Genuine self forgiveness helps me to come to my significant relationships being open, less defensive and present to them rather than to my perceived short comings & failings
Kathy Haywood, Student, Huntingdon Valley, PA, USAsays
This was excellent, especially for myself, when I do my own head voices of self criticism. This is a very needed topic, as most people I have come in contact with, have self criticism, different levels of self hatred, and beating themselves up mercilessly in their head.
Thank you Tara. I am on a healing journey and very recently have started moving towards the feelings rather than distancing and being angry with myself. the skills you have shared on those three wonderful videos have affirmed my resolve to continue of the journey of mindfulness of my thoughts, self compassion for how i feel and tenderness towards myself. I found using the word ouch! that hurts very helpful. Thank you so much for your wonderful compassion and presence.
Claire Louise Crounse, Another Field, Mattapan, MA, USAsays
Oh my goodness…my grief and suffering over not being able to help my sister through the death of her husband, has affected our realationship and brought anger and frustration into my life. It never acured to me that I need to forgive myself. Thank you for this breakthrough moment!!!!
Thank you for making these sessions available – they are short but powerful.
In some cases, I think it would help me to do some important repair work – perhaps making contact with people I have lost touch with who I have hurt, mostly by neglect but sometimes by treating them badly. In some cases it is too late because the people have died – in these cases I might have a better understanding and resolve not to repeat these patterns in future, with others.
I like how you are weaving mindfulness and psychotherapy together. It reminds me that therapy can be a spiritual practice for both client and therapist.
Self forgiveness is really empowering as it loosens the power dynamics and other people’s unforgiveness of us can upset us less as we have done the work in forgiving ourselves first and can breathe life again.
Thank you. I work with Trauma and as a general therapist. Having meditated with you and Hack Kornfield for many years these short videos have helped me with some of my clients. I’m using mindfulness practice and appreciate the inspiration you have given me.
I have lost a few friends because of my sharp tongue when I’ve been angry or upset. Disappointment is often expressed as anger. It’s helpful to hear the “it’s not your fault” because this was how my mum taught me to be! Thank you. Firstly when you said imagine how a friend would treat you, I could only imagine my friends who I’d hurt and hear their judgements but if I imagined them seeing the hurt and not the anger then there’s empathy.
Kindness and compassion towards myself seems to be my lifelong mission. I live alone. When I have a structured day I manage well. When I have an unstructured day, especially on Sundays, my addictive patterns can take over, causing fear, remorse and further loneliness and isolation. I know the roots of my addictive patterns are in early childhood, especially hospitalisation at age four. When I remember that little girl, I glimpse compassion again and forgiveness is possible, as well as hope for deeper change. . Thank you Tara.
Light bulb moment how we relate to ourselves impacts how we relate to others. Hadn’t thought of it like that before. Beautiful and great motivation to keep inquiring into my relationship with myself
I reacognise a lot about the strong critic voice. And how it helps to be softly compassioned Towards it. For me it helpfull to realtime listen to what puppy’s it’s trying to forfill.
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
Don Shapiro, Social Work, Cedar Crest, NM, USAsays
I believe that realizing self forgiveness paves the way for forgiving others whom we are close in our lives. Practicing Self forgiveness sets the stage for helping those we serve do the same.
What about when the angry person refuses to accept their own behavior, and instead tries to justify it by blaming others for having hurt or mistreated them (even when it’s not true)?
“Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.” This is useful – to think of self-hate and self-injury psychologically are an avoidance of grief. Children so often think it’s their fault – not out of laziness, but definitely grief would be underneath. But that habit of reacting with self-hate, not forgiving, if we think of it as a way to avoid grief, changes the dynamic, the whole scenario of whatever elicited it.
I am sorry, but just trying to imagine forgiving myself (and/or the other person) didn’t work here. I don’t think moral injuries can solved by such a simple exercise.
Kathy Hardie-Williams LPC LMFT, Marriage/Family Therapy, Lake Oswego, OR, USAsays
As a therapist I often experience self blame and shame when I’ve made mistakes with clients. I have to remember that along with being a therapist, I am also a human being. Thank you Tara. This was very timely.
Why is it so hard for us to forgive ourselves and have self compassion when we can often give it to others so much more easily?
Genuine self forgiveness will lead to vulnerability and healing in relationships
Very powerful. Thank you.
Self forgiveness brings us home to ourselves. Then with compassion we can feel less defensive more at peace and accepting of others.
Compassion floods in.
Genuine self forgiveness helps me to come to my significant relationships being open, less defensive and present to them rather than to my perceived short comings & failings
M Worrall HCW
This was excellent, especially for myself, when I do my own head voices of self criticism. This is a very needed topic, as most people I have come in contact with, have self criticism, different levels of self hatred, and beating themselves up mercilessly in their head.
Great insights, thanks Tara.
Thank you Tara. I am on a healing journey and very recently have started moving towards the feelings rather than distancing and being angry with myself. the skills you have shared on those three wonderful videos have affirmed my resolve to continue of the journey of mindfulness of my thoughts, self compassion for how i feel and tenderness towards myself. I found using the word ouch! that hurts very helpful. Thank you so much for your wonderful compassion and presence.
Accepting myself allows me to accept others
Oh my goodness…my grief and suffering over not being able to help my sister through the death of her husband, has affected our realationship and brought anger and frustration into my life. It never acured to me that I need to forgive myself. Thank you for this breakthrough moment!!!!
Thank you, Tara
Very useful personal insights
Pat Daunt
I feel light as I do this on my evening walk, my challenge is to carry it into the day and into relationships. Thank you for your words Tara.
Thank you for making these sessions available – they are short but powerful.
In some cases, I think it would help me to do some important repair work – perhaps making contact with people I have lost touch with who I have hurt, mostly by neglect but sometimes by treating them badly. In some cases it is too late because the people have died – in these cases I might have a better understanding and resolve not to repeat these patterns in future, with others.
Thank you for this amazing series of short video’s that have brought a shift in my relationship with one of my daughters.
Very powerful and succinct teachings. Thank you vwry much Tara!!
Metta Belinda
I like how you are weaving mindfulness and psychotherapy together. It reminds me that therapy can be a spiritual practice for both client and therapist.
Such a beautiful exercise for loving healing. Thank you so much.
Self forgiveness is really empowering as it loosens the power dynamics and other people’s unforgiveness of us can upset us less as we have done the work in forgiving ourselves first and can breathe life again.
Thank you. I work with Trauma and as a general therapist. Having meditated with you and Hack Kornfield for many years these short videos have helped me with some of my clients. I’m using mindfulness practice and appreciate the inspiration you have given me.
Thank you. Exactly what I needed to find today
I love the quote – vengeance is a lazy form of grief”. Thank you
It felt freeing and a relief although hard and emotional.
Self forgiveness could lead to a form of softness… a softness that allows seeds of change to grow in relationships.
Thank you very much! Radical acceptance ftw!
I have lost a few friends because of my sharp tongue when I’ve been angry or upset. Disappointment is often expressed as anger. It’s helpful to hear the “it’s not your fault” because this was how my mum taught me to be! Thank you. Firstly when you said imagine how a friend would treat you, I could only imagine my friends who I’d hurt and hear their judgements but if I imagined them seeing the hurt and not the anger then there’s empathy.
Kindness and compassion towards myself seems to be my lifelong mission. I live alone. When I have a structured day I manage well. When I have an unstructured day, especially on Sundays, my addictive patterns can take over, causing fear, remorse and further loneliness and isolation. I know the roots of my addictive patterns are in early childhood, especially hospitalisation at age four. When I remember that little girl, I glimpse compassion again and forgiveness is possible, as well as hope for deeper change. . Thank you Tara.
Power simple & effective…
Thank you
I found it really hard to forgive myself and intrusive thoughts kept rushing in. I needed to keep repeating that I forgive myself.
Thank you Tara for sharing
Self care is the starting point to healing relationships, when you love yourself, you open your heart to loving another.
Forgiving and caring for oneself is essential in relationships.
Light bulb moment how we relate to ourselves impacts how we relate to others. Hadn’t thought of it like that before. Beautiful and great motivation to keep inquiring into my relationship with myself
The exercise helped me let go of blame, shame for treating my husband poorly even though he’s an unbelievable guy. I felt lighter and brighter!
I reacognise a lot about the strong critic voice. And how it helps to be softly compassioned Towards it. For me it helpfull to realtime listen to what puppy’s it’s trying to forfill.
It think it will be easier to forgive someone when we have experienced being forgiven. Thank you.
Genuinely forgiving yourself opens up energy to creatively connect and improve relationships.
Thank you for this exercise.
I immediately felt more open and accessible which felt like I could be more present.
Make Them more open
Bring care to self which can then bring genuine care to others
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
I could acknowledge how I have punished myself for having committed adultery many years ago and not having admitted it to my wife as a secret to painful to reveal!
I believe that realizing self forgiveness paves the way for forgiving others whom we are close in our lives. Practicing Self forgiveness sets the stage for helping those we serve do the same.
What about when the angry person refuses to accept their own behavior, and instead tries to justify it by blaming others for having hurt or mistreated them (even when it’s not true)?
“Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.” This is useful – to think of self-hate and self-injury psychologically are an avoidance of grief. Children so often think it’s their fault – not out of laziness, but definitely grief would be underneath. But that habit of reacting with self-hate, not forgiving, if we think of it as a way to avoid grief, changes the dynamic, the whole scenario of whatever elicited it.
Ah- A way to change theworld. A needed remedy for so much pain.
I am sorry, but just trying to imagine forgiving myself (and/or the other person) didn’t work here. I don’t think moral injuries can solved by such a simple exercise.
This is very helpful. So the main thing is to recognize, embrace my suffering, and choose how to respond to it.
A memory of guilt long held, became free with thought and feeling
As a therapist I often experience self blame and shame when I’ve made mistakes with clients. I have to remember that along with being a therapist, I am also a human being. Thank you Tara. This was very timely.
Why is it so hard for us to forgive ourselves and have self compassion when we can often give it to others so much more easily?