Thank you so very much for for all your wise words and inspirational messages. I met a chiropractor many years ago and told him of my pain in my back. He asked me ” What are you afraid of?” Since then, I ask myself that question. Sometimes I ask myself “What wolf am I feeding ?” From Navaho folklore. Am I feeding the wolf ( or dog) of fear, or the friendly wolf that likes to lick my hand? Thanks again. It is always lovely to get a reminder from a wise and sage woman that fear can serve a purpose, but often holds us back from living our lives fully. Pat
Admitting when I feel fearful to the right person who is in a centered space then together we examine the fear. Together we find the rational part. She helps me see the stronger adaption. She’s younger and I feel her strength. It’s real and also vulnerable. After talking, I stand taller and easier.
Breathing slow and deep. Reminding myself that I am safe and loved. Asking fear to speak to me and to honor my feelings, thanking it for trusting me. Yoga, embodiment classes, such as inner dance also help move the sensations in my body and help me be present to each and every moment.
Thanks for your comments, Alison. I’ll give it a try by asking my fear to speak to me, honour what feelings arise and to be thankful for the insight 🙏🏼
I am not really certain yet. My covid fears have become pretty robust and entrenched the past 19mos. Even with regular therapy I remain removed from dear friends and family.
I am looking forward to the next session so I can face my fears more effectively! I am ready!
Margot Cameron, Nursing, Little Rock , AR, USAsays
I think the most valuable tool to face fear is a sense of safety created by sharing with another trusted being, a listener a comforter. To name the fear
and come to the understanding that we are not alone, and our experience is shared with others who care
What helps me to face fear is to remember of moments that I did face it and everything went well. Independent of the results, I was not harmed by facing my fears. This works very well when it’s an easy to identify fear, but when it comes in a different form like procrastination or overeating, it’s harder to process it.
Focusing on the breath and mindfulness of the present moment
Repeating words to myself as I breathe such as love and peace
Reminders of comforting thoughts;
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
Thank you, Tara. Very fine analysis of a basic addiction. I look deep into my fear as it arises and remind myself, not only is it impermanent, but it is an opportunity to transform karma. Then, I look specifically deeper. Letting go is always a joy!
Tapping helps… as does meditation in the form of a brisk morning walk followed by a 15 minute Tai Chi … like you say : “it doesn’t go away…” but it does seem less in control. jb
What helps me and my clients face fear is being mindful of both resistance and judgment in its many forms. The adage: What you resist persists is helpful in making a more conscious and intentional choice over a habitual, default way of being.
Many times facing fear also brings up a positive opposite from stuckness to flow. Surrendering resistance and judgment (another conscious, intentional choice) fosters compassion and acceptance of our mutual humanity. And sometimes there is a greater allowance of what is instead of what we think should be. This allowance creates situational learning and empowering self-regulation.
Thank you so much Tara. This is truly inspirational. I love the concept of the ‘fearless heart’. Getting in touch with our heart will help us to access our natural caring and soothing response, both for ourselves and for others.
I work on a crisis helpline and we get calls from clients who are facing extreme fear, often as a result of childhood trauma. I have found that mindful attention to the present moment is helpful. I talk them through grounding techniques, paying attention first to the breath, then using the five senses to get them really present in the here and now. This helps them to realise that the danger they fear is most often in the past, not in the present.
Laura Quattrochi, Student, Birmingham , AL, USAsays
Hi Tara,
As always, I am so grateful for you me content. I seem to find it in Divine time. What helps me is putting a name to fear, and I talk with it like I would my younger self. Like you said, allowing fear to still be present allows a sense of normalcy as well as developing a better sense of self. Today, I’m going to resonate on this. Thank you so much once again for this.
I try to find balance in my day and life. Some news and some walking in nature. Meditation and music. Being mindful and self care. Balance in what I take in, what I give out. Stopping for deep breaths.
My mentor introduced Tara’s R.A.I.N practice to me a year or so ago, and this I found to be so helpful with my fear. It brought me into my body, into presence, without judgement. Sometimes, however, I find myself in a place of such fear of darkness (physical, mental) that I lose trust in myself and my environment and doing this practice becomes very challenging. I get sucked into resisting/running away from the fear so much, that it comes back double before I remember R.A.I.N. During these times, what helps a little is feeling/visualizing roots coming from the bottom of my spine, holding me grounded and solid.
I am so grateful for Tara, her presence and her practice. She has helped me immensely. I’m also grateful to have just seen this pop up in my email the day after I had a sort of fear-freak out. Wishes of love and joy to all.
Remembering that it will pass, that I have worried and felt fear in the past and that it passed.
In moments when I feel it more physically, like when I suddenly wake up at night, I tell myself where I am: I’m in bed, my husband is next to me, my cat is sleeping at my feet, it’s cosy and warm… and that helps me feel safe. Reconnecting with the moment.
In a situation where I feel fear, I start breathing mindfully, once it helps me enormously so that I can step out of myself and find the best way to deal with the situation.
I give my fear or those of my clients a voice. We explore what exactly we are afraid of what our fear wants us to know. We become more of the observer and witness of our fear. By doing so, fear becomes usually less threatening and often some solutions come to us. I also offer exercises that will help my clients stay grounded and be in the moment. Exercises that help our nervous system to regulate.
Thanks Tara,
As a respiratory healthcare provider with a focus on rehabilitation and client education to promote self-management, I have a perspective of my clients/patients and myself as a client.
What helps my clients face fear is offering them some basic self-management tools (visualization/meditation, breathing techniques, energy conservation etc.) I supplement this information with some basic pathophysiology such as recognizing triggers that promote anxiety and fear and relating them to vagal responses. Keeping it simple is important however understanding ventral, dorsal responses in terms of fight/flight/freeze seems to empower them with a sense of control and understanding.
From a personal perspective as an individual who had more dysfunction and trauma than any child “deserves” I have started a journey towards self-care through repressed emotion awareness and reflection. I understand that unless the compartments containing these events/emotions (fear etc) are examined they will continue to emerge at the worst possible times. Personally I have learned that by examining my fear triggers and allowing them to re-visit and then eventually pass through has resulted in increased emotional maturity. I have many paths to yet explore but I do not fear the journey…
Danniel
I don’t have any consistent approaches. I mostly deny my fear, or feel confused and try to analyze it. I am in year 4 of stroke recovery. My fear is of my body’s inability to move like it used to. Will I be able to recover my left hand function?
Naming the fear helps me. When I tip my hat to the fear, and acknowledge that this is something I recognize, I can more easily be with it. Sometimes I get to a place of amorphous anxiety, where I cannot even figure out the next right step to take. Getting clearer about what is at the base of the emotion is a good start for me. Thank you for this reminder of something I know but don’t always remember. I am grateful.
What helps me face fear is journaling! When I can write down my fears and see them right in front of me, I feel less intimidated by them. Often times these are pretty silly and untrue.
Breathing, kindly saying hello to fear. I tell myself it’s ok that fear is here I will hold your hand while the fear is here and that there is nothing wrong with the presence of fear.
I guess my first thing is to breathe, breathe deeply until the initial feeling of fear in my stomach and throat slows down so that I can think more clearly. When I get scared by something and it happens often with smaller things, I get a brain freeze.
Then I talk to myself: to be in the moment, ask myself if I can handle this alone or would it help to talk it out with someone.
Usually, these actions work for me. Maybe repeat them.
Marilyn O'Neil, Another Field, Amherst, MA, USAsays
THANK YOU TARA ! This breathing into the fear and allowing it (telling it’s ok to be there) will help a lot ! What’s also helped me often with my fear is trusting that this physical existence is all an illusion : )) I say this chuckling, but i’m serious. While also trying my best to facilitate absolute well being for myself and all within this illusion.
Becoming aware of my sadness and feelings of loss. Being able to love myself for who I am NOW…. not yesterday or tomorrow! Living in the present can be challenging!
I am 87 yrs old, recently widowed, alone. I see a psychiatrist, but so far nothing helps me face my fear that I won’t have the time to build some kind of life with the time I have left. I have suffered anxiety disorder all my life and since Covid and the loss of my spouse and companion cat, my fear is like a runaway horse that I cannot reign in. Some physical issues are surfacing; as yet undefined as to their severity……
<3 <3 <3 "building some kind of life with the time i have left" … Could that life be moment to moment – cultivating unconditionally, loving awareness for whatever is in the moment ? Having the compassion that A through Z set the circumstances that set up this condition. But cultivating "UNconditional" loving awareness by not setting the condition that i will love this life "when …" Instead, loving myself as i am in this moment, with the fear and all – that i am feeling. The "building" being acceptance; allowing; letting go of trying to change it; being deeply with – by feeling the sensations in the body, rather than focusing on and running with the mind. I'm speaking to myself here very much too. <3 <3 <3
Andrea Massar, Another Field, Williamstown, MA, USAsays
One form of flight from danger might be called withdrawal to safety. I do this, certainly, and from this safe place shore up for some future time when I will be stronger and better prepared to deal with any contingency. Think for example in the spring of 2020 ordering fruit trees and putting in an extra vegetable garden…having in mind how I love growing food and being part of the yard population living off this 1/2 acre, but also having in mind that in a few years time I will be more resilient should all hell break loose in the world at large. Spending time on a long-term project is a good thing as part of a mix of attention, it seems to me, but can be problematic if one can’t attend to present, pressing needs (i.e., meeting paid-work deadlines to earn regular paychecks) in a world where you feel exposed to anxiety and threats to well-being.
So, yes, one might need to work on BEARING one’s fear well enough that one can think clearly and prioritize tasks in one’s day in a competent and loving way and stay at one’s desk when required, even when losing oneself in the garden would be such a happy, momentary relief. This one thanks you for offering this free workshop.
Learning to witness, observe my fear and realize I am not them. Recognizing the different ways fears appear is helpful, using the pause to be aware, to be ok and not identify with a thought or emotion of fear. My awareness is the key.
I am An LCSW in the Beverly Hills California area.. this year I have found More and more that it is helpful for me to sit with my clients and guide them through locating the fear in their body breathing through it and becoming larger than it. This seems to be very helpful for them with emotions like fear of grief etc. and eventually they learn to do it on their own. It doesn’t take long for them to reach that place of being bigger and making space for whatever comes up.
For where I am at in life this talk on fear was helpful to understand that there is a logical way to approach fear/anxiety and a strategy to take more control. I am in a point in my life where I have an opportunity to try and change some old unhealthy habits that have allowed me to deal with fear and anxiety by avoidance or running.
Hello, I was not sure if I had sat mindfully but when you spoke of the meditation I realized I have been . I sat again as you spoke and allowed myself to with fear wich began in my stomach area .The fear radiated to my chest ,throat and I began crying I am guessing this is all part of the process and should simply sit and sit until things find there own place to land. I was suprized by the intense emotion ,sort of This happened when I did chakra work years ago. I refer to that time aas the year I cried
Thank you Tara, you are an angelic presence in our lives.
What helps me: a variety of tools and practices keeping myself topped up rather than running on empty. Self awareness of old patterns and when they can emerge. With anxiety – Feeling the fear, acknowledging it, thanking it, breathing into it and as you say asking it “what do you need”? if the fear is imminent like a recent fire threat on holiday… sharing the fear and strategising helped.
What helps clients – a variety of practices for different clients mainly supporting them to check in to their bodies and find the fear, letting it be…and asking as you say… what do you need?…
Thank you so very much for for all your wise words and inspirational messages. I met a chiropractor many years ago and told him of my pain in my back. He asked me ” What are you afraid of?” Since then, I ask myself that question. Sometimes I ask myself “What wolf am I feeding ?” From Navaho folklore. Am I feeding the wolf ( or dog) of fear, or the friendly wolf that likes to lick my hand? Thanks again. It is always lovely to get a reminder from a wise and sage woman that fear can serve a purpose, but often holds us back from living our lives fully. Pat
Reassurance from a trusted, knowledgeable person
Getting to know and befriend the bodily sensations so important. 💗
Mindful grounding
PRI, opening up to feelings of fear, radical kindness
Thank you Tara I need to work on allowing my fear to be part of me. It has caused me to be depressed at times and I was blaming the depression itself.
Mindful grounding
Admitting when I feel fearful to the right person who is in a centered space then together we examine the fear. Together we find the rational part. She helps me see the stronger adaption. She’s younger and I feel her strength. It’s real and also vulnerable. After talking, I stand taller and easier.
Trying to think logically.
Being in nature overlooking the sea, the sound of the waves
Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice which I have followed for 40 years: “Do one thing everyday that scares you.” It develops the confidence-courage “muscle.”
Breathing slow and deep. Reminding myself that I am safe and loved. Asking fear to speak to me and to honor my feelings, thanking it for trusting me. Yoga, embodiment classes, such as inner dance also help move the sensations in my body and help me be present to each and every moment.
Thanks for your comments, Alison. I’ll give it a try by asking my fear to speak to me, honour what feelings arise and to be thankful for the insight 🙏🏼
I am not really certain yet. My covid fears have become pretty robust and entrenched the past 19mos. Even with regular therapy I remain removed from dear friends and family.
I am looking forward to the next session so I can face my fears more effectively! I am ready!
Thank you!
I think the most valuable tool to face fear is a sense of safety created by sharing with another trusted being, a listener a comforter. To name the fear
and come to the understanding that we are not alone, and our experience is shared with others who care
What helps me to face fear is to remember of moments that I did face it and everything went well. Independent of the results, I was not harmed by facing my fears. This works very well when it’s an easy to identify fear, but when it comes in a different form like procrastination or overeating, it’s harder to process it.
Focusing on the breath and mindfulness of the present moment
Repeating words to myself as I breathe such as love and peace
Reminders of comforting thoughts;
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
Sandra from Tucson:
Thank you, Tara. Very fine analysis of a basic addiction. I look deep into my fear as it arises and remind myself, not only is it impermanent, but it is an opportunity to transform karma. Then, I look specifically deeper. Letting go is always a joy!
Tapping helps… as does meditation in the form of a brisk morning walk followed by a 15 minute Tai Chi … like you say : “it doesn’t go away…” but it does seem less in control. jb
What helps me and my clients face fear is being mindful of both resistance and judgment in its many forms. The adage: What you resist persists is helpful in making a more conscious and intentional choice over a habitual, default way of being.
Many times facing fear also brings up a positive opposite from stuckness to flow. Surrendering resistance and judgment (another conscious, intentional choice) fosters compassion and acceptance of our mutual humanity. And sometimes there is a greater allowance of what is instead of what we think should be. This allowance creates situational learning and empowering self-regulation.
Thank you so much Tara. This is truly inspirational. I love the concept of the ‘fearless heart’. Getting in touch with our heart will help us to access our natural caring and soothing response, both for ourselves and for others.
I work on a crisis helpline and we get calls from clients who are facing extreme fear, often as a result of childhood trauma. I have found that mindful attention to the present moment is helpful. I talk them through grounding techniques, paying attention first to the breath, then using the five senses to get them really present in the here and now. This helps them to realise that the danger they fear is most often in the past, not in the present.
Hi Tara,
As always, I am so grateful for you me content. I seem to find it in Divine time. What helps me is putting a name to fear, and I talk with it like I would my younger self. Like you said, allowing fear to still be present allows a sense of normalcy as well as developing a better sense of self. Today, I’m going to resonate on this. Thank you so much once again for this.
Well, it always seems to be something somatic, gentle but real, clear, honest.
I try to find balance in my day and life. Some news and some walking in nature. Meditation and music. Being mindful and self care. Balance in what I take in, what I give out. Stopping for deep breaths.
Feeling accepted being vulnerable
My mentor introduced Tara’s R.A.I.N practice to me a year or so ago, and this I found to be so helpful with my fear. It brought me into my body, into presence, without judgement. Sometimes, however, I find myself in a place of such fear of darkness (physical, mental) that I lose trust in myself and my environment and doing this practice becomes very challenging. I get sucked into resisting/running away from the fear so much, that it comes back double before I remember R.A.I.N. During these times, what helps a little is feeling/visualizing roots coming from the bottom of my spine, holding me grounded and solid.
I am so grateful for Tara, her presence and her practice. She has helped me immensely. I’m also grateful to have just seen this pop up in my email the day after I had a sort of fear-freak out. Wishes of love and joy to all.
Remembering that it will pass, that I have worried and felt fear in the past and that it passed.
In moments when I feel it more physically, like when I suddenly wake up at night, I tell myself where I am: I’m in bed, my husband is next to me, my cat is sleeping at my feet, it’s cosy and warm… and that helps me feel safe. Reconnecting with the moment.
In a situation where I feel fear, I start breathing mindfully, once it helps me enormously so that I can step out of myself and find the best way to deal with the situation.
I use the RAIN acronym myself, and share it with many clients.
To acknowledge my fear and do it anyway
I give my fear or those of my clients a voice. We explore what exactly we are afraid of what our fear wants us to know. We become more of the observer and witness of our fear. By doing so, fear becomes usually less threatening and often some solutions come to us. I also offer exercises that will help my clients stay grounded and be in the moment. Exercises that help our nervous system to regulate.
Thanks Tara,
As a respiratory healthcare provider with a focus on rehabilitation and client education to promote self-management, I have a perspective of my clients/patients and myself as a client.
What helps my clients face fear is offering them some basic self-management tools (visualization/meditation, breathing techniques, energy conservation etc.) I supplement this information with some basic pathophysiology such as recognizing triggers that promote anxiety and fear and relating them to vagal responses. Keeping it simple is important however understanding ventral, dorsal responses in terms of fight/flight/freeze seems to empower them with a sense of control and understanding.
From a personal perspective as an individual who had more dysfunction and trauma than any child “deserves” I have started a journey towards self-care through repressed emotion awareness and reflection. I understand that unless the compartments containing these events/emotions (fear etc) are examined they will continue to emerge at the worst possible times. Personally I have learned that by examining my fear triggers and allowing them to re-visit and then eventually pass through has resulted in increased emotional maturity. I have many paths to yet explore but I do not fear the journey…
Danniel
I don’t have any consistent approaches. I mostly deny my fear, or feel confused and try to analyze it. I am in year 4 of stroke recovery. My fear is of my body’s inability to move like it used to. Will I be able to recover my left hand function?
Good support system.
Naming the fear helps me. When I tip my hat to the fear, and acknowledge that this is something I recognize, I can more easily be with it. Sometimes I get to a place of amorphous anxiety, where I cannot even figure out the next right step to take. Getting clearer about what is at the base of the emotion is a good start for me. Thank you for this reminder of something I know but don’t always remember. I am grateful.
What helps me face fear is journaling! When I can write down my fears and see them right in front of me, I feel less intimidated by them. Often times these are pretty silly and untrue.
Breathing, kindly saying hello to fear. I tell myself it’s ok that fear is here I will hold your hand while the fear is here and that there is nothing wrong with the presence of fear.
Recognising that I am not alone in facing fear helps me break out of the feeling of isolation that I grapple with.
I guess my first thing is to breathe, breathe deeply until the initial feeling of fear in my stomach and throat slows down so that I can think more clearly. When I get scared by something and it happens often with smaller things, I get a brain freeze.
Then I talk to myself: to be in the moment, ask myself if I can handle this alone or would it help to talk it out with someone.
Usually, these actions work for me. Maybe repeat them.
THANK YOU TARA ! This breathing into the fear and allowing it (telling it’s ok to be there) will help a lot ! What’s also helped me often with my fear is trusting that this physical existence is all an illusion : )) I say this chuckling, but i’m serious. While also trying my best to facilitate absolute well being for myself and all within this illusion.
Your courses in mindfulness have helped as well as other talks 🙂 a lot of self talk when I feel scared.
Becoming aware of my sadness and feelings of loss. Being able to love myself for who I am NOW…. not yesterday or tomorrow! Living in the present can be challenging!
Vulnerability
Thank you.This is helpful.
Increasing self awareness
Deliberate Decision to address this, and not to be overwhelmed.
I am 87 yrs old, recently widowed, alone. I see a psychiatrist, but so far nothing helps me face my fear that I won’t have the time to build some kind of life with the time I have left. I have suffered anxiety disorder all my life and since Covid and the loss of my spouse and companion cat, my fear is like a runaway horse that I cannot reign in. Some physical issues are surfacing; as yet undefined as to their severity……
<3 <3 <3 "building some kind of life with the time i have left" … Could that life be moment to moment – cultivating unconditionally, loving awareness for whatever is in the moment ? Having the compassion that A through Z set the circumstances that set up this condition. But cultivating "UNconditional" loving awareness by not setting the condition that i will love this life "when …" Instead, loving myself as i am in this moment, with the fear and all – that i am feeling. The "building" being acceptance; allowing; letting go of trying to change it; being deeply with – by feeling the sensations in the body, rather than focusing on and running with the mind. I'm speaking to myself here very much too. <3 <3 <3
One form of flight from danger might be called withdrawal to safety. I do this, certainly, and from this safe place shore up for some future time when I will be stronger and better prepared to deal with any contingency. Think for example in the spring of 2020 ordering fruit trees and putting in an extra vegetable garden…having in mind how I love growing food and being part of the yard population living off this 1/2 acre, but also having in mind that in a few years time I will be more resilient should all hell break loose in the world at large. Spending time on a long-term project is a good thing as part of a mix of attention, it seems to me, but can be problematic if one can’t attend to present, pressing needs (i.e., meeting paid-work deadlines to earn regular paychecks) in a world where you feel exposed to anxiety and threats to well-being.
So, yes, one might need to work on BEARING one’s fear well enough that one can think clearly and prioritize tasks in one’s day in a competent and loving way and stay at one’s desk when required, even when losing oneself in the garden would be such a happy, momentary relief. This one thanks you for offering this free workshop.
I tell myself ‘strongly, DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE AFRAID OF OTHER PEOPLE.
Learning to witness, observe my fear and realize I am not them. Recognizing the different ways fears appear is helpful, using the pause to be aware, to be ok and not identify with a thought or emotion of fear. My awareness is the key.
I am An LCSW in the Beverly Hills California area.. this year I have found More and more that it is helpful for me to sit with my clients and guide them through locating the fear in their body breathing through it and becoming larger than it. This seems to be very helpful for them with emotions like fear of grief etc. and eventually they learn to do it on their own. It doesn’t take long for them to reach that place of being bigger and making space for whatever comes up.
For where I am at in life this talk on fear was helpful to understand that there is a logical way to approach fear/anxiety and a strategy to take more control. I am in a point in my life where I have an opportunity to try and change some old unhealthy habits that have allowed me to deal with fear and anxiety by avoidance or running.
Ironically, Dave, the strategies tend to be to “let go of trying to control.”
Hello, I was not sure if I had sat mindfully but when you spoke of the meditation I realized I have been . I sat again as you spoke and allowed myself to with fear wich began in my stomach area .The fear radiated to my chest ,throat and I began crying I am guessing this is all part of the process and should simply sit and sit until things find there own place to land. I was suprized by the intense emotion ,sort of This happened when I did chakra work years ago. I refer to that time aas the year I cried
Thank you Tara, you are an angelic presence in our lives.
What helps me: a variety of tools and practices keeping myself topped up rather than running on empty. Self awareness of old patterns and when they can emerge. With anxiety – Feeling the fear, acknowledging it, thanking it, breathing into it and as you say asking it “what do you need”? if the fear is imminent like a recent fire threat on holiday… sharing the fear and strategising helped.
What helps clients – a variety of practices for different clients mainly supporting them to check in to their bodies and find the fear, letting it be…and asking as you say… what do you need?…