Vickie Stone, Social Work, INDEPENDENCE, MO, USAsays
The question, essentially, regarding how does the self-loathing benefit you or an issue was very thought provoking; the implication being a turn around opportunity.
MARGARITA CORDOBA, Teacher, COTTONWOOD, CA, USAsays
These three videos have been of great value. I have bee exposed to the concepts before yet I cannot identify certain feelings in me such as shame or guilt. I do identify clearly my overreaction before situations that trigger me. I know which are the triggers, but I cannot stop myself in time to stop the flood of activation in myself. When I realize how I reacted it is too late. Then I do feel guilty for not being able to pause and observe what is going on inside of me. Usually my “anger” is not presented to anyone face to face, it arises by myself, on my own time. But it takes a toll on me.
Thank you for these videos and the encouragement toward self-compassion. I learned and practice RAIN from listening to your audios over the years and it’s been extremely helpful to me over and over.
I need to forgive myself for feeling like I have to always do more. When I hold myself in kindness and genuinely forgive myself, I feel the appreciation that I have for myself for how I have helped and contributed.
Thank you so much for your gentleness. I think I need to set time aside to practice this exercise over many days, because there are so many layers of hurt and trauma in this particular relationship I thought of that it will surely take some time to dig deeper in order to find compassion for both of us. I will try it though, because the exercise in video 2 showed me how incredibly powerful it is to simply be kind to myself even for 10 seconds – it was actually empowering. I look forward to continuing both of these exercises, both in times set apart for meditation as well as throughout my busy day.
I can truly see how carrying around much shame and guilt has affected my relationships in a major way. When I am wrapped in shame I feel so small and very definitely not good enough in any way. I want to hide this all from others so I act in ways that are not authentic and present what I know is a false self. I can feel how this creates separation from others. It is like I have built a wall around myself for protection which may feel protective but it is also very lonely. Under all of it is fear of having my true self seen. As you said, taking all this apart requires guidance and practice.
I need to forgive myself for having an affair when I was in an unhappy marriage.
I need to forgive myself for not wanting to lie down next to my mom when she was dying.
Thank you for your kindness and generousity of spirit in sharing this deep healing with all. Thank you for your love, compassion and wisdom. May it heal all that are open to it. It is helping me immensely. Much needed healing for openess and generousity of love and forgivesness.
I felt a small bit of “letting go” inside me, when I told myself that it wasn’t my fault that I made some serious mistakes in my parenting. I was doing the best I knew with the information and resources I had at the time. But this guilt is always present in my relationship with my now adult children. It feels powerful and freeing to have these tools to practice rewiring my brain and re-calibrating these relationships! Thank you Tara. ❤️
Not sure which video this was in but the most powerful and educational point for me Tara was you saying a client practised a step “hundreds of times”. The fact that we really do need to do this stuff literally hundreds of time is rarely indicated and this often leaves folks frustrated when they don’t see a difference after a handful of times. Thank you for that seed of wisdom.
Self forgiveness means I can either release or reunify with the other person so that I can feel peace within rather than continually bumping into hurts/resentments/anger/anguish within.
In identifying my past childhood trauma and realizing that my mother was also a victim of abuse, I can be more understanding of her behaviour. I can set boundaries to assist me in making positive choices in my life and learn to let go and forgive myself and her
This is so helpful!! I feel myself becoming frustrated with my brother, but I know I am working so hard and taking care of him and my mother. I can forgive myself because I’m only human.
June Traibman, Psychotherapy, Brooklyn, NY, USAsays
I have learned that when I react to what I perceive as neglect by friends in the present I am really not reacting to these current people in my life but to to people in the past ( not even living now!) who hurt me far more than these people in the present. When I get in touch with this, give myself a little time to be with this reality of things, comfort myself and calm down, and also let myself feel compassion for these friends who are struggling with more than I am, I can let myself relax, get in touch with the person who is usually happy to hear from me and all is well. June
When I thought about forgiving myself for resenting a long time friend who has hurt me deeply, I felt my breathing becoming slower and my shoulders relaxing. I also felt a little more open to releasing some of the resentment that I have been harboring which made me feel a little lighter.
I have a client wherein we are currently establishing a relationship with self and self-acceptance. This is very good timing that I can inject some of those questions that you mentioned!
Forgiving would be so freeing. Allowing clients to be more open, free and less judgmental with others. Allowing more love, peace and acceptance to flow in all relationships.
🙏 Melissa
I thought of my relationship to my sister. She is older than me but still struggles with some things that I have moved past. I can sometimes have a short temper around these things and feel guilty that I have so much compassion for my clients and not for her. Forgiving myself for this is really hard, but I’m trying to realize that I only have so much to give.
Sandy Tanguay, Another Field, Columbus, OH, USAsays
It’s really hard to feel worthy of forgiveness- I’m thinking of how I treated my little sister when we were both so young- I needed to feel smarter, powerful and have her depend on me. I know I didn’t do it intentionally to hurt her but it did. She was an innocent victim of my insecurity. Now we’re 46 and 50, and when I see her lack of confidence to try for a better job, I feel responsible, shameful. Feeling that way has not helped either of us get better. So like Sam, I’m going to try to forgive this thing I did to the little person who meant the most to me in the world. She’s forgiven me over and over again. Your simple approach and direction are very welcomed. Thanks for sharing.
I realize that I have spent most of my life being hard on myself and to others. The meditations are helping me to be more compassionate to myself and to extend it to others.
Thank you for the insight on self awareness and acceptance. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate of ourselves really does help to be compassionate and accepting of others.
I need to forgive myself for being angry with my mother as she was unavailable as a caring person. She has died now and I still need to take myself off the hook.
It is impossible for a human to exist in this world and never hurt another person. Once I’ve recognized I may have done wrong to another person, I tell myself never again, and then I try to learn from the experience. What could I have done differently? How should I behave in the future given the same context?
And, of course, talking it out with the person is a must.
Angela Miller, Psychotherapy, Santa Monica, CA, USAsays
Genuine forgiveness can open up new internal space & resources for clients, allowing them to see themselves as human beings that struggle in the face of intense emotion. This can create space for vulnerability to rise up to support genuine intimacy in their relationships.
Marie Martini, Occupational Therapy, Syracuse, NY, USAsays
Already in the few days since listening to the videos, I’ve shared the information with some of my clients. Giving themselves permission to allow forgiveness into their body, heart and mind has helped make a shift in how they view their physical and emotional pain. They’re starting to let go of self anger, blame and judgment and starting to become open to true and longterm healing. Not just a quick bandaid or coping mechanism.
One person shared how they had forgotten how important our belonging and connection with one another is… trauma and pain caused them to put up walls, close down and be a self critic. Your work is phenomenal in helping people transition out of these negative patterns to improve their lives and those of others around them, with conscious awareness and empathy. Thank you so much Tara for sharing your work.
I used my relationship with my sister. She was 18 months older than me. She had gone through her life feeling judged by me. Regretfully I was unaware of these feelings of inadequacy. They seemed to be about her, not me.
I was only able to see that it had begun with me since I was proud of my greater awareness of everything. I didn’t mean to do that, only being full of myself and not aware of the fact of she was also a sensitive person too.
I have deep regret that she was made to feel “not good enough” through my actions. She passed away three years ago. When I see her again, I will apologize to her.
Heather Hmckechnie1@gmail.com
Self-forgiveness and compassion, when related to a particular theater of guilt is kind of difficult to achieve. I think it comes back to being an observer so that i can separate the guilty party from the party offering forgiveness.
Thank you!
The question, essentially, regarding how does the self-loathing benefit you or an issue was very thought provoking; the implication being a turn around opportunity.
These three videos have been of great value. I have bee exposed to the concepts before yet I cannot identify certain feelings in me such as shame or guilt. I do identify clearly my overreaction before situations that trigger me. I know which are the triggers, but I cannot stop myself in time to stop the flood of activation in myself. When I realize how I reacted it is too late. Then I do feel guilty for not being able to pause and observe what is going on inside of me. Usually my “anger” is not presented to anyone face to face, it arises by myself, on my own time. But it takes a toll on me.
Appreciate the expertise shared here. Looking forward to exploring the accompanying guided meditation.
Thank you for these videos and the encouragement toward self-compassion. I learned and practice RAIN from listening to your audios over the years and it’s been extremely helpful to me over and over.
I need to forgive myself for feeling like I have to always do more. When I hold myself in kindness and genuinely forgive myself, I feel the appreciation that I have for myself for how I have helped and contributed.
Excellent. Helpful
Thank you, Tara. I was very moved by the reminder to understand anger directed outward as unhealed wounding. Very helpful.
Thank you so much for your gentleness. I think I need to set time aside to practice this exercise over many days, because there are so many layers of hurt and trauma in this particular relationship I thought of that it will surely take some time to dig deeper in order to find compassion for both of us. I will try it though, because the exercise in video 2 showed me how incredibly powerful it is to simply be kind to myself even for 10 seconds – it was actually empowering. I look forward to continuing both of these exercises, both in times set apart for meditation as well as throughout my busy day.
It’s a feeling of helplessness – that no matter what I do, how hard I work, it’s never enough – never good enough might be in there too.
I can truly see how carrying around much shame and guilt has affected my relationships in a major way. When I am wrapped in shame I feel so small and very definitely not good enough in any way. I want to hide this all from others so I act in ways that are not authentic and present what I know is a false self. I can feel how this creates separation from others. It is like I have built a wall around myself for protection which may feel protective but it is also very lonely. Under all of it is fear of having my true self seen. As you said, taking all this apart requires guidance and practice.
It’s a feeling of helplessness – that no matter what I do, how hard I work, it’s never enough – never good enough might be in there too,
I was able to see things from a different angle.
I need to forgive myself for having an affair when I was in an unhappy marriage.
I need to forgive myself for not wanting to lie down next to my mom when she was dying.
Thank you for your kindness and generousity of spirit in sharing this deep healing with all. Thank you for your love, compassion and wisdom. May it heal all that are open to it. It is helping me immensely. Much needed healing for openess and generousity of love and forgivesness.
It would help to develop that self compassion to others
This is great, I felt even more judgement come up when thinking about holding myself in kindness. So many layers to get through, but worth the work!
I’ve watched all three videos and they’ve been great reminders of holding the grace of lovingkindness. Thank you so very much.
I felt a small bit of “letting go” inside me, when I told myself that it wasn’t my fault that I made some serious mistakes in my parenting. I was doing the best I knew with the information and resources I had at the time. But this guilt is always present in my relationship with my now adult children. It feels powerful and freeing to have these tools to practice rewiring my brain and re-calibrating these relationships! Thank you Tara. ❤️
Not sure which video this was in but the most powerful and educational point for me Tara was you saying a client practised a step “hundreds of times”. The fact that we really do need to do this stuff literally hundreds of time is rarely indicated and this often leaves folks frustrated when they don’t see a difference after a handful of times. Thank you for that seed of wisdom.
Self forgiveness means I can either release or reunify with the other person so that I can feel peace within rather than continually bumping into hurts/resentments/anger/anguish within.
In identifying my past childhood trauma and realizing that my mother was also a victim of abuse, I can be more understanding of her behaviour. I can set boundaries to assist me in making positive choices in my life and learn to let go and forgive myself and her
Thank you. Very helpful.
Michelle
The thought of “It wasn’t entirely my fault” revitalizes my breath and my sense that I don’t have to be perfect … I am human
Thank you for this remarkably helpful way of working with clients and myself.
Can be helpful instead
This is so helpful!! I feel myself becoming frustrated with my brother, but I know I am working so hard and taking care of him and my mother. I can forgive myself because I’m only human.
I have learned that when I react to what I perceive as neglect by friends in the present I am really not reacting to these current people in my life but to to people in the past ( not even living now!) who hurt me far more than these people in the present. When I get in touch with this, give myself a little time to be with this reality of things, comfort myself and calm down, and also let myself feel compassion for these friends who are struggling with more than I am, I can let myself relax, get in touch with the person who is usually happy to hear from me and all is well. June
When I sent those messages of care and concern to my inner, wounded part, I experienced a very welcome sense of quiet—and peace.
When I thought about forgiving myself for resenting a long time friend who has hurt me deeply, I felt my breathing becoming slower and my shoulders relaxing. I also felt a little more open to releasing some of the resentment that I have been harboring which made me feel a little lighter.
I have a client wherein we are currently establishing a relationship with self and self-acceptance. This is very good timing that I can inject some of those questions that you mentioned!
Forgiving would be so freeing. Allowing clients to be more open, free and less judgmental with others. Allowing more love, peace and acceptance to flow in all relationships.
🙏 Melissa
I thought of my relationship to my sister. She is older than me but still struggles with some things that I have moved past. I can sometimes have a short temper around these things and feel guilty that I have so much compassion for my clients and not for her. Forgiving myself for this is really hard, but I’m trying to realize that I only have so much to give.
It’s really hard to feel worthy of forgiveness- I’m thinking of how I treated my little sister when we were both so young- I needed to feel smarter, powerful and have her depend on me. I know I didn’t do it intentionally to hurt her but it did. She was an innocent victim of my insecurity. Now we’re 46 and 50, and when I see her lack of confidence to try for a better job, I feel responsible, shameful. Feeling that way has not helped either of us get better. So like Sam, I’m going to try to forgive this thing I did to the little person who meant the most to me in the world. She’s forgiven me over and over again. Your simple approach and direction are very welcomed. Thanks for sharing.
It is hard to forgive myself but when it give it space and attention it does seem more doable.
Forgiving myself would feel me from such a heavy weight and give me hope to heal my most important relationships.
As i connect with the guilt and hold myself in a forgiving and accepting way i feel slowly more relaxed and new ways to relate open up.
I realize that I have spent most of my life being hard on myself and to others. The meditations are helping me to be more compassionate to myself and to extend it to others.
Thank you for the insight on self awareness and acceptance. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate of ourselves really does help to be compassionate and accepting of others.
When I forgave myself for the feelings, I found that my feelings towards the other person softened.
I need to forgive myself for being angry with my mother as she was unavailable as a caring person. She has died now and I still need to take myself off the hook.
Great information. Thank you
It is impossible for a human to exist in this world and never hurt another person. Once I’ve recognized I may have done wrong to another person, I tell myself never again, and then I try to learn from the experience. What could I have done differently? How should I behave in the future given the same context?
And, of course, talking it out with the person is a must.
Thanks again Tara
I think it helps us let go and relax more and see the person rather than just our own guilt. Very helpful, thank you
Genuine forgiveness can open up new internal space & resources for clients, allowing them to see themselves as human beings that struggle in the face of intense emotion. This can create space for vulnerability to rise up to support genuine intimacy in their relationships.
Already in the few days since listening to the videos, I’ve shared the information with some of my clients. Giving themselves permission to allow forgiveness into their body, heart and mind has helped make a shift in how they view their physical and emotional pain. They’re starting to let go of self anger, blame and judgment and starting to become open to true and longterm healing. Not just a quick bandaid or coping mechanism.
One person shared how they had forgotten how important our belonging and connection with one another is… trauma and pain caused them to put up walls, close down and be a self critic. Your work is phenomenal in helping people transition out of these negative patterns to improve their lives and those of others around them, with conscious awareness and empathy. Thank you so much Tara for sharing your work.
I love your calming presence. This is some great content.
I used my relationship with my sister. She was 18 months older than me. She had gone through her life feeling judged by me. Regretfully I was unaware of these feelings of inadequacy. They seemed to be about her, not me.
I was only able to see that it had begun with me since I was proud of my greater awareness of everything. I didn’t mean to do that, only being full of myself and not aware of the fact of she was also a sensitive person too.
I have deep regret that she was made to feel “not good enough” through my actions. She passed away three years ago. When I see her again, I will apologize to her.
Heather
Hmckechnie1@gmail.com
Self-forgiveness and compassion, when related to a particular theater of guilt is kind of difficult to achieve. I think it comes back to being an observer so that i can separate the guilty party from the party offering forgiveness.