This talk really got me looking forward to helping my husband deal with his relation with our teenage daughter. Can’t wait to learning the steps to practice so we both grow as parents. Thanks!
this sounds like a wonderful program. My partner and I are working really hard to rebuild our connection to each other, and working on forgiveness of ourselves and each other is key to that process. I look forward to hearing more about this program. I have loved Tara’s work for a couple of years now, and feel so grateful to have discovered her teachings.
Wally Graeber, Another Field, Madison, WI, USAsays
Hi Tara and nicabm family, Genuine forgiveness seems to escape even myself most days. There is a self-hatred brimming underneath, that like Sam, I too feel for what I have done around those I love most, I still feel to have been inexcusable. Maybe I can soon find the forgiveness within myself and look at the circumstances I was experiencing at the time. In moments of crisis, lack of rest, sickness, etc. -I did not show up the way I know best. I will try it here- I forgive myself for the actions I took that caused pain to others I love most. I forgive myself for running away from relationships I was ashamed to be honest with. I forgive myself for the anger I felt towards myself for this infidelities. Maybe once I can practice this internally, I can assist others to do the same. Thanks for this opportunity of persona growth. -Wally 🙂
If I I can genuinely forgive myself, I could finally accept my daughter’s estrangement by not holding on to regrets and shame from the past. I raised her as an alcoholic. This separation from her is more painful than anything else, and I have done all I can to understand what she is feeling. We shared a deep closeness up until 3 years ago. All I can do is try to be ok with myself. I have been sober over 16 years and in the program of AA.
Very nice experience to become aware of these techniques and to hear these stories to remember we are human and to pause and be aware and offer more acceptance and kindness. Thank You.
Circumstances were very difficult for me when my son was very young. I always feel I should have been a better mother. I need to keep forgiving myself. This exercise is important. It will free me to be more loving towards myself and my son.
Genuine self-forgiveness is very hard. But I can see how important it is to be able to begin dealing with engrained unhealthy thinking patterns and behaviours.
Thank you for the video. I cried while watching it. I’ve learnt to release my emotions slowly and I do feel better. I know I need to keep practising coz I tend to hold on to my emotions often
I brought to mind my relationship with my loving dog Max. Remembering the times I have been harsh and cruel with him during his panic attacks, when I feel incapable of helping him, tired, and seek to find some peace on my own. This behaviour makes me hate myself and feel of not being worthy for his love. I see his deep need for creating a safe space and a deep connection with me in when he needs it the most, and receiving anger and isolation instead. It reminds me of the lack of deep connection with my father, from my childhood years up to now, the criticisms, the lack of acceptance and my own feelings of unworthiness. Genuine forgiveness of myself helps me see the “real me” and opens up the door for a loving and caring relationship with Max at all times. Thank you Tara! 🙏
I hugged myself and breathed deeply into the hug. When I thought again about my partner I felt that, instead of reaching out for love, now I was reaching out with love.
I don’t like how I feel when I judge my partner and at some point I realized I also judge myself daily and I don’t feel good about this either. So, I decided to stop judging my partner understanding that he was doing the best he could do and that allowed me to begin understanding and being conscious of judging myself. I need practice in this non-judging. The origin of self-judgment was the childhood need for emotional connection with parents.
Thank you so much. Brought tears to my eyes as I listened. I have a piloted who has been suicidal and in the hospital it is always good to hear your voice.
when I practice my gesture of kindness to myself it just makes me weep because I realize just how hard on myself I am….I have to tell myself if I kew better I would have done better but I didn’t and that makes me hurt.
I too notice that when I lose my temper I do in fact resist my grief and feel more comfortable getting angy instead. And somehow my compassion is linked directly to this grief and unless I can feel the one, I don’t seem to be able to feel the other… So I wish to open up more to feeling my grief, to become less afraid and less ashamed of it, to get better at grieving.
I do notice that when I lose my temper, in fact I resist my grief and feel more comfortable getting angy instead. And somehow my compassion is linked directly to this grief and unless I can feel the one, I don’t seem to be able to feel the other…
If I manage to forgive myself for my weaknesses and failures – or in other words, if I can lovingly accept them – then I can more freely accept and forgive my counterpart. Only then does a thriving relationship between sovereign people become possible.
I think that when we can’t forgive ourselves in our relationships, we then can’t forgive others for mistakes or weaknesses in the relationship either. I think it could lead to more acceptance of mistakes on both sides. Would love to hear more about the exercise you did with your client.
I found your description of addressing self-hatred and its limiting effects o my relationships, to be eye-opening, and your exercise on practicing self-compassion to be powerful.
Patricia Ross, Marriage/Family Therapy, Kentfield, CA, USAsays
I believe that the goal of therapy is not only self forgiveness, but self acceptance and self appreciation. A place of realizing that we are all fingers on the hand of God.
If I can forgive myself and realize that it’s not my fault nor the fault of the other person, maybe contentment/peace/happiness might even be possible.
Thank you Tara,
A very powerful practice…there is that deep initial sense of discomfort, embarressment that I have gone down that path again…the words ‘I should be better at this by now!’ which is followed by my cue to practice self compassion….and the more I do that, the shorter the time spent in that “trance of unworthiness” ….its not my fault…and ask what do I need in this moment… very powerful and such a support in our management of suffering. Thank you.
This talk really got me looking forward to helping my husband deal with his relation with our teenage daughter. Can’t wait to learning the steps to practice so we both grow as parents. Thanks!
this sounds like a wonderful program. My partner and I are working really hard to rebuild our connection to each other, and working on forgiveness of ourselves and each other is key to that process. I look forward to hearing more about this program. I have loved Tara’s work for a couple of years now, and feel so grateful to have discovered her teachings.
Hi Tara and nicabm family, Genuine forgiveness seems to escape even myself most days. There is a self-hatred brimming underneath, that like Sam, I too feel for what I have done around those I love most, I still feel to have been inexcusable. Maybe I can soon find the forgiveness within myself and look at the circumstances I was experiencing at the time. In moments of crisis, lack of rest, sickness, etc. -I did not show up the way I know best. I will try it here- I forgive myself for the actions I took that caused pain to others I love most. I forgive myself for running away from relationships I was ashamed to be honest with. I forgive myself for the anger I felt towards myself for this infidelities. Maybe once I can practice this internally, I can assist others to do the same. Thanks for this opportunity of persona growth. -Wally 🙂
Powerful thank you
It was rewarding but yet overwellming
Forgiveness of myself is a way to re-cognize I am a human being and nothing more is required of me.
If I I can genuinely forgive myself, I could finally accept my daughter’s estrangement by not holding on to regrets and shame from the past. I raised her as an alcoholic. This separation from her is more painful than anything else, and I have done all I can to understand what she is feeling. We shared a deep closeness up until 3 years ago. All I can do is try to be ok with myself. I have been sober over 16 years and in the program of AA.
I can educate my clients on having self love, but it’s hard to practice it myself. This video was helpful.
Sometimes I am quite rude with my husband and later I condem myself for that. Now I realized I was repeating my mother ‘s beheaviar
Self-compassion is the key to compassion to others. So nice to learn. Thank you
Very nice experience to become aware of these techniques and to hear these stories to remember we are human and to pause and be aware and offer more acceptance and kindness. Thank You.
I felt sadness and tears well up in me when trying to forgive myself
I will practice giving myself self compassion, as I feel this is missing in my life currently.
Circumstances were very difficult for me when my son was very young. I always feel I should have been a better mother. I need to keep forgiving myself. This exercise is important. It will free me to be more loving towards myself and my son.
Genuine self-forgiveness is very hard. But I can see how important it is to be able to begin dealing with engrained unhealthy thinking patterns and behaviours.
I guess it could strengthen them.
Perhaps modelling self compassion will heal the relationship.
This is so helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for the video. I cried while watching it. I’ve learnt to release my emotions slowly and I do feel better. I know I need to keep practising coz I tend to hold on to my emotions often
Forgiveness is such a gift to ourselves. We live we learn we love more and more.
this was really helpful thank you Tara, the connection and feeling of self compassion opens a new realm of possibility
I brought to mind my relationship with my loving dog Max. Remembering the times I have been harsh and cruel with him during his panic attacks, when I feel incapable of helping him, tired, and seek to find some peace on my own. This behaviour makes me hate myself and feel of not being worthy for his love. I see his deep need for creating a safe space and a deep connection with me in when he needs it the most, and receiving anger and isolation instead. It reminds me of the lack of deep connection with my father, from my childhood years up to now, the criticisms, the lack of acceptance and my own feelings of unworthiness. Genuine forgiveness of myself helps me see the “real me” and opens up the door for a loving and caring relationship with Max at all times. Thank you Tara! 🙏
I hugged myself and breathed deeply into the hug. When I thought again about my partner I felt that, instead of reaching out for love, now I was reaching out with love.
I don’t like how I feel when I judge my partner and at some point I realized I also judge myself daily and I don’t feel good about this either. So, I decided to stop judging my partner understanding that he was doing the best he could do and that allowed me to begin understanding and being conscious of judging myself. I need practice in this non-judging. The origin of self-judgment was the childhood need for emotional connection with parents.
Thank you so much. Brought tears to my eyes as I listened. I have a piloted who has been suicidal and in the hospital it is always good to hear your voice.
when I practice my gesture of kindness to myself it just makes me weep because I realize just how hard on myself I am….I have to tell myself if I kew better I would have done better but I didn’t and that makes me hurt.
Thank you for this video! I see it allowing people to give love the way they want to receive it, without need for justification or conditions.
I found it helped me to release stored up emotions. I’d love a copy of the meditation you gave to your client.
Thank you very much, as always, Tara…you bring so much heart and wisdom to so many of us. Hope you are well. 🙏💖
Curious of the exercise you gave Sam to try.
facing my fears deeply felt …was a relief to release the shame in feeling them
It could open their hearts to honestly identifying their fears and discovering their own feelings about these fears.
I too notice that when I lose my temper I do in fact resist my grief and feel more comfortable getting angy instead. And somehow my compassion is linked directly to this grief and unless I can feel the one, I don’t seem to be able to feel the other… So I wish to open up more to feeling my grief, to become less afraid and less ashamed of it, to get better at grieving.
I do notice that when I lose my temper, in fact I resist my grief and feel more comfortable getting angy instead. And somehow my compassion is linked directly to this grief and unless I can feel the one, I don’t seem to be able to feel the other…
If I manage to forgive myself for my weaknesses and failures – or in other words, if I can lovingly accept them – then I can more freely accept and forgive my counterpart. Only then does a thriving relationship between sovereign people become possible.
I’m sorry. this is not digestible for me this evening.
I felt an ease and lightness around the situation and that I could be more in the moment with the people concerned.
I think that when we can’t forgive ourselves in our relationships, we then can’t forgive others for mistakes or weaknesses in the relationship either. I think it could lead to more acceptance of mistakes on both sides. Would love to hear more about the exercise you did with your client.
What should be the answer when to the question it’s not my fault, who or what is it then ? Thank you
Thank you; this was so needed.
Mio Angelo – ti amo!
When I forgive myself, I can then focus on the other person and how I can help them.
I found your description of addressing self-hatred and its limiting effects o my relationships, to be eye-opening, and your exercise on practicing self-compassion to be powerful.
I believe that the goal of therapy is not only self forgiveness, but self acceptance and self appreciation. A place of realizing that we are all fingers on the hand of God.
If I can forgive myself and realize that it’s not my fault nor the fault of the other person, maybe contentment/peace/happiness might even be possible.
It would soften my defenses, thereby allowing others in.
it could allow me to come to relationship from a place of groundedness.
I think it will allow me to be less judgemental of others!
Thank you Tara,
A very powerful practice…there is that deep initial sense of discomfort, embarressment that I have gone down that path again…the words ‘I should be better at this by now!’ which is followed by my cue to practice self compassion….and the more I do that, the shorter the time spent in that “trance of unworthiness” ….its not my fault…and ask what do I need in this moment… very powerful and such a support in our management of suffering. Thank you.
I got hung up on “it’s not your fault”. Then whose fault is it ? and does it matter?