Thank you for bringing awareness to self-blame, it’s a topic that is very relatable to my life as well as my clients. When you told Sam “it’s not your fault,” I felt relief myself. It felt like a load lifted off me too, because I self-blame a lot and then get stuck in a very strong loop of shame. It feels awful. Your talk helped a lot to understand and think differently about blaming ourselves and I could benefit from further learning and practicing how to break away from this blame and shame cycle. As always thank you for sharing your wisdom in a genuine, kind and accepting manner.
This is so helpful. It is so hard to heal when stuck in feelings of no worth, shame, anger, guilt, resentments. Thank you for the compassion to teach these healing tools.
It’s not your fault is very powerful qnd is a tool I want to integrate into my mindfulness path. I want to be able to forgive myself and be at peace with who I am.
So powerful. It makes so much sense that you can’t hate yourself into self-improvement, but that feeling persists at least for me. Companion is the only way to go.
Carolyn Buckner, Another Field, Chapel Hill, NC, USAsays
I’ve experienced moments of genuine self forgiveness as heart opening and free. Everything shifts. Living in that place all the time would be beautiful, warm.
When I held my young young self with kindness and love and told her that the harsh actions she had taken and feelings she had expressed towards her mother were not her fault, she felt a path opening to a more positive and equanimious future.
Self forgiveness can be, and is, a type of self-care. I forgive myself when I remember the power of love for myself. In loving myself, I am more capable of giving love to others.
I have trouble relating to my hsubconnect withand, but I think it is because I don’t love myself… I actually feel shame, guilt, self-loathing… which prevents me from connecting or allowing myself to connect with others.
Great approach to framing our self talk, negative beliefs, and overall self-image and the impact on our relationships and our ability to creating connective, compassionate, interactions.
We are only capable of giving others what we are able to give ourselves. If we make room for self-compassion and forgiveness we open ourselves up to this softening and acceptance which allows that to show up in our relationships with others.
Feeling the felt sense of “a wrong” in a quick moment is hard for me, but I see the tremendous value of taking someone (like Sam) through the exercise you did. It was beautiful, and very freeing for him. He was aware he was hurting others with his anger. What about those who aren’t?
Just this past week, I wondered how I could forgive myself for being so hard on myself, and often cruel to myself, throughout my whole life? Your prompt to think of someone I have hurt brought immediate tears for the person I have hurt the most in my life is me. I was already aware, and have practiced the three processes you outlined in the video, but now realize that putting them into practice on a daily basis will be key. Thank you!
When I forgave myself, I saw that the dynamic towards this person was also working towards myself & I immediately felt where it lived in my body. I saw that deep frustration & grief was motivating it.
Intellectually, the concept of self-forgiveness is so impossible to grasp for someone who has spent years living with feelings of unworthiness and shame but it is so transforming when it can be attained. Understanding that we did the best we could at the time with the tools we had at the time makes it easier to embrace the concept of “it’s not my fault”. Once someone is finally ready to give up the security of feeling shame as a way to right their wrong and understanding that it isn’t making anything better then growth out of that suffering can occur.
I felt like Sam. I have hurt special people. But wasn’t it my fault? I am trying self forgiveness. I do hope it works. I wish l knew this earlier. I will continue this journey. Thank you.
It’s so true what you day Tara, Thank you so much. I so offen feel that i have gaules in doing the Write Thinge. Then i blâme and finally hâte myself. I didn’t even have the ides of forgiving myself. I am so Glas you Show this pattern! I fehlt lost in iz. Like walking on ice. Thank you Tara.
I think by forgiving myself it puts in a place of peace so that I can be open to my loved one. They will then be able to feel drawn to me instead of me pushing them away if I am not happy with myself.
Amelia Gabelman, Counseling, Flagstaff, AZ, USAsays
I hold myself to unattainable standards of parenting, so I often feel guilty for not being good enough. I can definitely feel a softening even as I entertain forgiving myself for my shortcomings. I can sense how this softening ripples to how I connect with my daughter.
Giving myself genuine forgiveness made me aware of my deep pain and giving space to the pain I am holding, allowing it to be and let it float through me and out. I became aware of my own vulnerability and humanity.
This feeling of self compassion allows us to feel how we are part of a long chain of suffering than can be reversed to heal which the planet so needs at the moment so thanks for your work in this space
Thank you for sharing!
I found the self-care gesture with hand on heart very powerful – it brought up strong feelings, also made me think that perhaps the three steps (observing the thoughts, mindful emotions, and loving gesture) can for some people begin with the last step, because before the loving gesture happens one might not allow oneself to feel difficult feelings… Or why else would it release such strong emotions apparently out of blue… Well, just an idea.
Thank you and looking forward for that guided meditation.
I’ve tried forgiving myself numerous times and every time I do there is a voice that says “Oh no you don’t get off the hook that easily!” 🙁 It’s like I have a life sentence to suffering via self-flagellation to pay for my transgressions. 🙁
Thankyou Tara , what you spoke about here really resonated. Holding myself in forgiveness and self compassion definitely created a more spacious and softer perspective towards myself and relationship. I’d love to try the exercise that you gave Sam. 🙏
I would feel less heavy and free to love.
Your comments ring true. Look forward to learning
Thank you for bringing awareness to self-blame, it’s a topic that is very relatable to my life as well as my clients. When you told Sam “it’s not your fault,” I felt relief myself. It felt like a load lifted off me too, because I self-blame a lot and then get stuck in a very strong loop of shame. It feels awful. Your talk helped a lot to understand and think differently about blaming ourselves and I could benefit from further learning and practicing how to break away from this blame and shame cycle. As always thank you for sharing your wisdom in a genuine, kind and accepting manner.
Thank you. This resonates so much. I look forward to learning more about the new program.
Looking forward to this study!
Great questions and quotes!
Thank you.
This is so helpful. It is so hard to heal when stuck in feelings of no worth, shame, anger, guilt, resentments. Thank you for the compassion to teach these healing tools.
I found them comforting actually – and affirming. Now, I plan to try the three over and over again. thank you nancy.brookes@sympatico.ca
I feel like just taking that moment to grant myself some love it will help me to be more available to my daughter.
It’s not your fault is very powerful qnd is a tool I want to integrate into my mindfulness path. I want to be able to forgive myself and be at peace with who I am.
Self compassion and learning to love myself as a good friend would, reminds me I am worthy just as I am.
I think I would be more present to reality and not pretend to hide in the past. I would hope I could awaken to my true self
I don’t know how to love myself, much less forgive myself.
So powerful. It makes so much sense that you can’t hate yourself into self-improvement, but that feeling persists at least for me. Companion is the only way to go.
I’ve experienced moments of genuine self forgiveness as heart opening and free. Everything shifts. Living in that place all the time would be beautiful, warm.
When I held my young young self with kindness and love and told her that the harsh actions she had taken and feelings she had expressed towards her mother were not her fault, she felt a path opening to a more positive and equanimious future.
Very timely info for me, I can relate to it in my present state. I will also pass on to my bf in hopes of us both being able to forgive ourselves.
Denigrating self-treatment undermines one love and compassion for others, serving as poison polluting the river we all drink from. You speak truth.
Self forgiveness can be, and is, a type of self-care. I forgive myself when I remember the power of love for myself. In loving myself, I am more capable of giving love to others.
I feel more spacious and loving
I have trouble relating to my hsubconnect withand, but I think it is because I don’t love myself… I actually feel shame, guilt, self-loathing… which prevents me from connecting or allowing myself to connect with others.
Great approach to framing our self talk, negative beliefs, and overall self-image and the impact on our relationships and our ability to creating connective, compassionate, interactions.
We are only capable of giving others what we are able to give ourselves. If we make room for self-compassion and forgiveness we open ourselves up to this softening and acceptance which allows that to show up in our relationships with others.
Thank you Tara. There are so many layers to self-forgiveness and this has helped me to dig a bit deeper. Much love to you.
Thank you Tara this is such powerful work.
Feeling the felt sense of “a wrong” in a quick moment is hard for me, but I see the tremendous value of taking someone (like Sam) through the exercise you did. It was beautiful, and very freeing for him. He was aware he was hurting others with his anger. What about those who aren’t?
Why can’t access 4th tab part 4 conscious loving? I hadn’t finished all 4 yet and was so helpful. I just need to view last tab
Self-forgiveness has felt arrogant and self-indulgent before. I believe others are worthy of it, so hope I can give that to myself as well.
Thank you for this information!
Just this past week, I wondered how I could forgive myself for being so hard on myself, and often cruel to myself, throughout my whole life? Your prompt to think of someone I have hurt brought immediate tears for the person I have hurt the most in my life is me. I was already aware, and have practiced the three processes you outlined in the video, but now realize that putting them into practice on a daily basis will be key. Thank you!
Great questions to pose and so helpful to have the awareness of thoughts and especially of feelings and what those feelings are trying to say.
When I forgave myself, I saw that the dynamic towards this person was also working towards myself & I immediately felt where it lived in my body. I saw that deep frustration & grief was motivating it.
Intellectually, the concept of self-forgiveness is so impossible to grasp for someone who has spent years living with feelings of unworthiness and shame but it is so transforming when it can be attained. Understanding that we did the best we could at the time with the tools we had at the time makes it easier to embrace the concept of “it’s not my fault”. Once someone is finally ready to give up the security of feeling shame as a way to right their wrong and understanding that it isn’t making anything better then growth out of that suffering can occur.
I felt like Sam. I have hurt special people. But wasn’t it my fault? I am trying self forgiveness. I do hope it works. I wish l knew this earlier. I will continue this journey. Thank you.
It would be transformative for them
It’s so true what you day Tara, Thank you so much. I so offen feel that i have gaules in doing the Write Thinge. Then i blâme and finally hâte myself. I didn’t even have the ides of forgiving myself. I am so Glas you Show this pattern! I fehlt lost in iz. Like walking on ice. Thank you Tara.
I think by forgiving myself it puts in a place of peace so that I can be open to my loved one. They will then be able to feel drawn to me instead of me pushing them away if I am not happy with myself.
When I begin to forgive myself for my own flaws, mistakes and guilt I become more open and able to give care and compassion to the other person.
I hold myself to unattainable standards of parenting, so I often feel guilty for not being good enough. I can definitely feel a softening even as I entertain forgiving myself for my shortcomings. I can sense how this softening ripples to how I connect with my daughter.
Giving myself genuine forgiveness made me aware of my deep pain and giving space to the pain I am holding, allowing it to be and let it float through me and out. I became aware of my own vulnerability and humanity.
This feeling of self compassion allows us to feel how we are part of a long chain of suffering than can be reversed to heal which the planet so needs at the moment so thanks for your work in this space
I love to meditate and do yoga as often as possible
forgiving yourself allows for being more present in relationships
Thank you for sharing!
I found the self-care gesture with hand on heart very powerful – it brought up strong feelings, also made me think that perhaps the three steps (observing the thoughts, mindful emotions, and loving gesture) can for some people begin with the last step, because before the loving gesture happens one might not allow oneself to feel difficult feelings… Or why else would it release such strong emotions apparently out of blue… Well, just an idea.
Thank you and looking forward for that guided meditation.
forgiving oneself allows openness and being present for intimate relationships
I’ve tried forgiving myself numerous times and every time I do there is a voice that says “Oh no you don’t get off the hook that easily!” 🙁 It’s like I have a life sentence to suffering via self-flagellation to pay for my transgressions. 🙁
I love having time to myself to permit me to grow mentally and physically! Mindfulness and yoga are very important to help in these areas!
Thankyou Tara , what you spoke about here really resonated. Holding myself in forgiveness and self compassion definitely created a more spacious and softer perspective towards myself and relationship. I’d love to try the exercise that you gave Sam. 🙏
I would love to try the exercises you gave Sam, thanks!
I think what you are sharing is absolutely fantastic for relationships with self and loved ones. I would love to fleet the exercise.