Really interesting . The questions are potent and to the point of extracting the authenticity/ truth that one has been hiding from. The limiting beliefs come to the surface .
Thank you . Short and powerful . Please keep the questions coming
.
There is tension, anxiety, apprehension, mostly because the other person considers they are to blame for the uneasiness in their relationship.
My client actually did have an affair outside of the relationship, however, even when she fessed up, and he was full of forgiveness- she hated herself and could not forgive herself.
Many Thanks Tara – love just listening to you. (& learn a lot)
Annabelle Favet, Teacher, Lake Placid , NY, USAsays
This is an informative and easy-to-follow series. Perfect introduction to Tara Brach for those of us unfamiliar with her. She breaks things down to the granular level so everyone can take away a few actionable thoughts or behaviors to try out.
Thank you for making such high-quality content available for free.
To make the videos more inclusive, it would help to have access to the edited transcripts or better yet, close captioning. I also feel that the background music, albeit low, is more distracting and an impediment than necessary. I would rather have the camera shot closer to allow for effortless lip reading.
Well, when we hide who we are or parts of who we are, our relationships stay a little more superficial, I think. It prevents real connection. It prevents that sense of belonging. It isolates us in a way because we keep others at bay. And it creates the burden and stress of always playing games in order not to be “found out”.
I’ve learned that expressing my vulnerability has opened up communication with others. It takes two to tango and I started opening up with my best moves in expressing openness, kindness, and grace. It’s not easy and it’s hard work but gets more natural and “real” as time goes on.
It’s like a veil between the other person and me. We can see each other, but it’s not a clear image. It’s cloudy, distorted, shadowy. When we can only see in parts, we may tend to “fill in the blanks” of what we don’t see, which could lead to false expectations of one another and of the relationship. Inauthenticity is the word that comes to mind.
Joan Giesemann, Another Field, Portland, CT, USAsays
Hiding compounds the negative feelings I have about myself. Not only do I not like things about myself, I am now ashamed of those emotions and ashamed of hiding these feelings.
I think that when I’m judging myself, I’m also shifting that judgement into my closest relationships, believing that it is they who are judging me rather that realizing it is me who is carrying the shame. This impacts my interactions and responses, making me more likely to begin from a defensive stance rather than an open stance.
Kathryn C, Another Field, Port Angeles , WA, USAsays
I love all of Tara’s teaching! I’ve been following her and listen to her meditations since the pandemic broke out in 2020. These last few yrs has been the most stressful years of my life! Tara’s lectures and meditations have helped get me through this series brought another level to the inner work.
Thank you Tara and blessings
This last story struck a chord with my own separation a divorce. So painful,and my own hidden agenda of always picking men who are not emotionally available
masking my own fear of intimacy and insecure attachment. Perhaps there is another video?
I reveal very little of myself to anyone so I feel distant and invisible a lot of the time. When I do reveal myself I often feel embarrassed and ashamed afterwards.
Lucille Rhodes, Another Field, New York City, NY, USAsays
I love Tara’s work but having background music over her talk is very disturbing. Makes me anxious and I can’t hear her. Why do that?
I had to turn it off.
thank you so much Tara for offering all these free talks. I will contribute when I can and you are doing a great service.
Carolyn Buckner, Another Field, Chapel Hill, NC, USAsays
It creates separation. Takes me out of the now and into my head. I can’t just be with the other person. Instead I’m lost in thoughts and the painful and scary emotions catalyzed by the thoughts. Self-judgment boomerangs out and then back in even harder. Creates a cycle of suffering where all my attention is on what’s supposedly “wrong”.
This is a general comment also. Tara is most wonderful and inspiring. My friend told me about her and I have found the teachings to be life saving over a challenging journey that I have been undergoing. I feel that my self development has made tremendous progress as a result of the Mindfulness practices and the talks which are delivered with spot on humour in illustrative story examples and jokes! Thank you for being a real, authentic beacon of light Tara.
When they hide, they are lying to some people during some time and they don´t even have the slightest clue. They are the victim and the others are the enemy, which isolates them even more. It is difficult to break the blame cycle: it is not me, it is you.
When I hide in fear of being judged, it puts up a wall between me and my daughter. All she can see is my fear. That’s how it was between me and my mum.
Creates distance and misunderstandings, can lead to be labeled as conflict that then leads to avoidance. Loved how she shared her own examples to normalize. Frame this as self awareness personal growth.
Thank you, once again, Tara for helping me look to see why I am so critical of the most beautiful soul I have ever met – my wife. I don’t know what I’m going to find but I’m not frightened to look.
I have been infinitely enriched by Tara’s work over the years. And was really happy to receive this free video. Although I work in a particular form of therapy, I am still – even at 72 – on the journey of dealing with my own feelings of self-criticism. So these videos are precious for me.
However, I have one strong comment to make about the background music – audible all the time that Tara is talking.
The use of background, music in nature documentaries, and now in teachings is truly grossly and disturbingly over done. (It has even crept into recorded poetry readings – absolutely crazy as the poetry is it self the music)
Tara teaches – and I have no doubt that your own courses do the same – the infinite value of silence and attention to the present moment. Her words do not need irritating, repetitive music in the background.
I – and I know others – find this ‘music’ a distraction to a calm focus on what we are hearing, or what we are seeing – a real form of noise and sense pollution.
Do please consider this, it comes from somebody who knows quite a lot about neuroscience, attention and learning. With best wishes for your great work.
Me hiding my true self is making me realise that I truly don’t feel safe enough in any of my relationships, that I can trust the people in my life with my true self. It’s saddens me to have this realisation but I still keep on doing the work so that I can heal and feel safe with myself. That is my intention right now. Maybe if I feel safe with myself then I can start recognising who I can feel safe with in my world.
I’m a good person. Very loving, but I don’t feel loved. I just feel used or unappreciated. Years I felt unsafe from my ex husband, whom I left and divorced, and my mother no longer alive. They were suffering and never wanted help. I feared them, my safety. I hid or I ran away from them. I forgive them. I know God loves me. I like to experience love with that special one. Especially from my family. They don’t love themselves. It will be challenging. Thank you for these reminders of who we are. To love and be loved.
Really interesting . The questions are potent and to the point of extracting the authenticity/ truth that one has been hiding from. The limiting beliefs come to the surface .
Thank you . Short and powerful . Please keep the questions coming
.
Covering up my low self esteem when it comes to intellectual discussions – makes me leave rooms I would love to enter
using defense meganism.
I can see where the hurt within myself keeps me from getting closer to those I care about.
Powerful teaching. Thank you, Tara!
There is tension, anxiety, apprehension, mostly because the other person considers they are to blame for the uneasiness in their relationship.
My client actually did have an affair outside of the relationship, however, even when she fessed up, and he was full of forgiveness- she hated herself and could not forgive herself.
Many Thanks Tara – love just listening to you. (& learn a lot)
This is an informative and easy-to-follow series. Perfect introduction to Tara Brach for those of us unfamiliar with her. She breaks things down to the granular level so everyone can take away a few actionable thoughts or behaviors to try out.
Thank you for making such high-quality content available for free.
To make the videos more inclusive, it would help to have access to the edited transcripts or better yet, close captioning. I also feel that the background music, albeit low, is more distracting and an impediment than necessary. I would rather have the camera shot closer to allow for effortless lip reading.
Well, when we hide who we are or parts of who we are, our relationships stay a little more superficial, I think. It prevents real connection. It prevents that sense of belonging. It isolates us in a way because we keep others at bay. And it creates the burden and stress of always playing games in order not to be “found out”.
This series is so timely and profound.
Important to remind clients to always work on maintaining and improving relationships.
clienrs might use defense meganisms like projection which leads to arguments, loss of intimacy or disconnecting.
I’ve learned that expressing my vulnerability has opened up communication with others. It takes two to tango and I started opening up with my best moves in expressing openness, kindness, and grace. It’s not easy and it’s hard work but gets more natural and “real” as time goes on.
Love you, Tara 🙂
It often manifests in exactly what they fear showing up.
Thank you Tara! Your voice and wisdom are so soothing to connect with.
Blessings x
Such a wise woman.
It’s like a veil between the other person and me. We can see each other, but it’s not a clear image. It’s cloudy, distorted, shadowy. When we can only see in parts, we may tend to “fill in the blanks” of what we don’t see, which could lead to false expectations of one another and of the relationship. Inauthenticity is the word that comes to mind.
Great questions, thank you!
It prevents them from supporting you and showing up for you. Limits understanding.
Hiding compounds the negative feelings I have about myself. Not only do I not like things about myself, I am now ashamed of those emotions and ashamed of hiding these feelings.
I think that when I’m judging myself, I’m also shifting that judgement into my closest relationships, believing that it is they who are judging me rather that realizing it is me who is carrying the shame. This impacts my interactions and responses, making me more likely to begin from a defensive stance rather than an open stance.
I love all of Tara’s teaching! I’ve been following her and listen to her meditations since the pandemic broke out in 2020. These last few yrs has been the most stressful years of my life! Tara’s lectures and meditations have helped get me through this series brought another level to the inner work.
Thank you Tara and blessings
3
You have to be honest, vulnerable
I hide by never getting around to contacting people that I enjoy spending time with..
Please fix the grammar typo in this sentence:
When you hide what they don’t like about yourself, how does that affect your relationships?
Ha, just re-read question..read it incorrectly…could not edit my response..
This last story struck a chord with my own separation a divorce. So painful,and my own hidden agenda of always picking men who are not emotionally available
masking my own fear of intimacy and insecure attachment. Perhaps there is another video?
I reveal very little of myself to anyone so I feel distant and invisible a lot of the time. When I do reveal myself I often feel embarrassed and ashamed afterwards.
I love Tara’s work but having background music over her talk is very disturbing. Makes me anxious and I can’t hear her. Why do that?
I had to turn it off.
thank you so much Tara for offering all these free talks. I will contribute when I can and you are doing a great service.
Is the question supposed to say, “… what YOU don’t like about yourself…?”
Keeps me hidden, small, fearful, stuck..
Thank you Tara. A very informative and helpful reminder to pause and process our feelings with love and compassion.
It creates separation. Takes me out of the now and into my head. I can’t just be with the other person. Instead I’m lost in thoughts and the painful and scary emotions catalyzed by the thoughts. Self-judgment boomerangs out and then back in even harder. Creates a cycle of suffering where all my attention is on what’s supposedly “wrong”.
This is a general comment also. Tara is most wonderful and inspiring. My friend told me about her and I have found the teachings to be life saving over a challenging journey that I have been undergoing. I feel that my self development has made tremendous progress as a result of the Mindfulness practices and the talks which are delivered with spot on humour in illustrative story examples and jokes! Thank you for being a real, authentic beacon of light Tara.
When we feel inadequate ourselves we project it on to others and Causes a break down in relationships
Meanwhile, many neurodivergent folks were never happier than during lockdown.
Yep that’s right hahaha that is about how I feel about the world right now 😁
They don’t authentically address their struggles, needs and this does not help improve relationships .
So true. A seemingly overinflated ego hides deep insecurity so often.
When they hide, they are lying to some people during some time and they don´t even have the slightest clue. They are the victim and the others are the enemy, which isolates them even more. It is difficult to break the blame cycle: it is not me, it is you.
Disconnected
They are not able to have a heart to heart relationship.
When I hide in fear of being judged, it puts up a wall between me and my daughter. All she can see is my fear. That’s how it was between me and my mum.
Creates distance and misunderstandings, can lead to be labeled as conflict that then leads to avoidance. Loved how she shared her own examples to normalize. Frame this as self awareness personal growth.
It stops you from fully connecting
It limits the possibility to connect at a deep level
It creates distance and allows room for misunderstandings and misinterpretations.
They / we withdraw and try to pretend they / we are someone else.It causes stress and is a step away from authenticity and contact.
You start the relationship on untrueful information and the other person will not know who you are
Thank you, once again, Tara for helping me look to see why I am so critical of the most beautiful soul I have ever met – my wife. I don’t know what I’m going to find but I’m not frightened to look.
I have been infinitely enriched by Tara’s work over the years. And was really happy to receive this free video. Although I work in a particular form of therapy, I am still – even at 72 – on the journey of dealing with my own feelings of self-criticism. So these videos are precious for me.
However, I have one strong comment to make about the background music – audible all the time that Tara is talking.
The use of background, music in nature documentaries, and now in teachings is truly grossly and disturbingly over done. (It has even crept into recorded poetry readings – absolutely crazy as the poetry is it self the music)
Tara teaches – and I have no doubt that your own courses do the same – the infinite value of silence and attention to the present moment. Her words do not need irritating, repetitive music in the background.
I – and I know others – find this ‘music’ a distraction to a calm focus on what we are hearing, or what we are seeing – a real form of noise and sense pollution.
Do please consider this, it comes from somebody who knows quite a lot about neuroscience, attention and learning. With best wishes for your great work.
I agree with you Maud about the music – it seems counter intuitive to have it at all and is certainly too loud
👌
Me hiding my true self is making me realise that I truly don’t feel safe enough in any of my relationships, that I can trust the people in my life with my true self. It’s saddens me to have this realisation but I still keep on doing the work so that I can heal and feel safe with myself. That is my intention right now. Maybe if I feel safe with myself then I can start recognising who I can feel safe with in my world.
I’m a good person. Very loving, but I don’t feel loved. I just feel used or unappreciated. Years I felt unsafe from my ex husband, whom I left and divorced, and my mother no longer alive. They were suffering and never wanted help. I feared them, my safety. I hid or I ran away from them. I forgive them. I know God loves me. I like to experience love with that special one. Especially from my family. They don’t love themselves. It will be challenging. Thank you for these reminders of who we are. To love and be loved.