With regard to forgiveness, I find it helpful to remind myself that everyone is doing their best with the resources they have at the time. It is easier to forgive myself and others when I keep in mind our best intentions.
This was a powerful exercise that allows one to embrace self-compassion and forgiveness without resistance or fear of letting go of all that you’ve known in order to extend kindness to yourself. Thank you.
First of all – thank you for offering this powerful information on self-acceptance. I will use this information not only for my own benefit but to help my clients with their feelings of unworthiness. I loved the quote “Tend and befriend!”
Thank you for this. I have been suffering painful thoughts and feelings for so long. These three videos showed me a path towards freedom, joy, and peace. I wrote them down and would like to try them.
Someone once said that compassion is the thief of joy. Your talks reminded me of that. Self judgement is so toxic. It creates toxicity within us, and as you say that toxicity soon infects those we love. I love your gentle and compassionate way and how you help me see myself with that same gentle compassion.
Very good Tara!
Thank you. Self hatred, loathing, disgust does not help us change or be a better person, or react better next time – asking the question is an eye opener.
Self forgiveness is hard when you have always felt you needed to be perfect, to get it right, because to forgive is to acknowledge you didn’t / couldn’t get it right.
Thank you. Self hatred, loathing, disgust does not help us change or be a better person, or react better next time – asking the question is an eye opener.
Self forgiveness is hard when you have always felt you needed to be perfect, to get it right, because to forgive is to acknowledge you didn’t / couldn’t get it right.
What a breath of fresh air your materials always are. I love the simplicity and resourcefulness of the tools and short video clips you have here in a world in which computer/video fatigue is alive for most of us. So grateful!
I watched your first video with a group of my clients in a Compassionate Inquiry Coaching session, where our discussion centered around a sentence from your introduction: “It is biologically impossible to feel critical of ourselves and to make an open-hearted connection at the same time.”
Especially for those of us who had successfully repressed our feelings in childhood, your video was a call to find their fear, to identify their self-judgments. It was such a good start, I thank you for cooperating with NICBM and providing these three introductory videos.
Thank you Tara, for sharing these 3 beautiful short videos to help me start loving myself. My therapy recommended me to watch these.. she thought they would help me. I feel they have.. I’m still trying to understand my past trauma and my anxious attachment from adoption which has caused me to have unhealthy relationship all my life because I can’t fully love myself, I’m terrified of rejection and I’m way to hard on myself.. those videos have helped me move one more step closer to healing and understanding and forgiveness. Thank you again! Leah
Thank you for creating these short videos, sharing your knowledge and simple tips. We need more self kindness and love in order for our society to move on. Blessings to you.
Thank you for making so much available free of charge. Although South Africa has tremendous natural wealth, most of it goes to the ‘developed’ countries, leaving 60% of our population living below the poverty line. Then we have corrupt politicians and greedy businesses who think only of themselves and their peers.
I am relatively well off compared to those in poverty here, but in America I would be living below the poverty line, on a pension of less than $1,000 a month.
Most of my work as a psychologist is pro bono, so your free webinars help me to help others. Thank you.
The unwritten African way of Ubuntu, as explained by Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu, in 1994:
“We believe that a person is a person through other persons;
that my humanity is caught up inextricably with yours.
When I dehumanise you, I inexorably dehumanise myself.
The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms, and therefore
You seek to work for the common good because your humanity
Comes into its own community in belonging”.
I find these exercises and guidances very helpful to better understand my relationship with my partner, and how my own insecurities are fueling and triggering some of our couple disagreements. I am working to change my mental model in these moments, first by observing when I feel insecure and trying to identify the source. Once I recognize that I am but a witness to these insecure thoughts, and allow them to pass just as easily as they have come, my anxiety is reduced, and I am less likely to lash out at my partner as a result.
Thank you for sharing your wisdoms with us, Tara. Your teachings are wonderful!
So helpful particularly the concept how self compassion is the door way to intimacy deeper connections in relationships. Also explaining how self forgiveness allows one to improve, to develop skills of pause/mindfulness and take responsibility make amends. I used to believe myth my shame and guilt makes me a better person allows me to ever forget my mistake
Carrie Robinette, Student, willowbrook, IL, USAsays
This was very helpful for my relationship with my boyfriend. Talking to him and letting him know I am working on my own guilt last night seemed to reassure him that my actions are about me and not him. Thank you Tara.
I discovered I had to really hold myself to touch deeply into self compassion and again held my heart. It evoked a sense of acceptance and peace. Thank you for this learning triad Belonging is a necessary state of being.
Placing a hand on my heart and saying to myself it’s not my fault released such tenderness toward the vulnerable, hurt parts of me. Then I do feel the same tenderness for all those people whom I’ve judged, imagining the same sense of unworthiness that’s keeping them in suffering.
Excuse my poor English writing, I am French Canadian, «Québécoise».
First I wish to say that Tara Brach is the person I was looking for so may years as a guide: A woman + a strong knowledge and expertise in psychology doubled with a deep commitment on Spiritual goal.
I discovered her two weeks ago, thank you to Sounds true. Since, I did listen many of her teachings and meditation on her You tube channel and I did of course registered on her site.
I do review what I have been learning by practicing mindfulness for may years. Tara Brach is clear, so calm, so true, so genuine, so enlighten human being.
All Tara teaches today I do apply it for many years now. At the time I did learn exercice from the Focusing approach what she calls RAIN today. It has been for me the most powerful tool to heal. I still practice it, if a struggle happens, but it did heal my deep suffering related to my childhood. The unconscious ones which make you so anxious and unhappy. So, a big part of the big work is done. My comment today is on : « It is not your fault ». It is difficult to me to let that enter inside, I did always thought it was my fault ! That sentence hurts my sense of responsibilities for my act. I try to forgive myself when I thing I hurt a person but the passage by «It is not your fault » will be a new challenging experiment. I can feel it will make a breach in a strong wall … I am scared but I will go within to tell that myself. Courage is one of my skill ☺️??
Thank you !
But of course as human , perfectly unperfected, I have always work to do on
me.
Donna Mayerson, Psychology, Cincinnati, OH, USAsays
Thank you so much for your insights! I’m working with those who have been wrongly convicted and have spent many years behind bars. Beyond struggling with PTSD, they are filled with guilt and shame which, as you wisely point out, poisons the relationships they have and so desperately need.
Wow! If only I had found Tara Brach 30 years ago. For the first time in years I finally feel that I have found the approach that resonates deeply with me and is guiding me toward finding self-acceptance, self-love and peace in my body, in my heart, and in my mind. Now having Tara as a daily resource can tap into at any moment, I feel supported when I have felt alone in my grief for so long. I look forward to continuing my journey of recovery and self-love with Tara’s help.
Would this approach work for adults and young adults who have experienced developmental trauma?
It seems that repairing those holes in the souls would require intensive
Delayering
Any suggestions
thank you so much Tara
I feel more than a tinge of guilt for the state of my two boys – they are not displaying so far any discipline or persistent to achieve anything – they are undereducated and are rather hardly independent – they are dependent on me. I feel there are things I could have done differently it haven’t
I often feel ashamed about not having sorted myself out financially and as a result I assume that my partner blames me too and that I need to feel guilty, which leads to me being hyper defensive sometimes and also to me ‘freezing’ out of fear where money/work issues are concerned.
I find it hard to say “it’s not your fault” because I feel it IS my fault! This is so hardwired into me as I grew up in an environment where anything unsatisfactory or painful was someone’s fault, rather than just existing, so that deep down I think that the only way I can rid myself of blame is to pass it on to someone else. I find myself creating resentment towards others because I assume I have to try and transfer the badness (i.e. the pain of feeling inadequate). Of course that doesn’t relieve anything, it just feeds my anger.
At times I’ve felt better and become much calmer through regular meditation but lately my thoughts have been preying on me. I really feel the need for calm these days.
Thank you Tara for your healing teachings. I listened to Radical Self-acceptance many times and it helped enormously, when I think how unaware I was before.
I’ve realized how not fully accepting myself has kept me small, lonely and more judgmental. First time I have hear that self-punishment plants seeds for future behavior! A vicious cycle, patterns we keep wiring. It makes sense. Ive not been connected to my heart because my mind has been so busy being critical. I notice that I am that way to my children too-critical. I want to make a shift. I have these mindfulness based tools yet still find them hard to access from the years of being stuck.
when i realized that it wasn’t my fault that my mom is so lonely it opened space for me to be more loving and nurturing to myself. then i am able to be more present with her no matter how she is!
forgiveness breaks boundaries and walls with love and kindness and creates a chance to communicate or accept my own pain and my mothers.
Stop throwing away chunks of myself. Grab and hold instead.
With regard to forgiveness, I find it helpful to remind myself that everyone is doing their best with the resources they have at the time. It is easier to forgive myself and others when I keep in mind our best intentions.
This was a powerful exercise that allows one to embrace self-compassion and forgiveness without resistance or fear of letting go of all that you’ve known in order to extend kindness to yourself. Thank you.
First of all – thank you for offering this powerful information on self-acceptance. I will use this information not only for my own benefit but to help my clients with their feelings of unworthiness. I loved the quote “Tend and befriend!”
Wonderful insights and tools for transformation. Thank you so much
?
Thank you for this. I have been suffering painful thoughts and feelings for so long. These three videos showed me a path towards freedom, joy, and peace. I wrote them down and would like to try them.
Forgiveness is the cornerstone of intimate relationships.
that was sso helpful. You reminded me how important it is to practice self compassion daily not just in times of distress. ThanksTara
Thank you for your wisdom. Trying to have forgiveness is hard.
These videos have opened my eyes to self judgment. Thanks
Someone once said that compassion is the thief of joy. Your talks reminded me of that. Self judgement is so toxic. It creates toxicity within us, and as you say that toxicity soon infects those we love. I love your gentle and compassionate way and how you help me see myself with that same gentle compassion.
Very good Tara!
Thank you. Self hatred, loathing, disgust does not help us change or be a better person, or react better next time – asking the question is an eye opener.
Self forgiveness is hard when you have always felt you needed to be perfect, to get it right, because to forgive is to acknowledge you didn’t / couldn’t get it right.
Thank you. Self hatred, loathing, disgust does not help us change or be a better person, or react better next time – asking the question is an eye opener.
Self forgiveness is hard when you have always felt you needed to be perfect, to get it right, because to forgive is to acknowledge you didn’t / couldn’t get it right.
I hope that if I learn to forgive myself, my children will forgive THEMSELVES and we can all get along better!
What a breath of fresh air your materials always are. I love the simplicity and resourcefulness of the tools and short video clips you have here in a world in which computer/video fatigue is alive for most of us. So grateful!
I watched your first video with a group of my clients in a Compassionate Inquiry Coaching session, where our discussion centered around a sentence from your introduction: “It is biologically impossible to feel critical of ourselves and to make an open-hearted connection at the same time.”
Especially for those of us who had successfully repressed our feelings in childhood, your video was a call to find their fear, to identify their self-judgments. It was such a good start, I thank you for cooperating with NICBM and providing these three introductory videos.
It makes me more compassionate and forgiving of others instead of being more angry at them.
What terrific options you’ve given as a source for finding change!
I’ve already started using them!
Thank you Tara, for sharing these 3 beautiful short videos to help me start loving myself. My therapy recommended me to watch these.. she thought they would help me. I feel they have.. I’m still trying to understand my past trauma and my anxious attachment from adoption which has caused me to have unhealthy relationship all my life because I can’t fully love myself, I’m terrified of rejection and I’m way to hard on myself.. those videos have helped me move one more step closer to healing and understanding and forgiveness. Thank you again! Leah
Thank you for creating these short videos, sharing your knowledge and simple tips. We need more self kindness and love in order for our society to move on. Blessings to you.
I loved these three short videos that were packed with beautiful gems!
Dear Tara and Ruth,
Thank you for making so much available free of charge. Although South Africa has tremendous natural wealth, most of it goes to the ‘developed’ countries, leaving 60% of our population living below the poverty line. Then we have corrupt politicians and greedy businesses who think only of themselves and their peers.
I am relatively well off compared to those in poverty here, but in America I would be living below the poverty line, on a pension of less than $1,000 a month.
Most of my work as a psychologist is pro bono, so your free webinars help me to help others. Thank you.
The unwritten African way of Ubuntu, as explained by Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu, in 1994:
“We believe that a person is a person through other persons;
that my humanity is caught up inextricably with yours.
When I dehumanise you, I inexorably dehumanise myself.
The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms, and therefore
You seek to work for the common good because your humanity
Comes into its own community in belonging”.
Thank you for sharing these tender thoughts from Arch Bishop Tutu. So beautiful.
Thank you this was so helpful!
I find these exercises and guidances very helpful to better understand my relationship with my partner, and how my own insecurities are fueling and triggering some of our couple disagreements. I am working to change my mental model in these moments, first by observing when I feel insecure and trying to identify the source. Once I recognize that I am but a witness to these insecure thoughts, and allow them to pass just as easily as they have come, my anxiety is reduced, and I am less likely to lash out at my partner as a result.
Thank you for sharing your wisdoms with us, Tara. Your teachings are wonderful!
I wish I could have had the tools before. That’s why I’m working on accepting and forgiving what was, what is and what will be. Thanks Tara
So helpful particularly the concept how self compassion is the door way to intimacy deeper connections in relationships. Also explaining how self forgiveness allows one to improve, to develop skills of pause/mindfulness and take responsibility make amends. I used to believe myth my shame and guilt makes me a better person allows me to ever forget my mistake
This was very helpful for my relationship with my boyfriend. Talking to him and letting him know I am working on my own guilt last night seemed to reassure him that my actions are about me and not him. Thank you Tara.
I discovered I had to really hold myself to touch deeply into self compassion and again held my heart. It evoked a sense of acceptance and peace. Thank you for this learning triad Belonging is a necessary state of being.
Placing a hand on my heart and saying to myself it’s not my fault released such tenderness toward the vulnerable, hurt parts of me. Then I do feel the same tenderness for all those people whom I’ve judged, imagining the same sense of unworthiness that’s keeping them in suffering.
Excuse my poor English writing, I am French Canadian, «Québécoise».
First I wish to say that Tara Brach is the person I was looking for so may years as a guide: A woman + a strong knowledge and expertise in psychology doubled with a deep commitment on Spiritual goal.
I discovered her two weeks ago, thank you to Sounds true. Since, I did listen many of her teachings and meditation on her You tube channel and I did of course registered on her site.
I do review what I have been learning by practicing mindfulness for may years. Tara Brach is clear, so calm, so true, so genuine, so enlighten human being.
All Tara teaches today I do apply it for many years now. At the time I did learn exercice from the Focusing approach what she calls RAIN today. It has been for me the most powerful tool to heal. I still practice it, if a struggle happens, but it did heal my deep suffering related to my childhood. The unconscious ones which make you so anxious and unhappy. So, a big part of the big work is done. My comment today is on : « It is not your fault ». It is difficult to me to let that enter inside, I did always thought it was my fault ! That sentence hurts my sense of responsibilities for my act. I try to forgive myself when I thing I hurt a person but the passage by «It is not your fault » will be a new challenging experiment. I can feel it will make a breach in a strong wall … I am scared but I will go within to tell that myself. Courage is one of my skill ☺️??
Thank you !
But of course as human , perfectly unperfected, I have always work to do on
me.
Thank you so much for your insights! I’m working with those who have been wrongly convicted and have spent many years behind bars. Beyond struggling with PTSD, they are filled with guilt and shame which, as you wisely point out, poisons the relationships they have and so desperately need.
I felt more open to communicate my insecurities without anger, in a less aggressive way
Wow! If only I had found Tara Brach 30 years ago. For the first time in years I finally feel that I have found the approach that resonates deeply with me and is guiding me toward finding self-acceptance, self-love and peace in my body, in my heart, and in my mind. Now having Tara as a daily resource can tap into at any moment, I feel supported when I have felt alone in my grief for so long. I look forward to continuing my journey of recovery and self-love with Tara’s help.
Self forgiveness is to untie the knots that opens up portal of healing and true peace.
Would this approach work for adults and young adults who have experienced developmental trauma?
It seems that repairing those holes in the souls would require intensive
Delayering
Any suggestions
thank you so much Tara
Thank you this was interesting and helpful
Forgiveness is such an important pathway to self-compassion. And something we all need more of during this time…. Thank you!
it blocks me from love
I’m a therapist with a strong focus on mindfulness. These 3 videos were excellent. Thank you.
I feel more than a tinge of guilt for the state of my two boys – they are not displaying so far any discipline or persistent to achieve anything – they are undereducated and are rather hardly independent – they are dependent on me. I feel there are things I could have done differently it haven’t
A softening and allowance of presence with my daughter
A softening and allowance of presence with my daughter
I often feel ashamed about not having sorted myself out financially and as a result I assume that my partner blames me too and that I need to feel guilty, which leads to me being hyper defensive sometimes and also to me ‘freezing’ out of fear where money/work issues are concerned.
I find it hard to say “it’s not your fault” because I feel it IS my fault! This is so hardwired into me as I grew up in an environment where anything unsatisfactory or painful was someone’s fault, rather than just existing, so that deep down I think that the only way I can rid myself of blame is to pass it on to someone else. I find myself creating resentment towards others because I assume I have to try and transfer the badness (i.e. the pain of feeling inadequate). Of course that doesn’t relieve anything, it just feeds my anger.
At times I’ve felt better and become much calmer through regular meditation but lately my thoughts have been preying on me. I really feel the need for calm these days.
Thank you Tara for your healing teachings. I listened to Radical Self-acceptance many times and it helped enormously, when I think how unaware I was before.
Beautiful, simple and important wisdom.
I used the phrase you suggested “This is hard,” and I do feel a shift of tenderness
Thank You, Tara Brach! This was a beautiful trilogy of videos, and I benefited personally from them (and my clients will benefit as well).
Forgiveness is definitely key, and self-compassion is an area I am now aware of needing some (ANY + MORE!) attention.
I’ve realized how not fully accepting myself has kept me small, lonely and more judgmental. First time I have hear that self-punishment plants seeds for future behavior! A vicious cycle, patterns we keep wiring. It makes sense. Ive not been connected to my heart because my mind has been so busy being critical. I notice that I am that way to my children too-critical. I want to make a shift. I have these mindfulness based tools yet still find them hard to access from the years of being stuck.
when i realized that it wasn’t my fault that my mom is so lonely it opened space for me to be more loving and nurturing to myself. then i am able to be more present with her no matter how she is!