I feel a sense of forgiveness for where both of us were children, hurt children, trying to love and heal. Each of us did the best we could and brought a vulnerability but also injury and a deep desire to heal what was no longer current. In re-evaluation co-counseling there is a phrase: “All the love you never got, you’re never going to get.” It doesn’t mean that limitless love isn’t possible now, but rather that when we were 3 or 6 or 9, we didn’t get what we wanted and needed. We are no longer 3 or 6 or 9; we must come with the loving-kindness of our adult selves to the children we were. Both as a responsibility to each member of the relationship and as a promise and an opening to the other.
Sara Kole, Health Education, Sunnyvale, CA, USAsays
Tara, this was so helpful to me in resolving grief and “attachment trauma” I have experience in my 50s regarding my twin sister’s emotionally leaving my life.
Forgiving oneself allows us to see the reality of our situation clearly. The layer of guilt and shame is like a cloud obscuring the truth of the situation in the past. It’s an added layer that wasn’t actually present during the hurtful situation. It only serves to obscure the reality of the situation.
Forgiveness is the key for not only helping others but first healing and forgiving ones self. Accepting who we are and stepping into our true self I find the healing must start with ourselves if we are to help others. All my clients are my teachers and I welcome their reflections of me and am honored to be there to reflect with them. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom as your light is warm, even on the screen.
Thank you, Tara. You continue to reconnect me with my essential self, worthy of love and belonging, which then enables me to hold compassionate space for others to do the same. May you be well.
Ahhhh…this was lovely, Tara. Hey thank you for these wonderful reminders.
When I am truly able to forgive myself, there Is a quantum shift deep inside of me. My heart cracks open. Fear runs out. I am supported and connected to … everything… and I am both worthy of love and able to express love for others.
If I could genuinely forgive myself I think I would stop living in fear of lack – of not getting what I need from other people. I think I would start giving more of the comforting and nurturing that I’m always so hungry for.
If I can forgive myself and let go of that pain, I can much more easily be forgiving and kinder to others whilst knowing that underlying the harsh treatment of self and others is pain,hurt and trauma.
I believe that with working with these practices myself this makes me more able to contribute with this attitude to my family, friends and different groups that I am a part of.
Neeloufar Mirzada, Counseling, Long Beach, CA, USAsays
If my clients were able to genuinely forgive themselves for their past harmful actions toward a significant other/close person, they would be able to live more fully in the present and enjoy themselves and others, even when they make mistakes.
acceptance, forgiveness and shame. I just don’t know how to allow myself to let go of the shame so the other two are possible. However, your wise words give me hope that these are achievable
It would allow me to fully accept myself and bring that truest self to the table in all my interactions. I am afraid of myself, afraid of not being liked, afraid that I won’t understand who I am. If I could forgive myself I would be whole. I feel closer to this person everyday but it’s a journey. I know deep down I love myself and my thought patterns have definitely shifted to more positive but some days it’s a struggle. This video was very helpful thank you very much!
They will be able to see things more clearly and be kind and patient with others because they are treating themselves this way. They will be able to connect deeply because they are willing to connect deeply with themselves even when its painful. They will have more grace, understanding and forgiveness towards others which deepens connection.
It’s not my fault. This reminds me of a guided meditation that was actually for children. It said that my child mind was like a grocery bag. A grocery bag doesn’t have the ability to tell whether what’s put in it is good or bad. It just accepts whatever is put in it as being what’s supposed to be put in it. So, it accepts healthy, ripe apples the same as rotten bananas, or filthy shoes. It doesn’t have the ability to say no to what’s put in it. My child mind just accepted whatever programming was put in it. It’s not my fault if I learned certain behaviours/beliefs. And, I’ve learned to have compassion for others. It’s not their fault, either. They had rotten bananas put in their shopping bag, too lol. Loving kindness for myself and others. Again, thanks Tara!
Self love is the goal, and these exercises allowed me for a moment to feel free of the old stories. I can see how a renewed sense of self could emerge if this were practiced regularly. Thank you for your time.
It is always good to know that we can forgive ourselves, it is always good to know that we can start from the very beginning and try again, this time from our conscious being. Sometimes it is hard because we can always get distracted from our strong emotions and that is why I believe this reminders of how to live emotions and crucial moments in life are so useful and worthy. Thank you !
This is helpful and I can see how it would improve relationships as it would stop the self sabotaging cycle but I have a hard time with really believing it’s not my fault.
My father is elderly and has increasing challenges in every part of his life. Rather than acknowledging these changes and making any kind of adjustments in his life and actions, he tries to ignore the changes. He is angry and often ungracious to people who try to help him. Also, he seems to pretend that past hurts he caused never happened.
I often feel impatient and intolerant of these behaviors, while in calmer moments I see that these very behaviors have helped him keep his life as big as possible. I am also aware that I am afraid that I will have these same behaviors as I age. I feel guilty that I don’t feel more generous and wholeheartedly loving towards him.
I think that if I can forgive myself for these feelings it will help me feel more open, generous, and loving towards my Dad. The very thing every person yearns for. I feel sure that this can improve our relationship.
Melany Fairley, Other, North Hollywood, CA, USAsays
These meditative exercises are extremely insightful and powerful! An effective tool to use with clients that are experiencing self-judgment and are self-critical. I find your therapeutic work very intriguing and effective.
Thank you for sharing these interventions/strategies with us!
The depression i have had in the past 5 months, losing a job, losing a friend, has created a sense of sickness, lots of naps, lots of t.v. doesn’t really help. I do meditate but not every day, i know i should do this more often.
Lovely descriptions and invitation of new behaviors
Such tenderness is what I received
Genuine self forgiveness, the felt sense of I Am ok is gold.
This was a great video series! Thank you for sharing with us!
I really need to forgive myself by using this mindful practice, thanks for sharing it. Dolores
Thank you so much Tara for your wisdom and compassion. I would love to continue on this path and explore further.
I feel a sense of forgiveness for where both of us were children, hurt children, trying to love and heal. Each of us did the best we could and brought a vulnerability but also injury and a deep desire to heal what was no longer current. In re-evaluation co-counseling there is a phrase: “All the love you never got, you’re never going to get.” It doesn’t mean that limitless love isn’t possible now, but rather that when we were 3 or 6 or 9, we didn’t get what we wanted and needed. We are no longer 3 or 6 or 9; we must come with the loving-kindness of our adult selves to the children we were. Both as a responsibility to each member of the relationship and as a promise and an opening to the other.
Tara, this was so helpful to me in resolving grief and “attachment trauma” I have experience in my 50s regarding my twin sister’s emotionally leaving my life.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with so much love, Tara. I will start doing the 3 exercises you talk about. Namaste
deeper and more authentic connection
Forgiving oneself allows us to see the reality of our situation clearly. The layer of guilt and shame is like a cloud obscuring the truth of the situation in the past. It’s an added layer that wasn’t actually present during the hurtful situation. It only serves to obscure the reality of the situation.
Thank you Tara. I know I have a lot of work to do and will start by implementing the 3 exercises you talked about.
Forgiveness is the key for not only helping others but first healing and forgiving ones self. Accepting who we are and stepping into our true self I find the healing must start with ourselves if we are to help others. All my clients are my teachers and I welcome their reflections of me and am honored to be there to reflect with them. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom as your light is warm, even on the screen.
Very helpful especially mediation exercises
Thank you
Thank you, Tara. You continue to reconnect me with my essential self, worthy of love and belonging, which then enables me to hold compassionate space for others to do the same. May you be well.
I feel softer and more open. Thank you.
Ahhhh…this was lovely, Tara. Hey thank you for these wonderful reminders.
When I am truly able to forgive myself, there Is a quantum shift deep inside of me. My heart cracks open. Fear runs out. I am supported and connected to … everything… and I am both worthy of love and able to express love for others.
Blessings and much thanks for this teaching /!\
If I could genuinely forgive myself I think I would stop living in fear of lack – of not getting what I need from other people. I think I would start giving more of the comforting and nurturing that I’m always so hungry for.
Thank you Tara, This is an important teaching, to better understanding of self and others.
Thanks Tara and NICABM. I shall pass this on to some of my friends.
Thanks Tara, so helpful.
If I can forgive myself and let go of that pain, I can much more easily be forgiving and kinder to others whilst knowing that underlying the harsh treatment of self and others is pain,hurt and trauma.
I believe that with working with these practices myself this makes me more able to contribute with this attitude to my family, friends and different groups that I am a part of.
If my clients were able to genuinely forgive themselves for their past harmful actions toward a significant other/close person, they would be able to live more fully in the present and enjoy themselves and others, even when they make mistakes.
acceptance, forgiveness and shame. I just don’t know how to allow myself to let go of the shame so the other two are possible. However, your wise words give me hope that these are achievable
Blessings
It would allow me to fully accept myself and bring that truest self to the table in all my interactions. I am afraid of myself, afraid of not being liked, afraid that I won’t understand who I am. If I could forgive myself I would be whole. I feel closer to this person everyday but it’s a journey. I know deep down I love myself and my thought patterns have definitely shifted to more positive but some days it’s a struggle. This video was very helpful thank you very much!
I could have a closer, more loving relationship with my daughter.
Elaine, Rome, N Y
I find it hard to be forgiving of myself. Thank you for your calm and kindly voice. I will try your suggestions. With gratitude,
They will be able to see things more clearly and be kind and patient with others because they are treating themselves this way. They will be able to connect deeply because they are willing to connect deeply with themselves even when its painful. They will have more grace, understanding and forgiveness towards others which deepens connection.
Thank you Tara. It’s such a good reminder that self love really is the basis for all healthy relationships.
“It’s not your fault.” That possibility can open a door to self forgiveness which can soften the inner critic that lives within.
It’s not my fault. This reminds me of a guided meditation that was actually for children. It said that my child mind was like a grocery bag. A grocery bag doesn’t have the ability to tell whether what’s put in it is good or bad. It just accepts whatever is put in it as being what’s supposed to be put in it. So, it accepts healthy, ripe apples the same as rotten bananas, or filthy shoes. It doesn’t have the ability to say no to what’s put in it. My child mind just accepted whatever programming was put in it. It’s not my fault if I learned certain behaviours/beliefs. And, I’ve learned to have compassion for others. It’s not their fault, either. They had rotten bananas put in their shopping bag, too lol. Loving kindness for myself and others. Again, thanks Tara!
Thank you for the reminder that love for others starts with ourselves.
Thank you for your good works and tools.
Self love is the goal, and these exercises allowed me for a moment to feel free of the old stories. I can see how a renewed sense of self could emerge if this were practiced regularly. Thank you for your time.
Thank you, Tara. With these videos you have given me hope that I can ease my troubled brain and begin to connect better with others.
I can be kinder to others and myself
It is always good to know that we can forgive ourselves, it is always good to know that we can start from the very beginning and try again, this time from our conscious being. Sometimes it is hard because we can always get distracted from our strong emotions and that is why I believe this reminders of how to live emotions and crucial moments in life are so useful and worthy. Thank you !
This is helpful and I can see how it would improve relationships as it would stop the self sabotaging cycle but I have a hard time with really believing it’s not my fault.
This is helpful as I struggle with feelings of failure in my relationship with my 35 year old daughter.
My father is elderly and has increasing challenges in every part of his life. Rather than acknowledging these changes and making any kind of adjustments in his life and actions, he tries to ignore the changes. He is angry and often ungracious to people who try to help him. Also, he seems to pretend that past hurts he caused never happened.
I often feel impatient and intolerant of these behaviors, while in calmer moments I see that these very behaviors have helped him keep his life as big as possible. I am also aware that I am afraid that I will have these same behaviors as I age. I feel guilty that I don’t feel more generous and wholeheartedly loving towards him.
I think that if I can forgive myself for these feelings it will help me feel more open, generous, and loving towards my Dad. The very thing every person yearns for. I feel sure that this can improve our relationship.
This was helpful since I have clients that need this type of information.
These meditative exercises are extremely insightful and powerful! An effective tool to use with clients that are experiencing self-judgment and are self-critical. I find your therapeutic work very intriguing and effective.
Thank you for sharing these interventions/strategies with us!
Melany R. Fairley
Very powerful
So powerful! I still feel guilt and shame for over-reacting when triggered…. I have now forgiven myself after hearing you….thank you
I would be more grounded, self-compassionate, and authentic with others.
The depression i have had in the past 5 months, losing a job, losing a friend, has created a sense of sickness, lots of naps, lots of t.v. doesn’t really help. I do meditate but not every day, i know i should do this more often.
I would be more open to other people and their faults too.
Thank you so much. It is an eye opener to see and feel how powerful it is to practise self loving and forgiveness by a relatively simple exercise.
It might allow for slowing down, for being present, for not rushing a change or action process that might be painful and difficult.