I’m glad you underscored that persistence in doing the exercises is necessary for one’s experience of self-judgment to shift and for self-compassion eventually to arise. It’s easy to believe that it won’t work when it doesn’t work at the beginning and give up practicing.
Brenna Schaffer, Social Work, Heber City, UT, USAsays
When we forgive ourselves we begin to see ourselves differently and thus our behavior begins to slowly shift. If we see ourselves as deserving, good people, we can then engage in relationships from that foundation.
Having struggled with anger and blaming others for years, I am slowly coming to realize that my feeling unworthy has led me to adopt behaviors that just reinforce unhealthy patterns
I would, for one, free up time and thoughtspace that is normally spent focused on my short comings and open space for awareness of the other and hopefully give rise to observations that could be helpful in resolving old issues..
I’m not yet working with clients, but in my Own journey toward self-forgiveness, I am already beginning to see that it is the absolute foundation to healing and deepening my most important relationships and increasing my ability to serve others. It’s truly the basis and first step for it all!!
This practice helps me forgive others and myself… that allows me more space to be the person I want to be – kind, caring and loving, regardless of what is happening around me.
Genuine forgiveness could help my clients deal with relationships in that it will enable them to genuinely forgive others which is rooted in genuine self-forgiveness.
Bob Deutsch, Psychology, West Hartford, CT, USAsays
A progressive path of self-forgiveness weakens and dissipates the thick walls protecting self-critical thinking and consequential painful emotions….leading to the potential for a greater sense of safety and tolerance for vulnerability, leading to deeper and connections and belonging with others.
I am becoming more able to hold my own suffering with kindness and soothe the pain which is within me to heal those past traumas which still erupt today
I reminded myself that my partner is always generous and kind to me and that I should be too. It can hurt. My emotions are very deep and I have a hard time believing myself but we will keep telling ourselves that we are good and deserve the kindness too.
I would cease being triggered and hear what is beneath what is triggering me, feel more compassion towards my significant other as he too is speaking from a place of suffering.
Deanna Zobel, Psychotherapy, Colorado Springs, CO, USAsays
When a client is truly able to forgive her/himself, a door opens to self-compassion. Many of my clients are good at giving this to others, but hold self to a different standard.
I would be so much more gentle with my son, and I wouldn’t be so defensive and self-loathing… which would create far more genuine enjoyment to my time spent with my son.
Noticing how self judgement has disconnected me from the person but also from myself. Shame had been more powerful than guilt in this relationship. Need to connect back to me before I can reconnect with another
when i feel guilty and ashamed, i’m distancing myself from my loved ones, and blocking the path to healing. thank you Tara and everybody. Love and Peace.
Josh Grotstein, Another Field, Park City, UT, USAsays
Neither my thoughts not my feelings about myself, while real, aren’t necessarily true or valid depictions of my essence.
Coming to that realization has slowly helped me open to accepting and forgiving myself and provides a path forward out of what seems like incessant suffering.
However, I’m left wondering whether the relationship from which my shame and negative self-image has held me back is necessarily the right relationship for me? I.e., could it not be the case that while my feelings of unworthiness have been holding me back individually and in my primary relationship, that that primary relationship may still not have been the right one for me in the first place?
I ask because I recently ended a relationship that didn’t feel supportive; but I did so before I was able to fully forgive and accept myself. I’m left wondering whether if I had been able to “heal” myself more effectively and thoroughly I might have had a different perspective on the relationship, or whether in fact the relationship was making it more difficult for me to forgive and accept myself as I often felt like a failure in it?
In truly allowing & feeling forgiveness towards myself, I imagine that I would be kinder and gentler in my relationship with this person, not so quick to react, but more present and allowing of what is.
Thanks for the beautiful and depth experience.It was helpfull for me and for my patients.Forgiveness enlight our lives because help us to recognice how lovable we are, giving self acceptance and self approval, and this new resourses change for better all the relationships.
I love your work Tara, both for my inner work and my work with my clients. It is so hopeful, practical and compassionate. This is why it works!
Thanks so much, Leigh Robertson Brisbane Australia
What a gifted lady, Tara Brach, is! We’re so lucky to have ‘guides’ like her, especially in times like these when unease, frustration and uncertainty are our daily companions!
Forgiveness would infuse the relationship with more kindness, understanding and ease. Also, I’ve come to realize that my forgiving is mostly a ‘gift’ to myself than to the person I’m forgiving.
I am loving these videos and wish I would’ve said I’m not a health practitioner… and I imagine that the videos would be directed for me to practice and not my students
Carolyn Demitria, Another Field, Sonoma, CA, USAsays
I keep thinking I have to wait for the other person to forgive me, but after hearing you I realize I need to forgive myself, love myself, no matter what the other person thinks of me. Thank you Tara!
Thank you for the old African saying. Anger is so often a cover or secondary emotion. Wisdom .
The excercise of holding my self in kindness (being a friend to myself) brings up such sadness and grief over the lack of having been held by some other person.
Resentment. Naming the feelingbeigins to soften it an allow acceptance to begin. Interesting to experience and observe simultaneously.
Genuine self-forgiveness releases the focus from themselves onto others, which always is beneficial to deep relationships.
With every word I hear and feel your wisdom, compassion, kindness, and love. Beautiful and meaningful share. Thank you Tara.
I’m glad you underscored that persistence in doing the exercises is necessary for one’s experience of self-judgment to shift and for self-compassion eventually to arise. It’s easy to believe that it won’t work when it doesn’t work at the beginning and give up practicing.
I AM the client and I really need to tell myself that i am worthy to be loved.
Self acceptance and compassion will unlock the doors to explore different options to move forward in relationships that are stuck.
When we forgive ourselves we begin to see ourselves differently and thus our behavior begins to slowly shift. If we see ourselves as deserving, good people, we can then engage in relationships from that foundation.
Having struggled with anger and blaming others for years, I am slowly coming to realize that my feeling unworthy has led me to adopt behaviors that just reinforce unhealthy patterns
I would, for one, free up time and thoughtspace that is normally spent focused on my short comings and open space for awareness of the other and hopefully give rise to observations that could be helpful in resolving old issues..
I’m not yet working with clients, but in my Own journey toward self-forgiveness, I am already beginning to see that it is the absolute foundation to healing and deepening my most important relationships and increasing my ability to serve others. It’s truly the basis and first step for it all!!
It would free them to be themselves.
This practice helps me forgive others and myself… that allows me more space to be the person I want to be – kind, caring and loving, regardless of what is happening around me.
Genuine forgiveness could help my clients deal with relationships in that it will enable them to genuinely forgive others which is rooted in genuine self-forgiveness.
A progressive path of self-forgiveness weakens and dissipates the thick walls protecting self-critical thinking and consequential painful emotions….leading to the potential for a greater sense of safety and tolerance for vulnerability, leading to deeper and connections and belonging with others.
I am becoming more able to hold my own suffering with kindness and soothe the pain which is within me to heal those past traumas which still erupt today
I reminded myself that my partner is always generous and kind to me and that I should be too. It can hurt. My emotions are very deep and I have a hard time believing myself but we will keep telling ourselves that we are good and deserve the kindness too.
I would cease being triggered and hear what is beneath what is triggering me, feel more compassion towards my significant other as he too is speaking from a place of suffering.
When a client is truly able to forgive her/himself, a door opens to self-compassion. Many of my clients are good at giving this to others, but hold self to a different standard.
I would feel more of a connection,instead of always being in protection mode.
Underneath bullying is fear of rejection.
This practice is crucial for the humans of the world in order to save it.
A feeling of relief and excited anticipation at coming to accept who I am and that my negative feelings can be resolved.
Powerful and perfect timing for a current relationship impacted by all the changes in our world today
Shame and guilt cause me to disconnect from myself in this present moment; it keeps me stuck in the past.
I would be so much more gentle with my son, and I wouldn’t be so defensive and self-loathing… which would create far more genuine enjoyment to my time spent with my son.
Really loving these videos. Thanks
Noticing how self judgement has disconnected me from the person but also from myself. Shame had been more powerful than guilt in this relationship. Need to connect back to me before I can reconnect with another
when i feel guilty and ashamed, i’m distancing myself from my loved ones, and blocking the path to healing. thank you Tara and everybody. Love and Peace.
Neither my thoughts not my feelings about myself, while real, aren’t necessarily true or valid depictions of my essence.
Coming to that realization has slowly helped me open to accepting and forgiving myself and provides a path forward out of what seems like incessant suffering.
However, I’m left wondering whether the relationship from which my shame and negative self-image has held me back is necessarily the right relationship for me? I.e., could it not be the case that while my feelings of unworthiness have been holding me back individually and in my primary relationship, that that primary relationship may still not have been the right one for me in the first place?
I ask because I recently ended a relationship that didn’t feel supportive; but I did so before I was able to fully forgive and accept myself. I’m left wondering whether if I had been able to “heal” myself more effectively and thoroughly I might have had a different perspective on the relationship, or whether in fact the relationship was making it more difficult for me to forgive and accept myself as I often felt like a failure in it?
Opens more space for love for myself allowing me to respond to others with more kindness and love…from my inner truth and authenticity.
relief and clearer mind for other possibilities.
In truly allowing & feeling forgiveness towards myself, I imagine that I would be kinder and gentler in my relationship with this person, not so quick to react, but more present and allowing of what is.
Genuine forgiveness could allow me to see the world through more loving eyes and help me be more understanding, tolerant and forgiving of others.
Forgiving myself might on some subtle level make it easier for the other person to forgive me.
Thanks for the beautiful and depth experience.It was helpfull for me and for my patients.Forgiveness enlight our lives because help us to recognice how lovable we are, giving self acceptance and self approval, and this new resourses change for better all the relationships.
I’m blocked from finding the door to self awareness and compassion
self-comfort softens….
being on your own side
softens……
criticism hardens
Tara is always inspirational! Excited for them to open themselves up to the present and to possibilities
I’m reminded of guilt and shame around impatience with my husband (which happens too often).
When I free myself from the guilt of not speaking to my farther , i get a glimpse of what a new relationship with him might look like. Thank you Tara
I love your work Tara, both for my inner work and my work with my clients. It is so hopeful, practical and compassionate. This is why it works!
Thanks so much, Leigh Robertson Brisbane Australia
Love the simplicity and depth of the process. Thank you for sharing!
What a gifted lady, Tara Brach, is! We’re so lucky to have ‘guides’ like her, especially in times like these when unease, frustration and uncertainty are our daily companions!
Forgiveness would infuse the relationship with more kindness, understanding and ease. Also, I’ve come to realize that my forgiving is mostly a ‘gift’ to myself than to the person I’m forgiving.
I work with shame using empathy to transform shame into self acceptance.
This has been so helpful! The gentleness of the approach is beautiful.
I am loving these videos and wish I would’ve said I’m not a health practitioner… and I imagine that the videos would be directed for me to practice and not my students
I love her approach and use it with my patients all the time. Her book is wonderful
I keep thinking I have to wait for the other person to forgive me, but after hearing you I realize I need to forgive myself, love myself, no matter what the other person thinks of me. Thank you Tara!
You have helped me decrease the resentment I hold to my disabled, demanding husband who also has terminal cancer.
Thank you!
By being light with ourselves and taking ourselves off the hooks we so readily put ourselves on, we’re available again to ourselves and others.
Thank you for the old African saying. Anger is so often a cover or secondary emotion. Wisdom .
The excercise of holding my self in kindness (being a friend to myself) brings up such sadness and grief over the lack of having been held by some other person.
Resentment. Naming the feelingbeigins to soften it an allow acceptance to begin. Interesting to experience and observe simultaneously.