Thank you Tara – “I forgive myself” is a powerful statement and it fits well with Michael Brown’s Presence Process that myself and my partner have been doing recently. I soften instantly towards myself and see my universal human muddled mind and behaviour, for what it simply is… Blessings from the UK
when my angry client was able to really see and understand their angry outbursts with their partner–that they were triggered from growing up in a chaotic family where they didn’t know or get what they needed emotionally–they were able to feel that pain and forgive themselves for their angry outbursts and use this awareness when they were triggered again with their partner–the past trauma of not being seen or valued coming into the present–and make a wiser assessment for the right next step rather than react with rage.
I’ve realised that if I forgive myself for finding someone difficult and unkind to me, and normalise my reactions, I begin to accept that I am enough and this is powerful.
Thank you for these three very special sessions. I have through time been trying to work on accepting myself as okay and these messages gave very clear and practical help to continue on the journey.
Thank you so much.
I have always felt inadequate as a mother. In fact, I did not want to have children because I just knew that I would not be a good enough mother to them. But my husband was a wonderful father and I relaxed into motherhood and loved being a mother. When my youngest son died alone on a dark highway in the presence of strangers and it took 20 hours for the authorities to find me to notify me of my death, my grief was frantic. And when I learned that he had died of sudden cardiac arrest due to a gene that he inherited from me, there was no punishment that was adequate for my feelings of guilt.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am for your helping me to recognize these feelings and to find a way to forgive myself. The sadness of my son’s death will always be with me, but I feel that I can now live with myself.
I have been doing a meditation recently in which I pay attention to what is going on in my body, and the feelings that arise. I then envision some activity with another person that would help. For example, I sit on that person’s lap and they cradle my head. Or we stand up together and raise our hands to the ceiling. We end up dancing and laughing like crazy. This sounds a bit silly, but I seem to be more aware of other people (I’m a total introvert), and I start thinking about what they might need. So this has been amazingly helpful to me!
I can feel a space open when I feel forgiveness for my actions, i used to have a hot temper as a child because i witnessed violence as a young child. The key to change was when I heard my much younger sister tell me with love how scared she felt when I got angry. This was many years ago and when I talked to her recently she said how the reason why she told me was i was the only person she felt safe enough to talk about this with love, tgat she trusted me to be open. It changed both of us in a healing way and helps me to show others how to work with shame in a loving way
Thank you for the videos. I am struggling with this and always have. I have learned that I can work through this and live in peace. It really changes how I feel about myself and life. Amazing!
Genuine forgiveness provides an opportunity for openness with the self and then others. I am however a bit concerned with telling someone it’s not their fault when they have intentionally inflicted harm on others. Is there a middle ground for accepting responsibility for one’s actions and still having compassion for one’s self?
Tara and her teachings and meditations have opened my eyes and heart to the underlying reality of intense self hatred and feelings of unworthiness. I am so grateful to have found her, and I continue to use her teachings, suggestions, and meditations, to better love my self, which greatly improves my relationships with others in my life.
Interestingly enough I went through this guilt and shame experience recently, and realised how self-destructive it actually is. Thank you for these insightful videos, they will help me and my clients!
For me, it was the realization that I could not predict the future. I made decisions when my son was younger that I thought were best for him at the time and now I am doubting I did the right thing. But I could not see into the future then to know how things would turn out. Now I can only continue to help guide him in the best way I know how. I need to let go of the “what ifs” of how things might be different for him had I chosen a different path.
Rachael St. Germain, Coach, San Francisco, CA, USAsays
When I judge myself, I feel the need to blame shift or criticize others as well. When I approach myself with kindness and compassion, I feel less of a drive to prove myself. And when others are triggered, I see they are “just like me.” They, too, just want to be loved and seen and respected. They, too, have baggage from the past. Each of us has unsurpassable worth. As I hold this truth close, it ripples out in kindness and love: for myself and others.
Wendolyn White, Another Field, Cedar Hill, TN, USAsays
I found hearing “It’s not your fault” to be an opening into forgiving myself. With that opening, I am able to recognize when my own insecurities interfere with loving and open connections with others.
I felt that the act of forgiveness brings gentleness to the self and it moves me out of fight/ flight (I felt tension release in my stomach) which could mean I hear more from whomever I am with; they will feel less tense as perhaps they can mirror my new non verbal state of being.. as I write I feel it is very transformative. Very interesting and revealing to me. Thank you.
Thanks Tara, this is so helpful. I have been trying to wrestle with the hurt and pain of not being there (in many instances of need) for my dear friend who passed last year. And this practice gets me part way there for the moment. Because my friend has passed there is no other way for me to make a deeper connection with them as I heal from my own unforgivable musing. I know this will help with future connections to others. And yet, there is a deeper hurt and sadness after this and that always exists when dealing with death I suppose. Albeit, the self hatred is not part of that memory now and it also contributes to making meaning in my loss…
I think forgiving myself in my relationship with my sister would return us to a safer and healthier space. Something like the time when we were still two girls.
I really needed to hear this today, at this moment in time. Shame is “I am bad”, Guilt is the act or behavior was bad. In my experience and observations “bad” acts or behaviors come from a place where shame is hidden as secrecy, silence and judgement propagate shame. When shame is growing behaviors are inappropriate such as you described with Sam. Resolution happens when the shame is able to be safely viewed and released. Shame does not just come from behaviors we have done or not done. Shame can come from behaviors done to us. Thinking and feeling “I must be bad or these bad acts would not have been done to me”. I am a shameful person or these terrible abuses would not have happened to me. Please include that shame doesn’t always come from things we have done or not done but can come from things that have been done to us. Forgiveness is always the answer. Forgiveness of the perpetrators and forgiveness of the self.
These videos have been so helpful! They are packed with information that is practical and thought provoking. Thank you!
Forgiving myself allows me to hear him better
Thank you Tara – “I forgive myself” is a powerful statement and it fits well with Michael Brown’s Presence Process that myself and my partner have been doing recently. I soften instantly towards myself and see my universal human muddled mind and behaviour, for what it simply is… Blessings from the UK
Thank you for these sessions…I can only give to others what I give to myself…and receive what I put out there
when my angry client was able to really see and understand their angry outbursts with their partner–that they were triggered from growing up in a chaotic family where they didn’t know or get what they needed emotionally–they were able to feel that pain and forgive themselves for their angry outbursts and use this awareness when they were triggered again with their partner–the past trauma of not being seen or valued coming into the present–and make a wiser assessment for the right next step rather than react with rage.
I’ve realised that if I forgive myself for finding someone difficult and unkind to me, and normalise my reactions, I begin to accept that I am enough and this is powerful.
Self-compassion is a balm to our soul. Thank you for teaching about it.
Thank you for these three very special sessions. I have through time been trying to work on accepting myself as okay and these messages gave very clear and practical help to continue on the journey.
Thank you so much.
I have always felt inadequate as a mother. In fact, I did not want to have children because I just knew that I would not be a good enough mother to them. But my husband was a wonderful father and I relaxed into motherhood and loved being a mother. When my youngest son died alone on a dark highway in the presence of strangers and it took 20 hours for the authorities to find me to notify me of my death, my grief was frantic. And when I learned that he had died of sudden cardiac arrest due to a gene that he inherited from me, there was no punishment that was adequate for my feelings of guilt.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am for your helping me to recognize these feelings and to find a way to forgive myself. The sadness of my son’s death will always be with me, but I feel that I can now live with myself.
Yes kindness to self enables greater kindness to others. A timely reminder- thank you.
I have been doing a meditation recently in which I pay attention to what is going on in my body, and the feelings that arise. I then envision some activity with another person that would help. For example, I sit on that person’s lap and they cradle my head. Or we stand up together and raise our hands to the ceiling. We end up dancing and laughing like crazy. This sounds a bit silly, but I seem to be more aware of other people (I’m a total introvert), and I start thinking about what they might need. So this has been amazingly helpful to me!
I can feel a space open when I feel forgiveness for my actions, i used to have a hot temper as a child because i witnessed violence as a young child. The key to change was when I heard my much younger sister tell me with love how scared she felt when I got angry. This was many years ago and when I talked to her recently she said how the reason why she told me was i was the only person she felt safe enough to talk about this with love, tgat she trusted me to be open. It changed both of us in a healing way and helps me to show others how to work with shame in a loving way
Actually be kinder, instead of the opposite.
By softening to myself I can feel the ability to soften to those others who have hurt me, and also I feel I am becoming more response able.
Thank you for the videos. I am struggling with this and always have. I have learned that I can work through this and live in peace. It really changes how I feel about myself and life. Amazing!
Genuine forgiveness provides an opportunity for openness with the self and then others. I am however a bit concerned with telling someone it’s not their fault when they have intentionally inflicted harm on others. Is there a middle ground for accepting responsibility for one’s actions and still having compassion for one’s self?
thanks so much for that. I love the way you explained all that and I am very happy to have had the opportunity. Thanks!
Steffi from Germany 🙂
Tara and her teachings and meditations have opened my eyes and heart to the underlying reality of intense self hatred and feelings of unworthiness. I am so grateful to have found her, and I continue to use her teachings, suggestions, and meditations, to better love my self, which greatly improves my relationships with others in my life.
Interestingly enough I went through this guilt and shame experience recently, and realised how self-destructive it actually is. Thank you for these insightful videos, they will help me and my clients!
For me, it was the realization that I could not predict the future. I made decisions when my son was younger that I thought were best for him at the time and now I am doubting I did the right thing. But I could not see into the future then to know how things would turn out. Now I can only continue to help guide him in the best way I know how. I need to let go of the “what ifs” of how things might be different for him had I chosen a different path.
WOW this resonates all to much. Thank you!!!!
When I judge myself, I feel the need to blame shift or criticize others as well. When I approach myself with kindness and compassion, I feel less of a drive to prove myself. And when others are triggered, I see they are “just like me.” They, too, just want to be loved and seen and respected. They, too, have baggage from the past. Each of us has unsurpassable worth. As I hold this truth close, it ripples out in kindness and love: for myself and others.
This is exactly what I am struggling with. Thank you so much for existing
For some people, forgiveness of oneself is the most challenging process to engage. Befriending all of oneself is a journey…
I found hearing “It’s not your fault” to be an opening into forgiving myself. With that opening, I am able to recognize when my own insecurities interfere with loving and open connections with others.
I chose to see a friend I hurt in my visual image. I tried and tried and tried to forgive myself. I recognize i am jealous of her.
I felt that the act of forgiveness brings gentleness to the self and it moves me out of fight/ flight (I felt tension release in my stomach) which could mean I hear more from whomever I am with; they will feel less tense as perhaps they can mirror my new non verbal state of being.. as I write I feel it is very transformative. Very interesting and revealing to me. Thank you.
Thank you, Tara!
Forgiving myself opens my heart to feeling worthy of intimate relationships.
What a wonderful way to express that release of self anger. Thank you so much and for your modeling of how to do this so gracefully.
Very helpful encouragement for self compassion and acceptance
It feels relaxing right away and opens space.
Relationship w adult daughter.
Forgiveness of self opens the way for forgiveness of others and showing up authentically in relationships.
Thanks Tara, this is so helpful. I have been trying to wrestle with the hurt and pain of not being there (in many instances of need) for my dear friend who passed last year. And this practice gets me part way there for the moment. Because my friend has passed there is no other way for me to make a deeper connection with them as I heal from my own unforgivable musing. I know this will help with future connections to others. And yet, there is a deeper hurt and sadness after this and that always exists when dealing with death I suppose. Albeit, the self hatred is not part of that memory now and it also contributes to making meaning in my loss…
Thank you for your clear word of wisdom
Thank you! A beautiful session.
It will lead to greater intimacy and shared communication.
Thank you for the information. It is very useful and I plan to use it and look forward to learning more for the benefit of my clients (and myself!)
I think forgiving myself in my relationship with my sister would return us to a safer and healthier space. Something like the time when we were still two girls.
I really needed to hear this today, at this moment in time. Shame is “I am bad”, Guilt is the act or behavior was bad. In my experience and observations “bad” acts or behaviors come from a place where shame is hidden as secrecy, silence and judgement propagate shame. When shame is growing behaviors are inappropriate such as you described with Sam. Resolution happens when the shame is able to be safely viewed and released. Shame does not just come from behaviors we have done or not done. Shame can come from behaviors done to us. Thinking and feeling “I must be bad or these bad acts would not have been done to me”. I am a shameful person or these terrible abuses would not have happened to me. Please include that shame doesn’t always come from things we have done or not done but can come from things that have been done to us. Forgiveness is always the answer. Forgiveness of the perpetrators and forgiveness of the self.
Could allow us to connect more openly.
Excellent! Thank you!
It sets them free
It was freeing to allow forgiveness to emerge after years of feeling guilty over how I treated my sister when we were young. Thank you.
<3
Great videos! I try to incorporate mindfulness as often as possible in my therapeutic sessions
Forgiving myself frees me from the shame and guilt. I feel I can trust myself in relationship with others.
very helpful and very practical tips
Thank you for the clear direction.
Very helpful.