I wish I had been able to be present with my former partner, and to work on our relationship when he brought up criticisms in an angry way. I see now he did I not know any other way to relate
This exercise was challenging and required repeated listening to remove some of the endless barriers protecting me from this pain. It isn’t easy to forgive myself because, in my mind, all I had to do was remain agreeable and, as I was taught, put others before myself. It has caused a great rift in our family, and I still lack the wisdom and skills to improve this situation. I managed to partially forgive myself today and struggle to acknowledge that it is okay to be me with all my flaws and shortcomings. I realize that sometimes there is nothing one can do but continue to move forward. Thank you for this insight.
Thank you so much Tara! This is what I’m dealing with right now. The hurt I have caused others in my relationships and the essential possibility of my self forgiveness and self compassion.i feel such hope and care for myself in my heart which has opened me to the potential of healing my relationships. Thank you so much for all the good you have been for so many people in this world
Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom. I do believe when we can learn to be kind and compassionate with ourselves, we have more to give all those around us. Just small steps to a better me and a better world Thank you
Tara’s work is exceptional and over the last 2 years I have purchased 4 of her books. In this series, she leads up to how important it is to forgive ourselves and give ourselves the message that our behavior comes from deep shame and low self esteem. She does a wonderful concise description of how loving the self leads to loving others and healthier relationships. I will use this in support groups that I participate in.
Brilliant videos, thank you so much for all the wise but simple and effective advice.
It’s very hard sometimes to be compassionate towards yourself and forgive yourself, but the questions you suggest are really helpful and thought provoking.
You always share such compassionate wisdom.
Thank you.
Forgiveness of self is allowing space to separate from the guilt and blame with awareness. The relationship is a reflection of self. As I forgive myself I allow love for myself as well as compassion for the other.
Tara, thank you so much for sharing yourself and your wisdom, so deeply and
intimately! These practical tools of wisdom are so helpful for deep heart change!
Thank you for making available these helpful messages about moving from
self-judgment to self-acceptance and the possibility of closer connections
with others. Being able to recognize the deep-seated feelings of anxiety,
inadequacy, insecurity, not measuring up, and the underlying causes, is
essential for the healing process. I understand that better now in terms of
practicing more self-compassion. I look forward to the next segment on
conscious loving.
(If my comment is posted, please use only first name. Thank you.)
My daughter has not responded to me for over 2 years. I have a mental health issue that has not cleared up for almost 47 or more years. Meditation, medication, having a counselor etc has not helped clear the problem. I’ve heard of a lot of kids not liking their Mom or cutting them out of their lives, but it really hurts.
I think this exercise could help me find a way out of self criticism and to genuine compassion for myself. I’m not a therapist or counselor, but perhaps my self awareness and compassion could affect others I hold dear.
Annette Ernste, Another Field, Ithaca, NY, USAsays
By slowing down and listening to what is happening inside, I find understanding instead of frustration. I’m working toward more enjoyable conversations instead of arguments.
I notice that, when I forgive myself for the ways I’m withholding and resenting in my relationship with this relative, I feel some space to be different-to respond to her in ways that are more aligned with my values.
Thank hon! I have been practicing RAIN with myself and clients and this is such great information to just continue to reinforce, we need self compassion! I loved the question, “is this anger toward your self helping you act differently?”- perfect!
The last exercise was helpful with regards to my relationship with my son who is currently estranged from me and he is not receptive to connecting in any way. I keep trying but to no avail. this approach receives me of great sadness and feelings of failure. Thanks
If I could fully forgive myself I would look M straight in the eye and speak to her, rather than cringing away. We could maybe resume where we left off, whereas I feel stuck now.
I have often felt that something is missing in me, that I cannot FEEL the connection with others that is truly in my heart. I get angry at myself for being clumsy or forgetful, especially as I age, so the compassion and forgiveness I so readily extend to others at a distance doesn’t always make it back to myself. I can feel how destructive this is to my core relationship (with me), and now see how it affects all my relationships. There is hope for me yet! Thanks Tara for this huge insight!
Showing up to your relationships with authenticity, vulnerability, trust, and acceptance of both yourself and others. Releasing toxic resentment and guilt. Increasing empathy, compassion, and open hearted love.
My client has quite quickly opened to the idea though with some intrepidation as they realised that it was a very challenging process for them to honestly look at themselves as this was not their usual choice.
It starts with self and in changing our self and our relationship with self, we can change others and our relationships with others. Simple to think, but hard to do, but compassion towards others starts with self compassion.
I felt a deep overflowing sadness, tears, around how it was with this person. There was love in the feeling, which began to radiate through me, and both mingle with the tears, and emerge with light. I think the process is still unfolding, a beginning of forgiveness and more softness. I trust that it is on the way to forgiving myself. I am looking forward to offering this to others.
I still struggle with guilt over the parenting mistakes I made. I am human and we all make mistakes. I feel my kids haven’t forgiven me yet. Maybe they’re waiting for me to show signs that I have forgiven myself
I really enjoyed this video. What if that relationship has been cut off by the other person? My son has be estranged from our family for several years now and I don’t know how to even find him. I feel miserably guilty and tears always appear just by thinking about him. How do I live with this guilt if I can’t make amends?
I remember again, I can only have as much compassion and forgiveness for others as I have for myself. The power of my ripple where this was not practiced in my closest relationships is real.
Allowing for forgiveness of past actions creates a feeling of joining the human race and recognizing we all make mistakes and can learn and grow from them rather then getting stuck
Joan Madison, Psychotherapy, Stamford, CT, USAsays
Three excellent videos! I particularly appreciated the scientific explanations, the metaphors, the exercises, and the encouragement of ongoing reinforcement of what is being learned.
I wish I had been able to be present with my former partner, and to work on our relationship when he brought up criticisms in an angry way. I see now he did I not know any other way to relate
This exercise was challenging and required repeated listening to remove some of the endless barriers protecting me from this pain. It isn’t easy to forgive myself because, in my mind, all I had to do was remain agreeable and, as I was taught, put others before myself. It has caused a great rift in our family, and I still lack the wisdom and skills to improve this situation. I managed to partially forgive myself today and struggle to acknowledge that it is okay to be me with all my flaws and shortcomings. I realize that sometimes there is nothing one can do but continue to move forward. Thank you for this insight.
Thank you so much Tara! This is what I’m dealing with right now. The hurt I have caused others in my relationships and the essential possibility of my self forgiveness and self compassion.i feel such hope and care for myself in my heart which has opened me to the potential of healing my relationships. Thank you so much for all the good you have been for so many people in this world
Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom. I do believe when we can learn to be kind and compassionate with ourselves, we have more to give all those around us. Just small steps to a better me and a better world Thank you
Tara’s work is exceptional and over the last 2 years I have purchased 4 of her books. In this series, she leads up to how important it is to forgive ourselves and give ourselves the message that our behavior comes from deep shame and low self esteem. She does a wonderful concise description of how loving the self leads to loving others and healthier relationships. I will use this in support groups that I participate in.
This was so beautifully clear and helpful. Thank you, Tara. I’m deeply thankful for you.
Brilliant videos, thank you so much for all the wise but simple and effective advice.
It’s very hard sometimes to be compassionate towards yourself and forgive yourself, but the questions you suggest are really helpful and thought provoking.
You always share such compassionate wisdom.
Thank you.
Forgiveness of self is allowing space to separate from the guilt and blame with awareness. The relationship is a reflection of self. As I forgive myself I allow love for myself as well as compassion for the other.
Tara, thank you so much for sharing yourself and your wisdom, so deeply and
intimately! These practical tools of wisdom are so helpful for deep heart change!
I love the insight of how being kind to myself allows me to be kinder to others, especially challenging relationships.
Thank you for these wonderful programs, very insightful.
Thank you for making available these helpful messages about moving from
self-judgment to self-acceptance and the possibility of closer connections
with others. Being able to recognize the deep-seated feelings of anxiety,
inadequacy, insecurity, not measuring up, and the underlying causes, is
essential for the healing process. I understand that better now in terms of
practicing more self-compassion. I look forward to the next segment on
conscious loving.
(If my comment is posted, please use only first name. Thank you.)
My daughter has not responded to me for over 2 years. I have a mental health issue that has not cleared up for almost 47 or more years. Meditation, medication, having a counselor etc has not helped clear the problem. I’ve heard of a lot of kids not liking their Mom or cutting them out of their lives, but it really hurts.
I think this exercise could help me find a way out of self criticism and to genuine compassion for myself. I’m not a therapist or counselor, but perhaps my self awareness and compassion could affect others I hold dear.
Loved this technique, thanks for sharing
By slowing down and listening to what is happening inside, I find understanding instead of frustration. I’m working toward more enjoyable conversations instead of arguments.
Stop my judgement, inferred criticism and controlling of others.
I notice that, when I forgive myself for the ways I’m withholding and resenting in my relationship with this relative, I feel some space to be different-to respond to her in ways that are more aligned with my values.
Wry helpful. I appreciated the exercises you did to give us the words to use. Short videos packed full with insights and tools. Thank you.
Thank hon! I have been practicing RAIN with myself and clients and this is such great information to just continue to reinforce, we need self compassion! I loved the question, “is this anger toward your self helping you act differently?”- perfect!
The last exercise was helpful with regards to my relationship with my son who is currently estranged from me and he is not receptive to connecting in any way. I keep trying but to no avail. this approach receives me of great sadness and feelings of failure. Thanks
great comment – vengeance is a lazy way of grief. Such richness conveyed here.
Thank you. This is a great reminder to have self compassion, even when I’ve hurt someone. I love your example of Sam’s story of healing.
I thought about a recent relationship I ended. I forgive myself every time it comes to mind because it’s ok and it shows that I care.
just being kinder to the person…more tolerant of him and of my reasons for being in relationship with him
I imagine it bringing more lightness and deeper joy and an openness and freedom in our connection
This will help them to re-connect with themselves on a genuine and authentic level, like coming home. To be real with comfort.
If I could fully forgive myself I would look M straight in the eye and speak to her, rather than cringing away. We could maybe resume where we left off, whereas I feel stuck now.
I have a difficult time being with my chronically depressed anxious self, so find it impossible to wish myself on my son
I love the saying that vengeance is a lazy form if grief. So much to think about!
I have often felt that something is missing in me, that I cannot FEEL the connection with others that is truly in my heart. I get angry at myself for being clumsy or forgetful, especially as I age, so the compassion and forgiveness I so readily extend to others at a distance doesn’t always make it back to myself. I can feel how destructive this is to my core relationship (with me), and now see how it affects all my relationships. There is hope for me yet! Thanks Tara for this huge insight!
Showing up to your relationships with authenticity, vulnerability, trust, and acceptance of both yourself and others. Releasing toxic resentment and guilt. Increasing empathy, compassion, and open hearted love.
Very helpful. Thank you
It’s freeing …
My client has quite quickly opened to the idea though with some intrepidation as they realised that it was a very challenging process for them to honestly look at themselves as this was not their usual choice.
I would feel happier and less responsible.
lt May make me feel softer Towards this other person
It starts with self and in changing our self and our relationship with self, we can change others and our relationships with others. Simple to think, but hard to do, but compassion towards others starts with self compassion.
I felt a deep overflowing sadness, tears, around how it was with this person. There was love in the feeling, which began to radiate through me, and both mingle with the tears, and emerge with light. I think the process is still unfolding, a beginning of forgiveness and more softness. I trust that it is on the way to forgiving myself. I am looking forward to offering this to others.
I still struggle with guilt over the parenting mistakes I made. I am human and we all make mistakes. I feel my kids haven’t forgiven me yet. Maybe they’re waiting for me to show signs that I have forgiven myself
I loved the quote vengeance is a lazy form of grief.
I really enjoyed this video. What if that relationship has been cut off by the other person? My son has be estranged from our family for several years now and I don’t know how to even find him. I feel miserably guilty and tears always appear just by thinking about him. How do I live with this guilt if I can’t make amends?
I remember again, I can only have as much compassion and forgiveness for others as I have for myself. The power of my ripple where this was not practiced in my closest relationships is real.
Forgiving ourselves, and helping our clients to do the same, frees up room for learning new ways of living and being with others.
Allowing for forgiveness of past actions creates a feeling of joining the human race and recognizing we all make mistakes and can learn and grow from them rather then getting stuck
Really helpful, personally and for working with clients.
Three excellent videos! I particularly appreciated the scientific explanations, the metaphors, the exercises, and the encouragement of ongoing reinforcement of what is being learned.
Forgiving myself made easier to deal with difficult relationships and made it easier forgive others .
forgiving myself, a loving balm and much hope in the relationship
Extremely helpful and practical. Thank you.