When I talked to myself as a friend about the relationship I struggle with, I felt somewhat at peace. I felt lighter – like the burden of the guilt lifted.
Tara’s voice and presentation have been filled with a sense of kindness. To respond to the question, it has been a long process of developing awareness, of moving forward bit by bit by each teacher offering hope that life can be better. It has taken a long time to move from a negative outlook to a more positive outlook today. I was mostly shut down. But anger was provoked when anyone asked me a question, or I judged what they were asking or saying was something stupid. I’ve discovered that that is how I was treated as a child. Quite a shock. Ram Dass and Be Here Now were my early teachers. It has been a long process, and it’s not over yet. I still have time for more. Today I am having healthy relationships with emotionally healthy people. I also have more compassion and acceptance of people who seem stuck in patterns, where I have to accept that that is where they are right now and accept them as they are.
Love love the question ” have your feelings of Shane and fully helped you become a better” such a simple non threatening way to reality check out well intentioned inner judge parts.
Letting go of guilt and shame is like a chink of light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Being given permission to begin acknowledging and saying goodbye to those feelings brings huge relief.
Closer connection with my loved one will be the result of releasing that emotional baggage.
Sandra Alfaro, Psychotherapy, FONTANA, CA, USAsays
You pointed out so much truth about how unworthiness affects relationships. I see this in personal relationships but also in the relationships of my clients. Thankyou.
Thank you
When we genuinely forgive ourselves , we can take real responsibility, based on a foundation of self trust and honesty . When we trust ourselves we create a safer space for others to open to intimacy , deepening real connection .when we take real responsibility , with awareness and mindfulness , we become less reactive , less hostile and defensive and more open to real change , love and compassion for self and others .
I think for those that have never tried positive self-talk, reparenting, or these related techniques they may feel an instant benefit. For others it will be a longer practice as it can be hard to even access these things, let alone begin to alter them. A great beginning either way! Thank you
Your presentations are precious to me, helping me to find out more about my issues. I need to forgive myself for things that I have not brought to the surface in a clear, healing way. Your kind words help me to do this, and that carries over to more kindness from me to others. Thank you, Tara.
When we forgive ourselves we can be more kind & forgiving of others. The more critical we are of ourselves, the more critical we are of others. It’s that expression we often hear: hurt people, hurt people. It all starts with healing the hidden hurts from within.
I look forward to practicing these techniques more, as I’m not yet at the point where I can really feel into that forgiveness of self. Thank you for these teachings!
Reisha Forshpan, Marriage/Family Therapy, Studio City, CA, USAsays
I appreciate the questions you ask someone about how their shame or guilt helped them become a better person. I like the questions as it moves them from ruminating to movement.
In the exercise I brought to mind my relationship with my oldest son, I have many acts towards him I need to forgive myself for. When I closed my eyes and pictured myself through a friends eyes in this situation I said “ you weren’t taught any different and it’s not your fault.” This gave me a lightness in my shoulders and my chest loosened a bit. I felt a sense of happiness when I held myself in love.
Truest and most gratitude for all of your gifts.
This is life changing and as a healer I know it will be passed down from me to many others
Your teaching and approach resonate with me, and I believe I have more tools, from the gifts of self-compassion and acceptance, to help my clients, when I see them suffer so deeply.
I’m really very angry at my teenage self who decided to “fix” an abusive dating relationship by marrying him. I imagined my mature adult self holding her and letting her know she made the best decision she knew to make at that time and that we’ve made the best of it. It didn’t totally mend that relationship within myself but it’s a start.
How affirming to hear Tara’s wise words. This state of self judgement & unforgivingness was myself some 15 years ago when I made, what I then considered, the “biggest mistake of my life”.
It’s taken well over a decade of self study, and practice of self compassion to ‘let go’, to step into an empowering mindset of RAIN & regular meditation, self care and love fullness.
THANK YOU Tara (& Jack Cornfield), from the bottom of my heart, for bringing to the world the healing and enlightenment needed more than ever within the human species.
Genuinely forgiving myself in this relationship where I feel self-judgment/guilt allows me to be my “authentic” self. It creates opportunities for connection rather than barriers within the relationship. I am not held back by shame — I feel an openness within my spirit.
Thank you very much i felt a warm overwhelming love and caring mixed with difficulty to recieve and enjoy this love and Care. I’m very greatful that you show me the way
This has been very informative and enlightening…I have been enriched and uplifted through your insights thanks so much for sharing and helping others to learn and grow…thanks so much
What a powerful change that was for Sam. To create more space, before simply reacting in anger. I regularly do the first 2 steps, but haven’t always added the loving kindness. I will make it a point to focus on that the next time. I’m sure I’ll have ample opportunity when the sun rises tomorrow! Thanks so much — both examples (Elena and Sam) were so helpful.
Imaging genuine self forgivingness and holding my whole being with kindness was quite illuminating and powerful. Thank you for that beautiful nugget at the end of this series. Tara, you have an amazing way with words, imaging and sensations so that gentle healing potential moments can arise and transform.
And for all that and more may you be blessed as you continue on your path~~~
With great gratitude and appreciation,
Roz who is fortunate enough to study with you directly and virtually over the past 20 years
Waves of cries come up, spread out. Inner tensions let go. Energie, warmth flow again through my body. Space in me, a deep inner peace. Thank you Tara, my inner self feel secure to show up in this energie.
Deep and grateful thanks Tara.
Taking care of ourselves as we would another person, and being compassionate to ourselves as we would be to another – being able to forgive ourselves is easier said than done.
When I talked to myself as a friend about the relationship I struggle with, I felt somewhat at peace. I felt lighter – like the burden of the guilt lifted.
Tara’s voice and presentation have been filled with a sense of kindness. To respond to the question, it has been a long process of developing awareness, of moving forward bit by bit by each teacher offering hope that life can be better. It has taken a long time to move from a negative outlook to a more positive outlook today. I was mostly shut down. But anger was provoked when anyone asked me a question, or I judged what they were asking or saying was something stupid. I’ve discovered that that is how I was treated as a child. Quite a shock. Ram Dass and Be Here Now were my early teachers. It has been a long process, and it’s not over yet. I still have time for more. Today I am having healthy relationships with emotionally healthy people. I also have more compassion and acceptance of people who seem stuck in patterns, where I have to accept that that is where they are right now and accept them as they are.
Love love the question ” have your feelings of Shane and fully helped you become a better” such a simple non threatening way to reality check out well intentioned inner judge parts.
Excellent thank you I find that very helpful. I shall be using it with the people I work with.
Thanks for sensible ways of dealing with shame.
Looking forward to the guided meditation
I am so grateful for these videos. It’s all stuff I need to work on. thank you, Tara.
Lovely, thank you, Kate Western Australia
such a powerful reflection, evoking tears and my inner softness and courage
thank you
Letting go of guilt and shame is like a chink of light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Being given permission to begin acknowledging and saying goodbye to those feelings brings huge relief.
Closer connection with my loved one will be the result of releasing that emotional baggage.
Thankyou. I really appreciate how you have connected the relationship with ourselves to relationships with others. A true life lesson.
You pointed out so much truth about how unworthiness affects relationships. I see this in personal relationships but also in the relationships of my clients. Thankyou.
Thank you
When we genuinely forgive ourselves , we can take real responsibility, based on a foundation of self trust and honesty . When we trust ourselves we create a safer space for others to open to intimacy , deepening real connection .when we take real responsibility , with awareness and mindfulness , we become less reactive , less hostile and defensive and more open to real change , love and compassion for self and others .
Immediatly i feel a deep relaxation and open space in my heart. Thank you for your gift of wisdom 🙏🏻
I think for those that have never tried positive self-talk, reparenting, or these related techniques they may feel an instant benefit. For others it will be a longer practice as it can be hard to even access these things, let alone begin to alter them. A great beginning either way! Thank you
Your presentations are precious to me, helping me to find out more about my issues. I need to forgive myself for things that I have not brought to the surface in a clear, healing way. Your kind words help me to do this, and that carries over to more kindness from me to others. Thank you, Tara.
Forgiveness allows a closeness with the other person. Thank you for your wisdom.
When we forgive ourselves we can be more kind & forgiving of others. The more critical we are of ourselves, the more critical we are of others. It’s that expression we often hear: hurt people, hurt people. It all starts with healing the hidden hurts from within.
I look forward to practicing these techniques more, as I’m not yet at the point where I can really feel into that forgiveness of self. Thank you for these teachings!
I appreciate the questions you ask someone about how their shame or guilt helped them become a better person. I like the questions as it moves them from ruminating to movement.
Thanks for everything helpful you share with us
In the exercise I brought to mind my relationship with my oldest son, I have many acts towards him I need to forgive myself for. When I closed my eyes and pictured myself through a friends eyes in this situation I said “ you weren’t taught any different and it’s not your fault.” This gave me a lightness in my shoulders and my chest loosened a bit. I felt a sense of happiness when I held myself in love.
Truest and most gratitude for all of your gifts.
This is life changing and as a healer I know it will be passed down from me to many others
Thank you Tara. I noticed I was able to be less anxious of losing the relationship and be in the moment with them.
Sometimes I wish it was easy to just let go.
Your teaching and approach resonate with me, and I believe I have more tools, from the gifts of self-compassion and acceptance, to help my clients, when I see them suffer so deeply.
I love Tara Brach!
Excellent thanks
I’m really very angry at my teenage self who decided to “fix” an abusive dating relationship by marrying him. I imagined my mature adult self holding her and letting her know she made the best decision she knew to make at that time and that we’ve made the best of it. It didn’t totally mend that relationship within myself but it’s a start.
thank you
This session startes a very healing proces for me – thank you so much!
How affirming to hear Tara’s wise words. This state of self judgement & unforgivingness was myself some 15 years ago when I made, what I then considered, the “biggest mistake of my life”.
It’s taken well over a decade of self study, and practice of self compassion to ‘let go’, to step into an empowering mindset of RAIN & regular meditation, self care and love fullness.
THANK YOU Tara (& Jack Cornfield), from the bottom of my heart, for bringing to the world the healing and enlightenment needed more than ever within the human species.
Genuinely forgiving myself in this relationship where I feel self-judgment/guilt allows me to be my “authentic” self. It creates opportunities for connection rather than barriers within the relationship. I am not held back by shame — I feel an openness within my spirit.
Thank you very much i felt a warm overwhelming love and caring mixed with difficulty to recieve and enjoy this love and Care. I’m very greatful that you show me the way
Thank you for this wonderful series!
Very helpful. Thank you for sharing your information and your calm delivery!
Self acceptance and self care, sound so simple and easy, but can be profound for those trained into unworthiness.
This has been very informative and enlightening…I have been enriched and uplifted through your insights thanks so much for sharing and helping others to learn and grow…thanks so much
I was not able to let go of judgment
What a powerful change that was for Sam. To create more space, before simply reacting in anger. I regularly do the first 2 steps, but haven’t always added the loving kindness. I will make it a point to focus on that the next time. I’m sure I’ll have ample opportunity when the sun rises tomorrow! Thanks so much — both examples (Elena and Sam) were so helpful.
It felt like something softened and got free inside. Like ropes that were restraining me falling off of my body and a sense of relief.
Thank you
this is a helpful crystalization of a key element of Tara’s beautiful books. Thank you
Good reminders about the role of self forgiveness in healing our relationships with others.
Imaging genuine self forgivingness and holding my whole being with kindness was quite illuminating and powerful. Thank you for that beautiful nugget at the end of this series. Tara, you have an amazing way with words, imaging and sensations so that gentle healing potential moments can arise and transform.
And for all that and more may you be blessed as you continue on your path~~~
With great gratitude and appreciation,
Roz who is fortunate enough to study with you directly and virtually over the past 20 years
Waves of cries come up, spread out. Inner tensions let go. Energie, warmth flow again through my body. Space in me, a deep inner peace. Thank you Tara, my inner self feel secure to show up in this energie.
Deep and grateful thanks Tara.
I would become softer with myself & all others. How lovely.
Very helpful
I really like the 3 steps! 1) observe your thoughts 2) feel your emotions 3) give you self care
And the idea that self punishing does not help me move forward but self care does.
I will practice the first point and remind myself the second one.
Thank you
I love these techniques, thank you
Taking care of ourselves as we would another person, and being compassionate to ourselves as we would be to another – being able to forgive ourselves is easier said than done.
It’s a very good reminder to the power of self-compassion.
learning these techniques and incorporating them into my practice with clients is exciting, thank you!