Thought provoking. Shame has many reasons, some of which have to do with how we treat others–discussed here, but also on how people have been treated by others. It would be interesting to hear your take on helping others to work on the issues of feeling shamed.
Thank you Tara . One particular sentence touch me and get directely to both my mental and heart :
How holding to those feelings of Shame and Guilt will help you to become a Better Person. ? Those Words are powerfull to guide toward thé futur and end of procrastination and selfharm.
Anonymous
Thank you ??
You so clearly explain what I feel…that self judgement and insecurity prevent true connection. It’s very difficult to deeply forgive oneself. I intend to implement your suggestions and would appreciate any more information you can supply.
Your exercise helped me to notice yet again that my feelings of guilt over my shortcomings as a parent often underlie the moments I try to control my children’s choices. I see that I’m attempting to influence them, not necessarily to benefit them, but because I’m uncomfortable with the feeling that I’ve failed them in certain respects. Self-forgiveness frees me to accept them as they are and support them as they make their own way. Thank you for reminding me!
Thank you Tara for sharing this valuable information. I have already taken 7 pages of notes. I look forward to receiving the guided meditation. I also plan to order your book.
Self-forgiveness and giving yourself loving kindness can be so difficult, so thank you for the gentle reminder to start where we are. To meet ourselves where we’re at and go from there. Loving, nonjudgmental acceptance to give ourselves the ability to move forward and grow.
MICHAEL RUGGIERO, Another Field, SPENCERPORT NY, NY, USAsays
Thank you for sharing the wisdom in these videos. So needed. I was particularly interested in the role our physiology plays in our psychological well-being. Knowing that there are sometimes physical conditions in the brain (when this is the case) can go a long way towards helping people see that “it not your fault” and reducing the power of the inner critic…and then, this gives a person a real capacity to take responsibility in a healthy way.
Chris P, Health Education, MINNEAPOLIS, MN, USAsays
It frees up energy to do the things that help me feel connected to others! I’ve felt guilt about not reaching out to loved ones, but when I thought about forgiving myself I realized it wasn’t because I was “bad” but rather overwhelmed. I also feel like I’m struggling and don’t want to burden other people with that. Thinking of it this way helped me realize that my loved ones just want to hear from me, and I don’t need to be any certain way. I can just reach out.
Brenda Schroeder, Social Work, Rockford, MI, USAsays
Love this process and how to work through feelings of pain and suffering that keep most of us stuck on negative coping patterns. I am wondering how this could apply to those who struggle with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Thanks for sharing your wisdom so freely.
Jennifer Flax, Exercise Physiology, LEE'S SUMMIT, MO, USAsays
To answer your question, when we forgive ourselves, we get down to the root of our problem and this lifts an enormous amount of burden in which he have buried ourselves under. When we forgive ourselves, we are able to forgive others. We must treat ourselves with self compassion so we can be more compassionate to others.
If I can forgive myself, I will be less judgemental and more accepting of others. I can see the good in my children vs. all the ways “I messed them up.”
forgiving others for hurt that was not our fault brings a sense of peace, a release of anger and self hatred enabling to related to others and form deeper relationships.
It is kind of what they tell you on an airplane “Please put on your mask before you help others!”
Forgiving ourselves is the only way we can guide our clients to do it.
I reflected on a relationship where I have been living with self-judgement and guilt. I have made amends with this person, however, I still carry some guilt.
A lot of my behavior is learnt behavior from my parents. I did to my partner, what I saw my parents do to each other.
Telling myself, “It’s not your fault,” helps me to be compassionate towards myself, so that healing can take place. Self-compassion is a prerequisite for having compassion for others. Thank you Tara.
Angela Olson, Social Work, Campbell Hill, IL, USAsays
Great words. I kept taking notes more and more. You have so many great thoughts. I am seeing as my clients are going through some of these things I “need” to go through some of these things. I get it. Thank you Tara.
Very true. Very useful. I will integrate your guidance into my practices of self compassion for myself and for others I care about to gain self compassion.
Joy Bergins, Social Work, White Plains, NY, USAsays
I had a very critical mother who chose to stop speaking to me when I did something she did not approve of. She would not speak to me for days until I apologized for whatever she thought I did wrong. Then she would tell me how awful I was. She spoke for at least 20 minutes and sometimes longer. I was not permitted to respond. I have been self critical of myself ever since.
Thank you for saying that it was not my fault. It helps very much.
I found the video series very inspiring. I really appreciate Tara’s ability to explain how and why we experience our lives the way we do in a clear and concise way which is easy to understand. I am grateful for her commitment to helping others reduce their suffering.
Hi Tara, I have a very difficult relationship with my son. He is an addict and we rarely talk but when we do – always on the phone – there is always a crisis in his life. Afterwards, it takes me days to realign my inner feelings and stop being angry or frustrated or guilty. I have meditated for years using your guidance or Jack Kornfield’s meditations and trying to recognize that it’s not my fault is one of the most challenging for me.
Honestly I don’t know if this relationship can be repaired but I do know that my relationship with me is an ongoing practice. There are many mantras I use, but I especially love this one: “I see you Mara, let’s have tea” – use it over and over. Thank you for all you do.
I appreciate the story of your client, helping bring alive the teaching of forgiveness and its impact. For future videos, I would suggest not using stock footage, as the story itself and your presence is already enough. I find the stock images detract from the sense of authenticity, as I associate stock footage with commercials and the sense of being manipulated emotionally.
It was an insightful moment I vividly remember when I realized that my mind was full of critical thoughts about my husband when I was actually feeling highly critical or unhappy about myself. An image came to mind that personified these critical self thoughts as a parrot sitting on my shoulder and squawking in my ear!
Being aware of when my parrot is getting agitated is often the hard part – so caught up is my mind in thinking at times (being human). With your message of Forgiveness and kindly assuring our self that it is not our fault gives me a further step for myself and for sharing with clients – I now envision gently stroking the parrot, breathing into the feelings with awareness and kindness which calms us both down. Thank you!
Tara, thank you for this three part healing, for the wisdom of lazy vengeance, for the healing that must be owned, then passed on to clients, family and friends.
The feeling of forgiving myself made me feel less anxious in that relationship and warmer and that it might be possible to approach the other person with more hope of healing.
Excellent
Thought provoking. Shame has many reasons, some of which have to do with how we treat others–discussed here, but also on how people have been treated by others. It would be interesting to hear your take on helping others to work on the issues of feeling shamed.
Thank you Tara . One particular sentence touch me and get directely to both my mental and heart :
How holding to those feelings of Shame and Guilt will help you to become a Better Person. ? Those Words are powerfull to guide toward thé futur and end of procrastination and selfharm.
Anonymous
Thank you done already
Thank you Tara. This is very helpful!
I appreciate your sharing, your wisdom and path to self acceptance and love.
Thank you ??
You so clearly explain what I feel…that self judgement and insecurity prevent true connection. It’s very difficult to deeply forgive oneself. I intend to implement your suggestions and would appreciate any more information you can supply.
There’s a sense of freedom and ease. Thank you for these. 😀
Very informative
kathleen.mass@gmail.com
Your exercise helped me to notice yet again that my feelings of guilt over my shortcomings as a parent often underlie the moments I try to control my children’s choices. I see that I’m attempting to influence them, not necessarily to benefit them, but because I’m uncomfortable with the feeling that I’ve failed them in certain respects. Self-forgiveness frees me to accept them as they are and support them as they make their own way. Thank you for reminding me!
Thank you for your meditative approach to healing the inner wounds that limit self and become the fodder that wounds those closest to us.
Thank you Tara for sharing this valuable information. I have already taken 7 pages of notes. I look forward to receiving the guided meditation. I also plan to order your book.
Self-forgiveness and giving yourself loving kindness can be so difficult, so thank you for the gentle reminder to start where we are. To meet ourselves where we’re at and go from there. Loving, nonjudgmental acceptance to give ourselves the ability to move forward and grow.
Thank you for sharing the wisdom in these videos. So needed. I was particularly interested in the role our physiology plays in our psychological well-being. Knowing that there are sometimes physical conditions in the brain (when this is the case) can go a long way towards helping people see that “it not your fault” and reducing the power of the inner critic…and then, this gives a person a real capacity to take responsibility in a healthy way.
Thank you
Wonderful videos, thank you!
Thank you. A great reminder to continually reconnect with our own wounds so that we can give more to our clients.
THANK YOU Tara for sharing your valuable teachings and providing some practical exercises to use with our clients. Greatly appreciated
It helps me want to engage more with the person I have lost my temper with when my anger has taken over me.
“I didn’t know better” “I was working with what I had”
Thank you Tara. You always help!
I had the felt sense of more inner space, which gives more space for how I may respond.
It frees up energy to do the things that help me feel connected to others! I’ve felt guilt about not reaching out to loved ones, but when I thought about forgiving myself I realized it wasn’t because I was “bad” but rather overwhelmed. I also feel like I’m struggling and don’t want to burden other people with that. Thinking of it this way helped me realize that my loved ones just want to hear from me, and I don’t need to be any certain way. I can just reach out.
I have a client that self forgiveness would help him to let go of his shame.
It’s been very insightful, not only for my clients, but for my present and past relationships. Thanks Tara!!
Love this process and how to work through feelings of pain and suffering that keep most of us stuck on negative coping patterns. I am wondering how this could apply to those who struggle with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Thanks for sharing your wisdom so freely.
To answer your question, when we forgive ourselves, we get down to the root of our problem and this lifts an enormous amount of burden in which he have buried ourselves under. When we forgive ourselves, we are able to forgive others. We must treat ourselves with self compassion so we can be more compassionate to others.
If I can forgive myself, I will be less judgemental and more accepting of others. I can see the good in my children vs. all the ways “I messed them up.”
forgiving others for hurt that was not our fault brings a sense of peace, a release of anger and self hatred enabling to related to others and form deeper relationships.
This was so potent. Thank You. I felt an expansion in my chest after doing the practice, and an overall sense of relief.
It is kind of what they tell you on an airplane “Please put on your mask before you help others!”
Forgiving ourselves is the only way we can guide our clients to do it.
I reflected on a relationship where I have been living with self-judgement and guilt. I have made amends with this person, however, I still carry some guilt.
A lot of my behavior is learnt behavior from my parents. I did to my partner, what I saw my parents do to each other.
Telling myself, “It’s not your fault,” helps me to be compassionate towards myself, so that healing can take place. Self-compassion is a prerequisite for having compassion for others. Thank you Tara.
Great words. I kept taking notes more and more. You have so many great thoughts. I am seeing as my clients are going through some of these things I “need” to go through some of these things. I get it. Thank you Tara.
thank you. this was very helpful
Very true. Very useful. I will integrate your guidance into my practices of self compassion for myself and for others I care about to gain self compassion.
I had a very critical mother who chose to stop speaking to me when I did something she did not approve of. She would not speak to me for days until I apologized for whatever she thought I did wrong. Then she would tell me how awful I was. She spoke for at least 20 minutes and sometimes longer. I was not permitted to respond. I have been self critical of myself ever since.
Thank you for saying that it was not my fault. It helps very much.
Lovely use of unconditional positive regard.
If I am self forgiving, I can learn to forgive others more easily. This will change my relationship but I’m not sure exactly how.
I found the video series very inspiring. I really appreciate Tara’s ability to explain how and why we experience our lives the way we do in a clear and concise way which is easy to understand. I am grateful for her commitment to helping others reduce their suffering.
Thank you for reminding us about the power of self forgiveness
Thanks
Hi Tara, I have a very difficult relationship with my son. He is an addict and we rarely talk but when we do – always on the phone – there is always a crisis in his life. Afterwards, it takes me days to realign my inner feelings and stop being angry or frustrated or guilty. I have meditated for years using your guidance or Jack Kornfield’s meditations and trying to recognize that it’s not my fault is one of the most challenging for me.
Honestly I don’t know if this relationship can be repaired but I do know that my relationship with me is an ongoing practice. There are many mantras I use, but I especially love this one: “I see you Mara, let’s have tea” – use it over and over. Thank you for all you do.
I appreciate the story of your client, helping bring alive the teaching of forgiveness and its impact. For future videos, I would suggest not using stock footage, as the story itself and your presence is already enough. I find the stock images detract from the sense of authenticity, as I associate stock footage with commercials and the sense of being manipulated emotionally.
Beautiful healing exercise. Tara always hold such a loving space – inspiring!
It was an insightful moment I vividly remember when I realized that my mind was full of critical thoughts about my husband when I was actually feeling highly critical or unhappy about myself. An image came to mind that personified these critical self thoughts as a parrot sitting on my shoulder and squawking in my ear!
Being aware of when my parrot is getting agitated is often the hard part – so caught up is my mind in thinking at times (being human). With your message of Forgiveness and kindly assuring our self that it is not our fault gives me a further step for myself and for sharing with clients – I now envision gently stroking the parrot, breathing into the feelings with awareness and kindness which calms us both down. Thank you!
Thank you, Tara. Your techniques are so effective and loving.
Tara, thank you for this three part healing, for the wisdom of lazy vengeance, for the healing that must be owned, then passed on to clients, family and friends.
Very powerful, thank you.
Wonderful.
Looking forward to the handout
So appreciate your work and helping us and clients give ourselves back to ourselves and others
The feeling of forgiving myself made me feel less anxious in that relationship and warmer and that it might be possible to approach the other person with more hope of healing.
Thanks, it is most soothing