When I hide what I don’t like about myself, it impacts my ability to be present with whoever I am currently with, because I am half focused on judging what I don’t like about myself and also watching myself “act” as someone I am not, someone who is more favorable to the other person. That makes it harder for me to engage, to laugh, to connect. I find myself being more quiet while I go through the internal struggle of it all.
They feel paralyzed to participate in the relationship. They don’t know what to say, they feel unable to “fake it till they make it”. They go inwards and look like they are contracting out, but really are replaying how they have failed, or are focused on the pain they are feeling. Every aspect of the relationship feeds this belief that they don’t measure up.
Tara Brach’s youtube videos have helped me overcome deep shame and grief. I am eagerly looking forward to delving into this new meditation path and learning all the ways I self sabotage.
I never considered that by hiding the things I don’t like about myself I am harming my relationship but I see that’s true now. I’m having two thoughts about how to answer this question.
First, even though I try, I feel incapable of forming close relationships because I don’t want others to see the real me for fear my “issues” will be too much. As a result I do not feel like anyone knows the real me. I feel alone and misunderstood. I withdraw when I need others most, and I am sure that this withdrawal creates a situation where others don’t feel they CAN get to know me and certainly keeps them from wanting to turn to me when they are in need.
My second thought is this. I struggle how to gradually get to know people (I don’t do well with small talk) without overwhelming them by sharing too much too soon and then scaring them off. I end up hurt and reluctant to try making friends at all.
Sometimes the tension due to my not totally transparent way of Being is very unconfortable for myself and others. My fear of rejection Will provoque it.
I feel just like the the doctor in the video. It seems to me that I don’t have anything interesting to say, I feel I bore others. So I exclude myself and don’t participante in conversations. Aldo judeging myself makes me feel indequate .
This series is most helpful to me personally and I hope to be able to share what was helpful for me with others. Short, sweet and to the point. Thank you!
There are a lot of very inviting courses out there but I can’t afford to attend most of them time- or moneywise – nor would I be able to assimilate so much information. So I have to choose carefully as to what’s most pertinent to me and that won’t overcrowd my mind and just stress me out. Self-care!
I appreciate that you offer wonderful programmes and I love to browse. But not all are for me. Thank you for making so much knowledge from so many great teachers available to so many.
Such a great introduction Tara, core beliefs of not being good enough or important enough are so common. It’s usually where I begin too, moving that harsh inner voice to a more understanding and compassionate one. Thank you for this!
I know from my work on this subject with a therapist that works with mindfulness that when I show my vulnerability and my weakness it creates an understanding and open heart from the person I’m having a conflict with. Many times forgiveness comes alongand the conflict is solved much more easily.
Feeling shame about who they really are would cause them to view all their relationships as inauthentic. Their feelings of unworthiness would prevent deep connection and the feelings of safety in the relationship.
These were great but signing up for the program is out for me since I do not have the money to invest in the program. Are there scholar or senior discounts?
So many ways I find fault with myself. The thouht that I am flawed in that I am not very smart,, I just don;t measure up. My brain must be defective. I had a difficult time in school. Experienced childhood trauma and couldn;t concentrate at a very early age. I am now 71 and am still sruggling.
Hoping this helps. I watch Tara’s podcast and have read her books. I consider her my teacher. I am grateful for Tara’s teachings.
we are like mirrors, so I feel like when we hide this from ourselves or others, this blockage will block us/ them from being intimate fully with others/ to fully accept this thing they are hiding with the other
Basically I guess I am living a lie. I think I am quite a decent person trying to do some good. For some reason people close to me don’t see that or don’t agree with what I’m doing so i become a “me” that people relate to and hide the “real” me which I now believe is flawed to everyone except me. Alienated more and more from others as i try to hide my concerns about the world, compassion for others and openness and replace them with fear and selfishness. I guess moving more and more to a state where I no longer share views for fear of criticism or ridicule.
Thank you Tara the premise of being vulnerable increases intimacy is so true but sometimes so difficult. Especially when there is trauma. When we’ve unpacked and stayed to long in a particular stress response.
Thank you for your generous gift of wisdom, so simply put and essentially true in my experience of self and those I work with.
A super reminder of how important it is to pay attention to this moment and stop ourselves rushing into busy proving mode.Thank you.
If there’s no transparency then trust becomes a problem. One becomes critical and judgemental to others. It hurts oneself and others.
This is very helpful. There are times we forget ourself and others.
Living in lopsided relationships where I share all my thoughts, joys and fears and others share none or little makes me feel like I’m just a little soap opera they watch but I’m not a real person to them.
I’ve been told Im very judgmental and critical so in relationships I often don’t say what I’m thinking and feeling and try to say something kind but am left with a feeling of not being truthful and honest – then I get confused about how much honesty is necessary when its critical and negative
When I’m feeling judged, I get defensive. Sometimes the judging comes from my inner critic, but whether the judgement is internal or external, my defensiveness creates a wall and separates me from my friends and family. I’m slowly learning self compassion and acceptance. I regret hiding my self and for so many years. I’m enjoying feeling closer to friends and my wife and family.
Throughout my own life I’ve struggled with a very deep fear that if people knew too much about me, about who I really am and how I really feel inside, they will be repulsed. Learning to accept myself as I am and learning to nurture (or be a loving parent to) myself feels like a very important key to healing cptsd and ptsd, or at least to managing the triggers.
They often hide their self- judgment and insecurity from themselves which prohibits their ability to empathize and show they care. They are perceived as distant and emotionally unavailable.
When they crave frequent external validation and praise it can be addictive. And like other addictions it becomes their reason for being. This drives others who see them as human away.
When it comes to my relationship with my husband, hiding what I dont like about myself, I usually react by transferring my disappointment and shame on him. I will find something wrong with him. Then things turn to feelings of anger and isolation
When I hide what I don’t like about myself, it impacts my ability to be present with whoever I am currently with, because I am half focused on judging what I don’t like about myself and also watching myself “act” as someone I am not, someone who is more favorable to the other person. That makes it harder for me to engage, to laugh, to connect. I find myself being more quiet while I go through the internal struggle of it all.
Found the content appropriate, helpful and supportive for myself at this point of my spiritual, human acceptance, experience. Kind regards.
They become disconnected from their relationships with others; they are already disconnected from themself … fear…
when a client feels ‘not good enough’ and spend their whole life compensating
Thank you for this free resource… very enlightening
This is very helpful and mirrors what I see in my private practice with both couples and individuals.
Thank you!
They feel paralyzed to participate in the relationship. They don’t know what to say, they feel unable to “fake it till they make it”. They go inwards and look like they are contracting out, but really are replaying how they have failed, or are focused on the pain they are feeling. Every aspect of the relationship feeds this belief that they don’t measure up.
This is great insight that will benefit me in my work and personally!
Tara Brach’s youtube videos have helped me overcome deep shame and grief. I am eagerly looking forward to delving into this new meditation path and learning all the ways I self sabotage.
I never considered that by hiding the things I don’t like about myself I am harming my relationship but I see that’s true now. I’m having two thoughts about how to answer this question.
First, even though I try, I feel incapable of forming close relationships because I don’t want others to see the real me for fear my “issues” will be too much. As a result I do not feel like anyone knows the real me. I feel alone and misunderstood. I withdraw when I need others most, and I am sure that this withdrawal creates a situation where others don’t feel they CAN get to know me and certainly keeps them from wanting to turn to me when they are in need.
My second thought is this. I struggle how to gradually get to know people (I don’t do well with small talk) without overwhelming them by sharing too much too soon and then scaring them off. I end up hurt and reluctant to try making friends at all.
When I hide, I feel alone and scared.
Sometimes the tension due to my not totally transparent way of Being is very unconfortable for myself and others. My fear of rejection Will provoque it.
I feel just like the the doctor in the video. It seems to me that I don’t have anything interesting to say, I feel I bore others. So I exclude myself and don’t participante in conversations. Aldo judeging myself makes me feel indequate .
This series is most helpful to me personally and I hope to be able to share what was helpful for me with others. Short, sweet and to the point. Thank you!
There are a lot of very inviting courses out there but I can’t afford to attend most of them time- or moneywise – nor would I be able to assimilate so much information. So I have to choose carefully as to what’s most pertinent to me and that won’t overcrowd my mind and just stress me out. Self-care!
I appreciate that you offer wonderful programmes and I love to browse. But not all are for me. Thank you for making so much knowledge from so many great teachers available to so many.
Such a great introduction Tara, core beliefs of not being good enough or important enough are so common. It’s usually where I begin too, moving that harsh inner voice to a more understanding and compassionate one. Thank you for this!
What is it you don’t want others to see?
Brilliant 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Very good!…when is next?
I know from my work on this subject with a therapist that works with mindfulness that when I show my vulnerability and my weakness it creates an understanding and open heart from the person I’m having a conflict with. Many times forgiveness comes alongand the conflict is solved much more easily.
I have been trying to get into the course since yesterday, 4/4. I just get taken to this Comments page. Please help!
Hiding and secrets always create distance in a relationship, whether with self or others. Thank you for this video.
Feeling shame about who they really are would cause them to view all their relationships as inauthentic. Their feelings of unworthiness would prevent deep connection and the feelings of safety in the relationship.
These were great but signing up for the program is out for me since I do not have the money to invest in the program. Are there scholar or senior discounts?
I’m always on the run…
So many ways I find fault with myself. The thouht that I am flawed in that I am not very smart,, I just don;t measure up. My brain must be defective. I had a difficult time in school. Experienced childhood trauma and couldn;t concentrate at a very early age. I am now 71 and am still sruggling.
Hoping this helps. I watch Tara’s podcast and have read her books. I consider her my teacher. I am grateful for Tara’s teachings.
Excellent as always!
It’s got to start with self compassion, self forgiveness, self acceptance….
we are like mirrors, so I feel like when we hide this from ourselves or others, this blockage will block us/ them from being intimate fully with others/ to fully accept this thing they are hiding with the other
Basically I guess I am living a lie. I think I am quite a decent person trying to do some good. For some reason people close to me don’t see that or don’t agree with what I’m doing so i become a “me” that people relate to and hide the “real” me which I now believe is flawed to everyone except me. Alienated more and more from others as i try to hide my concerns about the world, compassion for others and openness and replace them with fear and selfishness. I guess moving more and more to a state where I no longer share views for fear of criticism or ridicule.
A good relationship with ourselves is everything in life and makes life better and easi
Thank you Tara the premise of being vulnerable increases intimacy is so true but sometimes so difficult. Especially when there is trauma. When we’ve unpacked and stayed to long in a particular stress response.
Thank you for your generous gift of wisdom, so simply put and essentially true in my experience of self and those I work with.
A super reminder of how important it is to pay attention to this moment and stop ourselves rushing into busy proving mode.Thank you.
Thank you for everything
So helpful in learning about vulnerability as a way to be closer to one’s partner.
I tend to withdraw to protect myself
If there’s no transparency then trust becomes a problem. One becomes critical and judgemental to others. It hurts oneself and others.
This is very helpful. There are times we forget ourself and others.
I need to be able to receive CE credits for this course. I received an email indicating that would be $40. How do I arrange that?
How do l access other videos 2,3 4
Living in lopsided relationships where I share all my thoughts, joys and fears and others share none or little makes me feel like I’m just a little soap opera they watch but I’m not a real person to them.
Thank you very much it was so informative and filled with wisdom.
I’ve been told Im very judgmental and critical so in relationships I often don’t say what I’m thinking and feeling and try to say something kind but am left with a feeling of not being truthful and honest – then I get confused about how much honesty is necessary when its critical and negative
When I’m feeling judged, I get defensive. Sometimes the judging comes from my inner critic, but whether the judgement is internal or external, my defensiveness creates a wall and separates me from my friends and family. I’m slowly learning self compassion and acceptance. I regret hiding my self and for so many years. I’m enjoying feeling closer to friends and my wife and family.
It’s all too easy to find evidence of that disliked quality in someone else, and call them out for it.
Throughout my own life I’ve struggled with a very deep fear that if people knew too much about me, about who I really am and how I really feel inside, they will be repulsed. Learning to accept myself as I am and learning to nurture (or be a loving parent to) myself feels like a very important key to healing cptsd and ptsd, or at least to managing the triggers.
You are not able to have the opportunity to be your true authentic self.
They expect the other person to be flawless as well
Feeling like I am going to let them down.
They often hide their self- judgment and insecurity from themselves which prohibits their ability to empathize and show they care. They are perceived as distant and emotionally unavailable.
When they crave frequent external validation and praise it can be addictive. And like other addictions it becomes their reason for being. This drives others who see them as human away.
Thank you, Tara. The facts so clearly stated.
I watch for others confirmation of my beliefs about myself, e.g. laziness, oversensitivity, just being difficult.
When it comes to my relationship with my husband, hiding what I dont like about myself, I usually react by transferring my disappointment and shame on him. I will find something wrong with him. Then things turn to feelings of anger and isolation