I am amazed how quickly my self judgements have resulted in judgements toward others, impatience and anger. Becoming aware and pausing are helpful. Realizing fear and shame are hidden and becoming curious about those feelings is a process.
I have several clients who have experienced traumatic incidents and their sense of responsibility and shame for what happened continues to linger, even though they were not at fault. I look forward to working with these practices with them. Thank you for all you do and for all of the healing you have created through your work.
Genuine forgiveness to myself for reactive behavior gives me perspective for others and their reactivity and instead of trying to control them and their knee jerk responses I can pause and remember my reactions are deeply practiced and I can forgive myself. That opens space for real change.
Genuine (self)-forgiveness would help my client (who is actually the younger version of me stuck in painful past situations) to fully feel that she deserves abundance, happiness, joy, security and freedom in all territories of her life. She would be able to understand that the depressed helplessness her mother felt (and still feels) was not in her response-ability and could also truly help her mother heal, not only suffer together with her under the heavy unresolved psychological and emotional burdens of the past.
When I was little she would go into a rage and become violent. I got beaten so many times.
Listening to today’s video has stirred up those past memories.
Today, I am a mum as well, I have never beaten anyone, still, I judge myself as unworthy to be loved and receive care or attention. Connecting with my heart and allowing me to feel behind the unworthiness, I felt the pain of loneliness and the need to be loved.
Great video, I often hear guilt and shame used interchangeably and they are not the same in us. In the way I work with shame, it is an earlier developmental experience and guilt is formed later. Shame is embarrassment or feelings of lack of self worth and all encompassing internal experience. I guess I would want to hear more about how the 2 differ in the work you do and how they may or may not overlap. Thanks so much for this powerful video
Yes, understanding why I had done something I didn’t like or didn’t feel good about, came with an opening of the heart. This was not only a relief but also gave me the clarity and determination to change and helped me repair and ask for forgiveness. Thanks for sharing this wisdom with such clarity and structure.
Charlotte Berkowitz, Teacher, Houston, TX, USAsays
This reminded me of the first time I heard a voice in my head say, “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” Like your client, I wept. Perhaps because my parents had never said/been able to say such freeing/healing words. Thank you for this affirming audio.
Forgiveness is one of life’s most important skills and abilities. The culture does not often produce conditions for learning these skills and developing this ability. So, most of us, unless we have unlearned the pattern of not forgiving and in its stead nurtured insightful truthful full bodies open hearted and open minded forgiveness for self and others, find ourselves “failing” to come through for others as we so wish to do and others failing us also in the same ways. So, we can forgive ourselves for not knowing how and help each other to learn together how to forgive.
How fragile, how fleeting yet how sticky and relentless are my feelings – wounded moody pretentious – and thoughts – the judgements, the anxieties, the imaginings – that surround them. Observe witness reflect. Open centreless unconflicted. Pointless useless incremental insanity.
I can bring two clients to mind who could really benefit from this approach. Self loathing has truly impacted their marriages. Thank you for unlocking a path forward
I feel difficult to choose 1 relationship to focus on. I A HAVE AFEELING OF NUMBNESS, OF GENERAL DISCOMFORT.
This show me how strong and deeply rooted is my sense of unworthyness.
It’s a long journey….
Thank you
Interestingly when I tried to do this self-forgiveness exercise, my impulse was to skip the self forgiveness part and focus on taking a more loving forgiving attitude toward those I judge. In trying to do this exercise, I realized that there is some barrier to self-forgiveness.
David Barker, Another Field, Rochester, NY, USAsays
Forgiving oneself is perhaps one of the greatest impediments to truly loving oneself. And you need to deeply love yourself before you can open your heart to others. Thank you for these mediations and talks.
I am so grateful for your generosity 🤗💖This amazing gift is helping me with softening my suffering. It is bringing me back to me and all the Love within and around 💖
It has been so helpful to meet myself with more gentleness and kindness. I realise that these are things I never experienced in childhood, and I can let go of self-blame and judgment for not simply ‘knowing better’ which hasn’t helped at all. Thank you so much Tara,
Debbie Meneses, Teacher, Los Angeles , CA, USAsays
A loved one has been demonstrating what we think are shame and self-hatred behaviors. No amount of kindness and communications of forgiveness has helped the person develop self-awareness. There is no observable indication of effective self-reflection. When we experience or observe hurtful behaviors, we have communicated. The individual accuses others of lying and wants to be seen as the victim.
This might be early signs of dementia but none of the family members can convince the person to have a professional assessment.
Sarah Curtis, MS, CCC-SLP, Another Field, Providence, RI, USAsays
Thank you so much for sharing this. It offers a ray of hope that can be hard to find. For me it seems a way that I can ask a few compelling questions of a client to convince them that that they are worth the self-investment of following my referral to a social worker or psychologist. As a medical speech language pathologist, I integrate counseling around response to the injuries my clients have come to me as a result of, but their circumstances frequently surface deeper or prior concerns that are outside my scope.
I am amazed how quickly my self judgements have resulted in judgements toward others, impatience and anger. Becoming aware and pausing are helpful. Realizing fear and shame are hidden and becoming curious about those feelings is a process.
I have several clients who have experienced traumatic incidents and their sense of responsibility and shame for what happened continues to linger, even though they were not at fault. I look forward to working with these practices with them. Thank you for all you do and for all of the healing you have created through your work.
Thank you for this video! Definitely appreciated.
Genuine forgiveness to myself for reactive behavior gives me perspective for others and their reactivity and instead of trying to control them and their knee jerk responses I can pause and remember my reactions are deeply practiced and I can forgive myself. That opens space for real change.
Long overdue in so many lives…
Genuine (self)-forgiveness would help my client (who is actually the younger version of me stuck in painful past situations) to fully feel that she deserves abundance, happiness, joy, security and freedom in all territories of her life. She would be able to understand that the depressed helplessness her mother felt (and still feels) was not in her response-ability and could also truly help her mother heal, not only suffer together with her under the heavy unresolved psychological and emotional burdens of the past.
There’s so much about the importance of self-compassion, but this is one of the only times I’ve heard specific ways that can lead to self-compassion.
When I was little she would go into a rage and become violent. I got beaten so many times.
Listening to today’s video has stirred up those past memories.
Today, I am a mum as well, I have never beaten anyone, still, I judge myself as unworthy to be loved and receive care or attention. Connecting with my heart and allowing me to feel behind the unworthiness, I felt the pain of loneliness and the need to be loved.
Great video, I often hear guilt and shame used interchangeably and they are not the same in us. In the way I work with shame, it is an earlier developmental experience and guilt is formed later. Shame is embarrassment or feelings of lack of self worth and all encompassing internal experience. I guess I would want to hear more about how the 2 differ in the work you do and how they may or may not overlap. Thanks so much for this powerful video
The words “it’s not your fault” were transformative for me. If they can help me, it will likely help my clients. Much appreciated.
Yes, understanding why I had done something I didn’t like or didn’t feel good about, came with an opening of the heart. This was not only a relief but also gave me the clarity and determination to change and helped me repair and ask for forgiveness. Thanks for sharing this wisdom with such clarity and structure.
It left me with a feeling of forgiveness and softness.
helpful
thanks
This reminded me of the first time I heard a voice in my head say, “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” Like your client, I wept. Perhaps because my parents had never said/been able to say such freeing/healing words. Thank you for this affirming audio.
I experienced an opening to forgiveness for myself
Forgiveness is one of life’s most important skills and abilities. The culture does not often produce conditions for learning these skills and developing this ability. So, most of us, unless we have unlearned the pattern of not forgiving and in its stead nurtured insightful truthful full bodies open hearted and open minded forgiveness for self and others, find ourselves “failing” to come through for others as we so wish to do and others failing us also in the same ways. So, we can forgive ourselves for not knowing how and help each other to learn together how to forgive.
Self compassion… transformative.
I found the background music distracting…and annoying.
How fragile, how fleeting yet how sticky and relentless are my feelings – wounded moody pretentious – and thoughts – the judgements, the anxieties, the imaginings – that surround them. Observe witness reflect. Open centreless unconflicted. Pointless useless incremental insanity.
“It’s not your fault.” Four simple words to navigate our complicated relationships with ourselves.
Such a powerful exercise, thank you!
I can bring two clients to mind who could really benefit from this approach. Self loathing has truly impacted their marriages. Thank you for unlocking a path forward
Thanks so much. This is a beautiful offering
I feel difficult to choose 1 relationship to focus on. I A HAVE AFEELING OF NUMBNESS, OF GENERAL DISCOMFORT.
This show me how strong and deeply rooted is my sense of unworthyness.
It’s a long journey….
Thank you
Thank you for the great info
Would love to hear Tara Brack speak about shame and emotions involved. Thank you for this opportunity. My e mail address mariekelly222@gmail.com
Tara, it is often hard to remember to give myself compassion, this was helpful. Thank you.
Thanks
I’m grateful to watch these videos. The content is interesting and more than that!
Interestingly when I tried to do this self-forgiveness exercise, my impulse was to skip the self forgiveness part and focus on taking a more loving forgiving attitude toward those I judge. In trying to do this exercise, I realized that there is some barrier to self-forgiveness.
Forgiving oneself is perhaps one of the greatest impediments to truly loving oneself. And you need to deeply love yourself before you can open your heart to others. Thank you for these mediations and talks.
I am so grateful for your generosity 🤗💖This amazing gift is helping me with softening my suffering. It is bringing me back to me and all the Love within and around 💖
It has been so helpful to meet myself with more gentleness and kindness. I realise that these are things I never experienced in childhood, and I can let go of self-blame and judgment for not simply ‘knowing better’ which hasn’t helped at all. Thank you so much Tara,
Thank you so much for this!
Your recommendations and presentation helped me to reframe how I’d like to interact with my adult daughter.
Ann D.
Thank you for the information. This was most helpful personally, and will be in my practice.
I could express more tenderness to others as well
Love all of Tara’s wisdom.
Forgiving myself will free me to be more caring and less isolated
A loved one has been demonstrating what we think are shame and self-hatred behaviors. No amount of kindness and communications of forgiveness has helped the person develop self-awareness. There is no observable indication of effective self-reflection. When we experience or observe hurtful behaviors, we have communicated. The individual accuses others of lying and wants to be seen as the victim.
This might be early signs of dementia but none of the family members can convince the person to have a professional assessment.
Your video is helpful.
Thank you for the work you are doing.
Remembering to be compassionate toward myself with curiosity continues to give freedom and a sense of renewed connection with myself and others.
This is just what I’ve been struggling with! So grateful for this xxx
Self forgiveness creates a vulnerability that allows friends and loved ones to get closer to you and to see more of you
Such invaluable information, I will use this in my practice, thank you so much.
I really like the quote “Vengeance is a lazy form of grief”
Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this. It offers a ray of hope that can be hard to find. For me it seems a way that I can ask a few compelling questions of a client to convince them that that they are worth the self-investment of following my referral to a social worker or psychologist. As a medical speech language pathologist, I integrate counseling around response to the injuries my clients have come to me as a result of, but their circumstances frequently surface deeper or prior concerns that are outside my scope.
Compassion allows connection to ourselves and others
Thank you very good material
I’ve made many mistakes throughout my life; one I can’t forgive myself for because I don’t deserve forgiveness.
Thank you!
Alicia