I have only recently become brutally honest to both family and friends of how living with CFS:ME has had such a deep feeling of not being believed.A silent label for many years.I’m no longer on pain killers and have opened up with the truth.I don’t wish for “ are poor you” at all infact hiding it is my own decision.Recently joined a conservationist group and have had the courage to tell them of pain etc and they understand I don’t want to overdo it and crash.They are aware pacing is a must.It’s been difficult for so long at last I am loving myself.At the same time ditched the limiting beliefs and joined an ecstatic dance 💃 in the woods.Something I didn’t think I can do.It’s freeing I love dancing in nature and don’t feel any worse afterwards.Still pain but my heart and soul are happy.Kind regards Sam from Lincoln ❤️
Thank you Tara, you put this into an easy to understand perspective…
As a therapist, I hear this issue a great deal from my clients, and it underpins a lot of the work we do together.
I really appreciate these short, informative videos as a way of focusing in on useful strategies – and I like that you include your own experiential understanding of the issues.
By hiding my fear of losing someone’s presence in my life (due to experiences of early losses in my life through death) I fail to engage fully with people dear to me, to avoid possible hurt for myself in the future. I keep part of myself back to avoid vulnerability.
They (we) don’t get to be seen and understood fully. When we hide part of ourselves, we set up the endless cycle of rejection and abandonment reinforcing the message of “not good enough”
I feel I am going the opposite way,I give away everything so easily but I hide real strength and put that away into the closet.i realise this only in writing it now,how I make a point to always put smallness,lack , insufficiency etc. first,which is as much a block to true intimacy,as neither I or another can ever be enough.
When I conceal with fear and shame parts of myself I don’t accept it has a knock on effect on other parts that I could otherwise feel good about and proud of.
This habit prevents me from daring to show and share in general a range of my qualities.
That gives rise to a feeling of sadness that I have failed to share the beauty of how life plays out in me with those around me.
Life in me knows that it’s essential wish is to just be and expand through making connections with it’s self in all beings including me.
The avoidant behaviour is in direct opposition to this knowledge and that’s a sorrow.
Last year I decided to retire from my practice and devote time to experiential travel and creative writing. Listening to Tara helps meet to connect whilst living more in solitude. Writing is an activity confronting oneself and loneliness. I notice a difficult yet enlightening metamorphosis in my life, liberating myself from roles, whether sibling, parent-son, spouse, therapist, parent, academic writer and much more. I observe more rumination even self doubt and wonder whether it is common in this transition process. Focussing on resolution of problems of others in therapy was so intensive yet colourful. Now there is something akin to an auditory after image. One is confronted with an absence of connectiveness, this in turn triggers ideation novel related to self worthiness. Anyhow these videos embrace us during these challenging changes in life events.
From someone who has suffered deeply from feelings of inadequacy and many insecurities but is good at hiding it. I often wear a mask to the world and within relationships, showing the best parts of myself. Fear of really being revealed. The mask hides the bits I don’t want to show to the world, I am less real and less truthful. Working on it though. Thank you Tara for the videos and guided meditations
Colleen Chorro, Psychotherapy, Modesto, CA, USAsays
For over 30 years I have not used anger. This allows clear thinking when emotions come towards me. Each has childhood issues to resolve, yet to project them is a kind of charming manipulation to keep the closeness of others without getting to one’s own vulnerability and then compromise in truth. Getting others to believe their projection onto another because they need safety should be recognized yet not believed respectfully.
It causes me to hide-to silo, which leads to numbing. When I can’t be authentic and embrace and love, or even show self-compassion to the parts of myself I struggle with, I am less able to accept and give love. It seems to be a vicious cycle.
It creates and develops distance. The opposite of intimacy.
It can,and probably does, lead to projection. Projection of judgements. Criticism. ‘wow I want to keep away from this’…the other’s response.
‘Hiding’..in other words ‘the unexpressed’ is one of the paths to depression. It’s not great fun being,or being around, depression.
Their vitality, life force, fullness of life, is suppressed…they are firing on less cylinders than they have beneath their bonnet, or cap, or baldness,…others may turn up their nose, and look elsewhere.
Their energy is going into keeping the trapdoor in place. ‘The trapdoor’ that has the living room above it! ‘must hold on to this trapdoor’…’living room’ experience? Very limited. Result…others get fed down..not ‘up’ and seek other ‘quarters’…or rather wholes..whole persons.
Could go on and on…and it is meditation time in Scotland! (not united kingdom ..I’m all for united, and not ‘kingdoms!)David
Over 30 years ago I learned to not use anger. It enhanced my life in every way. When I express what I’m feeling I am onest and vulnerable, heard and better understood. Anger is from defensive emotion and it doesn’t help oneself or the other. It takes from the quality of life any two can share. When your thinking is right your emotions follow. In healing many come from emotion to thinking then, but if they resist it is easy to project to blame or find a scapegoat for what they are ashamed of is too deep. When all along you were in a place of surrounding love for them, they couldn’t see it and possibly unable to accept it so you then have to be the bad guy, or go after your imperfections without being able to speak for yourself and it is unhealthy communication. All people have their own work to do on their inner child. To point out an analysis on another without knowing them it to take the focus off of themselves. Later would lead to a charming manipulation. If they think ahead they could possibly set you up to be that person in character so strongly needing their circle. Convincing others you just not interested and therefore disappointing others also to hang on to their own safety. Possibly taking on your good characteristic traits as their own and is a distraction and an act, not stemming from higher truth. Remining in constant prayer for them. thank you
Not knowing or showing what is really happening on the inside of me (fear of failing, of not being good enough, I think it is), I create distance, I get perceived as “oh she knows it all”, “she is so strong”, “cold hearted”.
My dad passed away a month ago, I had to take care of all, my mum included. I “functioned”, but I also just wanted to lay in bed and cry. Sometimes it not evident to “let go only”. I fear what would happen to her, if I did so?
I normally do not hide who or how I am. Only I feel a bit uncomfortable if they give me criticism. In general my good friends are not judgemental, and they accept me as I am. Regardless I want to be the best I can be and if that entails to learn how to be better with others I am always eager to learn “new tricks”.
Partners can be different, they tend to be more judgmental and that affects how we perceive ourselves through their criticism causing disruption in the relationship. As I grow older I feel more and more at home with myself so I am not as concerned about how others see me.
I fear that I can’t be truly loving, that I’m not real. I end up criticizing my partner, especially around fear that I’m not really loving. My criticism of others then is proof that I’m not really kind and good and loving. It’s hard to make sense of this! And around we go!
When we hide what we don’t like about ourselves, our relationship with our loved ones become distant/disjointed, eventually causing misunderstanding and pain/hurt
I know that I can be cranky or quiet, when I am hiding what I don’t like about myself. My patience decreases and I can snap easily, which is no fun to be around. I feel like I have little or nothing to offer to my family, friends and colleagues.
Hiding affects depth of relationship connection. An example is a wart on the finger. Once being vulnerable and exposing parts unliked, it becomes open to receiving love and connection, or having other people relate.
It leaves them feeling alone at the core and reinforces the belief that ‘I am unloveable’. It then gets in the way of the love and connection coming towards them because ultimately that love feels like it’s only for the revealed ‘acceptable’ parts of themselves, not the whole package.
relationship can remain at a more superficial level – perhaps not based on being open (and vulnerable) and therefore able to see and be seen for who were each are. However, this seems to require incredible trust. As once we are open and vulnerable: without self-resilience to ride the waves of challenge/disagreements that will surely come; the partner can use your vulnerability as a weapon.
Elizabeth Johnson, Teacher, Sacramento, CA, USAsays
I find it very difficult to ask for what I need from those close to me without implying criticism of their actions or wrapping criticism around my attempts to communicate clearly. It is hard to be forthright and honest when I so want to please the other and be acknowledged.
What i find difficult about myself is my acute sensitivity and the tendency or vulnerability to take on other peoples behaviours and narratives as a defining truth about me. A tendency rises to go to war with these people, to prove I am of value etc
And also to introject it all and shrink and as i am perceiving attack a victim narrative can rise.
I have recently moved temporarily into a studio residence at the back of a rental property. I am paying rent to the landlord who gave me the all clear that the tenants were ok with it. The man that lives at the property sent welcoming texts and introduced his dogs and told me if i need moving support he and his wife have a ute…I noticed a response when I said i was going to be here two months.. as if perhaps he didnt know the predicted duration prior, but let it go as an issue between him and the landlord. We messaged about his dogs and the boundaries around them and then, out of nowhere, he started directing aggressive energy toward me and ignoring me. No communication, just an abrupt shift that is palpable and ongoing. Because i had assessed the environment as safe and had opened to the true nature and love of the dogs (like god gazing through me to ME) , his sudden shift was a surprise. An Unexpected heartbreak. Now when he walks past my door it is with a dismissive and offended air. I noticed my mind desperately try to work out what I did wrong. Then a shrinking into my quarters and a fear of interacting with the dogs. I feel like any able person would shrug it off as his problem and get on with their day. This tendency to introject and feel so acutely has impacted my physical health to the point I am housebound with severe M.E. Ultimate awakening is my dedication but I still find when these heart punctures occur, typically after i have dearmoured and am basking in a moment of freedom and vulnerability, that i am still avoiding the critical meeting of the sensation and hide within food or other disassociation. I try to be kind to myself as so much priviledge, such as a partner, career, housing, cars, assets, and other crutches for the conceptual identity have been removed in my case. Perhaps to foster the detatchment required for self responsibility.
Thankyou for your video and heart.
Makes me feel like I have to pretend to be what I’m not, just to make them happy. I disconnect, avoid contact as long as possible, too draining and depressing. Feel not good enough, unseen. My two furry kids are the only ones that get me. “)
I feel deeply insecure despite my financial success. I feel too ugly to be worthy of love. I have felt a need to do everything perfect for the approval of others. This has led to immense self judgement when I make the smallest mistake that most people don’t even notice. I’m continuously looking for others to reject me, this is exhausting, and leads me to reject others before they have an opportunity to reject me. This cycle has resulted in a lonely life and a marriage to someone that essentially ignores me, we are now separated. I’m fearful of cutting the last person out of my life and being completely alone despite our unhappiness.
Aimee W, Another Field, ARLINGTON HTS, IL, USAsays
I grew up with a lot of judgement and often being told I was selfish. Now I spend a lot of my time doing things other people expect me to do so I won’t seem selfish. But I resent it and blame them for treating me like I have “nothing better to do”. I know I need to learn to communicate my boundaries with kindness but instead it just comes out as complaining and being annoyed that I have no time for myself.
When my partner seems disinterested in my inner life, in our shared or actually unshared inner life, I feel lonely, sad, neglected, I’m appreciated. I also feel that I have less value in the relationship and in myself. I know that the part that I play in this drama is often to anticipate my partner’s reaction or unresponsive ness. So I find myself being set up by myself to fail also. But to blame him because it seems this his disinterest is what kicks off the whole distancing and lonely and dissatisfied experience.
Thank you for identifying the key questions to ask when we or our friends/clients are feeling inadequate and are being self-critical. This is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.
BG
When I withhold intimacy I split myself off, I dissociate from my true self. When I can’t share all of myself, it hurts. Secrets are fear based and so I am actually making an effort to stay attached to my suffering because of a “lie”
Ellen Mogel, Another Field, Wyomissing , PA, USAsays
They hide from telling loved ones their true thoughts sometimes. Stories about their past good or bad. I find some older people enjoy telling me things because I am not related, interested in them & love to listen, no judgment.
Hello
I keep people at a distance so they won’t expect me to play the piano. If I do play for students and parents and some people I am okay. If I expose my flaws as a pianist to the people at English country dance I know I will be criticized. I am trying to allow myself to be a dancer and good piano teacher. I don’t always share my skills because I am too afraid of exposure and imperfections. No one expects this of me…they are delighted I come to dance. I am trying to let things be as they are.
Their relationship is less connected, a relationship is at its strongest when two people come together with trust, acceptance, and vulnerability. To have strength is to be vulnerable.
I’ve been covering up feelings of loneliness, extreme shyness and inadequacy since I was very young, an only child in a tense, anxious and fearful family. I thought other families were normal..haha….and happy. I developed a deep sense of shame about my family background and felt that I had carried those qualities of sadness anger and depression into my life. In contrast to how I see myself others see me as brave, kind, wise, funny and intelligent and as very forthright about expressing my views in public. Through meditation I learn over and over again the power of self acceptance and self love..an active reparenting of a damaged child. Thanks Tara..your teaching is full of heart and inspiration to keep going on this journey of discovery
Well said Janet. I have the same kind of difficulty. I judge myself very harshly, as though this self punishment is teaching some kind of lesson. The same lesson over and over again. I find fault in myself As a way to explain with the reasoning capacity of a five year old, that I am somehow to blame for my own early childhood trauma – the devastating loss of my mother.
Over time I would accuse them of not really knowing me!
Crazy thinking I know, but the belief, “if they really loved me they put together the missing pieces” sabotaged my relationships for a long time.
I have only recently become brutally honest to both family and friends of how living with CFS:ME has had such a deep feeling of not being believed.A silent label for many years.I’m no longer on pain killers and have opened up with the truth.I don’t wish for “ are poor you” at all infact hiding it is my own decision.Recently joined a conservationist group and have had the courage to tell them of pain etc and they understand I don’t want to overdo it and crash.They are aware pacing is a must.It’s been difficult for so long at last I am loving myself.At the same time ditched the limiting beliefs and joined an ecstatic dance 💃 in the woods.Something I didn’t think I can do.It’s freeing I love dancing in nature and don’t feel any worse afterwards.Still pain but my heart and soul are happy.Kind regards Sam from Lincoln ❤️
Thank you Tara, you put this into an easy to understand perspective…
As a therapist, I hear this issue a great deal from my clients, and it underpins a lot of the work we do together.
I really appreciate these short, informative videos as a way of focusing in on useful strategies – and I like that you include your own experiential understanding of the issues.
By hiding my fear of losing someone’s presence in my life (due to experiences of early losses in my life through death) I fail to engage fully with people dear to me, to avoid possible hurt for myself in the future. I keep part of myself back to avoid vulnerability.
They (we) don’t get to be seen and understood fully. When we hide part of ourselves, we set up the endless cycle of rejection and abandonment reinforcing the message of “not good enough”
I feel I am going the opposite way,I give away everything so easily but I hide real strength and put that away into the closet.i realise this only in writing it now,how I make a point to always put smallness,lack , insufficiency etc. first,which is as much a block to true intimacy,as neither I or another can ever be enough.
When I conceal with fear and shame parts of myself I don’t accept it has a knock on effect on other parts that I could otherwise feel good about and proud of.
This habit prevents me from daring to show and share in general a range of my qualities.
That gives rise to a feeling of sadness that I have failed to share the beauty of how life plays out in me with those around me.
Life in me knows that it’s essential wish is to just be and expand through making connections with it’s self in all beings including me.
The avoidant behaviour is in direct opposition to this knowledge and that’s a sorrow.
Last year I decided to retire from my practice and devote time to experiential travel and creative writing. Listening to Tara helps meet to connect whilst living more in solitude. Writing is an activity confronting oneself and loneliness. I notice a difficult yet enlightening metamorphosis in my life, liberating myself from roles, whether sibling, parent-son, spouse, therapist, parent, academic writer and much more. I observe more rumination even self doubt and wonder whether it is common in this transition process. Focussing on resolution of problems of others in therapy was so intensive yet colourful. Now there is something akin to an auditory after image. One is confronted with an absence of connectiveness, this in turn triggers ideation novel related to self worthiness. Anyhow these videos embrace us during these challenging changes in life events.
From someone who has suffered deeply from feelings of inadequacy and many insecurities but is good at hiding it. I often wear a mask to the world and within relationships, showing the best parts of myself. Fear of really being revealed. The mask hides the bits I don’t want to show to the world, I am less real and less truthful. Working on it though. Thank you Tara for the videos and guided meditations
Needed this thank you 😊
Thank you
For over 30 years I have not used anger. This allows clear thinking when emotions come towards me. Each has childhood issues to resolve, yet to project them is a kind of charming manipulation to keep the closeness of others without getting to one’s own vulnerability and then compromise in truth. Getting others to believe their projection onto another because they need safety should be recognized yet not believed respectfully.
It causes me to hide-to silo, which leads to numbing. When I can’t be authentic and embrace and love, or even show self-compassion to the parts of myself I struggle with, I am less able to accept and give love. It seems to be a vicious cycle.
It creates and develops distance. The opposite of intimacy.
It can,and probably does, lead to projection. Projection of judgements. Criticism. ‘wow I want to keep away from this’…the other’s response.
‘Hiding’..in other words ‘the unexpressed’ is one of the paths to depression. It’s not great fun being,or being around, depression.
Their vitality, life force, fullness of life, is suppressed…they are firing on less cylinders than they have beneath their bonnet, or cap, or baldness,…others may turn up their nose, and look elsewhere.
Their energy is going into keeping the trapdoor in place. ‘The trapdoor’ that has the living room above it! ‘must hold on to this trapdoor’…’living room’ experience? Very limited. Result…others get fed down..not ‘up’ and seek other ‘quarters’…or rather wholes..whole persons.
Could go on and on…and it is meditation time in Scotland! (not united kingdom ..I’m all for united, and not ‘kingdoms!)David
Over 30 years ago I learned to not use anger. It enhanced my life in every way. When I express what I’m feeling I am onest and vulnerable, heard and better understood. Anger is from defensive emotion and it doesn’t help oneself or the other. It takes from the quality of life any two can share. When your thinking is right your emotions follow. In healing many come from emotion to thinking then, but if they resist it is easy to project to blame or find a scapegoat for what they are ashamed of is too deep. When all along you were in a place of surrounding love for them, they couldn’t see it and possibly unable to accept it so you then have to be the bad guy, or go after your imperfections without being able to speak for yourself and it is unhealthy communication. All people have their own work to do on their inner child. To point out an analysis on another without knowing them it to take the focus off of themselves. Later would lead to a charming manipulation. If they think ahead they could possibly set you up to be that person in character so strongly needing their circle. Convincing others you just not interested and therefore disappointing others also to hang on to their own safety. Possibly taking on your good characteristic traits as their own and is a distraction and an act, not stemming from higher truth. Remining in constant prayer for them. thank you
Not knowing or showing what is really happening on the inside of me (fear of failing, of not being good enough, I think it is), I create distance, I get perceived as “oh she knows it all”, “she is so strong”, “cold hearted”.
My dad passed away a month ago, I had to take care of all, my mum included. I “functioned”, but I also just wanted to lay in bed and cry. Sometimes it not evident to “let go only”. I fear what would happen to her, if I did so?
It often destroys the relationship with myself
❤️
Inauthentic
It means you are not being honestly yourself.
I normally do not hide who or how I am. Only I feel a bit uncomfortable if they give me criticism. In general my good friends are not judgemental, and they accept me as I am. Regardless I want to be the best I can be and if that entails to learn how to be better with others I am always eager to learn “new tricks”.
Partners can be different, they tend to be more judgmental and that affects how we perceive ourselves through their criticism causing disruption in the relationship. As I grow older I feel more and more at home with myself so I am not as concerned about how others see me.
I love Tara
I fear that I can’t be truly loving, that I’m not real. I end up criticizing my partner, especially around fear that I’m not really loving. My criticism of others then is proof that I’m not really kind and good and loving. It’s hard to make sense of this! And around we go!
When we hide what we don’t like about ourselves, our relationship with our loved ones become distant/disjointed, eventually causing misunderstanding and pain/hurt
Thank you. I think the points you make are foundational
I know that I can be cranky or quiet, when I am hiding what I don’t like about myself. My patience decreases and I can snap easily, which is no fun to be around. I feel like I have little or nothing to offer to my family, friends and colleagues.
Blessings and thanks Tara!
Hiding affects depth of relationship connection. An example is a wart on the finger. Once being vulnerable and exposing parts unliked, it becomes open to receiving love and connection, or having other people relate.
It leaves them feeling alone at the core and reinforces the belief that ‘I am unloveable’. It then gets in the way of the love and connection coming towards them because ultimately that love feels like it’s only for the revealed ‘acceptable’ parts of themselves, not the whole package.
It doesn’t make the relationship true when parts of us are hidden. When I hide that part of me, it stalls the relationship from growing.
relationship can remain at a more superficial level – perhaps not based on being open (and vulnerable) and therefore able to see and be seen for who were each are. However, this seems to require incredible trust. As once we are open and vulnerable: without self-resilience to ride the waves of challenge/disagreements that will surely come; the partner can use your vulnerability as a weapon.
I feel that I don’t have the ability to keep my spouse happy that I demand too much and they can’t make my expectations
I avoid intimate relationships altogether
I find it very difficult to ask for what I need from those close to me without implying criticism of their actions or wrapping criticism around my attempts to communicate clearly. It is hard to be forthright and honest when I so want to please the other and be acknowledged.
What i find difficult about myself is my acute sensitivity and the tendency or vulnerability to take on other peoples behaviours and narratives as a defining truth about me. A tendency rises to go to war with these people, to prove I am of value etc
And also to introject it all and shrink and as i am perceiving attack a victim narrative can rise.
I have recently moved temporarily into a studio residence at the back of a rental property. I am paying rent to the landlord who gave me the all clear that the tenants were ok with it. The man that lives at the property sent welcoming texts and introduced his dogs and told me if i need moving support he and his wife have a ute…I noticed a response when I said i was going to be here two months.. as if perhaps he didnt know the predicted duration prior, but let it go as an issue between him and the landlord. We messaged about his dogs and the boundaries around them and then, out of nowhere, he started directing aggressive energy toward me and ignoring me. No communication, just an abrupt shift that is palpable and ongoing. Because i had assessed the environment as safe and had opened to the true nature and love of the dogs (like god gazing through me to ME) , his sudden shift was a surprise. An Unexpected heartbreak. Now when he walks past my door it is with a dismissive and offended air. I noticed my mind desperately try to work out what I did wrong. Then a shrinking into my quarters and a fear of interacting with the dogs. I feel like any able person would shrug it off as his problem and get on with their day. This tendency to introject and feel so acutely has impacted my physical health to the point I am housebound with severe M.E. Ultimate awakening is my dedication but I still find when these heart punctures occur, typically after i have dearmoured and am basking in a moment of freedom and vulnerability, that i am still avoiding the critical meeting of the sensation and hide within food or other disassociation. I try to be kind to myself as so much priviledge, such as a partner, career, housing, cars, assets, and other crutches for the conceptual identity have been removed in my case. Perhaps to foster the detatchment required for self responsibility.
Thankyou for your video and heart.
Makes me feel like I have to pretend to be what I’m not, just to make them happy. I disconnect, avoid contact as long as possible, too draining and depressing. Feel not good enough, unseen. My two furry kids are the only ones that get me. “)
I feel deeply insecure despite my financial success. I feel too ugly to be worthy of love. I have felt a need to do everything perfect for the approval of others. This has led to immense self judgement when I make the smallest mistake that most people don’t even notice. I’m continuously looking for others to reject me, this is exhausting, and leads me to reject others before they have an opportunity to reject me. This cycle has resulted in a lonely life and a marriage to someone that essentially ignores me, we are now separated. I’m fearful of cutting the last person out of my life and being completely alone despite our unhappiness.
I grew up with a lot of judgement and often being told I was selfish. Now I spend a lot of my time doing things other people expect me to do so I won’t seem selfish. But I resent it and blame them for treating me like I have “nothing better to do”. I know I need to learn to communicate my boundaries with kindness but instead it just comes out as complaining and being annoyed that I have no time for myself.
It creates a sense of unreality, a feeling of disconnected discomfort in not being wholly present. It feels YUCKY!
When my partner seems disinterested in my inner life, in our shared or actually unshared inner life, I feel lonely, sad, neglected, I’m appreciated. I also feel that I have less value in the relationship and in myself. I know that the part that I play in this drama is often to anticipate my partner’s reaction or unresponsive ness. So I find myself being set up by myself to fail also. But to blame him because it seems this his disinterest is what kicks off the whole distancing and lonely and dissatisfied experience.
I put up walls, even to myself, I’m going to work on this question, thank you for this insight
Thank you for identifying the key questions to ask when we or our friends/clients are feeling inadequate and are being self-critical. This is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.
BG
When I withhold intimacy I split myself off, I dissociate from my true self. When I can’t share all of myself, it hurts. Secrets are fear based and so I am actually making an effort to stay attached to my suffering because of a “lie”
I’m so very grateful to Tara and the team. Her wisdom and tireless compassion has literally changed my life ☮️🙏♥️🌍🧚
Thought provoking question. I wonder whether the deep down notion that I’m unlovable influenced my husband’s choice to leave.
They hide from telling loved ones their true thoughts sometimes. Stories about their past good or bad. I find some older people enjoy telling me things because I am not related, interested in them & love to listen, no judgment.
I believe that I am damaged beyond repair. As a result of this I do not trust people, especially men. I am afraid that I am not enough.
Hello
I keep people at a distance so they won’t expect me to play the piano. If I do play for students and parents and some people I am okay. If I expose my flaws as a pianist to the people at English country dance I know I will be criticized. I am trying to allow myself to be a dancer and good piano teacher. I don’t always share my skills because I am too afraid of exposure and imperfections. No one expects this of me…they are delighted I come to dance. I am trying to let things be as they are.
My being insecure as I live alone so I overcompensate by doing to much for others
Their relationship is less connected, a relationship is at its strongest when two people come together with trust, acceptance, and vulnerability. To have strength is to be vulnerable.
I’ve been covering up feelings of loneliness, extreme shyness and inadequacy since I was very young, an only child in a tense, anxious and fearful family. I thought other families were normal..haha….and happy. I developed a deep sense of shame about my family background and felt that I had carried those qualities of sadness anger and depression into my life. In contrast to how I see myself others see me as brave, kind, wise, funny and intelligent and as very forthright about expressing my views in public. Through meditation I learn over and over again the power of self acceptance and self love..an active reparenting of a damaged child. Thanks Tara..your teaching is full of heart and inspiration to keep going on this journey of discovery
Well said Janet. I have the same kind of difficulty. I judge myself very harshly, as though this self punishment is teaching some kind of lesson. The same lesson over and over again. I find fault in myself As a way to explain with the reasoning capacity of a five year old, that I am somehow to blame for my own early childhood trauma – the devastating loss of my mother.
Your voice is soothing and it makes it easier for someone to remember what you are saying. I never thought about any of this until this video.
Over time I would accuse them of not really knowing me!
Crazy thinking I know, but the belief, “if they really loved me they put together the missing pieces” sabotaged my relationships for a long time.