Forgiving ourselves can give us freedom to be who, how and what we want, without fear of others’ judgements. If we don’t forgive ourselves we tend to hide or compensate through thoughts or behaviours by covering our perceived flaws, or our feelings of them. own self acceptance will open our hearts to be able to fully accept others, also.
Thanks Tara
Thank you for your insight and in sharing the exercise with us. The power of bringing compassion through a close individuals perspective is a wonderful way to invoke self-compassion.
Acceptance produces change, but we need some help shifting from self blame to self acceptance. Thank you for these videos and I look forward to the exercise
Thank you Tara, these video’s have been very useful, bringing to the fore again, the need to, and the resistance to practice self compassion and self forgiveness. It is like gently applying a solvent that dissolves the gunky glue that has kept an unskillful and damaging structure standing. Gratitude and blessings to you.
Martha Furman, Counseling, State College, PA, USAsays
When i forgave myself, i was able to have more compassion in my relationships and to forgive others in a more genuine way. It feels more connected and true. Thank you
Going back to past relationships and feeling guilty and self hatred, I could repeat ‘ ”mistakes can happen. Tough. It is not all my fault”. Changing the self suggestion would make me less reactive in behavior and able to take time to make decisions.
I can choose to offer myself loving kindness instead of judgement. Until this year my path to wholeness resembled a tiresome slog against the current. With this very subtle but dramatic shift in my thinking, I am able to receive self love and connection in a way that feels effortless. Thank you.
By forgiving myself I let myself be free, it is fundamental to lead a wholehearted life. This freedom is then experienced in my relationships, by offering kindness and acceptance for my mistakes and failures, I can treat others the same way. It starts with oneself. Always.
I have noticed that my daughters feel insecure when I fall into old patterns of self-doubt and denigration, and really challenge me to find the strength for self-acceptance and less emotional reactivity. Thanks Tara for these wonderful teachings.
I feel like I have never forgiven myself for turning my back on my best friend when we left school. I feel that fully forgiving myself would allow me to return to a friendship with her, rather than fearing her judgement, and assuming she holds it against me now.
Makes me realise not my fault again, thank you. Talks about conditioning, where does it come from? I work with prenatal trauma work, womb surround ie. family, society, generational inheritance. Self love in the end leading to loving others more.
Anne&Martin
In my experience it’s very important to accept and feel the pain I caused otherwise I would not be able to genuinely forgive myself .thanks Tara for these videos..,❤️
Tara, Thank you for your insight. I’m reading Radical Acceptance (after having it sit by my bed for years). These videos have shown up in my life as I delve into my self loathing in hopes of understanding it and moving forward. I look forward to this work and no longer fear it.
I imagined actually letting the other person go, instead of holding onto them. This felt really freeing, and also greater sense of goodness between myself and the other person.
This pervasive feeling of being inherently “bad” has affected most, if not all, of the relationships in my life for a long time. I still don’t know if I can actually apply these techniques of self-forgiveness in a lived experience, but I owe it to my loved ones and to myself to try.
Esther Kle, Social Work, NEWTON CENTER, MA, USAsays
Thank you. I myself have experienced guilt for not having had more compassion in the past for a family member with SMI. This experience, and grappling with the thoughts that I could have done more, have led me to be a more compassionate therapist and a more accepting family member even as I struggle to find self compassion . Your message and questions are helpful guides in this process for myself and by extension for my clients.
The difficulty lies in the fine balance between self forgiveness and a sense of absolving oneself of something that perhaps still doesn’t feel right/good. Stepping back from a sense of responsibility into forgiveness is likely, more often than not for many people, to take time, and as you say, practice. Forgiveness I believe is at the root of all love, maybe especially self love, and the only way to counter the sense of unworthiness. Essential for a secure and intimate relationship.
Holding myself in forgiveness and kindness allowed me to hold others with forgiveness and kindness. I experienced this both visually and emotionally as I thought of a specific memory involving someone i was judging myself as having hurt. This belief, but more importantly, shame and judgement of myself, became attached to this person and blocked me from being able to freely love her. As I embraced myself I was also set free to embrace her. Thank you for your insightful and kind word and work. Carol Naylor, Venice. FL
This exercise was more challenging than I thought it would be! The pattern of self judging thoughts is strong. But remembering that the judge is trying to be helpful made a difference.
Tara thank you so much for the reminder – I have been working on trying to understand the anger I feel at times- recognition of this is helping slowly but surely- recognizing the trauma I unknowingly experienced as a youngster is step 1. Difficult but important.
The processes you’ve suggested I have used with clients; however, i had forgotten to remember to use them for myself in this specific relationship. In following your instructions about genuinely forgiving myself usually for being judgemental or impatient, it slowed my cognitive processes that feed the inner critic, and again made space for me to slow down, soften my muscles in the moment and make room for my own sadness and probably fear. It also helps me notice my need to focus on more self-care so I can be more loving to self AND others.
Thank you once again Tara.
I have someone in mind whom I would love to help them learn to forgive themselves. They struggle with every relationship and it is so sad to see. At this point, I can see that what happened to them was not their fault, but they have so much shame that they can’t believe it. I hope this can change as I can see there is a loving caring person beneath all the anger.
Hi Tara
I really enjoyed your video. When trying the exercise about a relationship where I feel guilt – in relation to the parenting of my children. I noticed that I could step in and be kind to myself – to show myself compassion, and that I need to spend a little more time looking at the situation with a wider perspective e.g. noticing the positives as well, instead of only the negatives.
Thanks for your great inspiration. Reminding of the importance of self-compassion and self-forgiveness in order to get deeper and closer in my relationships.
thank you Tara!
the example you brought, imagining how a friend would relate to us in regard to our own self criticism, emphasized for me the strength of taking and identifying with another point of view that is personified, with all its assumptions, emotions, attitudes, caring. extremely powerful shift of awareness and relatedness, and so versatile…
Lots of very fruitful thoughts, knowledge, and exercises. In these times we need energy and joy. This program has given me a lot of both.
Thonette, social worker and activist, Norway
Tara’s use of the “trance” word always helps me better to see learned mental constructs as just that, and helps me focus and integrate ideas and actions that can help to loosen their negative grip on behaviour.
Thank you. Could you please give examples of more situations like Sams. Some memories are so far in the past and consist of constant criticism that they are difficult to bring to mind. I feel that they are exhibited as shyness. Could you speak to this point-what is shyness? Is it fear of failing, not measuring up?
Forgiving ourselves can give us freedom to be who, how and what we want, without fear of others’ judgements. If we don’t forgive ourselves we tend to hide or compensate through thoughts or behaviours by covering our perceived flaws, or our feelings of them. own self acceptance will open our hearts to be able to fully accept others, also.
Thanks Tara
Thank you for your insight and in sharing the exercise with us. The power of bringing compassion through a close individuals perspective is a wonderful way to invoke self-compassion.
Vengeance as a form of grief was very useful for me. Thanks again Tara.
Acceptance produces change, but we need some help shifting from self blame to self acceptance. Thank you for these videos and I look forward to the exercise
Thank you Tara, these video’s have been very useful, bringing to the fore again, the need to, and the resistance to practice self compassion and self forgiveness. It is like gently applying a solvent that dissolves the gunky glue that has kept an unskillful and damaging structure standing. Gratitude and blessings to you.
When i forgave myself, i was able to have more compassion in my relationships and to forgive others in a more genuine way. It feels more connected and true. Thank you
Going back to past relationships and feeling guilty and self hatred, I could repeat ‘ ”mistakes can happen. Tough. It is not all my fault”. Changing the self suggestion would make me less reactive in behavior and able to take time to make decisions.
I can choose to offer myself loving kindness instead of judgement. Until this year my path to wholeness resembled a tiresome slog against the current. With this very subtle but dramatic shift in my thinking, I am able to receive self love and connection in a way that feels effortless. Thank you.
This work paves the way to an essential and beautiful inner journey. “It’s not your fault” releases so much childhood suffering. Thank you, Tara.
By forgiving myself I let myself be free, it is fundamental to lead a wholehearted life. This freedom is then experienced in my relationships, by offering kindness and acceptance for my mistakes and failures, I can treat others the same way. It starts with oneself. Always.
Amazing insight, thank you Tara
“Vengeance as a form of grief “ was a gem to take away. Thank you for your compassion, Tara.
It would free them to love others in a more genuine and transparent way
Great perspective change. Yes I would love the process thank you.
I have noticed that my daughters feel insecure when I fall into old patterns of self-doubt and denigration, and really challenge me to find the strength for self-acceptance and less emotional reactivity. Thanks Tara for these wonderful teachings.
I feel like I have never forgiven myself for turning my back on my best friend when we left school. I feel that fully forgiving myself would allow me to return to a friendship with her, rather than fearing her judgement, and assuming she holds it against me now.
Makes me realise not my fault again, thank you. Talks about conditioning, where does it come from? I work with prenatal trauma work, womb surround ie. family, society, generational inheritance. Self love in the end leading to loving others more.
Anne&Martin
Really valuable ways to reach these critically important goals and outcomes with ourselves and our clients …. thank you!
In my experience it’s very important to accept and feel the pain I caused otherwise I would not be able to genuinely forgive myself .thanks Tara for these videos..,❤️
Tara, Thank you for your insight. I’m reading Radical Acceptance (after having it sit by my bed for years). These videos have shown up in my life as I delve into my self loathing in hopes of understanding it and moving forward. I look forward to this work and no longer fear it.
I believe people would not be so hard on themselves and with this there could be more sharing of feelings.
I imagined actually letting the other person go, instead of holding onto them. This felt really freeing, and also greater sense of goodness between myself and the other person.
This pervasive feeling of being inherently “bad” has affected most, if not all, of the relationships in my life for a long time. I still don’t know if I can actually apply these techniques of self-forgiveness in a lived experience, but I owe it to my loved ones and to myself to try.
Focusing on an inability vs. an unwillingness (at that moment) to change the unhealthy behavior.
Thank you. I myself have experienced guilt for not having had more compassion in the past for a family member with SMI. This experience, and grappling with the thoughts that I could have done more, have led me to be a more compassionate therapist and a more accepting family member even as I struggle to find self compassion . Your message and questions are helpful guides in this process for myself and by extension for my clients.
I hope to react less defensively and live more peacefully with him
Thank, this is helpful.
The difficulty lies in the fine balance between self forgiveness and a sense of absolving oneself of something that perhaps still doesn’t feel right/good. Stepping back from a sense of responsibility into forgiveness is likely, more often than not for many people, to take time, and as you say, practice. Forgiveness I believe is at the root of all love, maybe especially self love, and the only way to counter the sense of unworthiness. Essential for a secure and intimate relationship.
Holding myself in forgiveness and kindness allowed me to hold others with forgiveness and kindness. I experienced this both visually and emotionally as I thought of a specific memory involving someone i was judging myself as having hurt. This belief, but more importantly, shame and judgement of myself, became attached to this person and blocked me from being able to freely love her. As I embraced myself I was also set free to embrace her. Thank you for your insightful and kind word and work. Carol Naylor, Venice. FL
Begin to lift from collapse
I will try this for myself as I sometimes get angry and the root of that is fear
I inmediately felt teary by imagining myself forgiving myself. I appreciate the teaching. Thanks
This exercise was more challenging than I thought it would be! The pattern of self judging thoughts is strong. But remembering that the judge is trying to be helpful made a difference.
Tara thank you so much for the reminder – I have been working on trying to understand the anger I feel at times- recognition of this is helping slowly but surely- recognizing the trauma I unknowingly experienced as a youngster is step 1. Difficult but important.
The processes you’ve suggested I have used with clients; however, i had forgotten to remember to use them for myself in this specific relationship. In following your instructions about genuinely forgiving myself usually for being judgemental or impatient, it slowed my cognitive processes that feed the inner critic, and again made space for me to slow down, soften my muscles in the moment and make room for my own sadness and probably fear. It also helps me notice my need to focus on more self-care so I can be more loving to self AND others.
Thank you once again Tara.
Very inspiring and moving. Thank you
I think it would empower me to show my affection more in my relationship, which would bring greater two-way love
I have someone in mind whom I would love to help them learn to forgive themselves. They struggle with every relationship and it is so sad to see. At this point, I can see that what happened to them was not their fault, but they have so much shame that they can’t believe it. I hope this can change as I can see there is a loving caring person beneath all the anger.
Hi Tara
I really enjoyed your video. When trying the exercise about a relationship where I feel guilt – in relation to the parenting of my children. I noticed that I could step in and be kind to myself – to show myself compassion, and that I need to spend a little more time looking at the situation with a wider perspective e.g. noticing the positives as well, instead of only the negatives.
Tara Brach is a gifted meditation teacher and insight guide!
More compassion to ourselves would mean more compassion and awareness while with others.
Thank you Tara
Thanks for your great inspiration. Reminding of the importance of self-compassion and self-forgiveness in order to get deeper and closer in my relationships.
I felt that I would not be so defensive, wont constantly read accusation in my son’s tone and words.
This couldn’t have been more helpful in these challenging times. Fear is what motivated the misdeed I struggle with. Thank you!
thank you Tara!
the example you brought, imagining how a friend would relate to us in regard to our own self criticism, emphasized for me the strength of taking and identifying with another point of view that is personified, with all its assumptions, emotions, attitudes, caring. extremely powerful shift of awareness and relatedness, and so versatile…
Lots of very fruitful thoughts, knowledge, and exercises. In these times we need energy and joy. This program has given me a lot of both.
Thonette, social worker and activist, Norway
Wonderful, thank you as always Tara
Lots of powerful messages and exercises here! I also love the old wise Tribal African saying: “vengeance is a lazy form of grief”. Thank you so much!!
Tara’s use of the “trance” word always helps me better to see learned mental constructs as just that, and helps me focus and integrate ideas and actions that can help to loosen their negative grip on behaviour.
Thank you. Could you please give examples of more situations like Sams. Some memories are so far in the past and consist of constant criticism that they are difficult to bring to mind. I feel that they are exhibited as shyness. Could you speak to this point-what is shyness? Is it fear of failing, not measuring up?