Betty Steinberg, Other, Mount Laurel , NJ, USAsays
I am appreciative of guidance how to manage shame. I’ve been struggling with moving on from my divorce in 2020 and am hoping to start living with less shame, fear and sadness.
Christy Draper, Another Field, Pensacola, FL, USAsays
I am in the process of becoming a mindful meditation teacher. I still struggle with self judgement and feeling guilt and want to work harder towards inner acceptance.
I would feel freer to end the friendship, or no longer engage it, without guilt. I would also be able to see that the friend had a part in it, not just me, or that my part was not worse in some way. Without continually trying to resolve my own same for reacting, I might recognize that it was probably a reaction to subtle controlling behaviors and tactless statements (insults) over time that I had probably just had enough of, no matter how “polite” and “civil” the relationship looked on the surface, which was deceiving.
After feeling shame and regret about my behaviors and actions, and upon discovering previously I remembered trauma, a dear counselor whispered “It’s not your fault”. I had heard the words before but this time I really heard them. That’s why I’m here now. A new leg of a continuing journey. I’m 81 and still with hope!Thank you Tara
I’ll need to listen to this multiple times to learn to forgive myself. And I’m really not a horrible person, but the perfectionist in me doesn’t forgive me for any even slight harms I’ve done to others.
I am a mental health professional but I have a mental health as well, so this excercise is just as helpful for me. As always, I appreciate the loving, kind, accepting, compassionate way of being. I hope some day it will be my normal.
Thank you Tara. I know that truly forgiving yourself might be so powerful, and yet it still seems almost impossible. I guess part of the difficulty lies in many years of clinging to feelings of shame and self blame, even self hatred. I truly hope there is still a chance and enough time to make this change towards self forgiveness. No doubt I am going to try, again.
This is a real game changer, especially for those of us that were reared on a diet of harsh judgement and where compassion was non existent. I have discovered that the more self compassion I have, the better a person I become and the more loving I can be to others. Everything starts with oneself, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Forgiving myself when it comes to me and my older sister could help us grow closer. It could help me not compare myself as much to her as I always have.. A lot of my behavior when I was younger was because of the environment we were in. I take responsibility, but if I forgive myself, I can love myself more which will help me be a better sister for her.
This was beautiful. Thank you. Several years ago I ended a relationship in a way that I now see was cruel. Recently I reconnected with him and we are negotiating what our relationship will be going forward. (It will not be the same because now I am committed to another a wonderful man.) Nothing could be more appropriate for me than this reflection on self-judgment. Thank you again.
It would open my heart and I would be able to soften around it all. I would realize that I did the best I could have and that it was not my fault. Not live in that shame, guilt and anguish of what had happened. I could truly forgive myself as I did the only thing I could at that moment. I could then be opened to realizing that the other person also was doing the best he could. And that it was also not his fault.
It might not be able to fix the relationship, but it would change how I see other situations that might evoke the same guilt or shame and it would change everything and how I can now look at everything. Even if I cannot see it right away. To know that I do deserve self forgivness and be able to really start to love and forgive myself can change everything. Thank you!!!!!
Heidi Paillon Paillon, Nursing, Greenbrae, CA, USAsays
So very helpful though I don’t know how to let go of self judgement yet all the way.
Looking forward to more. Tara so grateful that you are online and available to so many of us. Thank you!
Suppressed anger and guilt are my two companions and am very grateful for the work you have introduced me to. This makes sense. Not easy but aged 70 I hope it’s not too late.
I struggle with saying ‘it’s not my fault’ when it is actually me that caused the issue by my reaction.
Have signed up for the course, so looking forward to gaining more understanding around this 🙂
Thank you Tara. I see your invitation to the client as a developmental need connected to initially a pre 3yrs issue when a toddler is trying many new skills, walking climbing jumping etc. inevitably they get it wrong and sometimes get hurt and needs the care concern and unconditional love and acceptance of a care giver. This gives permission to make mistakes and still be loveable. If you don’t get that permission as a child you are likely to repeat the way you were treated at 18months old when you make a mistake as an adult.
“The key to happiness is self-acceptance”, says the fortune cookie message I’ve been carrying in my wallet for a few years. But I still have not been able to forgive myself for all my flaws. I needed to hear this. Thankful to you, Tara!
Thank you Tara. you made me think of a past relationship where I felt so guilty and ashamed after leaving that it’s taken me 23 years to establish a friendly rapport with this person.
I have started to forgive myself for what I feel has been my lack of emotional support for my daighter as she was growing up. It has now helped me to show her now how much I love her. She is 33, and now our relationship is better than it has been in years, thanks to my efforts to forgive myself.
I used to believe that I bring out the worst in men but recently understood that it was an opportunity to heal the hurt I felt with my father. This became evident in a recent relationship. I am cutting the ties as I no longer need to feel shame about my vulnerability or my gullibility. Thank you.
Hi Tara this is Deborah Chaskin
I met you years ago at the Jack Kornfield retreat.
Then attended other retreats with you.
Appreciate you guided meditation.
It left me realizing that when I learn to love myself and not beat myself up
I will become a more tolerant loving person to those around me also.
It is all about stopping the War With in first.
Martha Baine, Another Field, Leesburg, VA, USAsays
I’d like to find a way to speak so that my adult son wouldn’t feel I was being critical. I feel as though he still feels himself a child being chided by his mother even though that’s not what I intend. I would like to know how to express my feelings better.
I am appreciative of guidance how to manage shame. I’ve been struggling with moving on from my divorce in 2020 and am hoping to start living with less shame, fear and sadness.
I am in the process of becoming a mindful meditation teacher. I still struggle with self judgement and feeling guilt and want to work harder towards inner acceptance.
I would feel freer to end the friendship, or no longer engage it, without guilt. I would also be able to see that the friend had a part in it, not just me, or that my part was not worse in some way. Without continually trying to resolve my own same for reacting, I might recognize that it was probably a reaction to subtle controlling behaviors and tactless statements (insults) over time that I had probably just had enough of, no matter how “polite” and “civil” the relationship looked on the surface, which was deceiving.
the sense of being more than that action came and the possibility of change begin to arise
Find a non-judgmental friend. It will help you. It will help them. It’s contagious.
I felt a lot of worth and at ease
After feeling shame and regret about my behaviors and actions, and upon discovering previously I remembered trauma, a dear counselor whispered “It’s not your fault”. I had heard the words before but this time I really heard them. That’s why I’m here now. A new leg of a continuing journey. I’m 81 and still with hope!Thank you Tara
I’ll need to listen to this multiple times to learn to forgive myself. And I’m really not a horrible person, but the perfectionist in me doesn’t forgive me for any even slight harms I’ve done to others.
Thanks for the free guided mediation,
Thank you!!
I am a mental health professional but I have a mental health as well, so this excercise is just as helpful for me. As always, I appreciate the loving, kind, accepting, compassionate way of being. I hope some day it will be my normal.
Very helpful. A great deal of wisdom in this perspective on self-judgment and rejection. Thank you.
Thank you Tara🙏
Great video!
Thank you Tara. I know that truly forgiving yourself might be so powerful, and yet it still seems almost impossible. I guess part of the difficulty lies in many years of clinging to feelings of shame and self blame, even self hatred. I truly hope there is still a chance and enough time to make this change towards self forgiveness. No doubt I am going to try, again.
This is a real game changer, especially for those of us that were reared on a diet of harsh judgement and where compassion was non existent. I have discovered that the more self compassion I have, the better a person I become and the more loving I can be to others. Everything starts with oneself, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Thank you!
If I forgive myself I will stop reacting with blame.
Thank you for this series. I’d really like to release my shame and forgive myself. I know it’d help my relationships with other people too
Thank you Tara!
Love it!
Forgiving myself when it comes to me and my older sister could help us grow closer. It could help me not compare myself as much to her as I always have.. A lot of my behavior when I was younger was because of the environment we were in. I take responsibility, but if I forgive myself, I can love myself more which will help me be a better sister for her.
This was beautiful. Thank you. Several years ago I ended a relationship in a way that I now see was cruel. Recently I reconnected with him and we are negotiating what our relationship will be going forward. (It will not be the same because now I am committed to another a wonderful man.) Nothing could be more appropriate for me than this reflection on self-judgment. Thank you again.
Looking forward to hear your perspective on shame and guilt.
Thank you for the helpful exercise!
Looking forward to this series !
It would open my heart and I would be able to soften around it all. I would realize that I did the best I could have and that it was not my fault. Not live in that shame, guilt and anguish of what had happened. I could truly forgive myself as I did the only thing I could at that moment. I could then be opened to realizing that the other person also was doing the best he could. And that it was also not his fault.
It might not be able to fix the relationship, but it would change how I see other situations that might evoke the same guilt or shame and it would change everything and how I can now look at everything. Even if I cannot see it right away. To know that I do deserve self forgivness and be able to really start to love and forgive myself can change everything. Thank you!!!!!
So very helpful though I don’t know how to let go of self judgement yet all the way.
Looking forward to more. Tara so grateful that you are online and available to so many of us. Thank you!
They would come in touch with themselves again and only people who are in touch with themselves can actually touch others.
Suppressed anger and guilt are my two companions and am very grateful for the work you have introduced me to. This makes sense. Not easy but aged 70 I hope it’s not too late.
I struggle with saying ‘it’s not my fault’ when it is actually me that caused the issue by my reaction.
Have signed up for the course, so looking forward to gaining more understanding around this 🙂
This point of view will be powerful for at least one client I am helping currently. Thank you!
Thank you Tara. I see your invitation to the client as a developmental need connected to initially a pre 3yrs issue when a toddler is trying many new skills, walking climbing jumping etc. inevitably they get it wrong and sometimes get hurt and needs the care concern and unconditional love and acceptance of a care giver. This gives permission to make mistakes and still be loveable. If you don’t get that permission as a child you are likely to repeat the way you were treated at 18months old when you make a mistake as an adult.
“The key to happiness is self-acceptance”, says the fortune cookie message I’ve been carrying in my wallet for a few years. But I still have not been able to forgive myself for all my flaws. I needed to hear this. Thankful to you, Tara!
I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
Thank you Tara. you made me think of a past relationship where I felt so guilty and ashamed after leaving that it’s taken me 23 years to establish a friendly rapport with this person.
Thanks
I have started to forgive myself for what I feel has been my lack of emotional support for my daighter as she was growing up. It has now helped me to show her now how much I love her. She is 33, and now our relationship is better than it has been in years, thanks to my efforts to forgive myself.
I used to believe that I bring out the worst in men but recently understood that it was an opportunity to heal the hurt I felt with my father. This became evident in a recent relationship. I am cutting the ties as I no longer need to feel shame about my vulnerability or my gullibility. Thank you.
Thanks.
Hi Tara this is Deborah Chaskin
I met you years ago at the Jack Kornfield retreat.
Then attended other retreats with you.
Appreciate you guided meditation.
It left me realizing that when I learn to love myself and not beat myself up
I will become a more tolerant loving person to those around me also.
It is all about stopping the War With in first.
Thank you for sharing this series
I’d like to find a way to speak so that my adult son wouldn’t feel I was being critical. I feel as though he still feels himself a child being chided by his mother even though that’s not what I intend. I would like to know how to express my feelings better.
jennae
I’m glad you said Shame isn’t just about a misdeed. Thank you for including lack of self confidence and worth.
Love this teaching of forgiveness.
I have followed Tara for over thirty years…when I stray from the path she always comes up with a new program and I’m back
KATHARINE BLAKESLEE
If I can forgive myself then I can forgive others. Thanks Tara💕I’m very interested in this course.
Looking forward to hearing new thoughts from Tara.
Love it
It’s not my fault is a segway to self compassion… It’s worth practising
I love how the persoective on myself shifts with this practice. From guilt to kindness and understanding.