Wonderful! So many people advocate Self-compassion but having some concrete steps to start practicing it makes a world of difference.
I live Tara Brachs work on Self-compassion and regularly share it with my clients. I’m looking forward to participating in another amazing NICABM offering.
They buy expensive clothes, they lie about satisfaction in their life or success in their job or partner relationship.
They are always overloaded and tired. Often cannot safeguard their space and nerds
I think I need to think about this a bit.
I’m very insecure in love relationships ~ I was orphaned at 2years 9months and I’ve been told I have “attachment” issues. My partner understands this and is extremely patient, but I still feel insecure in the relationship almost constantly, so I try to hide it a lot.
I don’t really know how it affects our relationship. I should probably ask him what he thinks.
I also need to think about it more, because I’ve known it, but I’ve never wondered exactly how it affects us.
Thank you, and thank you for the podcasts, Tara, they’ve helped me enormously.
Your question, above, asks “When you hide what they don’t like ……“. This isn’t about what other people don’t like, your video is about what I don’t like about myself. So I am confused by your question and can’t answer. I wanted to answer, until I became confused by the question printed above.
Mary McDonald, Another Field, Boston , MA, USAsays
Wow. This question is quite an opportunity of self reflection. I’ve never heard this question before. I didn’t realize until today how much I was hiding from my former husband, and from myself. No wonder I didn’t have a healthy relationship. If we don’t love ourselves and except ourselves how can we expect others to love us. Thank you for bringing this question to my attention and for giving me the opportunity to self reflect.
Don Shapiro, Social Work, Cedar crest, NM, USAsays
It creates a feeling of separateness, aloneness and lowers trust among the partners. Hiding insecurities also makes by it hard to for support and understanding as Thich Naht Hanh talks about.
Great video!!! Right on my bullseye! I feel that I was a mistake, that was not planned, not wanted, and not loved. I was brought up in an Irish Catholic house, youngest of 5, and was adequately cared for with a roof over my head, enough food & clothing, but no true love. I felt this in my mothers womb.
I have always sought love! In men, in overachieving, in wowing everyone, but have never felt good enough
I have been in therapy and programs aboutp skills to manage mental illness, and I am starting to make a little bit of progress. It’s exhausting!
I am now living a simple life in paradise, and trying to rechannel my thoughts, my life, my journey to just be me and be ok with it.
It’s a daily challenge
I really don’t know what I don’t like about myself. What might I be hiding?
I do suspect that I may not feel worthy of the love that I want because I’m not the best at asking for what I need.
Thank you, what an important subject. Thank you for sharing your insights. Especially I liked the question you asked your client. Looking forward to continue.
I am stuck in my relationship where showing up honestly with my faults I feel will lead to validating all the other times I am accused of being “fill in the blank” So if I am to say yes I was sarcastic and I am sorry; I was feeling very over burdened and not seen or supported by you. Then even when I am not feeling those things I am told I am not being honest, I am self deceived. And I was sarcstic or critical or used the wrong tone of voice or again……. “fill in the blank”.
I know this keeps walls up that I don’t want to be there. This may be a form of self-sabotage I guess by not wanting to deal with the fall out that seems to always come when in the past I have tried to be honest.
I feel that people in general do not like to be friends with someone weak or have personal problems. As a result, we don’t really like to reveal our weakness to other people. Unless, if we are fortunate to have met someone who accepts us without judging our weaknesses, we will never want to come out authentic, we will always want to hide our weakness for fear of rejection from others. It’s a very complicated human game of interaction.
When we can’t accept all parts of ourselves, even the warty parts, how can we expect others to accept us? Identifying what it is that we hide is crucial. And hard…
It makes them feel shallow and like something is missing. I feel NOT genuine and like I am being dishonest, It feels terrible! I want raw authenticity but I am afraid to go there for being hurt again. Big fear of rejection too! It makes me feel fake.
And I believe it worsens my feeling of being some kind of fraud and sketchy. Like I am cannot be fully trusted. I hate this feeling!
Yet, this is all Ego. This not “me”. It is so hard. 🙁
Libby Penrod, Another Field, Overland Park, KS, USAsays
When I hide what I don’t like about myself, I become more closed off, less vulnerable. This leads to building walls and protecting my heart. I become physically more stiff and less open to connection.
When I hide parts of myself from others, relating with them feels empty and forced. it feels hollow and it hurts in my chest. its painful to ‘connect’ with others when I am hiding parts of my self. the relationship doesn’t lead anywhere, theres no flow in conversation, no exchange of in the moment ideas. it feels like i’m stuck in time but yet life is still moving forward.
Gosh, this is so great! getting to respond in real time to your thoughts and questions…
for me the thing I don’t want others to see are my needy feelings, how much I actually want people to like me and how much I need to feel that they want to get to know me, and in turn me want to get to know them. I crave the process of getting to know people, but seem not to be able to make that happen.
Also, I worry very much about being seen as a failure, as my work/career life has been a deep and ongoing disappointment for me. so much pressure and value is placed on career achievement and status, I just hate going places where I might be asked what I do. So I avoid a great deal of social interaction.
Those are the 2 main pieces I want others not to see
thx so much…iris
I don’t have any close relationships now, am 67, single and divorced. My ex divorced me, and everything was my fault, perhaps symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I’m a bit shy and introverted as well as an Enneagram 9, the peacemaker, and developed insecurity and passive aggressiveness. Even though we had a collaborative divorce, now differing opinions on Covid vaccines have caused even more distance beteeen us and my immediate family as well. I guess I’m not answering the question, as my opinion is labeled conspiracy theory. I wish there was some way to cross this divide.
Theresa Gwynn, Another Field, Colorado Springs, CO, USAsays
I am hiding less and less I think. Doing the Mindfulness Daily group of meditations you and Jack Kornfield put together and others. I’ve become more aware, more relaxed. So I have more relationships and they are pretty positive I think. I used to be alone a lot and didn’t like that. Now I have more friends. I don’t like that my memories of people are sometimes missing or lacking. However, I know I’m more present when I’m with my friends and acquaintances in recent years. A friend said I have “emotional intelligence” which is wonderful to hear.
The client I have in mind turns his personal discomfort into a weapon he uses to berate his team. Despite numerous complaints about his behavior, he justifies his action as necessary as “the director.” I’m thinking that he will be one of the hard nuts to crack in that his behavior has been tolerated, if not rewarded through promotion in the past.
I have been moved to tears by your presentation. There is so much wisdom in it. I ache for my husband who has struggled with feeling unworthy all of his life because of his hearing impairment. I feel compassion for myself as I have born the brunt of his pain. We are still together after 30 years, but both hurting, both struggling. I have hope that I can gain insight from your work which can help turn things around. Thank you.
Sheridan
I’m not very connected to the material world, and prone to disorder and little incidents (losing objects, accumulating others, not seeing the dust around etc.) – and I have got lots of conflicts around this all my life. It also was destructive for my first and only “materialized” love story, which lasted 5 years, mainly during studying time. I never dared to get into such a close intimacy again, prefering to put my energy into the realms which work better, singing, teaching language … and avoiding to be judged. I do live with good friendships but can’t get rid of the necessity of keeping my mess a secret.
I often feel boring, not funny and entertaining. This leads to passivity. I don‘t talk much, so my behaviour enhances my feelings.
I am afraid of being not loveable, of being selfish and vulnerable, so I am afraid of being loved on the one hand and think I don’t deserve anyone on the other. I don‘t have a partner.
I think I am not allowed to be here at all, so I have problems to concentrate, to rest, to be at ease.
Very revealing. Thank you for this insight.
It at least blocks intimacy and creates distance.
And the more that happened, the worse I felt about myself.
So it’s a dangerous cycle, leading to an ever-tightening circle of mental anguish…and inertia…unless it’s somehow broken…
Thank you, Tara, for helping to break the cycle, by creating awareness with compassion, and giving practical guidance
Makes you guarded and suspicious about others motives
Wonderful! So many people advocate Self-compassion but having some concrete steps to start practicing it makes a world of difference.
I live Tara Brachs work on Self-compassion and regularly share it with my clients. I’m looking forward to participating in another amazing NICABM offering.
As always…so thought provoking. Thank you.
Well, when someone hides there is no trust no relationship.
I close off part of myself and therefore am not fully open and available to other/s.
They buy expensive clothes, they lie about satisfaction in their life or success in their job or partner relationship.
They are always overloaded and tired. Often cannot safeguard their space and nerds
They usually mix things up
I think I need to think about this a bit.
I’m very insecure in love relationships ~ I was orphaned at 2years 9months and I’ve been told I have “attachment” issues. My partner understands this and is extremely patient, but I still feel insecure in the relationship almost constantly, so I try to hide it a lot.
I don’t really know how it affects our relationship. I should probably ask him what he thinks.
I also need to think about it more, because I’ve known it, but I’ve never wondered exactly how it affects us.
Thank you, and thank you for the podcasts, Tara, they’ve helped me enormously.
Your question, above, asks “When you hide what they don’t like ……“. This isn’t about what other people don’t like, your video is about what I don’t like about myself. So I am confused by your question and can’t answer. I wanted to answer, until I became confused by the question printed above.
Doesnt help us to have true honest relationship! I tend to put up defences.
I don’t feel connected to the other person or to the world in general. I have the feeling that I don’t belong. I feel seprarated and victimize myself.
Wow. This question is quite an opportunity of self reflection. I’ve never heard this question before. I didn’t realize until today how much I was hiding from my former husband, and from myself. No wonder I didn’t have a healthy relationship. If we don’t love ourselves and except ourselves how can we expect others to love us. Thank you for bringing this question to my attention and for giving me the opportunity to self reflect.
I try not to hide
Thank you so much!
It creates a feeling of separateness, aloneness and lowers trust among the partners. Hiding insecurities also makes by it hard to for support and understanding as Thich Naht Hanh talks about.
Great video!!! Right on my bullseye! I feel that I was a mistake, that was not planned, not wanted, and not loved. I was brought up in an Irish Catholic house, youngest of 5, and was adequately cared for with a roof over my head, enough food & clothing, but no true love. I felt this in my mothers womb.
I have always sought love! In men, in overachieving, in wowing everyone, but have never felt good enough
I have been in therapy and programs aboutp skills to manage mental illness, and I am starting to make a little bit of progress. It’s exhausting!
I am now living a simple life in paradise, and trying to rechannel my thoughts, my life, my journey to just be me and be ok with it.
It’s a daily challenge
Makes me jittery cause I am holding back the truth, which is essentially lying. It also doesn’t show respect for myself.
I really don’t know what I don’t like about myself. What might I be hiding?
I do suspect that I may not feel worthy of the love that I want because I’m not the best at asking for what I need.
Very valuable teaching
I often withdraw from others.
Thank you, what an important subject. Thank you for sharing your insights. Especially I liked the question you asked your client. Looking forward to continue.
Thanks for initiating this… a lot to reflect on…
Do I need to leave a comment to go on?
It leaves a space where it is no real communication going on .This puts a strain in the relationship.
I have respect for your jounrney toward self authantic self.
I feel like even more of a failure when I try to talk about this when no one understands
I am stuck in my relationship where showing up honestly with my faults I feel will lead to validating all the other times I am accused of being “fill in the blank” So if I am to say yes I was sarcastic and I am sorry; I was feeling very over burdened and not seen or supported by you. Then even when I am not feeling those things I am told I am not being honest, I am self deceived. And I was sarcstic or critical or used the wrong tone of voice or again……. “fill in the blank”.
I know this keeps walls up that I don’t want to be there. This may be a form of self-sabotage I guess by not wanting to deal with the fall out that seems to always come when in the past I have tried to be honest.
I feel that people in general do not like to be friends with someone weak or have personal problems. As a result, we don’t really like to reveal our weakness to other people. Unless, if we are fortunate to have met someone who accepts us without judging our weaknesses, we will never want to come out authentic, we will always want to hide our weakness for fear of rejection from others. It’s a very complicated human game of interaction.
When we can’t accept all parts of ourselves, even the warty parts, how can we expect others to accept us? Identifying what it is that we hide is crucial. And hard…
It makes them feel shallow and like something is missing. I feel NOT genuine and like I am being dishonest, It feels terrible! I want raw authenticity but I am afraid to go there for being hurt again. Big fear of rejection too! It makes me feel fake.
And I believe it worsens my feeling of being some kind of fraud and sketchy. Like I am cannot be fully trusted. I hate this feeling!
Yet, this is all Ego. This not “me”. It is so hard. 🙁
Just not sure what I don’t like about myself.
it doesn’t build trust, connections are tenuous or fleeting
When I hide what I don’t like about myself, I become more closed off, less vulnerable. This leads to building walls and protecting my heart. I become physically more stiff and less open to connection.
When I hide my insecurities about aging I feel closed off from my spouse and adult children
When I hide parts of myself from others, relating with them feels empty and forced. it feels hollow and it hurts in my chest. its painful to ‘connect’ with others when I am hiding parts of my self. the relationship doesn’t lead anywhere, theres no flow in conversation, no exchange of in the moment ideas. it feels like i’m stuck in time but yet life is still moving forward.
Gosh, this is so great! getting to respond in real time to your thoughts and questions…
for me the thing I don’t want others to see are my needy feelings, how much I actually want people to like me and how much I need to feel that they want to get to know me, and in turn me want to get to know them. I crave the process of getting to know people, but seem not to be able to make that happen.
Also, I worry very much about being seen as a failure, as my work/career life has been a deep and ongoing disappointment for me. so much pressure and value is placed on career achievement and status, I just hate going places where I might be asked what I do. So I avoid a great deal of social interaction.
Those are the 2 main pieces I want others not to see
thx so much…iris
It creates distance in their relationship with others. It doesn’t allow them to be their authentic self and connect more honestly with others.
It prevents me from getting close to people and that’s become a positive so that I don’t have people to share with which then becomes a negative.
I don’t have any close relationships now, am 67, single and divorced. My ex divorced me, and everything was my fault, perhaps symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I’m a bit shy and introverted as well as an Enneagram 9, the peacemaker, and developed insecurity and passive aggressiveness. Even though we had a collaborative divorce, now differing opinions on Covid vaccines have caused even more distance beteeen us and my immediate family as well. I guess I’m not answering the question, as my opinion is labeled conspiracy theory. I wish there was some way to cross this divide.
I am hiding less and less I think. Doing the Mindfulness Daily group of meditations you and Jack Kornfield put together and others. I’ve become more aware, more relaxed. So I have more relationships and they are pretty positive I think. I used to be alone a lot and didn’t like that. Now I have more friends. I don’t like that my memories of people are sometimes missing or lacking. However, I know I’m more present when I’m with my friends and acquaintances in recent years. A friend said I have “emotional intelligence” which is wonderful to hear.
I don’t like being uncertain, not smart or courageous enough to solve the problem or make things better, stymied.
I do appreciate you, Tara💛 Thank you for your great works!!
Namaste’
Laura G.
I would like to practice mindfulness meditation.
They and I often emotionally shut down…
The client I have in mind turns his personal discomfort into a weapon he uses to berate his team. Despite numerous complaints about his behavior, he justifies his action as necessary as “the director.” I’m thinking that he will be one of the hard nuts to crack in that his behavior has been tolerated, if not rewarded through promotion in the past.
I have been moved to tears by your presentation. There is so much wisdom in it. I ache for my husband who has struggled with feeling unworthy all of his life because of his hearing impairment. I feel compassion for myself as I have born the brunt of his pain. We are still together after 30 years, but both hurting, both struggling. I have hope that I can gain insight from your work which can help turn things around. Thank you.
Sheridan
It’s being dishonest to my self and my partner
I’m not very connected to the material world, and prone to disorder and little incidents (losing objects, accumulating others, not seeing the dust around etc.) – and I have got lots of conflicts around this all my life. It also was destructive for my first and only “materialized” love story, which lasted 5 years, mainly during studying time. I never dared to get into such a close intimacy again, prefering to put my energy into the realms which work better, singing, teaching language … and avoiding to be judged. I do live with good friendships but can’t get rid of the necessity of keeping my mess a secret.
I often feel boring, not funny and entertaining. This leads to passivity. I don‘t talk much, so my behaviour enhances my feelings.
I am afraid of being not loveable, of being selfish and vulnerable, so I am afraid of being loved on the one hand and think I don’t deserve anyone on the other. I don‘t have a partner.
I think I am not allowed to be here at all, so I have problems to concentrate, to rest, to be at ease.