Forgiveness for one’s self allows us to be more open and authentic with others. We no longer live with our own disgust that we can easily reflect on others.
Joanne Weiss, Psychotherapy, LAKE ARIEL, PA, USAsays
Thank you for reminding me of “It’s not your fault. ” That had been a powerful phrase for both myself and my clients, and then I forgot it!!!!!! A lovely remembering!
sally, Teacher, Hartland Four Corners, VT, USAsays
Genuine forgiveness can dissolve barriers that “protect” our feelings toward ourselves and one another, opening the way to seeing both beyond our own selves, and deeper into our own selves.
I was very hard/strict with my son when he was 3, 4 years old. Now I know that was the reflection of my own bad relation with myself. Sometimes it so difficult to forgive myself, but I have been working on it and step by step I am getting better. Your explanation has helped me a lot. Thank you!!!
This really struck a cord, especially in relation to a previous relationship with someone who wasn’t well and I felt like I wasn’t compassionate enough because of fear… thank you.
Thinking of my painful relationship with my mother, and the guilt I feel not being able to open up to her I started imagining being like a good friend standing beside me, being here for me, with love and understanding… you are ok, it’s not your fault… such a relieve to be in this space of forgiveness… and it’s really true, there is no separation in this space… with my mother and myself… the world.
Self forgiveness is so pivotal. Turning towards our shadow side with compassion rather than criticism or a confirmation of our own unworthiness allows us to be whole human beings. I love Tara’s work on this subject. It truly gets to the core of so much suffering and uses that suffering as the portal to evolve.
I notice people open to others when they are able to forgive themselves – it opens a pathway to feeling they’re worthy of love and connection. Thank you for these wise words!
This is too fast for me. I cannot turn on self-forgiveness like a light inside me and then it’s all set. I also feel like it’s putting pressure on me and that doesn’t make it easier. Forgiveness ist such a big movement to me, especially when I have hold on to it for decades. Sorry.
Try bringing a relationship where you’ve been living with self-judgement/guilt and let those situations emerge in your mind. Try to imagine genuinely forgiving yourself holding your being with kindness. How do you imagine this showing up in your relationship?
Serena de Stella, Psychotherapy, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
Looking at the trans-generational history is so important. I love the exercise of imagining having a good trusting friend (or God, Angel, wise man/woman, etc. – for those that may say they don’t have a trusting friend) tell you that it is not your fault. Thank you Tara, your Light soothes as it shines so bright!
It feels like forgiving myself and being honest with myself opens the room for understanding, forgiveness, compassion with the other. It feels so much easier to forgive others than myself though.
Sandra Berg, Marriage/Family Therapy, San Francisco , CA, USAsays
Thank you for this teaching, Tara. You reminded me of using a friend to help a client see the possibility of self kindness. I will use this with clients.
Blessings to all here.
Agree, important yet SO hard!
The feelings of shame, bitterness towards myself and my body, and my inner demons are huge barriers. Wish I could turn off the button and instead FEEL self acceptance and kindness.
I have resistance with the give and take in relationships. I want my own control. I struggle with the flow of relationship. I feel I need to protect myself, in time and energy. I do not thrive in being with others, I like to be alone, but feel better when I’m with others. The paradox. The need for balance.
I find that accepting pain and suffering is transforming. We aren’t trained to “let it be here” but to avoid it, which causes even more stress for me. If I allow it and work through it, accepting it’s not forever, I feel much better
I really appreciated the clear, direct explanation of how this brief practice can help patients as well as providers, and the neuroscience psychoeducation that we can share. Thank you Tara! I have been truly blessed by your life and heartfelt, embodied practice.
this is relevant for some of my family members who have a legacy of anger related to self judgment. It may also be epigenetic, which i think is another feature that is fascinating (see Galit Atlas’s book, Emotional Inheritance for a beautiful way of understanding how we might be picking up some of these in our ‘cellular memory’, just like birds!)
Thank you for sharing this and inviting myself and so many others to take the time and space to really look inside and connect at the deepest level with themselves. It is hard sometimes to honestly believe I am worthy of forgiveness, love and self compassion. It will take time but will be so worth it. Learning to understand the why’s of the past and where certain behaviors and choices originated from can help develop new ways of seeing yourself and start to build those new neuropathways. Giving you the ability to notice the thoughts, the actions, and change your resulting behaviors toward yourself and others.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your knowledge and wisdom with us.
Please reconsider not playing music while Tara talks. Nicabm has done this before. ( I turned it off because it was to difficult to hear) I have a slight hearing issue, as many of us seniors do, and the music makes it difficult to hear the speaker easily. The music at times is at the same volume as the speakers voice. Also your chosen music is not a flowing type it is plucking so it bounces in and out of the sound track ever few seconds. It is poor choice. If you must have music pick something that flows that augments what you are presenting instead of challenging it.
There is a famous quote that goes something like – the silences are what make music!
You are talking about the stillness of listening to our selves.
You have great offerings but why cloud it with music?!
Deborah Zuckerman, Coach, Mendota Heights, MN, USAsays
For a while I struggled with the word “forgiveness” because I thought it meant I was saying that what the other person did was okay. Instead I now realize for me it means that I am acknowledging the hurt and inappropriateness of their actions AND being aware of how it impacted me at a holistic level. With this awareness I am able to then “forgive” or “let go” of the grip that this person has had on me. The self-compassion piece is to set boundaries and face the fact that I do not have to believe my thoughts and that what I feel is real. Thank you Tara for greatly helping me on this journey. I want to give back by helping my clients.
It was a lack of self-respect that made me enter this relationship. I didn’t affirm myself and was just impressed by someone who was interested in me. So It shows me my lack of self worth and I forgive myself for having been manipulated and to have entered into this relationship.
“It is not your fault”. What a revolutionary phrase this can be to the wounded part in us that has never learnt how not to blame and shame itself in order to survive the difficult lived experiences. And the great treasure hidden within it is the disappearance of our need to believe adverse experiences are another’s ‘fault’. And in the absence of judgement and blame true connection becomes possible…
How many times do you have to forgive? What when the other ridicules this practicies and does not want to try them?
Forgiveness for one’s self allows us to be more open and authentic with others. We no longer live with our own disgust that we can easily reflect on others.
Thank you for reminding me of “It’s not your fault. ” That had been a powerful phrase for both myself and my clients, and then I forgot it!!!!!! A lovely remembering!
Thanks for the meditation.
Genuine forgiveness can dissolve barriers that “protect” our feelings toward ourselves and one another, opening the way to seeing both beyond our own selves, and deeper into our own selves.
I was very hard/strict with my son when he was 3, 4 years old. Now I know that was the reflection of my own bad relation with myself. Sometimes it so difficult to forgive myself, but I have been working on it and step by step I am getting better. Your explanation has helped me a lot. Thank you!!!
So useful!
Thank you for sending the guided meditation.
This really struck a cord, especially in relation to a previous relationship with someone who wasn’t well and I felt like I wasn’t compassionate enough because of fear… thank you.
Thinking of my painful relationship with my mother, and the guilt I feel not being able to open up to her I started imagining being like a good friend standing beside me, being here for me, with love and understanding… you are ok, it’s not your fault… such a relieve to be in this space of forgiveness… and it’s really true, there is no separation in this space… with my mother and myself… the world.
very helpful. Thank you!
Self forgiveness is so pivotal. Turning towards our shadow side with compassion rather than criticism or a confirmation of our own unworthiness allows us to be whole human beings. I love Tara’s work on this subject. It truly gets to the core of so much suffering and uses that suffering as the portal to evolve.
Thank you
I notice people open to others when they are able to forgive themselves – it opens a pathway to feeling they’re worthy of love and connection. Thank you for these wise words!
Thank you Tara. This was very helpful.
This is too fast for me. I cannot turn on self-forgiveness like a light inside me and then it’s all set. I also feel like it’s putting pressure on me and that doesn’t make it easier. Forgiveness ist such a big movement to me, especially when I have hold on to it for decades. Sorry.
Very useful information..
Try bringing a relationship where you’ve been living with self-judgement/guilt and let those situations emerge in your mind. Try to imagine genuinely forgiving yourself holding your being with kindness. How do you imagine this showing up in your relationship?
Thank you for such powerful message
Looking at the trans-generational history is so important. I love the exercise of imagining having a good trusting friend (or God, Angel, wise man/woman, etc. – for those that may say they don’t have a trusting friend) tell you that it is not your fault. Thank you Tara, your Light soothes as it shines so bright!
Make things easier
I absolutely love this process! Thank-you for sharing!
Thank you. In this exercise feelings of patience and acceptance come up for self and others.
Powerful forgiveness process. thank you
Forgiveness invites more self-acceptance and love
It feels like forgiving myself and being honest with myself opens the room for understanding, forgiveness, compassion with the other. It feels so much easier to forgive others than myself though.
I love this! “Knowing you’re aware makes me feel safer”…what great feedback for client Sam.
Another wonderful teaching with Tara. Thank yoi
Thank you for this teaching, Tara. You reminded me of using a friend to help a client see the possibility of self kindness. I will use this with clients.
It’s so important to be able to forgive myself for childhood trauma and how it still affects my intimate relationships
Blessings to all here.
Agree, important yet SO hard!
The feelings of shame, bitterness towards myself and my body, and my inner demons are huge barriers. Wish I could turn off the button and instead FEEL self acceptance and kindness.
Helpful information about forgiveness
Thank you very much !
Love
I have resistance with the give and take in relationships. I want my own control. I struggle with the flow of relationship. I feel I need to protect myself, in time and energy. I do not thrive in being with others, I like to be alone, but feel better when I’m with others. The paradox. The need for balance.
It allows the ability to foster meaningful change in one’s behavior
Thanks for the teachings and exercices, Very pertinent!
I loved it thank you
Self forgiveness helped me unhook from the pain felt while anchoring in loving myself to allow a better relationship to grow and bloom.
Nice to hear. Also repetitive of many of Tara’s other good programs.
I find that accepting pain and suffering is transforming. We aren’t trained to “let it be here” but to avoid it, which causes even more stress for me. If I allow it and work through it, accepting it’s not forever, I feel much better
I really appreciated the clear, direct explanation of how this brief practice can help patients as well as providers, and the neuroscience psychoeducation that we can share. Thank you Tara! I have been truly blessed by your life and heartfelt, embodied practice.
this is relevant for some of my family members who have a legacy of anger related to self judgment. It may also be epigenetic, which i think is another feature that is fascinating (see Galit Atlas’s book, Emotional Inheritance for a beautiful way of understanding how we might be picking up some of these in our ‘cellular memory’, just like birds!)
Simply stated and easily followed. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this and inviting myself and so many others to take the time and space to really look inside and connect at the deepest level with themselves. It is hard sometimes to honestly believe I am worthy of forgiveness, love and self compassion. It will take time but will be so worth it. Learning to understand the why’s of the past and where certain behaviors and choices originated from can help develop new ways of seeing yourself and start to build those new neuropathways. Giving you the ability to notice the thoughts, the actions, and change your resulting behaviors toward yourself and others.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your knowledge and wisdom with us.
This has made me realize how much I’m carrying past family dynamics into my current family
Please reconsider not playing music while Tara talks. Nicabm has done this before. ( I turned it off because it was to difficult to hear) I have a slight hearing issue, as many of us seniors do, and the music makes it difficult to hear the speaker easily. The music at times is at the same volume as the speakers voice. Also your chosen music is not a flowing type it is plucking so it bounces in and out of the sound track ever few seconds. It is poor choice. If you must have music pick something that flows that augments what you are presenting instead of challenging it.
There is a famous quote that goes something like – the silences are what make music!
You are talking about the stillness of listening to our selves.
You have great offerings but why cloud it with music?!
For a while I struggled with the word “forgiveness” because I thought it meant I was saying that what the other person did was okay. Instead I now realize for me it means that I am acknowledging the hurt and inappropriateness of their actions AND being aware of how it impacted me at a holistic level. With this awareness I am able to then “forgive” or “let go” of the grip that this person has had on me. The self-compassion piece is to set boundaries and face the fact that I do not have to believe my thoughts and that what I feel is real. Thank you Tara for greatly helping me on this journey. I want to give back by helping my clients.
Anonymous
So revealing about the pain that so many people live with. Helpful in ways to forgive ourselves and others
It was a lack of self-respect that made me enter this relationship. I didn’t affirm myself and was just impressed by someone who was interested in me. So It shows me my lack of self worth and I forgive myself for having been manipulated and to have entered into this relationship.
“It is not your fault”. What a revolutionary phrase this can be to the wounded part in us that has never learnt how not to blame and shame itself in order to survive the difficult lived experiences. And the great treasure hidden within it is the disappearance of our need to believe adverse experiences are another’s ‘fault’. And in the absence of judgement and blame true connection becomes possible…
It felt releasing.