Thank you for reminding us about the complexity of grief and how it needs to be identified and tended to again and again. Great quote by Mother Theresa.
Three interesting videos that somehow go over familiar ground in a new and impactful way. I liked the brain science that supported the ideas and find it really helps people who struggle with self compassion to consider it more positively.
We need be our authentic self, to be able to give to others.
We cannot give what we don’t have.
I personally believe if laughter is the best medicine. Forgiveness comes second!!
I feel the power of self acceptance and how healing that can be, but is there a danger in never thinking your wrong and never accepting responsibility for your actions? I don’t mean to get political, but Trump comes to mind.
Kelsang Varahi, Counseling, Washington DC NW, DC, USAsays
What I found helpful to say to myself when I have a feeling of guilt ( and I apply this to my clients as well ) is that I in this situation I had not created the causes to think or feel any different. I could not know what I in fact did not know at the time. The good news is that moving forward I can create causes that will promote a change. I have used this with clients as well and it has weakened the self judgement which undermines change and healing.
Thank you Tara for all your help. I have used many of your teachings with my clients as a bereavement counselor and chaplain.
Yes, now more than ever, forgiving ourselves (and others) to come together as a collective positive, loving energy is very much needed. Thank you for doing what you do Tara!
I feel like I abandoned my sisters when my dad cut off our contact. I’m open to the idea of forgiving myself and letting go of my self hatred for letting them down.
Negative reinforcement never works, so it is important to be aware of the beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and autopilot actions we usually have and that all come from a deeply entrenched programming from our family, culture, and society. Letting go of shame and guilt allows oneself to be present and connected and also to understand that there are also truths about ourselves that are the opposite of what our shame and guilt are telling us. It has been studied that the brain is hard-wired to highlight the negative in our lives because its only function is to keep us alive and safe, not necessarily happy. So the brain takes the first and fastest negative route it can not the best and happiest route for our lives. The RAS also is the filter of the mind also is biased towards the negative so we need to do a lot of conscious work especially come from more difficult environments or we have had complicated life experiences that have marked us.
I hurt my family and now we are separated. My son hates me. I would love to learn how to control my angry and love myself, forgiving myself for the wrongs I committed. Thank you Tara for the first steps.
I can feel that a connection to myself, observing my thoughts, being open to my feelings and sensations and giving myself time for loving kindness and forgiveness will mean that I have the confidence to be with others.
I can feel that a connection to myself, observing my thoughts, being open to my feelings and sensations and giving myself time for loving kindness and forgiveness will mean that I have the confidence to be with others.
I really like the videos with such practical examples and advices.
It made me think in a possible way to heal my relationship and more to help the other to feel better. I often see how my feelings towards myself has an impact in the others and I have been practicing for a long time now to be well within myself. Yet they are pains I left hidden and your videos help me see not only the importance to bring them to the open but also to accept them and move on. thank you!
Forgiving myself would allow me to soften the walls I have put up to keep from getting hurt. These walls keep me from giving and receiving genuine love.
Thanks so much Tara. I love the way you explain things, weaving ideas with easily accessible steps. You always mention things that are close to surface for me. I’m doing the MMTCP next year but hope to start counselling training too. NICABM has been a great source of inspiration and as I grow into these roles I will be back here more and more I think! For your last exercise it brought up very similar feelings as what the last person mentioned below – huge expectations on myself based on feeling the others in my life would have them of me too. Constant guilt for not doing more with my life quicker than I have so far, for not earning enough money as I chose a path of non-profit work and now teaching yoga, but have struggled also with self-confidence. Pausing made me remember that the love that person has for me also takes the form of forgiveness (not in the sense I’ve done something wrong, but that they hold me as all that I am and feel love for all of it as I do them).
I would have more energy to focus on my daughter and friends and the cycle of guilt to resentment and then into victim role to avoid the horrible feeling of shame which keeps me trapped in the past and feeling bad would start to weaken, freeing me upto be helpful and to love and encourage them on their journeys through feeling and healing. Whilst I am responding in guilt and self blame I am making it about me and becoming a continuation of my problematic self.
Thank you Tara for your compassion. It supports my steps in accepting the wholeness of my life.
In touching my heart I initially cried for the teenager who was not heard. But on listening to my body through breath I also felt pride in how I have supported others, in particular my own two children ( who are now adults) in their self acceptance and development. In the second part I looked at how my shame has impacted on how I push, in particular men away from me. Fright of them knowing my vulnerability of not wanting to be let down, as I believe my parents did by not hearing my emotional needs and creativity as a teenager. The third element in trusting my abilities to use the 3 steps is something I have been using in daily practice. I found your book Radical Acceptance the best book ever!! I’m on a journey and look forward to receiving more supportive techniques via this forum. ?
I have always held myself responsible for the achievements I assumed were necessary to represent my worthiness or to repay my debt for being gifted with this life I’ve taken for granted. The inverse of these shame-inducing perceptions is that I have inadvertently pushed away relationships I hoped would grow closer together by holding them similarly responsible for earning their own existence and causing pain and frustration when they couldn’t achieve impossible to reach expectations seemingly designed to never be satisfied.
Thank you very much indeed Nicabm for this brief course. I find Tara’s proposal very comprehensive, clear and applicable. I am convinced that this technique can facilitate deep processes to promote self- compassion and acceptance toward self and others. I look forward to get more information and training through her books and Nicabm courses.
This was very helpful. I look forward to seeing the exercise you used with Sam to help him reduce his anger and forgive himself for it by saying “It’s not your fault,” as though a dear friend were saying this to him.
Thank you for beautiful an important sharing. This is really transformational and the timing could not be more right. It helps me becoming a better parent in a challenging time for the children as well.
Thank you for generously sharing these three sessions. My challenge will be to recognize how this will help me, to feel that I’m worthy of talking the time to use it for myself. It’s easier to recognize how it will help others and just forward it to them.
I have experienced a great amount of healing through these practices and need to continue applying the self-forgiveness! I hear my 12 year old son in some of this and want to help him heal now too… the anger outbursts! And vengeance as lazy grief! Wow.
I was thinking about a teacher of mine, about all the guidance they’ve given me and encouragement. I was thinking about how I wished I’d done more to live by their advice and encouragement.
Sitting, and forgiving myself for not having fully engaged, and acknowledging where trauma has left me feeling so limited, allowed me some more space to look creatively at what it means to honor what my teacher has shared.
it’s hard to believe myself when I say, “it’s not your fault”…. to myself. I feel responsible for my reactions and even though they seem uncontrollable at the time they erupt, I feel I should have the power to control them
Mary Ellen Frost, Another Field, Oak Ridge, TN, USAsays
I have seen two therapist who told me that I need to be mindful. I thought to myself what is mindful. I ask and all I could get out of it was that I needed to love myself. They never went into how to do that. I learned more about what mindfulness is than I did in months of therapy. Thank you!
Thank you I have enjoyed the 3 video clips. This has validated my mindfulness practice with self and clients now I would like to apologies to my work colleagues.
Such important content for deep healing in relationship with self and others.
Thank you for reminding us about the complexity of grief and how it needs to be identified and tended to again and again. Great quote by Mother Theresa.
Thank you again
Three interesting videos that somehow go over familiar ground in a new and impactful way. I liked the brain science that supported the ideas and find it really helps people who struggle with self compassion to consider it more positively.
A powerful healing practice and teaching <3
Deep gratitude for these giftings <3 <3<3
Thanks very helpful
Thanks for the great lesson of acceptance and mindfulness
We need be our authentic self, to be able to give to others.
We cannot give what we don’t have.
I personally believe if laughter is the best medicine. Forgiveness comes second!!
I feel the power of self acceptance and how healing that can be, but is there a danger in never thinking your wrong and never accepting responsibility for your actions? I don’t mean to get political, but Trump comes to mind.
Practicing self compassion opens you up to true compassion for others.
What I found helpful to say to myself when I have a feeling of guilt ( and I apply this to my clients as well ) is that I in this situation I had not created the causes to think or feel any different. I could not know what I in fact did not know at the time. The good news is that moving forward I can create causes that will promote a change. I have used this with clients as well and it has weakened the self judgement which undermines change and healing.
Thank you Tara for all your help. I have used many of your teachings with my clients as a bereavement counselor and chaplain.
Kelsang Varahi
The freedom associated with such self-love would open space and possibilities in all relations.
Thanks for your generosity with this brief and powerful program.
Yes, now more than ever, forgiving ourselves (and others) to come together as a collective positive, loving energy is very much needed. Thank you for doing what you do Tara!
I feel like I abandoned my sisters when my dad cut off our contact. I’m open to the idea of forgiving myself and letting go of my self hatred for letting them down.
Negative reinforcement never works, so it is important to be aware of the beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and autopilot actions we usually have and that all come from a deeply entrenched programming from our family, culture, and society. Letting go of shame and guilt allows oneself to be present and connected and also to understand that there are also truths about ourselves that are the opposite of what our shame and guilt are telling us. It has been studied that the brain is hard-wired to highlight the negative in our lives because its only function is to keep us alive and safe, not necessarily happy. So the brain takes the first and fastest negative route it can not the best and happiest route for our lives. The RAS also is the filter of the mind also is biased towards the negative so we need to do a lot of conscious work especially come from more difficult environments or we have had complicated life experiences that have marked us.
This all fits very well with the direction I have been taking with myself. Surely love is greater than hate, always.
Thank you for this video. It has given me food for thought in how to repair the strained relationship with my teenage son.
I hurt my family and now we are separated. My son hates me. I would love to learn how to control my angry and love myself, forgiving myself for the wrongs I committed. Thank you Tara for the first steps.
I don’t know how to forgive myself but I am feeling very relieved by telling myself it’s not my fault. Please help me
Thankyou ?
I can feel that a connection to myself, observing my thoughts, being open to my feelings and sensations and giving myself time for loving kindness and forgiveness will mean that I have the confidence to be with others.
I can feel that a connection to myself, observing my thoughts, being open to my feelings and sensations and giving myself time for loving kindness and forgiveness will mean that I have the confidence to be with others.
Looking forward to this program. Thank you
?? Thank you Tara. Blessings ??
Very healing and encouraging.
Very interesting and timely as I have just started working with a client who will benefit from this approach. Thank you x
I really like the videos with such practical examples and advices.
It made me think in a possible way to heal my relationship and more to help the other to feel better. I often see how my feelings towards myself has an impact in the others and I have been practicing for a long time now to be well within myself. Yet they are pains I left hidden and your videos help me see not only the importance to bring them to the open but also to accept them and move on. thank you!
Forgiving myself would allow me to soften the walls I have put up to keep from getting hurt. These walls keep me from giving and receiving genuine love.
Thanks so much Tara. I love the way you explain things, weaving ideas with easily accessible steps. You always mention things that are close to surface for me. I’m doing the MMTCP next year but hope to start counselling training too. NICABM has been a great source of inspiration and as I grow into these roles I will be back here more and more I think! For your last exercise it brought up very similar feelings as what the last person mentioned below – huge expectations on myself based on feeling the others in my life would have them of me too. Constant guilt for not doing more with my life quicker than I have so far, for not earning enough money as I chose a path of non-profit work and now teaching yoga, but have struggled also with self-confidence. Pausing made me remember that the love that person has for me also takes the form of forgiveness (not in the sense I’ve done something wrong, but that they hold me as all that I am and feel love for all of it as I do them).
Excellent, a lot to reflect on which resonates with my life and how to work with my clients.
Thank you so much
Adetoun
I would have more energy to focus on my daughter and friends and the cycle of guilt to resentment and then into victim role to avoid the horrible feeling of shame which keeps me trapped in the past and feeling bad would start to weaken, freeing me upto be helpful and to love and encourage them on their journeys through feeling and healing. Whilst I am responding in guilt and self blame I am making it about me and becoming a continuation of my problematic self.
you are so lovely Tara… this made me cry
Thank you Tara for your compassion. It supports my steps in accepting the wholeness of my life.
In touching my heart I initially cried for the teenager who was not heard. But on listening to my body through breath I also felt pride in how I have supported others, in particular my own two children ( who are now adults) in their self acceptance and development. In the second part I looked at how my shame has impacted on how I push, in particular men away from me. Fright of them knowing my vulnerability of not wanting to be let down, as I believe my parents did by not hearing my emotional needs and creativity as a teenager. The third element in trusting my abilities to use the 3 steps is something I have been using in daily practice. I found your book Radical Acceptance the best book ever!! I’m on a journey and look forward to receiving more supportive techniques via this forum. ?
I have always held myself responsible for the achievements I assumed were necessary to represent my worthiness or to repay my debt for being gifted with this life I’ve taken for granted. The inverse of these shame-inducing perceptions is that I have inadvertently pushed away relationships I hoped would grow closer together by holding them similarly responsible for earning their own existence and causing pain and frustration when they couldn’t achieve impossible to reach expectations seemingly designed to never be satisfied.
Thank you for these three reflections of wisdom
??
Thankyou for framing this up in such a simple and easy to listen and understand way. Really useful to utilise ?
Thank you very much indeed Nicabm for this brief course. I find Tara’s proposal very comprehensive, clear and applicable. I am convinced that this technique can facilitate deep processes to promote self- compassion and acceptance toward self and others. I look forward to get more information and training through her books and Nicabm courses.
Tara – your wisdom is something I have come to be in awe of.
This was very helpful. I look forward to seeing the exercise you used with Sam to help him reduce his anger and forgive himself for it by saying “It’s not your fault,” as though a dear friend were saying this to him.
I have found these practises have been very useful
self-forgiveness softens my grip around the belief, ‘hiding keeps me safe’ and gives me space to reconnect with myself and feel, breath and move.
Thank you for beautiful an important sharing. This is really transformational and the timing could not be more right. It helps me becoming a better parent in a challenging time for the children as well.
Very helpful, look forward to more content
Thank you for generously sharing these three sessions. My challenge will be to recognize how this will help me, to feel that I’m worthy of talking the time to use it for myself. It’s easier to recognize how it will help others and just forward it to them.
I have experienced a great amount of healing through these practices and need to continue applying the self-forgiveness! I hear my 12 year old son in some of this and want to help him heal now too… the anger outbursts! And vengeance as lazy grief! Wow.
I was thinking about a teacher of mine, about all the guidance they’ve given me and encouragement. I was thinking about how I wished I’d done more to live by their advice and encouragement.
Sitting, and forgiving myself for not having fully engaged, and acknowledging where trauma has left me feeling so limited, allowed me some more space to look creatively at what it means to honor what my teacher has shared.
wonderful videos!
very clear communication… but it seems hard to embody!
it’s hard to believe myself when I say, “it’s not your fault”…. to myself. I feel responsible for my reactions and even though they seem uncontrollable at the time they erupt, I feel I should have the power to control them
I have seen two therapist who told me that I need to be mindful. I thought to myself what is mindful. I ask and all I could get out of it was that I needed to love myself. They never went into how to do that. I learned more about what mindfulness is than I did in months of therapy. Thank you!
If I judge myself less I will judge others less and be able to feel safer and more connected
I’m looking forward to the longer course. I’ve benefited greatly from your books on radical acceptance and radical compassion. Thanks. MJ
Thank you I have enjoyed the 3 video clips. This has validated my mindfulness practice with self and clients now I would like to apologies to my work colleagues.