Forgiving myself would remove the block I have put in place that reduces my ability to be fully present and engaged with the relationship as it is in the present moment.
You have such a calming presence! I can understand how creating that safe, calming environment in session can assist clients when engaging in these practices.
Thank you Tara ….. some insightful exercises. The challenges around self-forgiveness in the relationship with my Mum who is now in her 80s didn’t seem so big any more. Maybe this allows me just to accept what is done is done and see her as she really is. What matters is that I can be as I want to be – my true self 🙏🙏🙂
I have been struggling with family relationships for many years. I came to a deep insight a few weeks ago around how my self-judgments were blocking the flow of love between myself and my loved ones. Your videos have confirmed that to me and inspired me to continue working on self-compassion. Thank you for all your offerings and the light you bring into this world.
Thank you for this exercise. I thought about loss of a marriage and how hard I have been on myself and hurt I have felt from former spouse. This exercise brought tears and helped me see things very differently. Self blame is often a way we try to feel loos of control over things not in our control.
Thy relationship I have with my daughter is going through trauma, change and separation, and I realise this is something that had to happen to allow both of us to heal and move on in our lives. I have started to forgive myself and tell myself that this scenario is not my fault, indeed, it is surely a change for positive feelings in the time to come. Growth surely means stepping outside our comfort zone and experiencing the discomfort, fear and uncertainty that this brings, and regarding those feelings as positive.
Yesterday I exploded in anger at my child. It always seems to happen when I am in a state of fear. Mostly about finances and me being too worn out to do it all. Today I just happened to choose to listen to this. The Universe at work. I will be trying the Forgiveness technique. Thank you.
If I allow self judgment to ease, or achieve moments of letting it go, I can feel a great sense of calm & peace. It’s completely opposite to exhausting feeling & burden of self judgment.
Thank you Tara for these videos. I enjoyed feeling relief in the exercise where we forgive ourselves for relationships that have not been easy. I liked the question you posed ‘Have your feelings of shame, guilt or personal badness helped you become a better person?’. I’ve used a similar question from compassion focussed therapy: how does punishing yourself help you? To see if the client can begin to understand what may be underneath this behaviour and what the fear is of stopping the self sabotaging behaviour.
I can feel tense and self judgmental when old wounds whip up in times of professional stress. I’ll attempt to pause in those moment and follow the steps to bring myself to a caring place to proceed
Thank you Tara.
This really brings tears, a frightening yet relief-filled softening of a long-held internal brittleness surrounding my heart space. It’s painful to feel all that’s behind that, mostly grief, but also a great weight lifting.
Melody Anderson, Psychotherapy, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
A 40-yr old female, married client with a new baby, who had an angry outburst at her cousin and then experienced a cut-off from him and his mother, her aunt had left her feeling guilt and shame. As we discussed her coming to forgive herself, as her childhood involved witnessing her father’s rage at her and others, she realized that all people have moments of madness. When she realized how much she had forgiven her father and today has a loving relationship with him, she realized she could also forgive herself. She also was aware of the somatic easing in her body that immediately occurred when she was able to find her self-forgiveness. Melody Anderson, LCSW
I saw in my mind’s eye a set of land mines — and I had no idea where they were located.
I could trip over one at any moment.
That’s my relationship with one of the landlords with whom I share the property out here in California.
With my hand on my heart, felt a surge of self-compassion – no wonder I say the wrong thing/feel so nervous.
Thank you, Tara.
Suzie Wallen, Another Field, Lake Elsinore, CA, USAsays
When I finally realized (after 25 years) that it wasn’t me, I wasn’t broken… and that I certainly wasn’t a horrible woman – a phrase that he had yelled at me daily, I was able to see that it also wasn’t him… Alcohol was his escape, and it had taken over. Eventually, he realized it too and although our marriage did not survive, we are better friends now than we were while married under the influence and I am proud of his achievement of 7 1/2 years of sobriety. Mindfulness meditation and other yogic practices are what helped me initiate the much-needed change. ~
Jamie Jacobs, Another Field, Chapel Hill, NC, USAsays
I have a relationship with a colleague that continually activates a reaction of frustration in me. I was feeling a lot of shame toward myself around this reaction, my inner judge saying things like “why do you let him get to you? Why do you keep getting frustrated by his behavior”. In reflecting on the relationship, my reactions, and my shame about feeling frustrated, I began to realize that underneath the frustration is deep caring for the well being of this person. In bringing forgiveness to myself for my reaction, I felt a softening toward my colleague’s behavior, too.
I have been trying for a couple of years to help my husband feel better and connect to his feelings so that he could in turn connect more deeply with me. I forgive myself for putting my needs at the forefront when he was not ready to change.
Fear of being an inadequate friend can keep us from reaching out at all, thus creating a reality we wish to avoid. What you think about expands, so thinking the thought that we are good enough creates an opportunity for it to be so.
I am a Pastoral Narrative Therapist and I see lots of unforgiveness and non-compassion in my practice – the root of a lot of pain.
Thank you very much for this 3 videos.
I am a psychotherapist that has been in therapy for my own trauma and shame for years, and this touched me deeply. Would it be possible to share it with some of my clients?
The friend I’m thinking of passed away last year and I still held a knot around not visiting her when she was working in Turkey – a knot of resentment towards her and well as judging myself. I could sense a little ‘untying’ of the knot just doing this small portion of the practice. I look forward to more unfolding.
We are all just trying to discover the best way to live our lives and in that process we are not perfect. We have learned from others how to be and sometimes that is not the best way. My clients have experienced that and are wanting more. By forgiving themselves and just being and learning will make great strides!
Genuine forgiveness would lead to self-acceptance, talents as well as challenges, all would see the light. Clients, or humans in general, no longer have to fight with themselves. It would lead to inner peace and therefor more space and authenticity in relationships with others as well. Thank you
Thank you, I learned something from all 3 segments. Being present with feelings and having having compassion for my struggles really is the answer. Appreciated the teachings in each of these segments. The action step of holding hand over heart was meaningful to me.
Karyn Martin-Bohl, Social Work, Rockford, IL, USAsays
I believe genuinely forgiving myself and holding myself in kindness could enable me to be more honest, authentic, and connected in my relationships. Thank you.
Karyn, SW, USA says
That was very powerful. Sam reminded me of my husband. Sometimes it’s hard to remember it’s not his fault when he gets angry and hurts me and sometimes I get angry back, which I’m not proud of.
Intellectually I guet it. It si deep down inside my heart that I do’nt feel it when you say: “it si not your fault”. I emotionally feel stuck.
I felt a deep urge to cry as I «watched» myself in the situation and imagined formgiving myself
Forgiving myself would remove the block I have put in place that reduces my ability to be fully present and engaged with the relationship as it is in the present moment.
You have such a calming presence! I can understand how creating that safe, calming environment in session can assist clients when engaging in these practices.
Thank you Tara ….. some insightful exercises. The challenges around self-forgiveness in the relationship with my Mum who is now in her 80s didn’t seem so big any more. Maybe this allows me just to accept what is done is done and see her as she really is. What matters is that I can be as I want to be – my true self 🙏🙏🙂
I have been struggling with family relationships for many years. I came to a deep insight a few weeks ago around how my self-judgments were blocking the flow of love between myself and my loved ones. Your videos have confirmed that to me and inspired me to continue working on self-compassion. Thank you for all your offerings and the light you bring into this world.
Thank you for this exercise. I thought about loss of a marriage and how hard I have been on myself and hurt I have felt from former spouse. This exercise brought tears and helped me see things very differently. Self blame is often a way we try to feel loos of control over things not in our control.
Thank you I’m finding this so helpful
Thy relationship I have with my daughter is going through trauma, change and separation, and I realise this is something that had to happen to allow both of us to heal and move on in our lives. I have started to forgive myself and tell myself that this scenario is not my fault, indeed, it is surely a change for positive feelings in the time to come. Growth surely means stepping outside our comfort zone and experiencing the discomfort, fear and uncertainty that this brings, and regarding those feelings as positive.
Yesterday I exploded in anger at my child. It always seems to happen when I am in a state of fear. Mostly about finances and me being too worn out to do it all. Today I just happened to choose to listen to this. The Universe at work. I will be trying the Forgiveness technique. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I also like your sound. İt has power.
If I allow self judgment to ease, or achieve moments of letting it go, I can feel a great sense of calm & peace. It’s completely opposite to exhausting feeling & burden of self judgment.
Thank you Tara for these videos. I enjoyed feeling relief in the exercise where we forgive ourselves for relationships that have not been easy. I liked the question you posed ‘Have your feelings of shame, guilt or personal badness helped you become a better person?’. I’ve used a similar question from compassion focussed therapy: how does punishing yourself help you? To see if the client can begin to understand what may be underneath this behaviour and what the fear is of stopping the self sabotaging behaviour.
Felt an openness
I can feel tense and self judgmental when old wounds whip up in times of professional stress. I’ll attempt to pause in those moment and follow the steps to bring myself to a caring place to proceed
…I feel this exercise often a heart opening of more kindness..a softness was there
Thank you for this, it’s helping me grow!
Thank you Tara.
This really brings tears, a frightening yet relief-filled softening of a long-held internal brittleness surrounding my heart space. It’s painful to feel all that’s behind that, mostly grief, but also a great weight lifting.
Alison Courtney
A 40-yr old female, married client with a new baby, who had an angry outburst at her cousin and then experienced a cut-off from him and his mother, her aunt had left her feeling guilt and shame. As we discussed her coming to forgive herself, as her childhood involved witnessing her father’s rage at her and others, she realized that all people have moments of madness. When she realized how much she had forgiven her father and today has a loving relationship with him, she realized she could also forgive herself. She also was aware of the somatic easing in her body that immediately occurred when she was able to find her self-forgiveness. Melody Anderson, LCSW
What elegant advice and insights! Thanks. Forgiveness allows space for love to flow in?
Knowing “it’s not your fault” is a great first step to healing, but really feeling that phrase is a greater step.
I saw in my mind’s eye a set of land mines — and I had no idea where they were located.
I could trip over one at any moment.
That’s my relationship with one of the landlords with whom I share the property out here in California.
With my hand on my heart, felt a surge of self-compassion – no wonder I say the wrong thing/feel so nervous.
Thank you, Tara.
Fantastic, I’d like to learn more…
Self forgiveness is the most needed aspect in therapy. So many clients are dealing with shame and low self esteem. This was so helpful.
It would help me take time to think of how my actions can hurt others. Yelling at people is not good.
When I finally realized (after 25 years) that it wasn’t me, I wasn’t broken… and that I certainly wasn’t a horrible woman – a phrase that he had yelled at me daily, I was able to see that it also wasn’t him… Alcohol was his escape, and it had taken over. Eventually, he realized it too and although our marriage did not survive, we are better friends now than we were while married under the influence and I am proud of his achievement of 7 1/2 years of sobriety. Mindfulness meditation and other yogic practices are what helped me initiate the much-needed change. ~
I have a relationship with a colleague that continually activates a reaction of frustration in me. I was feeling a lot of shame toward myself around this reaction, my inner judge saying things like “why do you let him get to you? Why do you keep getting frustrated by his behavior”. In reflecting on the relationship, my reactions, and my shame about feeling frustrated, I began to realize that underneath the frustration is deep caring for the well being of this person. In bringing forgiveness to myself for my reaction, I felt a softening toward my colleague’s behavior, too.
It’s not your fault…… afraid of forgiving for fear they will never improve. Powerful pieces
So many people with self hatred/disgust. I love the question asking if it has helped
Did the excercise. It is hard to allow that compassion and I plan to keep practicing
I have been trying for a couple of years to help my husband feel better and connect to his feelings so that he could in turn connect more deeply with me. I forgive myself for putting my needs at the forefront when he was not ready to change.
So insightful to understand the loop we are capture hostage in. Thanks Tara for sharing.
Fear of being an inadequate friend can keep us from reaching out at all, thus creating a reality we wish to avoid. What you think about expands, so thinking the thought that we are good enough creates an opportunity for it to be so.
I am a Pastoral Narrative Therapist and I see lots of unforgiveness and non-compassion in my practice – the root of a lot of pain.
Thank you very much for this 3 videos.
Forgiveness helps relationships by preparing them for future inevitable disappointments.
Thanks for these videos. Forgiving myself for not spending more time with an ailing friend makes me less avoidant of the relationship.
Very interesting. I definitely think this can be helpful for a lot of people.
I am a psychotherapist that has been in therapy for my own trauma and shame for years, and this touched me deeply. Would it be possible to share it with some of my clients?
Thank you Tara for all you have given us.
Great videos! I need to read the book!
The friend I’m thinking of passed away last year and I still held a knot around not visiting her when she was working in Turkey – a knot of resentment towards her and well as judging myself. I could sense a little ‘untying’ of the knot just doing this small portion of the practice. I look forward to more unfolding.
This program made me aware of my behavior towards someone dear in my life. Thank you
We are all just trying to discover the best way to live our lives and in that process we are not perfect. We have learned from others how to be and sometimes that is not the best way. My clients have experienced that and are wanting more. By forgiving themselves and just being and learning will make great strides!
Genuine forgiveness would lead to self-acceptance, talents as well as challenges, all would see the light. Clients, or humans in general, no longer have to fight with themselves. It would lead to inner peace and therefor more space and authenticity in relationships with others as well. Thank you
This was a beautiful, simple yet transformative set of short videos. Can’t say how much I love Tara Brach and her work. Thank you! 🙏
Thank you, I learned something from all 3 segments. Being present with feelings and having having compassion for my struggles really is the answer. Appreciated the teachings in each of these segments. The action step of holding hand over heart was meaningful to me.
Practicing self forgiveness is crucial to our wellbeing.
I believe genuinely forgiving myself and holding myself in kindness could enable me to be more honest, authentic, and connected in my relationships. Thank you.
Karyn, SW, USA says
That was very powerful. Sam reminded me of my husband. Sometimes it’s hard to remember it’s not his fault when he gets angry and hurts me and sometimes I get angry back, which I’m not proud of.
Thank You.
Listening to your books on audible has meant that you Tara have been part of my recovery many thanks
it would definitely bring a more calm presence to our interactions.
Thank you