This simple gesture of self-love gives me a moment to slow down, I could feel my heart rate calming down in just moments. It feels like giving myself the approval & acceptance that a child might seek from a parent, an employee from a boss, a romantic partner from a spouse. Giving myself a second to check in with myself deeply and recognize and say to myself “I’m okay” seems to be huge.
I deeply appreciate both the simplicity and the technical aspects of being a witness, allowing thoughts to be absorbed into my heart, and offering myself the compassion necessary to fully accept myself and my feelings. Thank you Tara for freely offering these life-changing practices.
I became aware of the love and compassion that others have offered me and compassion for myself that I haven’t been able to offer compassion to myself. (A little confusing, but that’s what came up.)
My hand on my heart felt like
Company.
Comfort and love
My lower lip braced.
The lump in my throat cried.
The hand stayed with me
Until the smallest smile
Said
“You’re ok”
Thank you for these lectures! I felt immediately warm and tender towards myself. I know that’s also as a result of training this and finding my own key in how to be compassionate towards myself. But it is so helpfull!
I’ve been practicing intermittently for past few years – it doesn’t seem to be getting any better for myself – wondering why there is such a strong desire to continue to suffer and like it’s such a chore/harder to care. As I get older and see how it’s impacted my ability to feel good about myself 😞
I am not a therapist, but I gained new insights from listening to this. I’m reminded that kindness begins with how I treat myself. It is so simple, yet so viral. I will share this with family and friends, tell them about this wonderful technique! Thank you so much. I listen to Tara everyday for inspiration at this really difficult time.
Beautifully explained.
When focussing on my feelings, I told myself not to be so driven to people-please. And to be okay with how I am and stop trying to ‘get it right’ in relationships. I’m can be myself and then I’ll simply attract those who like the ‘true’ me. I felt a sense of relief and ease. N need to armour up.
A feeling of peace came up for me during this experience of an act of kindness towards myself. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly and effortlessly this feeling came up, almost as if my being was simply waiting for this opportunity to respond in this way. I felt encouraged to practice this method of self acceptance more often.
I have made some of the best break throughs in my strained relationship with my drug addicted daughter while practicing Mindfulness. I also am responsible for another adult daughter with ASD and Epilepsy ( uncontrolled by medication), who I have had to bring into my home during the Pandemic due to lack of home care givers. Maintaining balance is a challenge…
I appreciated the imagery of waves and ocean. That feeling are just feelings constantly changing like waves on the ocean. So too with thoughts. Due to a prolonged time of increasing and pressing demands, problems began to amplify. Negative thought and self-judgement dominated my mind space. In these difficult moments, I found myself thinking, this is me. I am anxious. Not nice to be around. I became judgmental, edgy, judging others as harshly as I was judging myself. I was miserable realizing I am not being the person I want to be. More recently in my meditation I simply began observing my thoughts and emotions. I found myself saying to my negativity, “Welcome. Oh, it is you again. Once I began to welcome my negative emotions and self Judgements, I realized how much energy I was expending trying to push them away, therefore becoming more anxious, more judgmental, more tense. By just breathing and allowing negative thoughts and emotions to be an object of my observation their intensity lessened. A more quiet, calm space emerged within providing a “holding” space. That holding space was much, kinder, more loving, more listening, more wise. I feel like I have reconnected with a centered part of myself to which i had lost connection. Now when the tensions and pressures of my day become intense I am once again relying upon this rediscovered space to help carry me through my moments of anxiety, negativity and self doubt. It is helping me feel more calm and centered.
I feel vulnerability but at the same time company, knowing that many other people share those feelings. That’s human life. I feel comforted knowing there are kind people like Tara who share their good karma around this universe.
I recently read something that deeply resonated with me: This being human is no cake walk. To have the privilege of living on this earth comes with heartbreak, loss, hardship. To find your way through the hard times without becoming hard, to allow heartbreak but not be broken is the art of living.
Tara was a life saving support for me during a very turbulent time in my life, I found her books on Audible and went from there to her meditations. The struggle would have been harder without her.
With the hand gesture to the heart, I was aware of all my attempts to control others/ my environment so I could feel safe and loved. That hand was kind and compassionate. It can be the direct link to feeling safe and loved, without any manipulation on my part.
I’m working through a deeply traumatized past, and this helps with my ongoing attempt to replace lies others told about my self worth with kinder and more honest messages, and for the first time in my life, to feel that someone cares. I would like for that someone to have been my parents (who were incapable of love), but it’s too late for that–I have to be the one to accept, love, and protect myself now.
It connected me to a feeling of self-compassion. This practice would help clients to soften the voice of the inner critic and develop intimate connection to the wounded part.
Hi, I have been trying to watch my thoughts for many years but when I look for them I do not find them. They seem so elusive. I do not know what they are, I know they are pervading all of my being but I do not see them. Same for the physical emotion. If I feel sad I look and question: Where is the sadness, again, I do not find it, only something vague that elapse my awareness. How can I recognize my thoughts and my feelings? Thank you Tara
Hi! I hope it is okay with you if I share my own experience, as a fellow mindfulness enthusiast. If not, feel free not to read this response.
I personally have found it helpful to have a therapist to speak my thoughts aloud, since watching my thoughts and feelings during meditation was not helpful for me initially. I had struggled for years to contact my thoughts and emotions through twice-daily meditation, and I felt increasingly frustrated and ashamed. In fact, my meditation practice was deepening my feelings of depression and loneliness. With a therapist who allowed me to speak my mind without a filter, I gradually gained greater acceptance of my own thoughts. Initially, I was unable to feel my emotions during meditation, and I needed the support of other individuals in order to feel safe to feel my feelings. Sitting cross-legged in a quiet room, all I could feel was numbness. Eventually (over the course of several years of therapy), the support from my therapist has translated into my being able to recognize and feel my emotions without the assistance of others. In my case, sitting alone with my eyes closed was not an appropriate gateway into self awareness until after experiencing lovingkindness and unconditional acceptance from another.
I hope that this response is helpful in some way to some person out there! I often find it helpful to hear other people’s stories and pray that my story will also be of benefit to others.
I struggle with this as well. I struggle to recognize what is happening in my body and mind. I think Dan Siegel explained it as the talking head. This helped me to see the difference. I am extremely sensitive to the intonation of voice. Perhaps this is why I am drawn to Tara. Her meditations and talks help me connect the body and mind and are soothing and supportive. I know this comes from a long history of trauma. Perhaps because of this, I feel like I make some progress and then slip back. Don’t give up. I suppose the journey is different for some of us. You are not alone.
I think it is very hard sometimes to not believe those stories I tell mulyself are real.This exercise is very helpful and heartfelt, when I go through those steps I feel more hope and peace.I have been listening to you and Kristin Neff lately, I hope with practice that like Elaine, it will become more automatic and natural to give myself self compassion. I love you Tara Brach, your podcasts and meditations have really helped me.
It felt good to extend kindness to myself. I need to do this more often. My meditation practice helps a lot. I am finding that as I get older my reactions are more emotional. I’m a deeply feeling person but want my reactions to calm. Thanks Tara.
Showing myself loving kindness by placing my hands over my heart felt so beautiful and so new. I often look to my family and friends to love me and now I can show myself love when they are not with me. It is a wonderful practice.
Thinking about the latest upset, putting my hand on my heart and going into it again, I realized that at the time of the complete thoughtlessness of the other I was so angry, it was as if by my angry outburst I was going to make things work out differently! Well, a boundary was created hopefully! However, this exercise helped me to see that there was actually a whole other beneficial side to the incident which then created a gratitude for how my day progressed. So if I had just gone with the flow and acceptance the outcome would have been so much less stressful and perhaps even more beneficial.
When I did this three steps and put a hand on my heart I felt as the space in me start expanding realizing in the same time how tight I usualy am. With each breath the space seemed more and more expanded allowing relaxation and optimism. It was a ”wow” moment for me. Thank you so much.
Thus far I have been challenged by the inability to connect and sustain loving relationships. I know it is become because of my inability to connect lovingly with myself and offer myself the compassion I need when I have uncomfortable feelings. I will keep working at it. I would like to transcribe these three workshops so I can keep them in front of me to remind me of the steps every time I go into isolation. I live in isolation, am lonely with an angst for connection, but seem to reject others before I give them a chance to reject me. Work on this constantly.
When I learned to have self compassion, when others projected their inner critic out, it no longer hijacked my system and it was really hard as it went against my ambivalent attachment and I let those people go. Undoing codependency is painful and when I experience the deeper connection with my family, it is SO worth it.
I will use this as attuned presence with others.
I said to my inner child, I am here for you. You are safe with me. I’m so glad you live with me. You are precious to me.
As a result, I felt peaceful. I practice mindful breathing with words Thich Nhat Hanh taught: Breathing in, I have arrived. Breathing out, I am home.
Thank you for reminding me of these techniques to watch my thoughts, name my feelings, and offer words of kindness to myself. Om Shanti.
This simple gesture of self-love gives me a moment to slow down, I could feel my heart rate calming down in just moments. It feels like giving myself the approval & acceptance that a child might seek from a parent, an employee from a boss, a romantic partner from a spouse. Giving myself a second to check in with myself deeply and recognize and say to myself “I’m okay” seems to be huge.
Working through some self hatred issues that I’ve uncovered in my healing journey. What a timely share. Thank you.
So simple and impactful, thank you
I deeply appreciate both the simplicity and the technical aspects of being a witness, allowing thoughts to be absorbed into my heart, and offering myself the compassion necessary to fully accept myself and my feelings. Thank you Tara for freely offering these life-changing practices.
I appreciate this practical practice to rewire the brain. I experience more calm and sense of openness to whatever might come next.
I became aware of the love and compassion that others have offered me and compassion for myself that I haven’t been able to offer compassion to myself. (A little confusing, but that’s what came up.)
Grief and sadness weighing in my body, but when I take time to acknowledge and accept myself these emotions often rather than be covered in anger.
My hand on my heart felt like
Company.
Comfort and love
My lower lip braced.
The lump in my throat cried.
The hand stayed with me
Until the smallest smile
Said
“You’re ok”
Thank you for these lectures! I felt immediately warm and tender towards myself. I know that’s also as a result of training this and finding my own key in how to be compassionate towards myself. But it is so helpfull!
I’ve been practicing intermittently for past few years – it doesn’t seem to be getting any better for myself – wondering why there is such a strong desire to continue to suffer and like it’s such a chore/harder to care. As I get older and see how it’s impacted my ability to feel good about myself 😞
Peace and calmess can be found using this practice
Thank you Tara,
For the 1st time in a very long time I felt acceptance, forgiveness, awareness of a choice of self compassion.
It is time to renew my healing journey, living a life of gratitude and compassion for myself and others.
Fresh start!!!
I am not a therapist, but I gained new insights from listening to this. I’m reminded that kindness begins with how I treat myself. It is so simple, yet so viral. I will share this with family and friends, tell them about this wonderful technique! Thank you so much. I listen to Tara everyday for inspiration at this really difficult time.
Beautifully explained.
When focussing on my feelings, I told myself not to be so driven to people-please. And to be okay with how I am and stop trying to ‘get it right’ in relationships. I’m can be myself and then I’ll simply attract those who like the ‘true’ me. I felt a sense of relief and ease. N need to armour up.
A feeling of peace came up for me during this experience of an act of kindness towards myself. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly and effortlessly this feeling came up, almost as if my being was simply waiting for this opportunity to respond in this way. I felt encouraged to practice this method of self acceptance more often.
I noticed sadness towards an image of my childhood self.
I have made some of the best break throughs in my strained relationship with my drug addicted daughter while practicing Mindfulness. I also am responsible for another adult daughter with ASD and Epilepsy ( uncontrolled by medication), who I have had to bring into my home during the Pandemic due to lack of home care givers. Maintaining balance is a challenge…
I immediately became aware of my breath and the peace that can found there.
I appreciated the imagery of waves and ocean. That feeling are just feelings constantly changing like waves on the ocean. So too with thoughts. Due to a prolonged time of increasing and pressing demands, problems began to amplify. Negative thought and self-judgement dominated my mind space. In these difficult moments, I found myself thinking, this is me. I am anxious. Not nice to be around. I became judgmental, edgy, judging others as harshly as I was judging myself. I was miserable realizing I am not being the person I want to be. More recently in my meditation I simply began observing my thoughts and emotions. I found myself saying to my negativity, “Welcome. Oh, it is you again. Once I began to welcome my negative emotions and self Judgements, I realized how much energy I was expending trying to push them away, therefore becoming more anxious, more judgmental, more tense. By just breathing and allowing negative thoughts and emotions to be an object of my observation their intensity lessened. A more quiet, calm space emerged within providing a “holding” space. That holding space was much, kinder, more loving, more listening, more wise. I feel like I have reconnected with a centered part of myself to which i had lost connection. Now when the tensions and pressures of my day become intense I am once again relying upon this rediscovered space to help carry me through my moments of anxiety, negativity and self doubt. It is helping me feel more calm and centered.
Thank you Tara,
your teachings and your beautiful presence are an amazing gift to me and to my husband and daughter!
Anne-Marie
I feel vulnerability but at the same time company, knowing that many other people share those feelings. That’s human life. I feel comforted knowing there are kind people like Tara who share their good karma around this universe.
I recently read something that deeply resonated with me: This being human is no cake walk. To have the privilege of living on this earth comes with heartbreak, loss, hardship. To find your way through the hard times without becoming hard, to allow heartbreak but not be broken is the art of living.
Feelings of support, compassion and love. Thank you, Tara.
Tara was a life saving support for me during a very turbulent time in my life, I found her books on Audible and went from there to her meditations. The struggle would have been harder without her.
What gesture of kindness practice?
Thank you Tara ❤️
With the hand gesture to the heart, I was aware of all my attempts to control others/ my environment so I could feel safe and loved. That hand was kind and compassionate. It can be the direct link to feeling safe and loved, without any manipulation on my part.
It brought tears to my eyes and I had a feeling of compassion for myself.
Very powerful Meditation to overcome self-judgement, and accept Thoughts as just Thoughts, comparison to ocean waves is eye opening
I’m working through a deeply traumatized past, and this helps with my ongoing attempt to replace lies others told about my self worth with kinder and more honest messages, and for the first time in my life, to feel that someone cares. I would like for that someone to have been my parents (who were incapable of love), but it’s too late for that–I have to be the one to accept, love, and protect myself now.
It connected me to a feeling of self-compassion. This practice would help clients to soften the voice of the inner critic and develop intimate connection to the wounded part.
Thank you for offering this to people who follow you.
I don’t think it’s self-hate. I believe it’s fear of harm from others–self-protection is a form of self-love.
Hi, I have been trying to watch my thoughts for many years but when I look for them I do not find them. They seem so elusive. I do not know what they are, I know they are pervading all of my being but I do not see them. Same for the physical emotion. If I feel sad I look and question: Where is the sadness, again, I do not find it, only something vague that elapse my awareness. How can I recognize my thoughts and my feelings? Thank you Tara
Hi! I hope it is okay with you if I share my own experience, as a fellow mindfulness enthusiast. If not, feel free not to read this response.
I personally have found it helpful to have a therapist to speak my thoughts aloud, since watching my thoughts and feelings during meditation was not helpful for me initially. I had struggled for years to contact my thoughts and emotions through twice-daily meditation, and I felt increasingly frustrated and ashamed. In fact, my meditation practice was deepening my feelings of depression and loneliness. With a therapist who allowed me to speak my mind without a filter, I gradually gained greater acceptance of my own thoughts. Initially, I was unable to feel my emotions during meditation, and I needed the support of other individuals in order to feel safe to feel my feelings. Sitting cross-legged in a quiet room, all I could feel was numbness. Eventually (over the course of several years of therapy), the support from my therapist has translated into my being able to recognize and feel my emotions without the assistance of others. In my case, sitting alone with my eyes closed was not an appropriate gateway into self awareness until after experiencing lovingkindness and unconditional acceptance from another.
I hope that this response is helpful in some way to some person out there! I often find it helpful to hear other people’s stories and pray that my story will also be of benefit to others.
I struggle with this as well. I struggle to recognize what is happening in my body and mind. I think Dan Siegel explained it as the talking head. This helped me to see the difference. I am extremely sensitive to the intonation of voice. Perhaps this is why I am drawn to Tara. Her meditations and talks help me connect the body and mind and are soothing and supportive. I know this comes from a long history of trauma. Perhaps because of this, I feel like I make some progress and then slip back. Don’t give up. I suppose the journey is different for some of us. You are not alone.
Thank you. A short practice. I’ll keep practicing.
It brought home such incredible warmth and lightness of being.
Thank you!
What straightforward and powerful advice. Thank you.
I think it is very hard sometimes to not believe those stories I tell mulyself are real.This exercise is very helpful and heartfelt, when I go through those steps I feel more hope and peace.I have been listening to you and Kristin Neff lately, I hope with practice that like Elaine, it will become more automatic and natural to give myself self compassion. I love you Tara Brach, your podcasts and meditations have really helped me.
It felt good to extend kindness to myself. I need to do this more often. My meditation practice helps a lot. I am finding that as I get older my reactions are more emotional. I’m a deeply feeling person but want my reactions to calm. Thanks Tara.
Showing myself loving kindness by placing my hands over my heart felt so beautiful and so new. I often look to my family and friends to love me and now I can show myself love when they are not with me. It is a wonderful practice.
I feel a warmth and my heart literally widen when I place my hand on my heart and tell myself that I am deeply loved (By God) and I am enough.
It feels disingenuous…fake. Hard to stay with for very long.
Thanks for this gesture of kindness practice. It slows me down and gives me calm. I also begin to reflect more and be more forgiving of myself.
It is challenging to focus on the pain there is, but finally it is soothing. Thank you Tara!
It felt fake like the words were untrue.
Thinking about the latest upset, putting my hand on my heart and going into it again, I realized that at the time of the complete thoughtlessness of the other I was so angry, it was as if by my angry outburst I was going to make things work out differently! Well, a boundary was created hopefully! However, this exercise helped me to see that there was actually a whole other beneficial side to the incident which then created a gratitude for how my day progressed. So if I had just gone with the flow and acceptance the outcome would have been so much less stressful and perhaps even more beneficial.
A sense of muscles relaxing, breath deepening. It is as if my body is saying “Ahhhhh”.
When I did this three steps and put a hand on my heart I felt as the space in me start expanding realizing in the same time how tight I usualy am. With each breath the space seemed more and more expanded allowing relaxation and optimism. It was a ”wow” moment for me. Thank you so much.
Thus far I have been challenged by the inability to connect and sustain loving relationships. I know it is become because of my inability to connect lovingly with myself and offer myself the compassion I need when I have uncomfortable feelings. I will keep working at it. I would like to transcribe these three workshops so I can keep them in front of me to remind me of the steps every time I go into isolation. I live in isolation, am lonely with an angst for connection, but seem to reject others before I give them a chance to reject me. Work on this constantly.
When I learned to have self compassion, when others projected their inner critic out, it no longer hijacked my system and it was really hard as it went against my ambivalent attachment and I let those people go. Undoing codependency is painful and when I experience the deeper connection with my family, it is SO worth it.
I will use this as attuned presence with others.
Thank you Tara…very powerful exercise…
Another excellent conversation about thoughts and limiting beliefs.
Thank you
Change your thought, change your story I heard recently