“It’s not your fault.”
This wisdom is counterintuitive. I am yes, on the one hand, there is inside an acceptance. And I can see that, accompanied by attention to thoughts and feelings, and presence. I didn’t think of another way to look at this phrase, where are who would allow me to continue as I am, and I try to make changes and that my thoughts and my actions are OK. And just tell others to deal with it that’s not what I want to take away from these videos and your wisdom, Namaste
As I witnessed this there was enormous freedom and a loosening of one’s self and yet a feeling of not deserving and artificial sense of self. Overall a real feeling over potential.
Thank you. It wasn’t hard to comb through my past to find both an incident that Ive been beating myself up for alI these years. And it quickly came to light my reason for feeling guilt and shame…and also the trigger from my past for why I did. Thank you!
Wow, I found this hard. I can intellectually understand and forgive myself but I feel a separation of emotionally feeling this self forgiveness. It also truly brings up the core feeling of the loss of love/lack of loving kindness given to me as a child.
Very fertile and beautiful ground for continued lol bing self healing.
thank you for your generosity in helping us to live beter lives. When I forgive myself I am no longer a prisoner of my guilts and self judgenents and being liberated I become a free and happier person or childlike innocence such that loving is a more natural state of being
This has been so helpful. I was hard on myself, thinking I needed to punish myself for mistakes, instead of showing myself compassion because I did the best I could with my awareness at the time. I’m going to be gentler with myself now.
I don’t seem to be able to forgive myself. It seems to have a stronghold on me. It seems that I’m constantly hoping that my sister will forgive me, and allow an open conversation about the hurt I caused her and the hurt she caused me. I’m stuck on hoping that will occur. I need to learn to let that go and remind myself that “It’s not my fault” that I behaved the way I did, it was a learned behaviour which I understand better now (after many years of therapy) and never repeated after that one time. I’m afraid that I will be stuck here forever, and that I will never forgive and love myself…
I do not know – yet- but I imagine that by calming my own reactivity and defensiveness by being truly at peace with myself, that would allow me to be more open and trusting of others-to not assume they are going to attack and undermine me.
Genuine forgiveness would help my clients be at peace with themselves, and it would alleviate some of the shame and self-loathing; this would help in being more genuine, open and present in their relationships
It’s difficult for me to forgive myself for my shortcomings as a mother. But I have asked my children for forgiveness which I have found helpful and healing.
It would shocking for those around me to see and feel the kindness and love without passive/aggressive behavior peppered in. It would also show a huge sense of relief and calm in me.
A very healing three videos. Thank you for conveying so effectively a sense of being there for all of us.
Forgiveness of myself enables greater connection with others. A greater sense of well being and as you say connectedness with other people.
I especially appreciated the ideas the ‘it’s not you fault’ and ‘vengeance is a lazy form of grief’
I am kinder to others when I am kind to myself. When I bring myself down from the pedestal that I think or believe I should be up on, I am more accepting of my faulty being and am more accepting of the faults of others. I can role with the punches and truly enjoy the life I have.
This program has been super helpful, I have a number of clients with treatment resistant depression that live in self-loathing, I love the questions and the compassionate guidance. Thank you.
Self acceptance only comes with a commitment to healing and opening up to spiritual energies of forgiveness which go beyond the limits of this material world.
Karen Cocco, Psychology, Cedar Knolls, NJ, USAsays
Coming away with a deeper understanding of how compassion & self-acceptance facilitate a more peaceful & mindful response to stressors – and subsequently enhancing our connection with others – is such a key piece that is needed for our clients – especially in dealing with complex trauma –
I often will wake feeling guilt and shame about my children. How I neglected them, was not emotionally available for them, allowing society’s idea of parenting overrule my instincts. So in interaction with my teenage son, I often feel so useless and unhelpful and frantically try to help him causing him stress, I imagine. So, to let go of the past, to lighten my thoughts could help me be a better mother to him and my daughter.
I’m increasingly aware of my feelings of distance from my grown children.
I’m trying to fix , what’s likely only in my head, by being perfect.
It doesn’t change this nagging feeling like they don’t like me – which is not demonstrated by them.
I know intellectually that my feelings belong to my relationship with my mother but I fear I treated them in the ways my mother treated me- not as consistently but “ I did repeat her ways”
I don’t feel like they could truly love me- I suppose I don’t love myself
when I Am forgiving myself it opens my heart towards all the directions and the inner space widens and the quality of feelings change, that you Tara, it’s a very useful tool to follow
Self-compassion moves me and makes me feel more able to approach the person I’m in conflict with – because I’ve already given myself that acknowledgement and care – it frees up the communication – I’m no longer expecting or demanding it from them.
I recently had to empty the house of my deceased parents. I felt terribly guilty throwing away some of their belongings, particularly my dad’s thesis that he worked so hard to accomplish. I am
Working on forgiving myself and ask for their forgiveness. I tell myself that since they both loved me they understand the reasons for my actions. I am slowly coming to terms with these difficult feelings and trying to move on with a sense of warmth coming from them.
Thank you Tara for making us aware that self forgiveness creates unity with others.
ABUNDANCE OF GRATITUDE. YOUR SUCCINCT GENTLE COMMUNICATION STYLE ENCOURAGED ME TO STICK WITH THE THREE VIDEOS. NO WASTED WORDS AND YOUR CLARITY HELPED ME TO ABSORB YOUR MESSAGE ~ MORE FULLY THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. MY DESIRE IS TO REWATCH EACH VIDEO WITH RENEWED TRUST THAT I AM NO LONGER BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY MY THOUGHTS AND THAT MY THOUGHTS ARE A REFLECTION OF PAST EXPERIENCES THAT DESERVE TO BE REPLACED BY GENTLER THOUGHTS AND LOVING APPRECIATION OF MY TRUE INTENTIONS. GRATEFULLY ~ KATHLEEN
thank you thank you for this simple & profound teaching and practice. just a few minutes of offering forgiveness to myself for how I’ve cause harm in my relationship allowed me to access emotion that was just below the surface. I can see how this can create a powerful feedback loop of building ability to be with our emotions allowing more loving kindness to sink in, unlocking deeper levels of emotion to be with. so good.
Self-forgiveness will allow them to move into a more loving space with their loved ones.
“It’s not your fault.”
This wisdom is counterintuitive. I am yes, on the one hand, there is inside an acceptance. And I can see that, accompanied by attention to thoughts and feelings, and presence. I didn’t think of another way to look at this phrase, where are who would allow me to continue as I am, and I try to make changes and that my thoughts and my actions are OK. And just tell others to deal with it that’s not what I want to take away from these videos and your wisdom, Namaste
As I witnessed this there was enormous freedom and a loosening of one’s self and yet a feeling of not deserving and artificial sense of self. Overall a real feeling over potential.
Thank you. It wasn’t hard to comb through my past to find both an incident that Ive been beating myself up for alI these years. And it quickly came to light my reason for feeling guilt and shame…and also the trigger from my past for why I did. Thank you!
“Vengeance is a lazy form of grief” 🙏
This is very challenging. Working on it.
Wow, I found this hard. I can intellectually understand and forgive myself but I feel a separation of emotionally feeling this self forgiveness. It also truly brings up the core feeling of the loss of love/lack of loving kindness given to me as a child.
Very fertile and beautiful ground for continued lol bing self healing.
It will free up the feeling of unworthiness.
Just realized how afraid I am that this person is better smarter than I am. I’m not enough.
thank you for your generosity in helping us to live beter lives. When I forgive myself I am no longer a prisoner of my guilts and self judgenents and being liberated I become a free and happier person or childlike innocence such that loving is a more natural state of being
I feel some shift, tears and grief and some acceptance.
This has been so helpful. I was hard on myself, thinking I needed to punish myself for mistakes, instead of showing myself compassion because I did the best I could with my awareness at the time. I’m going to be gentler with myself now.
Self forgiveness really allows me to connect with the present moment and allow for the future.
I don’t seem to be able to forgive myself. It seems to have a stronghold on me. It seems that I’m constantly hoping that my sister will forgive me, and allow an open conversation about the hurt I caused her and the hurt she caused me. I’m stuck on hoping that will occur. I need to learn to let that go and remind myself that “It’s not my fault” that I behaved the way I did, it was a learned behaviour which I understand better now (after many years of therapy) and never repeated after that one time. I’m afraid that I will be stuck here forever, and that I will never forgive and love myself…
I do not know – yet- but I imagine that by calming my own reactivity and defensiveness by being truly at peace with myself, that would allow me to be more open and trusting of others-to not assume they are going to attack and undermine me.
Genuine forgiveness would help my clients be at peace with themselves, and it would alleviate some of the shame and self-loathing; this would help in being more genuine, open and present in their relationships
It’s difficult for me to forgive myself for my shortcomings as a mother. But I have asked my children for forgiveness which I have found helpful and healing.
I am doing the best I can, I forgive myself
It would shocking for those around me to see and feel the kindness and love without passive/aggressive behavior peppered in. It would also show a huge sense of relief and calm in me.
I believe that forgiving oneself creates a softer foundation from which to relate to others.
Hard to do this when those affected by your negative self judgment have passed away.
A very healing three videos. Thank you for conveying so effectively a sense of being there for all of us.
Forgiveness of myself enables greater connection with others. A greater sense of well being and as you say connectedness with other people.
I especially appreciated the ideas the ‘it’s not you fault’ and ‘vengeance is a lazy form of grief’
I am kinder to others when I am kind to myself. When I bring myself down from the pedestal that I think or believe I should be up on, I am more accepting of my faulty being and am more accepting of the faults of others. I can role with the punches and truly enjoy the life I have.
Forgiving myself could allow a space for vulnerability in my relationship leading to a greater intimacy.
This program has been super helpful, I have a number of clients with treatment resistant depression that live in self-loathing, I love the questions and the compassionate guidance. Thank you.
My body softens and down steps into a more restful yet vulnerable/ tender state
Self acceptance only comes with a commitment to healing and opening up to spiritual energies of forgiveness which go beyond the limits of this material world.
Forgiveness is chosen… to be something to work on but can be so freeing and worthwhile
Coming away with a deeper understanding of how compassion & self-acceptance facilitate a more peaceful & mindful response to stressors – and subsequently enhancing our connection with others – is such a key piece that is needed for our clients – especially in dealing with complex trauma –
When we forgive ourselves, we will have the freedom and strength to forgive others. And only forgiveness will create sustainable deep connections.
Thank you Tara for this wonderful teaching
I acknowledge that self forgiveness helps me to respond more wisely and permits me to make amends!
Transforming
Very helpful:-)
I need this so badly. I am in the last third of my life. I don’t want to die without being at peace with myself.
Anxiety and fear arise, yet I stay with it!
I recognise the great importance of self compassion and forgiveness.
Understanding how to practice self forgiveness is very healing
I often will wake feeling guilt and shame about my children. How I neglected them, was not emotionally available for them, allowing society’s idea of parenting overrule my instincts. So in interaction with my teenage son, I often feel so useless and unhelpful and frantically try to help him causing him stress, I imagine. So, to let go of the past, to lighten my thoughts could help me be a better mother to him and my daughter.
I’m increasingly aware of my feelings of distance from my grown children.
I’m trying to fix , what’s likely only in my head, by being perfect.
It doesn’t change this nagging feeling like they don’t like me – which is not demonstrated by them.
I know intellectually that my feelings belong to my relationship with my mother but I fear I treated them in the ways my mother treated me- not as consistently but “ I did repeat her ways”
I don’t feel like they could truly love me- I suppose I don’t love myself
It gives me back some sense of power over how I will act in the future, gives me strength
when I Am forgiving myself it opens my heart towards all the directions and the inner space widens and the quality of feelings change, that you Tara, it’s a very useful tool to follow
Thank you for sharing these life changing ideas. Fascinating to learn how changing how we treat ourselves impacts on our relationships with others.
thank you for these practices! it helped me to offer myself kindness and realize that many people are struggling with self-judgement.
Self-compassion moves me and makes me feel more able to approach the person I’m in conflict with – because I’ve already given myself that acknowledgement and care – it frees up the communication – I’m no longer expecting or demanding it from them.
Saw how I criticized myself as a parent
I recently had to empty the house of my deceased parents. I felt terribly guilty throwing away some of their belongings, particularly my dad’s thesis that he worked so hard to accomplish. I am
Working on forgiving myself and ask for their forgiveness. I tell myself that since they both loved me they understand the reasons for my actions. I am slowly coming to terms with these difficult feelings and trying to move on with a sense of warmth coming from them.
Thank you Tara for making us aware that self forgiveness creates unity with others.
Thank you for sharing how to be peaceful with ones past which gives hope for a joyful future!
ABUNDANCE OF GRATITUDE. YOUR SUCCINCT GENTLE COMMUNICATION STYLE ENCOURAGED ME TO STICK WITH THE THREE VIDEOS. NO WASTED WORDS AND YOUR CLARITY HELPED ME TO ABSORB YOUR MESSAGE ~ MORE FULLY THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. MY DESIRE IS TO REWATCH EACH VIDEO WITH RENEWED TRUST THAT I AM NO LONGER BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY MY THOUGHTS AND THAT MY THOUGHTS ARE A REFLECTION OF PAST EXPERIENCES THAT DESERVE TO BE REPLACED BY GENTLER THOUGHTS AND LOVING APPRECIATION OF MY TRUE INTENTIONS. GRATEFULLY ~ KATHLEEN
thank you thank you for this simple & profound teaching and practice. just a few minutes of offering forgiveness to myself for how I’ve cause harm in my relationship allowed me to access emotion that was just below the surface. I can see how this can create a powerful feedback loop of building ability to be with our emotions allowing more loving kindness to sink in, unlocking deeper levels of emotion to be with. so good.
thank you for the compassionate and practical approach around forgiveness.