution. She presents, (to a self-destructive dilemma many persons face, sometimes daily), a supportive, healing, emotional growth producing habit substitute.
I like the idea of self-forgiveness in relationships and I can see and feel how this would lead to more openness to the other and therefore more intimacy. However, I find that the dynamic with my partner is so complex. A typical situation is as follows:
I sense him carrying around a lot of anger and fear and he often speaks from that place and affects my mental and emotional environment. My response is to turn away, to withdraw, rather than confront (and speaking my truth) and feel anger internally. There are 3 pieces to this: 1) My turning away is valid and even wise because it protects my own vibe from being pulled down. 2) I feel guilty because in my turning away I am not responding to him, and abandoning him essentially. 3) My turning away is causing me to close my heart and that hurts me. I feel disconnected from him and it takes energy to fuel this withdrawal.
I suppose I can forgive myself and feel compassion for all three pieces.
“It’s not my fault “ is so powerful ! I’ve spent my whole life in self flagellation or feeling” bad” for hurting someone and never honouring my “self” and the underlying pain .
Just watching this video brought a tearful recognition to my mind, from a trauma I thought I’d cleared, from just 18 months of age. Thank you Tara and nicabm. I look forward to the guided meditation and to helping others with similar blocks.
Helps to open heart. In gentle way. There can be expansion of compassion that can be shared with another. Deeper awareness of human beings pain,hurt. Can help to soften natural defensive that have been put up as protection from being hurt by others.
Thankyou for your sharing Tara. Always a joy to hear you speak, and to have awareness of your deep listening to the heart.
A very powerful video which has greatly supported me in working with men who hold onto their anger and who find it difficult to forgive themselves for the men that they have become. This of course reduces the possibility of them contemplating that change is possible. Anger has become their safety valve so it is difficult to let go of it.
‘It’s not your fault. Simple but yet so powerful. It sets you free, and somehow makes you more committed to yourself.
Thank you so much! So immensely helpful and liberating!
I can relate to having angry outbursts and resulting guilt and shame. Radical acceptance and mindfulness meditation have helped reduce them.
Thank you
Teaching others how to forgive themselves opens the door to seeing their true worth. I see it would open deep depths of healing processes for the client. Releasing self blame and shame creates room for self acceptance.
This is really helpful thank you
Thank you for your wisdom and the gift of your knowledge. I am able to use the techniques taught in how I feel about myself and in how I manage my relationships.
I think it could help me make the break from my husband, to realise that we are both unhappy and need to move on.
This post brought so much value to my relationships that I was struggling with.
I am now mindful in my relationships. Thanks.
It’s very difficult to forgive myself for being a bad mother. I made some terrible mistakes! I don’t know how I can forgive myself, because some of the things I did, I was aware I was making mistakes when I did them…..I’m old now and desperately want to feel like I deserve some happiness….I’v been meditating off and on for years….just can’t convince myself I deserve peace. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m whining…thank you, Tara, you have helped me through some tough spots!
I really liked how you said to Sam “it’s not your fault” This is so simple yet such a powerful way, to get the heart of your clients suffering. I will definitely use this phrase with a client. Thank you.
When we approach ourselves with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, we are able to see that others can see us through the same lens. I have used this in a personal relationship, one in which I feel I have let the other person down somewhat. I have left her wanting more from me, or at least something different from what I was able to give at the time. I have practiced talking to someone else who might be in the same situation, and then, in turn, offer the same grace and understanding to myself.
Knowing it is not my fault is not enough to make me feel it’s not my fault..it does turn anger into sadness though,which Turns to compassion- to self and immediately to others.
What I learned is that self forgiveness is not a one time event.
It is an ongoing practice.
Thank you Tara for reaching out and sharing your wisdom.
Nava
Genuine forgiveness happens when we are less critical of self and others; it is a powerful tool to let ourselves be more humane with effort of being mindful moments-by-moments. Display anger outwardly is easy though it drains our energy; rather than taking the courage to explore our inner thoughts and emotions as we are afraid of seeing and re-experiencing the pain inside of us.
I had to let go of an important relationship because it was emotionally unhealthy for me. There is a lot of guilt there, but by using compassion and forgiveness toward myself I am able to find more compassion for the other person too.
Genuine forgiveness is the most beautiful tool that I have encountered while growing up as a toddler from my old grandparent. He never got angry, losing temper, he had that genuine forgiveness into his daily practice. As you say Tara, it’s easier to say than to feel it or share it with myself and others. This opens and deepens every aspect of relationship and tools in the healing process. As we began to be aware of the pain we feel inside, transformation begins to happen and we start to relate to ourselves and others in more compassionate and connected way. Thank you Tara!
Wonderful, thank you
Valuable information and a topic rarely touched upon.
I loved your explanation about anger and how to overcome it by looking at what lies beneath it – bringing a ‘friend’ in to help. How wonderful when we can turn people’s lifes around like that and that of the people around them.
Sam’s story was very resonant. I’d be intested in knowing more about the exercise you gave him that you had mentioned.
I think I recently found an answer as to why I did something 37 years ago and this video helped me see that those circumstances causing me to do what I did were not my fault. I did what I did out of pure love to my own detriment. I have accepted the fact that I truly loved someone to spare them from my toxic family dysfunction – which I myself exited from years ago. He’s led a magnificently happy and productive life and I am very happy for him.
Thank you for this Wonderful overview
And insightful tools.
Are you suggesting not taking responsibility for a wrongdoing
as somehow part of this process?
I agree that one must first break through the self hatred.How to know that a mistake even a bad one can be learned from. That it does not have to devalue the core truth of a person.
I have judged myself for not being able to get certain things done. I offered myself compassion as I have struggled with health issues. “I am sorry it has felt so hard. I care about you. I am with you on your journey. You are not alone.”
I don’t understand how to forgive myself.
I have expected my young adult children to validate & approve of me without accepting myself. This has caused tremendous pressure on them & now they have chosen no contact with me. While incredibly painful, I am trusting healing will come as I focus on loving & forgiving myself. Thank you for all!
For today, I am feeling a sense of permission to let it go- it is not my fault. It is okay. Thank you!
Hard to balance “ it’s not my fault” with self responsibility.
If I could forgive myself I could quit Hiding from my emotions and heal.
i find it hard that its not my fault for most things because ive always felt that way my whole life. I know its an old thought but sometimes hard to stop that record if that makes sense. thank you for these short video’s.
Thank you for the example of how self-compassion can help encourage more connected relationships
If I could forgive myself for, almost 40 years ago, failing to let my partner at the time know how much I loved her and that I was fully committed to being with her and raising a family, which led to her abruptly terminating the relationship and us never having any meaningful contact ever again, that forgiveness might free me from the shame that has since then been an undercurrent of my day-to-day life, which in many respects has turned out pretty well, and for which I am very grateful. In such case, I would hopefully be more present, have some inner peace, and be more open to everyone, including my family and friends, and friends I have not yet met.
Have shared just hoping for my worsheet
Thanks Tara for sharing this beautiful example of healing. Linda
We are unable to have compassion for the other.
I think because I deal in the realm of religion for want of a better word The inner critic and shameful feelings are sometimes magnified greatly and much harder to find forgiveness or closure but these videos along with other material you have offered has been an enormous help when talking with people Thank you much
sometimes its very hard to accept its not my fault. the guilt & shame can be overwhelming. i think some of us caught a unlucky courtroom with a real prick for a judge. lol
I know that I am a forgiven beloved child of God’s unconditional love. The deep listening and full presence of a pastoral counselor was like Jesus with skin on helped me heal. We all need to learn more about truly listening to others after we have been heard. Being with in true presence is the answer.
Thank you Tara. “It’s not your fault” – those words are truly powerful and can potentially initiate the required lift/shift needed to commit to taking action to be different
This was so helpful and meaningful.
Thank you!
it is kind of hard to do
Thanks Tara! Appreciate your presentation!
Alyce Elbern, PhD, The Safe Place, Inc., Columbia, MO, USA
My comments are that this presentation by Dr. Brach, described, in a truly thought-provoking manner, a great solution. She presents, (to a self-destructive dilemma many persons face, sometimes daily), a supportive, healing, emotional growth producing habit substitute.
I like the idea of self-forgiveness in relationships and I can see and feel how this would lead to more openness to the other and therefore more intimacy. However, I find that the dynamic with my partner is so complex. A typical situation is as follows:
I sense him carrying around a lot of anger and fear and he often speaks from that place and affects my mental and emotional environment. My response is to turn away, to withdraw, rather than confront (and speaking my truth) and feel anger internally. There are 3 pieces to this: 1) My turning away is valid and even wise because it protects my own vibe from being pulled down. 2) I feel guilty because in my turning away I am not responding to him, and abandoning him essentially. 3) My turning away is causing me to close my heart and that hurts me. I feel disconnected from him and it takes energy to fuel this withdrawal.
I suppose I can forgive myself and feel compassion for all three pieces.
“It’s not my fault “ is so powerful ! I’ve spent my whole life in self flagellation or feeling” bad” for hurting someone and never honouring my “self” and the underlying pain .
Calm, taken care of, seen.It affects the way I relate to that other person .in a more aware wa.
Thank you for this gift Tara.
Thank you for this gift Tara.
Just watching this video brought a tearful recognition to my mind, from a trauma I thought I’d cleared, from just 18 months of age. Thank you Tara and nicabm. I look forward to the guided meditation and to helping others with similar blocks.
Thank you for your generosity, educating, sharing valuable tools and spreading kindness & compassion.