I started tearing up and feeling a lot of sadness and loss as you were talking about shame and guilt. There are some things I have done in my life that I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now. I am hoping your meditation and other tools will help me to be my best self—a loving and kind person and to deepen my intimacy with my husband. Thank you. Namaste 🙏
Diana Appleton, Psychotherapy, O Fallon, IL, IL, USAsays
Thank you Tara for that seemingly simple exercise in Self Forgiveness. I am grieving a recent loss and was not always a patient caregiver. When I began to forgive myself I felt lighter and more at peace inside. That you for being you.
Wonderful Tara, as always. Forgiving myself changes my relationships because it opens my heart and I,m filled with tenderness, vulnerability and compassion, and that directly impacts my capacity to be loving to others and it also changes how others perceive me, no longer as a threat but as someone they can feel love and compassion for as well. So it changes everything.
Thank you so much Tara for this wisdom. I am working with a manager who is hugely impacted by one of her staff’s behaviours and criticism towards her. We are looking at why that person’s behaviour causes her such suffering and self-doubt. Listening to you has greatly supported my work with her and she too is seeing how her early years that were full of criticism of her, have contributed to her own self-criticism. This has been incredibly helpful thank you.
I just typed my comment, a long one, and I must’ve pressed the wrong button because it disappeared. So I will start over again.
I lost my dear friends of over 20 years in 2007 because I had been behaving in a way that was intolerable to them, but they had not told me. Finally, I asked them and found out why. I was shocked and hurt, miserably hurt, and I was angry. I expressed my anger to them. That did not endear me to them.
I’m going to apologize to them for my initial behavior, and then my anger. I don’t know if I will ask them to forgive me. I don’t think that I will ask them to apologize to me for dumping me.
Now, I have finally forgiven myself, and forgiven them. I have worked on this for years.
I don’t believe this will change anything between us. I do believe this will change me, as I will no longer be carrying around this albatross of pain and hurt.
Developing compassion for the human condition in myself and others rather than blaming myself or others for being ‘bad’ has helped reduce suffering and I would go as far to say, has kept me alive. I practice because I have found it works not because I’m following anybody’s ideas. Thank you for teaching and encouraging the practice though 🙏
When I am genuinely compassionate and forgiving of myself it enables me to be less reactive and defensive resulting in my having more compassion, understanding and forgiveness of the other person. Thank you for your guidance – sometimes one word/phrase works as a signpost that can change the trajectory of your life in a heartbeat. Thank you
It is not our fault but it is our responsibility. I have healed the beast …. it is impossible to build or rebuild a relationship a marriage with someone who has no self awareness of their beast no remorse never utter a ‘ I’m sorry’ or I want to be better. It takes two wanting to be their best to see and accept their faults and actively work to break the trance and find our gold which will shine in others.
Jeannie-kay Nerenbu, Nursing, King city, CA, USAsays
I am processing grief and who I was in the relationship with my husband who recently died.
I am experiencing self judgements although I know I gave so much love and care to him. Sometimes I armored my heart because he was difficult and lashed out at me while he was suffering. I had no help and the burden of caregiving was getting too much for me and suddenly we were in the hospital and he died. I didn’t expect he wouldn’t come home. I have so much to forgive myself for. I wasn’t prepared. The exercise brought a flood of tears and sadness at the thought of it’s not my fault and forgiven. It’s like I will never get a chance to redo this more prepared to care for him and meet his needs and I will always feel some guilt and shame that I sometimes let him down while he was suffering as much as I tried to and wanted to be a loving presence. The exercise turned me towards these emotions and opened space for allowing my not perfect parts. Namaste
By knowing that I can forgive myself from the shame and fear, I feel could begin to soften how I relate in my mind to myself and in turn my relationships with other people.
When I began to forgive myself and being kind and softer with myself, a weight lifted and I can feel some of the tangled emotions start to loosen ever so slightly.
MarNieves CORDOBA, Teacher, Red Bluff, CA, USAsays
Forgiving oneself is the most difficult action we can give ourselves. I have listened and read about selfcompassion for years and i cannot succeed yet.
I have reflected on it and continue to try. I look forward to the exercise/ practice you are offering. Thank you
Much love and gratitude to you Tara and to Sam for your sharing. Love heals the deepest hurt, the deepest pain, and allows an opening of heart. Thank you for bringing forward the power of awareness and mindfulness. By asking ourselves whether we have become a better human being by giving our awareness of pain and suffering presence brings us closer to our heart song, closer to the loving kindness which is our birth right.
Oceans of love, peace and harmony,
Lisa
Donna Strachan-Ledb, Psychotherapy, Lewes, DE, USAsays
Self-forgiveness is a powerful practice for clients and therapists to embrace but I find it is difficult practice. Many of us forgive others easier than we forgive ourselves but doing so opens our minds and hearts to the present moment rather than ruminating about the past. I think it increases our capacity for compassion.
The story of Sam really touched deeply. While thinking how could it be possible feeling the right moment for asking deeper questions? As otherwise being afraid of maybe sometimes creating more harm than good?
Thank you for this Tara. Self-blame and self-aversion overwhelm me sometimes and when they do I can’t connect with my teenager or my dearest friends. I believe truly forgiving myself when I get overwhelmed would remove barriers to reaching out for help and to being available to support and connect with the people I love.
Vicky Collins, Another Field, Addison, TX, USAsays
It never dawned on me that when I say mean things out of anger that it isn’t my fault. I would really like to learn how that could be true and how to practice. It resonated a lot with me that beating myself up doesn’t help me show up as a better person.
Forgiving myself for mothering mistakes I made with my son as a child in response to my husband’s struggles as a parent and this work of RAIN and Radical Acceptance has shifted so many perspectives and seems to have opened up more opportunity to relate to my adult son in a more compassionate and insightful manner. I am continually struck by how much this remains a work in progress.
Self forgiveness could help my bereaved clients work through their grief more successfully. Often, I encounter clients who are experiencing complicated grief. An inability to forgive themselves is a cornerstone of complicated grief.
Brought that relationship to mind and judging myself for being that way, closed up and distant, and I realize that I am experiencing Behaviors that this person has shown to me. So I’m using it was not my fault as a way of compassion for myself, and for the other persons behavior.
Forgiveness allows me to accept my humanness. With that forgiveness there is a softening and the opportunity to begin again compassionately. Another breathe and a letting go of the acquired material.
Thank you, Tara for this timely reminder to forgive myself. Just lately in my relationship to a close friend I have been confronted with old patterns of childlike insecurity leading to unbearable reactions and tensions at times. Forgiving myself feels like a healing way to travel.♡
Powerful….self compassion
I don’t know
Thank you
I started tearing up and feeling a lot of sadness and loss as you were talking about shame and guilt. There are some things I have done in my life that I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now. I am hoping your meditation and other tools will help me to be my best self—a loving and kind person and to deepen my intimacy with my husband. Thank you. Namaste 🙏
Thank you Tara for that seemingly simple exercise in Self Forgiveness. I am grieving a recent loss and was not always a patient caregiver. When I began to forgive myself I felt lighter and more at peace inside. That you for being you.
Wonderful Tara, as always. Forgiving myself changes my relationships because it opens my heart and I,m filled with tenderness, vulnerability and compassion, and that directly impacts my capacity to be loving to others and it also changes how others perceive me, no longer as a threat but as someone they can feel love and compassion for as well. So it changes everything.
Incredible wisdom from Tara Brach which I appreciate more with each
teaching. Thank you for helping me build richer relationships.
Joanne Kini
forgiveness would enable my clients to connect with others (rather than withdrawal) and experience the joy in that
So grateful for this
Thank you so much for your wise guidance.
thank you, I love listening to the video´s, thee always give me new perspective and insights. I am curious about the meditation..
Thank you so much Tara for this wisdom. I am working with a manager who is hugely impacted by one of her staff’s behaviours and criticism towards her. We are looking at why that person’s behaviour causes her such suffering and self-doubt. Listening to you has greatly supported my work with her and she too is seeing how her early years that were full of criticism of her, have contributed to her own self-criticism. This has been incredibly helpful thank you.
I seem only able to access the firs two videos. Is there something I need to do to see the other two?
🤍🤍🤍🤍
I just typed my comment, a long one, and I must’ve pressed the wrong button because it disappeared. So I will start over again.
I lost my dear friends of over 20 years in 2007 because I had been behaving in a way that was intolerable to them, but they had not told me. Finally, I asked them and found out why. I was shocked and hurt, miserably hurt, and I was angry. I expressed my anger to them. That did not endear me to them.
I’m going to apologize to them for my initial behavior, and then my anger. I don’t know if I will ask them to forgive me. I don’t think that I will ask them to apologize to me for dumping me.
Now, I have finally forgiven myself, and forgiven them. I have worked on this for years.
I don’t believe this will change anything between us. I do believe this will change me, as I will no longer be carrying around this albatross of pain and hurt.
Forgive myself & the other person.
Feel lighter with pain in my heart
Developing compassion for the human condition in myself and others rather than blaming myself or others for being ‘bad’ has helped reduce suffering and I would go as far to say, has kept me alive. I practice because I have found it works not because I’m following anybody’s ideas. Thank you for teaching and encouraging the practice though 🙏
When I am genuinely compassionate and forgiving of myself it enables me to be less reactive and defensive resulting in my having more compassion, understanding and forgiveness of the other person. Thank you for your guidance – sometimes one word/phrase works as a signpost that can change the trajectory of your life in a heartbeat. Thank you
It is not our fault but it is our responsibility. I have healed the beast …. it is impossible to build or rebuild a relationship a marriage with someone who has no self awareness of their beast no remorse never utter a ‘ I’m sorry’ or I want to be better. It takes two wanting to be their best to see and accept their faults and actively work to break the trance and find our gold which will shine in others.
Thank you for your work.
So helpful, thank you very much. You are such a wise, guiding light.
thanks
I would feel freer and more present. I could really be present to the person I am in relationship with.
I am processing grief and who I was in the relationship with my husband who recently died.
I am experiencing self judgements although I know I gave so much love and care to him. Sometimes I armored my heart because he was difficult and lashed out at me while he was suffering. I had no help and the burden of caregiving was getting too much for me and suddenly we were in the hospital and he died. I didn’t expect he wouldn’t come home. I have so much to forgive myself for. I wasn’t prepared. The exercise brought a flood of tears and sadness at the thought of it’s not my fault and forgiven. It’s like I will never get a chance to redo this more prepared to care for him and meet his needs and I will always feel some guilt and shame that I sometimes let him down while he was suffering as much as I tried to and wanted to be a loving presence. The exercise turned me towards these emotions and opened space for allowing my not perfect parts. Namaste
Great video, I’d love the meditation, many thanks. X
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful gifts
By knowing that I can forgive myself from the shame and fear, I feel could begin to soften how I relate in my mind to myself and in turn my relationships with other people.
When I began to forgive myself and being kind and softer with myself, a weight lifted and I can feel some of the tangled emotions start to loosen ever so slightly.
Beautifully instructed!
Forgiving oneself is the most difficult action we can give ourselves. I have listened and read about selfcompassion for years and i cannot succeed yet.
I have reflected on it and continue to try. I look forward to the exercise/ practice you are offering. Thank you
Hard to believe it’s not my fault, but certainly, I’m willing to use this mantra. Thank you!
Forgiving my Self increases my capacity to forgive others which increases my capacity to forgive my Self and on and on
Thank you. I find these videos most useful.
Much love and gratitude to you Tara and to Sam for your sharing. Love heals the deepest hurt, the deepest pain, and allows an opening of heart. Thank you for bringing forward the power of awareness and mindfulness. By asking ourselves whether we have become a better human being by giving our awareness of pain and suffering presence brings us closer to our heart song, closer to the loving kindness which is our birth right.
Oceans of love, peace and harmony,
Lisa
Self-forgiveness is a powerful practice for clients and therapists to embrace but I find it is difficult practice. Many of us forgive others easier than we forgive ourselves but doing so opens our minds and hearts to the present moment rather than ruminating about the past. I think it increases our capacity for compassion.
Such a lovely, healing exercise. Thanks!
The story of Sam really touched deeply. While thinking how could it be possible feeling the right moment for asking deeper questions? As otherwise being afraid of maybe sometimes creating more harm than good?
Thank you for this Tara. Self-blame and self-aversion overwhelm me sometimes and when they do I can’t connect with my teenager or my dearest friends. I believe truly forgiving myself when I get overwhelmed would remove barriers to reaching out for help and to being available to support and connect with the people I love.
Thank you. Worth repeating daily.
Thank you! A visualisation and deeper info to talks and podcast
It never dawned on me that when I say mean things out of anger that it isn’t my fault. I would really like to learn how that could be true and how to practice. It resonated a lot with me that beating myself up doesn’t help me show up as a better person.
It could allow me to respond from a place a peace.
Forgiving myself for mothering mistakes I made with my son as a child in response to my husband’s struggles as a parent and this work of RAIN and Radical Acceptance has shifted so many perspectives and seems to have opened up more opportunity to relate to my adult son in a more compassionate and insightful manner. I am continually struck by how much this remains a work in progress.
it’s ok to make mistakes and I’m responsible for my own reactions
Self forgiveness could help my bereaved clients work through their grief more successfully. Often, I encounter clients who are experiencing complicated grief. An inability to forgive themselves is a cornerstone of complicated grief.
Brought that relationship to mind and judging myself for being that way, closed up and distant, and I realize that I am experiencing Behaviors that this person has shown to me. So I’m using it was not my fault as a way of compassion for myself, and for the other persons behavior.
Forgiveness allows me to accept my humanness. With that forgiveness there is a softening and the opportunity to begin again compassionately. Another breathe and a letting go of the acquired material.
Thank you, Tara for this timely reminder to forgive myself. Just lately in my relationship to a close friend I have been confronted with old patterns of childlike insecurity leading to unbearable reactions and tensions at times. Forgiving myself feels like a healing way to travel.♡
About half way through the video, the feed stalled and I was unable to get it to re-start. I’ll try again later.
Looking forward to this after just attending my high school reunion.