Honestly asking myself what‘s the worst that could actually happen and confront myself with the fear of not being good enough that is behind it most of the times. And then giving that part of myself compassion. For my clients basically the same: mindfulness and self-compassion exercises.
Cathleen Connell, Coach, North Eastham, MA, USAsays
Talking about fear and letting my clients know that it is normal to have fear. Sharing with them how to embrace all of our feeling and emotions because we were born with these. They protect us and allow us to enjoy and react to our lives. Learning to cope with these emotions and feelings is all about mindfulness.
When someone is kind to me or understanding, I can “turn on a dime”. Trick is, I know, to provide that same kindness and understanding to myself. Long ways to go, but I’m working on it :D.
Thank you so much for these insights re fear. Historically, I would distance myself from the fear-making situation or person to my own corner of “safety”.
Within the past few years I’ve learned to stand my ground, breathe and not panic and speak up or just listen and try to sympathize with their condition or try to evenly say that their language, anger, attacks are not helpful. People, in this moment, are often suffering within to the bursting point. I am not to be bullied, but sometimes can try to lend an ear to soothe a temper and offer a kinder word or small smile. This is my approach to engagement now, not running , but attempting a listening presence. It is work.
Sean Harding, Social Work, Framingham, MA, USAsays
Tara’s RAIN approach is very helpful. It’s a lot easier said than done, but unfortunately, the feeling of fear for a situation(s) can only be overcome by increased tolerance for it. In most cases, the fear cant be eliminated before the fearful situation occurs. We have to go into the situation prepared for the feelings that inevitably arise and allow the experience to happen. Then, through mindful presence, we are aware of what we feel, why we feel it and avoid defining ourselves or identifying with the situation and feelings. I feel fear, but I am not fearful. With experience, fear of specific situations dissipates. It helps to keep in mind what Tara says in the video–that our survival depends on our ability to feel fear. This helps us understand why we feel it in any given moment.
Thank you Tara for making these sessions available. I have many tools for helping myself with fear; breathwork, journaling, focusing on artwork, gardening, cooking. Being in nature, walking. Listening to soothing voices such as yourself. Deep study. I find it is a daily practice of learning how to be present with fear without resistance.
Loving compassion and gentleness enable me to embrace my fear, as well as deep acceptance that as a human being, I am fragile and vulnerable, which is humbling
Allowing the fear to be … it is part of who I am. Making space for it. Noticing where in my body that I am feeling fear. Breathing into that space. Thanking fear.
Hi Tara – in the last two years, I’ve faced hospitalization from Covid, losing my dental practice I’ve built for 22 years, aiding my 4 kids navigate the uncertainty and interruption of their lives, and lastly Lon Haul Covid symptoms that have last 10 months. I admit to wondering more than once if death would have been preferable to living. But I have enough glimpses of clarity to know very well that I want to be RIGHT HERE with the people I love. I’ve found slowing down, radical acceptance of what is and a small dose of clonazepam at night (I don’t drink alcohol or use marijuana) helps me face the fear and achieve equanimity and stillness. I hear so much banter from pop psychology about “controlling fear”. Baloney! For me, trying to control fear only amplifies it. Leaning in with compassion, accepting every emotional visitor that shows up on my door that day (Rumi) and welcoming them all with laughter creates space. Looking forward to deepening my wisdom with you as I have for the last 7 years. Blessings to you Tara.
So brilliant. I was lucky enough to connect up with free meditations through UCSD Mindfullness Center at the beginning of the pandemic and have continued with them through the present time.
I had fight reaction big time and was bullied with criticism at my work position several years ago to the point where I was wrote up in the nastiest manner imagineable and left the job because of how poorly I was treated.
I believe that I was reacting, but do not let off the people who decided to constantly criticize an employee who worked very hard, and made few mistakes. So I think this is partially good, but I also think that a lot has to be said for hierarchy and unnecessary bulling that takes place in work places.
Your story of the vice-president seems so neat and perfect and he was also in a position of power, so I don’t really relate to it. Most of us are struggling with oppression in our workplaces and our opinions are not valued and the fact that we may few worthy to express them may do us more harm than good.
So I know mindfulness has been good for me personally, but I will never be willing to let systems that are toxic and the people who perpetuate them off the hook.
I tell myself that I am bigger than my fear. I also tell myself that I have faced fear before and come through it. Over the years I have developed a ‘toolbox’ of strategies because they don’t all work every time. These include breathing, distraction, practicing Mindfulness meditation. These strategies must be rehearsed when I’m not anxious otherwise it’s like trying to learn fire drill in the middle of a raging inferno.
Jennifer Reyes, Other, Cheshire, OR 97419, OR, USAsays
I soothe my fear with music, deep breathing, and finding a talk or webinar that reminds me of the perfection of the present moment, and being grateful for the opportunity to affect the world with peaceful, loving energy. I find your voice and a few other spiritual teachers very soothing. Noticing the beauty in the world helps too.
Thank you Tara for this brilliant, clear introduction. Pausing, acknowledging it, seeing where it is located in my body, being with it allows me to stop running from fear and move on. Inner Relationship Focusing has helped me to do so. Warmly, Marine Augustin-Normand
IF (the big word) I am willing to become consciously aware of it, I breathe while experiencing the feeling and not try running away from it. I tell myself it’s OK and It seems to lessen and I feel more at ease. However, it doesn’t end there.
The first step i take to overcome my fear is to face it by naming it and accepting it. I then get in touch with the feeling by understanding what it is trying to tell me. I then take steps to plan, prepare and practice to get rid of it.
Heather Stroup, Another Field, Great Falls, VA, USAsays
Breath work seems so simple, but is so helpful. I am amazed when I remind myself of that – there is often a simple technique to help what seems to be a huge problem. And repeating a mantra helps me: healing, trust, peace. Also reminding myself that learning to trust my inner true self is a process and does not happen overnight- especially after years of pacing my trust in external sources.
Hi Tara
Love listening to your sessions, thank you !
Self awareness, taking the time and space to be with myself, especially because I’m an extrovert. I tend to focus on others , caregiving (I’m a nurse) or any other distraction I can find to avoid facing my own fears of being unworthy and unlovable.
Honestly asking myself what‘s the worst that could actually happen and confront myself with the fear of not being good enough that is behind it most of the times. And then giving that part of myself compassion. For my clients basically the same: mindfulness and self-compassion exercises.
Mindfulness
I try to remember to breath in light and love
and exhale fear, accepting that fear is a part of me.
Talking about fear and letting my clients know that it is normal to have fear. Sharing with them how to embrace all of our feeling and emotions because we were born with these. They protect us and allow us to enjoy and react to our lives. Learning to cope with these emotions and feelings is all about mindfulness.
Very good resource and practical.
Facing my fear about possible heart disease in my family and some recent symptoms I’ve experienced by going for a stress test today.
Thank you.
Deep breaths. Centering to quiet ego and hear quiet voice within.
Hard to practice when in thick of fear/anxiety/insecurity.
Very interesting and helpful
Running in the early am
thank you for this
rebecca kowalsky
When someone is kind to me or understanding, I can “turn on a dime”. Trick is, I know, to provide that same kindness and understanding to myself. Long ways to go, but I’m working on it :D.
Thank you so much for these insights re fear. Historically, I would distance myself from the fear-making situation or person to my own corner of “safety”.
Within the past few years I’ve learned to stand my ground, breathe and not panic and speak up or just listen and try to sympathize with their condition or try to evenly say that their language, anger, attacks are not helpful. People, in this moment, are often suffering within to the bursting point. I am not to be bullied, but sometimes can try to lend an ear to soothe a temper and offer a kinder word or small smile. This is my approach to engagement now, not running , but attempting a listening presence. It is work.
Your presence and kindness have always caught my attention.
I want to quit flight so I may have energy and freedom to be kind.
Breathe and be able to calm down to see what is true and not true
Visualizing my safe place. My grandmother’s house ❣️
Daily meditation.
Close relationship with friends and family.
Prayer, talking to a trusted friend. Recognizing the fear and allowing it and the investigating it. How real is it?
Tara’s RAIN approach is very helpful. It’s a lot easier said than done, but unfortunately, the feeling of fear for a situation(s) can only be overcome by increased tolerance for it. In most cases, the fear cant be eliminated before the fearful situation occurs. We have to go into the situation prepared for the feelings that inevitably arise and allow the experience to happen. Then, through mindful presence, we are aware of what we feel, why we feel it and avoid defining ourselves or identifying with the situation and feelings. I feel fear, but I am not fearful. With experience, fear of specific situations dissipates. It helps to keep in mind what Tara says in the video–that our survival depends on our ability to feel fear. This helps us understand why we feel it in any given moment.
Concentrating on my breathing.
Staying in the present moment, knowing God created me with pure love. Remembering that; is peace to me, and all the validation I need.
Amen
Thank you Tara for making these sessions available. I have many tools for helping myself with fear; breathwork, journaling, focusing on artwork, gardening, cooking. Being in nature, walking. Listening to soothing voices such as yourself. Deep study. I find it is a daily practice of learning how to be present with fear without resistance.
Knowing they have support.
Keeping the balance between taking care of myself (allowing myself to flight/avoid sometimes) and doing something I am fearful of.
A generous, loving and open minded community
Belief that the unknown might not be scary after all
Loving compassion and gentleness enable me to embrace my fear, as well as deep acceptance that as a human being, I am fragile and vulnerable, which is humbling
Allowing the fear to be … it is part of who I am. Making space for it. Noticing where in my body that I am feeling fear. Breathing into that space. Thanking fear.
R.A.I.N.
Hold one hand in the other hand, and remind myself I am here for myself. I am not alone, I can do this.
Hi Tara – in the last two years, I’ve faced hospitalization from Covid, losing my dental practice I’ve built for 22 years, aiding my 4 kids navigate the uncertainty and interruption of their lives, and lastly Lon Haul Covid symptoms that have last 10 months. I admit to wondering more than once if death would have been preferable to living. But I have enough glimpses of clarity to know very well that I want to be RIGHT HERE with the people I love. I’ve found slowing down, radical acceptance of what is and a small dose of clonazepam at night (I don’t drink alcohol or use marijuana) helps me face the fear and achieve equanimity and stillness. I hear so much banter from pop psychology about “controlling fear”. Baloney! For me, trying to control fear only amplifies it. Leaning in with compassion, accepting every emotional visitor that shows up on my door that day (Rumi) and welcoming them all with laughter creates space. Looking forward to deepening my wisdom with you as I have for the last 7 years. Blessings to you Tara.
So brilliant. I was lucky enough to connect up with free meditations through UCSD Mindfullness Center at the beginning of the pandemic and have continued with them through the present time.
I had fight reaction big time and was bullied with criticism at my work position several years ago to the point where I was wrote up in the nastiest manner imagineable and left the job because of how poorly I was treated.
I believe that I was reacting, but do not let off the people who decided to constantly criticize an employee who worked very hard, and made few mistakes. So I think this is partially good, but I also think that a lot has to be said for hierarchy and unnecessary bulling that takes place in work places.
Your story of the vice-president seems so neat and perfect and he was also in a position of power, so I don’t really relate to it. Most of us are struggling with oppression in our workplaces and our opinions are not valued and the fact that we may few worthy to express them may do us more harm than good.
So I know mindfulness has been good for me personally, but I will never be willing to let systems that are toxic and the people who perpetuate them off the hook.
Meditation. Breathwork. Time in nature.
I tell myself that I am bigger than my fear. I also tell myself that I have faced fear before and come through it. Over the years I have developed a ‘toolbox’ of strategies because they don’t all work every time. These include breathing, distraction, practicing Mindfulness meditation. These strategies must be rehearsed when I’m not anxious otherwise it’s like trying to learn fire drill in the middle of a raging inferno.
Having self-compassion
Compassion, insight, understanding and courage
I soothe my fear with music, deep breathing, and finding a talk or webinar that reminds me of the perfection of the present moment, and being grateful for the opportunity to affect the world with peaceful, loving energy. I find your voice and a few other spiritual teachers very soothing. Noticing the beauty in the world helps too.
I loved how simply you broke things down in a way that can be quickly, but impactfully communicated to our clients.
Softening into to it. Without getting stuck
Thank you Tara for this brilliant, clear introduction. Pausing, acknowledging it, seeing where it is located in my body, being with it allows me to stop running from fear and move on. Inner Relationship Focusing has helped me to do so. Warmly, Marine Augustin-Normand
Thank you Dear Tara. Such wise words.
I find coming back to the breath, walking in the forest, using EFT and Qi Gong help me immensely. Touch.
Breathing
distracting and calming themselves with music; knowing that they have ways to calm themselves; mindfulness breathing – anchoring on the breath
IF (the big word) I am willing to become consciously aware of it, I breathe while experiencing the feeling and not try running away from it. I tell myself it’s OK and It seems to lessen and I feel more at ease. However, it doesn’t end there.
The first step i take to overcome my fear is to face it by naming it and accepting it. I then get in touch with the feeling by understanding what it is trying to tell me. I then take steps to plan, prepare and practice to get rid of it.
Breathing
Trying not to take things personally.
Trying not to seek approval.
Trying not to feel inadequate.
Breath work seems so simple, but is so helpful. I am amazed when I remind myself of that – there is often a simple technique to help what seems to be a huge problem. And repeating a mantra helps me: healing, trust, peace. Also reminding myself that learning to trust my inner true self is a process and does not happen overnight- especially after years of pacing my trust in external sources.
The first step is to become aware of the fear and not deny it. When I am aware of it it helps me to breathe deeply and perhaps say an affirmation.
Meditation, mindful breathing and Inviting my higher self to have a rational conversation with the fear.
Meditation and breathwork help me to address my fear, shame, anger and depression.
Hi Tara
Love listening to your sessions, thank you !
Self awareness, taking the time and space to be with myself, especially because I’m an extrovert. I tend to focus on others , caregiving (I’m a nurse) or any other distraction I can find to avoid facing my own fears of being unworthy and unlovable.