I have been spending the last few months trying to understand how I could have spent what feels like a lifetime failing at relationships, repeating the same destructive patterns over and over. Just yesterday I was remembering all the way back to my first relationship when I was 22 and how I was already Feeling shame for my destructiveness. I was wondering yesterday how I could possibly forgive myself, sensing that there is no other way through, and then your email appeared. Thank you. I think our whole culture could benefit from the idea that vengeance is a lazy form of grief.
Allison Anders, Another Field, Moscow, ID, USAsays
Forgiveness feels like it doesn’t solve anything at first, because the weight of viewing what has been feels like it needs equally immense weight to shift. But it seems like forgiveness is such a different energy that the whole equation disappears. It can still be hard when there’s a sense of needing understanding/forgiveness from others first, but I also know that’s not where this particular struggle is rooted. Maybe there is valid frustration from being misunderstood, but that is maybe different than or secondary to the weight we add of being unworthy or wrong for “getting ourselves into” that difficult place in the first place. I’m glad for the help in processing/loving to let go of some of the heaviness!
Simply acknowledging the hurt I’ve caused and recognizing that why I acted the way I did was to hold onto a relationship that I held dear and didn’t want to lose, softened my heart slightly.
Simple and deep truths. Thank you, Tara!!! I even remembered my own Dad anger problems, something that have haunted me all my life!! Light is slowly entering that area of my life.
One client in particular would stop having affairs and jumping from one inauthentic relationship to another. If they could forgive themselves and come to care about themselves, this would be offered to others. They would stop looking for love in all the wrong places because they would know it is within themselves.
Thank you. You reminded me what Im contemplating lately very much… that compassion for myself keeps me from healing myself. I am always critisizing my crisis and perceived slow progress.
You radiate so much empathy and acceptance.
It was a warm video.
Cynthia Luchia, Another Field, Yucca Valley, CA, USAsays
Dr. Brach seems kind and unconditionally accepting. I agree with her, that understanding myself helps with my forgiveness and acceptance of myself and others. I like that she mentions that these practices need to be done hundreds of times. I needed that reminder. I’m going to watch her other videos in YouTube to find out more about her.
Self-forgiveness is so powerful when it takes place – a whole new way of being begins. I have experienced this wonderful release many years ago – however, have found some difficulty sharing this with clients. Thank you Tara I have a better understanding now.
I found this exercise difficult because when I tried to forgive myself, it felt like I was giving myself a “free pass”, as if it was ok that I hurt that person. I don’t quite know how to overcome that feeling. And if I can’t overcome it, how can I guide my clients toward that same forgiveness?
Elizabeth Mary, Another Field, San Diego, CA, USAsays
Genuinely forgiving myself has the potential to free me from anxiety and opens the door to greater intimacy.
I am not sure this can happen the guilt and shame is so deep and familiar however, …I am open.
Thank you for this. My guilt has made me draw back from people throughout my life so that I am now almost a hermit. It would take a lot of work to overcome this now.
When we know what it is to be forgiven, we can more readily forgive another person because we want them to be able to experience the same freedom have have experienced.
What a compassionate practice. I can certainly connect to this message, and sometimes we as practioners need support too. Thanks for these words today.
Four years ago I lost my wife to cancer. Over the past four years I grieved, but it wasn’t till more recently that I began to deal with the underlying emotions and feelings. I still have moments where my thoughts about myself get in the way of my relationships with others. And it always comes back to “I’m not good enough”.
I recognize my thoughts for what it is and then move past them. Still, for me, it is something I have to acknowledge or I close myself off to others.
Thank you for your work Tara, it is a real homecoming. Bless you.
These are wonderful interventions! Being able to offer these practices will help with the helplessness we can often feel as therapists.
Moving through emotions more easily, then thinking more clearly.
I felt I could become more accepting and interested in this person.
If I forgave myself, I wouldn’t be so afraid to reach out.
Listening, makes me see myself in the example of being afraid of my husband, whereas it just takes opening awareness to feel safer.
to open my heart for myself and others I make this course as another wonderful step, thanks!
if my client could forgive herself from not keeping a promise to her mum before she died she might be able to “receive” and embrace life for herself.
I have been spending the last few months trying to understand how I could have spent what feels like a lifetime failing at relationships, repeating the same destructive patterns over and over. Just yesterday I was remembering all the way back to my first relationship when I was 22 and how I was already Feeling shame for my destructiveness. I was wondering yesterday how I could possibly forgive myself, sensing that there is no other way through, and then your email appeared. Thank you. I think our whole culture could benefit from the idea that vengeance is a lazy form of grief.
Forgiveness feels like it doesn’t solve anything at first, because the weight of viewing what has been feels like it needs equally immense weight to shift. But it seems like forgiveness is such a different energy that the whole equation disappears. It can still be hard when there’s a sense of needing understanding/forgiveness from others first, but I also know that’s not where this particular struggle is rooted. Maybe there is valid frustration from being misunderstood, but that is maybe different than or secondary to the weight we add of being unworthy or wrong for “getting ourselves into” that difficult place in the first place. I’m glad for the help in processing/loving to let go of some of the heaviness!
Simply acknowledging the hurt I’ve caused and recognizing that why I acted the way I did was to hold onto a relationship that I held dear and didn’t want to lose, softened my heart slightly.
Thank you. Self forgiveness has been very difficult and slow
Simple and deep truths. Thank you, Tara!!! I even remembered my own Dad anger problems, something that have haunted me all my life!! Light is slowly entering that area of my life.
How wonderful!
Ok, interesting
All of your videos are helpful on this path of self love and compassion.
One client in particular would stop having affairs and jumping from one inauthentic relationship to another. If they could forgive themselves and come to care about themselves, this would be offered to others. They would stop looking for love in all the wrong places because they would know it is within themselves.
Great!
really helpful information in this
Thank you. You reminded me what Im contemplating lately very much… that compassion for myself keeps me from healing myself. I am always critisizing my crisis and perceived slow progress.
You radiate so much empathy and acceptance.
It was a warm video.
Dr. Brach seems kind and unconditionally accepting. I agree with her, that understanding myself helps with my forgiveness and acceptance of myself and others. I like that she mentions that these practices need to be done hundreds of times. I needed that reminder. I’m going to watch her other videos in YouTube to find out more about her.
Self-forgiveness is so powerful when it takes place – a whole new way of being begins. I have experienced this wonderful release many years ago – however, have found some difficulty sharing this with clients. Thank you Tara I have a better understanding now.
It opened me to love and peace!
I found this exercise difficult because when I tried to forgive myself, it felt like I was giving myself a “free pass”, as if it was ok that I hurt that person. I don’t quite know how to overcome that feeling. And if I can’t overcome it, how can I guide my clients toward that same forgiveness?
Tara you have helped me find love compassion understanding and caring for myself and others. Thank you. I intend to pay it forward to all I meet.
Genuinely forgiving myself has the potential to free me from anxiety and opens the door to greater intimacy.
I am not sure this can happen the guilt and shame is so deep and familiar however, …I am open.
This was a powerful exercise and I’m thankful that you are sharing it with us.
Thank you so much, Tara. That is excellent advice, and I will use the questions and mindfulness approach with my clients.
I realize now that an incident from the past influences my over reactivity to present situations permeating them with judgement and at times anger.
This was a good beginning to some deep work that I need to do. Thank you!
Self forgiveness is so hard yet so powerful!
Thank you for this. My guilt has made me draw back from people throughout my life so that I am now almost a hermit. It would take a lot of work to overcome this now.
I am looking forward to this practice!
Thank you for this.
I am looking forward to this course!
Im not sure i know how to truly forgive myself while living daily reminders of the pain I caused to loved ones who then hurt others
It was my relationship with my father. When I forgave myself I softened. This will let me be soft with him, as well.
When we know what it is to be forgiven, we can more readily forgive another person because we want them to be able to experience the same freedom have have experienced.
What a compassionate practice. I can certainly connect to this message, and sometimes we as practioners need support too. Thanks for these words today.
These feel like very powerful exercises.
Thank you so much. I believe this course will benefit me.
thank you
Love Tara, thanks
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you!
Four years ago I lost my wife to cancer. Over the past four years I grieved, but it wasn’t till more recently that I began to deal with the underlying emotions and feelings. I still have moments where my thoughts about myself get in the way of my relationships with others. And it always comes back to “I’m not good enough”.
I recognize my thoughts for what it is and then move past them. Still, for me, it is something I have to acknowledge or I close myself off to others.
Genuine self forgiveness makes a difference in removing obstacles to the richness of relationships.
Thank you. Looking forward to practicing
Thank you, this helps us to live with love. @felipepoet
Grateful for this teaching
I feel that I was a bad parent and have not been able to forgive myself.
Can’t imagine forgiving myself. Impossible.