I told myself “I love you. You will have time to get everything done. I will give you the time.” I’ve been very worried about not accomplishing the many tasks I have for the week, especially because I’ve taken on a new job that requires loads of learning. And I have a certification exam coming up. That has created anxiety – but the gesture of kindness practice gave me the assurance that I can get the things done. Anxiety shifted into calm, and a bit of confidence.
Silencing/ending the harsh self- criticism of the mind and accepting myself with loving kindness of my heart helps transform me. Self-compassion removes my ancient guilt and shame, softens my defenses and opens me up to experience more, to feel more deeply and to be more available to my friends and family.
What comes up for me now is feelings such as I am ok, I can make mistakes, I am human. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s what makes us human and interesting.
Showing kindness to myself also means divesting myself of striving to achieve what others think I should be/must be….and defining for myself, who I am, who I want to be, and it is okay to fall, to stumble, I don’t have to get everything right. And I can’t, no-one can!!!!
And I have recognised the value of practise, practise, practise. Motivation is good but continual practise no matter how long or how little time I have daily is becoming entrenched into a life practise…and I am nearing my 7th decade…years and tears of self soothing using alcohol or buying shoes I really didn’t need, or perfume, or dresses, or bags etc….A truely beautiful video, indeed the entire suite of videos..
Self criticism is so destructive and harmful to us and to our clients Helping them be kinder to themselves is extremely important. Feelings of love and self- compassion come when I feel kindness for myself.
I attempt to help clients leant to meditate and to practice self-compassion—and RAIN.
I really like these 3 steps, and they have really helped me feel more compassion, love and acceptance for myself, and you are right, it has changed my way of connecting with others in such a beautiful way! I have shared the gesture of kindness practice with clients and friends and it has helped them a lot with deepening their self-love.
I dont feel unworthy or undeserving of being loved or sharing love , however I do feel uncomfortable about being seen as a completely openly lesbian woman.
I think it goes back to the programming of my generation and my fathers homophobia.
I would like to overcome this and live a more authentic life.
I appreciate these videos and this one in particular – practicing these three simple steps makes this process less complicated and inviting to practice!
I did. Thank you. My first real intent to change toward self compassion was participating in Tara’s Radical Self. Compassion course. I revisit that and her wonderful talks and meditations.
I did growup believing that i was a burden to my parents, that i was hurting them. They told me so explicitly and implicitly. I transfered that belief and feeling to the rest of the world. It was only in my 30’s when I began to see that I was just being a real, alive, feeling and needing kid, and then young adult. In fact, i came to think I was too good, too good in that i retreated into quiet, though functioning depression..
I thought i had escaped or resolved my sense of unworthiness and not belonging, becoming an enthusiastic, empathetic, and appreciated, popular teacher, and later therapist. But this underlying belief about myself became painfully evident in relationships, of course. So that part is what, who really needs my care.
This is a practice that works for me. It feels comforting. I tell myself “you are a good person” and “this is really hard” If I am in the middle of it, I may cry or think ” why does this have to be so hard?”
Be in the hedonic pleasure of reality (knowing thoughts and feelings with no jugdment).Their teacher is love, when they skillfully get there, the heart will tell them in the tongue of their knowledge what to do.
Tara, please accept this feedback in the positive manner with which it is intended. I have interacted with you over the last couple of years via your contributions to various online conferences. Your presence and spirit resonated strongly and I was able to connect with your messages because of your personal delivery from the heart. It is obvious that this was written by the person who writes for Ruth and so it doesn’t feel right coming from you. From a business expansion perspective I can see how your followers might become aware of NICABM and vice versa to connect with a broader audience. For me anyway, I disconnected from the content and message because of the mismatch between the script and the genuine you, the spirit that I thought I could sense in your other sharings. I realize that this is a me issue and that others may feel the opposite. I felt obligated to tell you, and it’s probably not a surprise as you all might have struggled with the pros and cons of doing this. I wish you blessings and love.
I have followed Tara for more than 10 years and have heard this message in other presentations many times.
The simplified structure of a stepwise process in this presentation really worked for me.
Jeanne Stopforth, Family Physician, South Africa
I felt an awareness of my resilience which I sometimes take for granted and compassion for everything I have dealt with in recent years. I look forward to sharing this with clients. Thank you
I realized how scattered my thoughts are and how daily meditation would begin to settle some of this. Hand on heart brought a softening/calm. A practice I feel would be helpful.
I felt the blessing I offered myself. I was able to receive it and then suddenly tears. Such grief and shame I didn’t know was there. And yet somehow so familiar, like a constant invisible companion.
Sadness and shame for all the hurt I have caused myself through self judgement and criticism over decades. Sadness and shame for the hurt I have caused others.
Ouch! This is suffering!
It feels so real and alive. So painful and yet so much better than the deadening numbness that hides it.
I feel hope and excitement that such an opening and a healing can happen here in my kitchen in the few moments that it takes to put down my dishcloth and listen to your voice and to myself. Thank you ❤️
After decades of working on this for myself, I’ve recently come across Emotional Freedom Techniques, commonly known as tapping. I’ve found it phenomenal, both in facilitating the ability to access deeper feelings and to effectively process through them.
I noticed thoughts that I have hurt some people and I remain angry at myself for doing so. The hurts I caused were unintentional but severe. I regret it and, even though these events happened many years ago, I carry the pain of these people with me. When I gave myself a gesture of kindness such as telling myself that I am actually a good person who is kind and loving to others, I felt like I forgave myself for those hurtful acts. I also reminded myself that I have learned to attend caringly to my actions and that I think carefully before I do or say anything that may have unintended outcomes. I think these are reflections I could offer my clients who are having difficulty forgiving themselves and may open up a new way of bringing love and care into their relationships with themselves and with others who may be suffering too.
I felt a sense of calm and relief, but also a conflict between that calm and the underlying worry and pain, and desire to weep. Still seems like a step in the right direction
A slight tightness in my chest softened. I felt some fear there about an upcoming surgery ( that I acknowledged but was holding on to) begin to dissipate.
I told myself “I love you. You will have time to get everything done. I will give you the time.” I’ve been very worried about not accomplishing the many tasks I have for the week, especially because I’ve taken on a new job that requires loads of learning. And I have a certification exam coming up. That has created anxiety – but the gesture of kindness practice gave me the assurance that I can get the things done. Anxiety shifted into calm, and a bit of confidence.
Watched it again so good
Silencing/ending the harsh self- criticism of the mind and accepting myself with loving kindness of my heart helps transform me. Self-compassion removes my ancient guilt and shame, softens my defenses and opens me up to experience more, to feel more deeply and to be more available to my friends and family.
What comes up for me now is feelings such as I am ok, I can make mistakes, I am human. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s what makes us human and interesting.
Showing kindness to myself also means divesting myself of striving to achieve what others think I should be/must be….and defining for myself, who I am, who I want to be, and it is okay to fall, to stumble, I don’t have to get everything right. And I can’t, no-one can!!!!
And I have recognised the value of practise, practise, practise. Motivation is good but continual practise no matter how long or how little time I have daily is becoming entrenched into a life practise…and I am nearing my 7th decade…years and tears of self soothing using alcohol or buying shoes I really didn’t need, or perfume, or dresses, or bags etc….A truely beautiful video, indeed the entire suite of videos..
Self criticism is so destructive and harmful to us and to our clients Helping them be kinder to themselves is extremely important. Feelings of love and self- compassion come when I feel kindness for myself.
I attempt to help clients leant to meditate and to practice self-compassion—and RAIN.
I really like these 3 steps, and they have really helped me feel more compassion, love and acceptance for myself, and you are right, it has changed my way of connecting with others in such a beautiful way! I have shared the gesture of kindness practice with clients and friends and it has helped them a lot with deepening their self-love.
I dont feel unworthy or undeserving of being loved or sharing love , however I do feel uncomfortable about being seen as a completely openly lesbian woman.
I think it goes back to the programming of my generation and my fathers homophobia.
I would like to overcome this and live a more authentic life.
I appreciate these videos and this one in particular – practicing these three simple steps makes this process less complicated and inviting to practice!
Thank you for this wisdom.
Thank you, Namaste
Always enlightening, Tara
I did. Thank you. My first real intent to change toward self compassion was participating in Tara’s Radical Self. Compassion course. I revisit that and her wonderful talks and meditations.
I did growup believing that i was a burden to my parents, that i was hurting them. They told me so explicitly and implicitly. I transfered that belief and feeling to the rest of the world. It was only in my 30’s when I began to see that I was just being a real, alive, feeling and needing kid, and then young adult. In fact, i came to think I was too good, too good in that i retreated into quiet, though functioning depression..
I thought i had escaped or resolved my sense of unworthiness and not belonging, becoming an enthusiastic, empathetic, and appreciated, popular teacher, and later therapist. But this underlying belief about myself became painfully evident in relationships, of course. So that part is what, who really needs my care.
Love this all has been very insightful.
Beautiful as always from our wonderful Tara.
Blessings & love.
can’t feel connected to my heart
This is a practice that works for me. It feels comforting. I tell myself “you are a good person” and “this is really hard” If I am in the middle of it, I may cry or think ” why does this have to be so hard?”
I felt lighter and present.
Gentel act and soft word.
Be in the hedonic pleasure of reality (knowing thoughts and feelings with no jugdment).Their teacher is love, when they skillfully get there, the heart will tell them in the tongue of their knowledge what to do.
deep sadness came up for me. I was whispering “I love you” and this is a hurt that I am still healing through.
Tara, please accept this feedback in the positive manner with which it is intended. I have interacted with you over the last couple of years via your contributions to various online conferences. Your presence and spirit resonated strongly and I was able to connect with your messages because of your personal delivery from the heart. It is obvious that this was written by the person who writes for Ruth and so it doesn’t feel right coming from you. From a business expansion perspective I can see how your followers might become aware of NICABM and vice versa to connect with a broader audience. For me anyway, I disconnected from the content and message because of the mismatch between the script and the genuine you, the spirit that I thought I could sense in your other sharings. I realize that this is a me issue and that others may feel the opposite. I felt obligated to tell you, and it’s probably not a surprise as you all might have struggled with the pros and cons of doing this. I wish you blessings and love.
I have followed Tara for more than 10 years and have heard this message in other presentations many times.
The simplified structure of a stepwise process in this presentation really worked for me.
Jeanne Stopforth, Family Physician, South Africa
A softening, like “an embrace from the inside” – I could well get used to this, thank you 💎🧡🙏
sadness
Curiosity about how to address a lifetime of not being good enough
I felt an overwhelming sadness but also relief.
Lots of tears. Sadness. Grief. Long buried.
It brought up a gentleness in me.
I felt an awareness of my resilience which I sometimes take for granted and compassion for everything I have dealt with in recent years. I look forward to sharing this with clients. Thank you
I started to cry.
I realized how scattered my thoughts are and how daily meditation would begin to settle some of this. Hand on heart brought a softening/calm. A practice I feel would be helpful.
I felt the blessing I offered myself. I was able to receive it and then suddenly tears. Such grief and shame I didn’t know was there. And yet somehow so familiar, like a constant invisible companion.
Sadness and shame for all the hurt I have caused myself through self judgement and criticism over decades. Sadness and shame for the hurt I have caused others.
Ouch! This is suffering!
It feels so real and alive. So painful and yet so much better than the deadening numbness that hides it.
I feel hope and excitement that such an opening and a healing can happen here in my kitchen in the few moments that it takes to put down my dishcloth and listen to your voice and to myself. Thank you ❤️
Wow. Powerful. Brings up tears. Didn’t even know I needed that. Not sure what’s there. ❣️
I acknowledged the pain and suffering over many years and the overcoming against all the odds. I stand here in a space of dignity and self-respect.
I feel great sadness
a feeling of high intimacy with my inner love
I am ok
Move out of self isolation
The palms on the upper chest and heart immediately bring me to myself
Successful socially, deep down a certain sense of unworthiness. Comes and goes.
Self acceptance means we can cultivate self compassion.
Feelings of resistance came up but also the realisation of acceptance. Acceptance of the resistance
After decades of working on this for myself, I’ve recently come across Emotional Freedom Techniques, commonly known as tapping. I’ve found it phenomenal, both in facilitating the ability to access deeper feelings and to effectively process through them.
Sense of genuine love for myself and comfort
I feel a calmness with strength that I am alright with myself
I noticed thoughts that I have hurt some people and I remain angry at myself for doing so. The hurts I caused were unintentional but severe. I regret it and, even though these events happened many years ago, I carry the pain of these people with me. When I gave myself a gesture of kindness such as telling myself that I am actually a good person who is kind and loving to others, I felt like I forgave myself for those hurtful acts. I also reminded myself that I have learned to attend caringly to my actions and that I think carefully before I do or say anything that may have unintended outcomes. I think these are reflections I could offer my clients who are having difficulty forgiving themselves and may open up a new way of bringing love and care into their relationships with themselves and with others who may be suffering too.
Calm I will be ok
Calm, hopeful and forgiveness
intense sadness
I felt a sense of calm and relief, but also a conflict between that calm and the underlying worry and pain, and desire to weep. Still seems like a step in the right direction
I have a feeling of calm,centered,not scattered. A good feeling
Self compassion and tenderness.
Thanks Tara for clear guidance.
A slight tightness in my chest softened. I felt some fear there about an upcoming surgery ( that I acknowledged but was holding on to) begin to dissipate.