Having a strategy, asking myself what’s the worse case scenario can help me. Sometimes works if I have the energy but most of the time, I’m so exhausted that I feel I need to retreat from the world of people to my safe place which is by myself or with my cat, but sadly she has passed away, so now it’s just me.
David Hench, Another Field, Lexington, KY, USAsays
Simple and basic, but not easy, exposure therapy helps in the taming of fear. If we approach any specific phobia and repeat, keep doing it, the panic button begins to fade and we are left with a calm spot where the fear alarm used to be. Very good practice. This is mindfulness and non-escape, non flight, of course. And any time we calm a specific fear, the global fear in consciousness also decreases. Fear no longer is running the ship, but our relationship to it is changing. “Radical acceptance” of fear, to borrow a great term, is in no longer being in an adversarial relationship to this basic human emotion.
Unfortunately, a lot of pushing through or dissociating. But this is slowly changing.
More mindfully: Allowing time to process, recognize what is going on and allowing it to be without suppressing it. Practicing self compassion. Much like RAIN. Asking for help and accommodation.
I practice being deliberate about living the others in the room. Doesn’t always remove my fear, but I’ve seen the difference it makes when I’m not proving myself or being defensive about my value. The hard part is that I still don’t really value what I have to offer.
Walking out in nature has helped me since I was a child. I live in a city now, and have difficulty walking, but still I take short walks in the park across from my handicapped apartment. I try to look for even the smallest surprises. This practice helps me face fear.
I have a memory of facing my fear instead of running away. Over a decade later I still recall that memory when I recognize fear constricting my heart. I still live with social phobia (according to those who should know better than I) but it doesn’t control me. I used to postpone grocery shopping until I had nothing left in the house to eat, everyday hoping I would find it easier tomorrow. Now it’s a habit to recall the mental picture of the stairs and doorway I had to walk down to leave home. It just pops into my head. I Recognize, Allow, Investigate & Nurture the fear and go shopping, or say what I want to say or do what I choose to do. Over the years the tightness of fears’ grip on my heart has gradually dissolved. Now I sometimes smirk when I feel fears tug, I just see my minds image of the stairs and door as I’m dealing with a challenging situation. People think I’m courageous if they catch my smirk, thanks to RAIN!
Rmembering to stop and ask myself what it is I am afraid of.
Acknowledging that most negative things my thoughts tell me might happen wont.
That its worth it to learn more about how to keep myself calm that my bodies reaction is not going to harm me.
Merci Tara! Here is how I am healing from 75+ years of deep terror: Accepting my myriad feelings; some seem to have no names (in English). Meditating. And shifting Gracefully into Creative endeavours… especially drawing and painting. Diary keeping. Listing gratitudinals every day. And lovingly connecting with my wounded but wise Inner Child via letter writing. Using my non dominant hand for her responses. Recently, too, I have been using self hypnosis to connect with my unconscious and actually change its programming. From generations of fear.
Michelle Northrop, Psychotherapy, Richmond, VA, USAsays
Learning to tolerate the physiological sensation without reacting initially. Neural pairing is a real issue, so when a client is able to successfully do something they have avoided then I reinforce the experience. Ideally, being able to foster a sense that their needs will be met and they are supported at a core level is a hoped for goal. Thanks for your insights!
“False Events Appearing Real” … it is our perceptions-FEAR. My mind tells me there is a reason to fight or flight, but when I can calmly assess the situation at hand, I can make better decisions in the moment-every time whether the FEAR is real or has just triggered me.
Firstly, thank you Tara for giving this free seminar about fear. Make no mistake I have been oscillating between fear, hopelessness and courage for at least the past few years and even before the Pandemic. I have always tried to either ignore it, win over it or simply remain ” in limbo”. But it has been a constant unwelcome companion of mine continually in some form or other. I have know your work now for the past couple of years and it is no understatement that all your communications in all their forms have literally saved both my sanity and lack of direction. Thank you. I shall be following this seminar because with yourself I feel there is so much to learn, memorize and put into regular practice. I know your experience, knowledge and wisdom are my. saving graces.
Namaste and love
Julia Castellazzi
Beach walking, speaking with a friend/mentor who has overcome fear, getting rest and eating healthy, listening to meditations, talks, and empowering music, breath work, working in my garden, reminding myself to stay in the moment/body, and not the mind, preparation, and taking small steps forward, to name a few…ha.
Knowing that they are not alone and that sometimes we need a safe person to help guide us towards facing and being with that big sensation inside ourselves and helping them face it and stop running from it.
AAAHHH Nature, Nature, Nature is my best teacher. Also, sometimes just finally getting tired of reacting and not being present. The desire to be better.
Being a residential school survivor, fear ruled my life until I came to the conclusion that I cannot live in fear forever. It was a horrible way to live, so I bonded with people who knew how to survive in our situation. We talked about it and helped each other to live because at this point we were just in survival mode. I am still affected from this experience, so I have learned to reach out to others who know how to heal. I want to absorb the information for healing. Pray for me please. Thank you
Making a list. What’s the best outcome I can expect. What’s the worst that could happen
Then I think through how I could cope if the worst happens. So Prepared …. I move forward
In my recovery fellowship I have used fear as an acronym,
F-False E-Evidence A-Appearing R-Real to help me discern perspective of my fear. In therapy, similar to what you have described, I have been helped to be with the fear and ask it what it needs from me.
I do my best to shift from fear/anxiety by reminding myself that my imagined outcomes from whatever is triggering me, are in my mind. Andthat I can be open to (accept) outcomes I may not have thought of, or are not commanding my attention. In other words I remember to step back mentally, and watch to see what happens in a dispassionate way, and also keep some curiosity about what will come. And importantly, ALLOW for and ACCEPT the possibility of good outcomes even while acknowledging they aren’t assured but may still come to pass.
helps to acknowledge fear and not try to burry it. I can still do what I need to do, even while feeling the fear. Admitting the fear doesn’t make me powerless. I have also used EFT Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) to good effect.
definitely RAINN! also asking god/ creative awareness to make me a channel of thy peace. Reminding myself that if I feel fear, it’s hear to teach me something if I listen close enough. My big fear is the idea that I’ll lose my self, so that’s an interesting fear in the context of bhuddism and managing having an ego self and somewhat awakening to the illusion of it all.
A combination of intellectualization of the fear and meditation to calm my emotions. This way, when it works, I am able to take a fear outside of me, where it cannot hurt me.
As a Viet Nam vet, I knew what real feat was. At 19 and being away from home for the first time, I realized that there was a very real chance that I wouldn’t be returning home. I lived with fear everyday for nine months. One day I realized that being scared only made the day go by slower and didn’t leave much room for smiling or enjoying the adventure of being in a new country. I went into a Buddhist temple in Saigon and asked a monk why were all the monks walking around smiling and seemingly without a worry in the world, amidst the war all around them? he smiled and said ” War on outside, joy is inside” That encounter changed my life.
Regulating the nervous system with meditation, exercise, connecting with nature, keeping hydrated and nourished nutritionally.
Naming the fear and getting perspective on likelihood and impact and strategies to deal with them.
thankyou Tara, I love you 🙏
I have to face my fears to Recover. If I live in fear, if I allow my identity to be dictated by fear I will pick up a substance as my solution. That is a delusional survival technique for me, for in reality if I do that I will die… I don’t want to die. yet…..
I am only just starting to wake up 🌞
Tara, I get so much from your talks and workshops. My remembering to pause and breathe helps me to face a fear. Practicing RAIN also helps.
Thank you for all your support and guidance!
Diana
One fear that I am acutely aware of is high level of physical pain from health issues in the past. While I feel that I don’t fear death, it is enduring the high pain I want to explore before encountering it possibly in the dying process. I feel blessed otherwise and grateful to this opportunity to learn more.
To acknowledge that I am feeling fear. I rest my hand over my heart and speak kindly to myself and the fear. Thank it for being there and try to honour and engage other parts that are feeling more confident. Knowing I am more than the fear. I might also tell a friend and ask for support.
“Staying with” and being kind. For a long time I didn’t even know I was scared, I would just shut down. Now I recognize fear, however, as simple as it may seem, “staying with” is not always easy to do!
Patricia-Lynn Thorndike, Other, Woodacre, CA, USAsays
Thank you Tara.
This is a day by day moment by moment practise and it works when I do it.
First, I recognize and open as best I can to accept the feeling of fear rather than pushing it away or covering it up with food or drink or some other distraction.
I investigate what I am afraid of and name it. I notice where I am feeling the fear in my body, often with a tight chest, shallow breath and tingling in my arms, even like electricity through my whole body. Then I breathe in as deeply as possible, usually through my nose, and release my breath slowly with almost closed lips through my mouth.
Sometimes I visualize swimming in the ocean breathing in as I lift my right arm out of the water, then slowly releasing my breath as I swim till I’m out of breath then repeat this in a circle in the ocean with a beautiful sunset in the background. This grounds me in my body and breath and gives me the presence to then tackle what I am afraid of, such as today going online to renew my drivers license…I’m quite tech challenged and if something on my computer doesn’t work fear has an easy hand with me. Last week and continuing but better now is my heart not working properly and creating swelling in my calfs and feet. A trip to the hospital, which I also fear, and a visit to my Cardiologist yesterday, were needed and I feel empowered by following this through despite my fears.
When I look at it, I see that the fear is a sensation in my body that comes and goes. Because I know it will go, I can allow it to be there when it rises, sometimes specifically locate it. At times it is there to warn me and I thank it for that. Most of the time it has no purpose but is habitually alarming and tied to some negative thought or pattern that I once believed in, but no longer do. When I see that the thought truly has no meaning in the present moment, that awareness allows me to take some deep breaths of relief and turn toward what does have value, such as loving kindness, toward myself especially. I ask myself who would I be without that thought, and find I can smile and be present, and the fear usually subsides on its own. Sure I have to repeat the process every time fear rises, but it gets easier, and I can relax more each time.
Charlotte Connick Mabry, Dentistry, New Orleans, LA, USAsays
Facing Fear: What helps the most is having a trained professional “explain, teach, reveal the truth” about what exactly causes fear. By listening to you Tara it helps us help others that “you are not alone” when feeling afraid and anxiety. Fear is part of life; it is a way of protecting. BUT you can learn how to face, relate with the fear so that it does not overtake you. Just the sharing; the sanga, the giving voice to the thoughts, feelings, especially sensations in the body helps reduce fear. Put fear in its proper “human place”.
Blessings Tara upon all of your work.
I am a yoga teacher in New Orleans at Swan River Yoga studio. We survived Ida; were blessed more than many, BUT as there is suffering especially in the costal towns of our Louisiana.
Peace, Charlotte 🌻
To speak about the fear with another person helps to face the fear and stay with it for a little while. Then the feeling can change and make place for another feeling.
Tara, it was my brother who was thirteen who died of cancer when I was six months, old.
and I said below it was my mothers’ brother mistake, sorry I knew
I might be pushing it,
well Tara, excuse my grammar and apologies,
just out of second knee surgery and third week in recovery and it not easy
I have suffered from chronic anxiety since I was very young
and now am 70 years old,
I only went on medication for it in my thirties and gained weight
and stopped, at 38,
but the relaxation in my body was so wonderful
but in my time god forbid you got fat
I was a health instructor and about to head for divorce from my first husband.18 yrs old. left for Israel three years later; in delusion and anxiety had subsided
with neurological techniques and paper bags and breath work
I believe the trauma at birth, my mother marrying a non-Jew, in those days
no medicare, and ostracized from her nine children family and parents
who sat shiva for her, because she did, and was not a virgin when she had
me in her belly,
she had a son who died and suffered for three years from leukemia started at 11 years old, no cure in those days,
my fathers favourite, and a 9-year-old in the house, that once was a home
I was six months, and my mother had to work while my father could not move from a chair, that is how the anxiety started.
for me inside my mother’s womb; and as a very awake soul took on the pain and suffering no one
could bear to talk about, in those days
,
By three years old I was caretaking for my grieving Dad;and my thumb had
shrunk from sucking it so hard,
My mothers family finally lost their arrogance and false pride and tried to help get through what was the time where the pain]
if talked about.!!! as an alright affair, and also remembered. for the joy my brother brought to the family, and cousins and everyone could open to their grief!!! it may have not!
landed on this three-year-old { me} who could sense all the pain that was not
spoken out, instead, the mind let the body win and I became the sponge for it all
and somatized it all.
I grew up hyper, out of my body most of the time but very in tune
with others problems and found that being a”” caretaker”” was a way of getting
strokes and acceptance, but little did I know what was building in my
unconscious, and subconscious self later to emerge years later,
By 29 I had some serious illness where I had to do biofeedback
for anxiety; and would not take pills and drugs,
but would lose sight of peoples heads; on buses and in cars next to me
or, would have to run for miles in the early hours of the morning to calm down
the racing heart or get physically sick and contemplate suicide.
Cried a lot and knew depression was with me but could shift easily if near
someone with a problem, and then I could become calm and safe
for someone else,
there is much more but for sake of this short time-space at 43 went on
Prozac while in therapy, and feel it was the biggest mistake ever,
developed many different personas, and during college was a great actress
in any given situation, to cover the fear of people knowing how much pain
was inside,
I was a good worker and worked a lot to not feel the sorrow of my mother
father and sister, I carried for the family.
in short, by 39 two marriages gone, I had met a wonderful therapist
one in the three who all helped me to piece together the mess left it took 15 years!!
and it cost, but was worth it, to find a true self, who now can be aware
of myself and know when I am in a role, and when its safe to be vulnerable
which is a very discerning thing,
I worked with famous healers, {one marriage that was willing to help}
and I meditated from the age of 28. which of all the therapies I have
done and done thoroughly and made it my real work inside myself daily!!!
as I lived in this insane culture, even more now, I came to a place where
I could handle my own panic attacks, and now at age 70 about to marry
after spending 25 years alone; in my 50,s with work and healing and lots of homeopathic remedies, and someone who has left the body now, Ishwar Puri, a wonderful teacher of just how to be human; and follow a path that has comforted me when I sit for meditation. I started the same path with a different
approach from a very humble man with a gift only a saint can carry,
and helped me to heal so much insanity, and, groups, and healers who had integrity and sincerity, I cried a lot and perhaps might have developed cancer if I had not grieved
I can say, boy did I grieve ( my dad) who buried his pain, and became a great
psychic sponge but got sick,,
then started some real deep work. and hard work inside all of us which needs to get done, on this plane, to live in higher consciousness, it chooses you, you don’t need to look for it, Anxiety was my introduction.
I finally met the man I am spending my last stretch with, and still sometimes cry when faced with lots of new changes, but I am not embarrassed.
nor do I
feel nuts. anymore!!!!!!, in this process, I have been able to help others who just
show up and if it needed we talk,
I do not take on their stuff, but I could offer to be a good listener, and am empathic, and do not judge, but always have a phone no, for them to call for help.
My ego used to like the power of being able to see through their mask;
then. >>>>>>>> Ah Ha!!
in time as I grew and understood what true humility feels like I let go of the
the role that was feeding a weak ego. that too is changing for the best
one last thing I do not know is if drugs helped my intense life’ but I regret
starting them in my forties. and spending this long on Bromazapines and
Prozac with thee or four attempts to go cold turkey, my doctors
are now finally taking me off Prozac and the Benzoes slowly, and that will
be an interesting challenge with my ego and all that I have learned.
I will end here by saying that anxiety depression and an insane culture such as ours is more now than ever before, can be such a difficult time for those who
really want to get good help.
it was only when I accepted my illness and embraced what it taught me
and was tender, and gentle and not filled with self-hatred while the panic
came up. that I could carry it…. and give my body and soul the love it needed
at the moment, no matter where I was, and it can always happen.
my deepest fear was that it can resurface, but now with love and I am not
talking about bubble gum love, but get quiet enough and access my inner
guides or higher self; with mindfulness see why and allow what needed to
come up come, then I can work to come back into that peaceful place, with mindfulness inside helping to work through it even when walking on the street,
no matter who is watching, it does not matter what others think (at this age
anymore) a late bloomer took me long enough, but I offer so many heartfelt thoughts. to those who want to try: and do not allow anyone to bully you, for what is not right for you.
take the chances, and learn from them; but know that with faith, there is a way to use this illness for creativity and to get close to
the most important part of your being, Your Sacred Self, and keep watching someone like Tara this woman exudes tenderness, and smarts,
Sincerely,
Nina in Montreal Canada
Understanding where my fear is coming from; i.e. the constant shaming I experienced from my parents and other person’s in authority as a child and into adulthood.
Having a strategy, asking myself what’s the worse case scenario can help me. Sometimes works if I have the energy but most of the time, I’m so exhausted that I feel I need to retreat from the world of people to my safe place which is by myself or with my cat, but sadly she has passed away, so now it’s just me.
Pausing and then investigating what is really true
Simple and basic, but not easy, exposure therapy helps in the taming of fear. If we approach any specific phobia and repeat, keep doing it, the panic button begins to fade and we are left with a calm spot where the fear alarm used to be. Very good practice. This is mindfulness and non-escape, non flight, of course. And any time we calm a specific fear, the global fear in consciousness also decreases. Fear no longer is running the ship, but our relationship to it is changing. “Radical acceptance” of fear, to borrow a great term, is in no longer being in an adversarial relationship to this basic human emotion.
Unfortunately, a lot of pushing through or dissociating. But this is slowly changing.
More mindfully: Allowing time to process, recognize what is going on and allowing it to be without suppressing it. Practicing self compassion. Much like RAIN. Asking for help and accommodation.
I practice being deliberate about living the others in the room. Doesn’t always remove my fear, but I’ve seen the difference it makes when I’m not proving myself or being defensive about my value. The hard part is that I still don’t really value what I have to offer.
Loving, not living
Walking out in nature has helped me since I was a child. I live in a city now, and have difficulty walking, but still I take short walks in the park across from my handicapped apartment. I try to look for even the smallest surprises. This practice helps me face fear.
Sitting with it! Talking. It will pass.
I have a memory of facing my fear instead of running away. Over a decade later I still recall that memory when I recognize fear constricting my heart. I still live with social phobia (according to those who should know better than I) but it doesn’t control me. I used to postpone grocery shopping until I had nothing left in the house to eat, everyday hoping I would find it easier tomorrow. Now it’s a habit to recall the mental picture of the stairs and doorway I had to walk down to leave home. It just pops into my head. I Recognize, Allow, Investigate & Nurture the fear and go shopping, or say what I want to say or do what I choose to do. Over the years the tightness of fears’ grip on my heart has gradually dissolved. Now I sometimes smirk when I feel fears tug, I just see my minds image of the stairs and door as I’m dealing with a challenging situation. People think I’m courageous if they catch my smirk, thanks to RAIN!
Rmembering to stop and ask myself what it is I am afraid of.
Acknowledging that most negative things my thoughts tell me might happen wont.
That its worth it to learn more about how to keep myself calm that my bodies reaction is not going to harm me.
Talking about it with god and with my husband, and looking at myself from a distance and trying to access compassion.
Merci Tara! Here is how I am healing from 75+ years of deep terror: Accepting my myriad feelings; some seem to have no names (in English). Meditating. And shifting Gracefully into Creative endeavours… especially drawing and painting. Diary keeping. Listing gratitudinals every day. And lovingly connecting with my wounded but wise Inner Child via letter writing. Using my non dominant hand for her responses. Recently, too, I have been using self hypnosis to connect with my unconscious and actually change its programming. From generations of fear.
Learning to tolerate the physiological sensation without reacting initially. Neural pairing is a real issue, so when a client is able to successfully do something they have avoided then I reinforce the experience. Ideally, being able to foster a sense that their needs will be met and they are supported at a core level is a hoped for goal. Thanks for your insights!
“False Events Appearing Real” … it is our perceptions-FEAR. My mind tells me there is a reason to fight or flight, but when I can calmly assess the situation at hand, I can make better decisions in the moment-every time whether the FEAR is real or has just triggered me.
Firstly, thank you Tara for giving this free seminar about fear. Make no mistake I have been oscillating between fear, hopelessness and courage for at least the past few years and even before the Pandemic. I have always tried to either ignore it, win over it or simply remain ” in limbo”. But it has been a constant unwelcome companion of mine continually in some form or other. I have know your work now for the past couple of years and it is no understatement that all your communications in all their forms have literally saved both my sanity and lack of direction. Thank you. I shall be following this seminar because with yourself I feel there is so much to learn, memorize and put into regular practice. I know your experience, knowledge and wisdom are my. saving graces.
Namaste and love
Julia Castellazzi
Beach walking, speaking with a friend/mentor who has overcome fear, getting rest and eating healthy, listening to meditations, talks, and empowering music, breath work, working in my garden, reminding myself to stay in the moment/body, and not the mind, preparation, and taking small steps forward, to name a few…ha.
Knowing that they are not alone and that sometimes we need a safe person to help guide us towards facing and being with that big sensation inside ourselves and helping them face it and stop running from it.
AAAHHH Nature, Nature, Nature is my best teacher. Also, sometimes just finally getting tired of reacting and not being present. The desire to be better.
Thanks Tara for sharing your knowledge with others! Listening to your podcast have helped me immensely! Please continue this humble mission!
Detaching
Buddhist chanting (prayer)
Being a residential school survivor, fear ruled my life until I came to the conclusion that I cannot live in fear forever. It was a horrible way to live, so I bonded with people who knew how to survive in our situation. We talked about it and helped each other to live because at this point we were just in survival mode. I am still affected from this experience, so I have learned to reach out to others who know how to heal. I want to absorb the information for healing. Pray for me please. Thank you
Talking it through with someone I respect and trust and listening to some guided meditations to prepare.
Control!!!
I am a victim of the control need, and anger, I try to breath and keep present
Focussing on a routine.
The knowledge that, like everything else, it will pass.
Making a list. What’s the best outcome I can expect. What’s the worst that could happen
Then I think through how I could cope if the worst happens. So Prepared …. I move forward
In my recovery fellowship I have used fear as an acronym,
F-False E-Evidence A-Appearing R-Real to help me discern perspective of my fear. In therapy, similar to what you have described, I have been helped to be with the fear and ask it what it needs from me.
I do my best to shift from fear/anxiety by reminding myself that my imagined outcomes from whatever is triggering me, are in my mind. Andthat I can be open to (accept) outcomes I may not have thought of, or are not commanding my attention. In other words I remember to step back mentally, and watch to see what happens in a dispassionate way, and also keep some curiosity about what will come. And importantly, ALLOW for and ACCEPT the possibility of good outcomes even while acknowledging they aren’t assured but may still come to pass.
helps to acknowledge fear and not try to burry it. I can still do what I need to do, even while feeling the fear. Admitting the fear doesn’t make me powerless. I have also used EFT Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) to good effect.
In gratitude for your generous sharing
definitely RAINN! also asking god/ creative awareness to make me a channel of thy peace. Reminding myself that if I feel fear, it’s hear to teach me something if I listen close enough. My big fear is the idea that I’ll lose my self, so that’s an interesting fear in the context of bhuddism and managing having an ego self and somewhat awakening to the illusion of it all.
Practicing self love!
A combination of intellectualization of the fear and meditation to calm my emotions. This way, when it works, I am able to take a fear outside of me, where it cannot hurt me.
As a Viet Nam vet, I knew what real feat was. At 19 and being away from home for the first time, I realized that there was a very real chance that I wouldn’t be returning home. I lived with fear everyday for nine months. One day I realized that being scared only made the day go by slower and didn’t leave much room for smiling or enjoying the adventure of being in a new country. I went into a Buddhist temple in Saigon and asked a monk why were all the monks walking around smiling and seemingly without a worry in the world, amidst the war all around them? he smiled and said ” War on outside, joy is inside” That encounter changed my life.
thanks for sharing, this real life event. very deep.
Thank you Timothy. That is very inspiring and life affirming.
thank you Timothy!
Regulating the nervous system with meditation, exercise, connecting with nature, keeping hydrated and nourished nutritionally.
Naming the fear and getting perspective on likelihood and impact and strategies to deal with them.
thankyou Tara, I love you 🙏
I have to face my fears to Recover. If I live in fear, if I allow my identity to be dictated by fear I will pick up a substance as my solution. That is a delusional survival technique for me, for in reality if I do that I will die… I don’t want to die. yet…..
I am only just starting to wake up 🌞
Tara, I get so much from your talks and workshops. My remembering to pause and breathe helps me to face a fear. Practicing RAIN also helps.
Thank you for all your support and guidance!
Diana
One fear that I am acutely aware of is high level of physical pain from health issues in the past. While I feel that I don’t fear death, it is enduring the high pain I want to explore before encountering it possibly in the dying process. I feel blessed otherwise and grateful to this opportunity to learn more.
Thank you for this explanation. I will use the steps in helping my clients to identify the worry addiction.
To acknowledge that I am feeling fear. I rest my hand over my heart and speak kindly to myself and the fear. Thank it for being there and try to honour and engage other parts that are feeling more confident. Knowing I am more than the fear. I might also tell a friend and ask for support.
“Staying with” and being kind. For a long time I didn’t even know I was scared, I would just shut down. Now I recognize fear, however, as simple as it may seem, “staying with” is not always easy to do!
Thank you Tara.
This is a day by day moment by moment practise and it works when I do it.
First, I recognize and open as best I can to accept the feeling of fear rather than pushing it away or covering it up with food or drink or some other distraction.
I investigate what I am afraid of and name it. I notice where I am feeling the fear in my body, often with a tight chest, shallow breath and tingling in my arms, even like electricity through my whole body. Then I breathe in as deeply as possible, usually through my nose, and release my breath slowly with almost closed lips through my mouth.
Sometimes I visualize swimming in the ocean breathing in as I lift my right arm out of the water, then slowly releasing my breath as I swim till I’m out of breath then repeat this in a circle in the ocean with a beautiful sunset in the background. This grounds me in my body and breath and gives me the presence to then tackle what I am afraid of, such as today going online to renew my drivers license…I’m quite tech challenged and if something on my computer doesn’t work fear has an easy hand with me. Last week and continuing but better now is my heart not working properly and creating swelling in my calfs and feet. A trip to the hospital, which I also fear, and a visit to my Cardiologist yesterday, were needed and I feel empowered by following this through despite my fears.
When I look at it, I see that the fear is a sensation in my body that comes and goes. Because I know it will go, I can allow it to be there when it rises, sometimes specifically locate it. At times it is there to warn me and I thank it for that. Most of the time it has no purpose but is habitually alarming and tied to some negative thought or pattern that I once believed in, but no longer do. When I see that the thought truly has no meaning in the present moment, that awareness allows me to take some deep breaths of relief and turn toward what does have value, such as loving kindness, toward myself especially. I ask myself who would I be without that thought, and find I can smile and be present, and the fear usually subsides on its own. Sure I have to repeat the process every time fear rises, but it gets easier, and I can relax more each time.
Breathing and reminders all will be ok
Facing Fear: What helps the most is having a trained professional “explain, teach, reveal the truth” about what exactly causes fear. By listening to you Tara it helps us help others that “you are not alone” when feeling afraid and anxiety. Fear is part of life; it is a way of protecting. BUT you can learn how to face, relate with the fear so that it does not overtake you. Just the sharing; the sanga, the giving voice to the thoughts, feelings, especially sensations in the body helps reduce fear. Put fear in its proper “human place”.
Blessings Tara upon all of your work.
I am a yoga teacher in New Orleans at Swan River Yoga studio. We survived Ida; were blessed more than many, BUT as there is suffering especially in the costal towns of our Louisiana.
Peace, Charlotte 🌻
To speak about the fear with another person helps to face the fear and stay with it for a little while. Then the feeling can change and make place for another feeling.
Tara, it was my brother who was thirteen who died of cancer when I was six months, old.
and I said below it was my mothers’ brother mistake, sorry I knew
I might be pushing it,
well Tara, excuse my grammar and apologies,
just out of second knee surgery and third week in recovery and it not easy
I have suffered from chronic anxiety since I was very young
and now am 70 years old,
I only went on medication for it in my thirties and gained weight
and stopped, at 38,
but the relaxation in my body was so wonderful
but in my time god forbid you got fat
I was a health instructor and about to head for divorce from my first husband.18 yrs old. left for Israel three years later; in delusion and anxiety had subsided
with neurological techniques and paper bags and breath work
I believe the trauma at birth, my mother marrying a non-Jew, in those days
no medicare, and ostracized from her nine children family and parents
who sat shiva for her, because she did, and was not a virgin when she had
me in her belly,
she had a son who died and suffered for three years from leukemia started at 11 years old, no cure in those days,
my fathers favourite, and a 9-year-old in the house, that once was a home
I was six months, and my mother had to work while my father could not move from a chair, that is how the anxiety started.
for me inside my mother’s womb; and as a very awake soul took on the pain and suffering no one
could bear to talk about, in those days
,
By three years old I was caretaking for my grieving Dad;and my thumb had
shrunk from sucking it so hard,
My mothers family finally lost their arrogance and false pride and tried to help get through what was the time where the pain]
if talked about.!!! as an alright affair, and also remembered. for the joy my brother brought to the family, and cousins and everyone could open to their grief!!! it may have not!
landed on this three-year-old { me} who could sense all the pain that was not
spoken out, instead, the mind let the body win and I became the sponge for it all
and somatized it all.
I grew up hyper, out of my body most of the time but very in tune
with others problems and found that being a”” caretaker”” was a way of getting
strokes and acceptance, but little did I know what was building in my
unconscious, and subconscious self later to emerge years later,
By 29 I had some serious illness where I had to do biofeedback
for anxiety; and would not take pills and drugs,
but would lose sight of peoples heads; on buses and in cars next to me
or, would have to run for miles in the early hours of the morning to calm down
the racing heart or get physically sick and contemplate suicide.
Cried a lot and knew depression was with me but could shift easily if near
someone with a problem, and then I could become calm and safe
for someone else,
there is much more but for sake of this short time-space at 43 went on
Prozac while in therapy, and feel it was the biggest mistake ever,
developed many different personas, and during college was a great actress
in any given situation, to cover the fear of people knowing how much pain
was inside,
I was a good worker and worked a lot to not feel the sorrow of my mother
father and sister, I carried for the family.
in short, by 39 two marriages gone, I had met a wonderful therapist
one in the three who all helped me to piece together the mess left it took 15 years!!
and it cost, but was worth it, to find a true self, who now can be aware
of myself and know when I am in a role, and when its safe to be vulnerable
which is a very discerning thing,
I worked with famous healers, {one marriage that was willing to help}
and I meditated from the age of 28. which of all the therapies I have
done and done thoroughly and made it my real work inside myself daily!!!
as I lived in this insane culture, even more now, I came to a place where
I could handle my own panic attacks, and now at age 70 about to marry
after spending 25 years alone; in my 50,s with work and healing and lots of homeopathic remedies, and someone who has left the body now, Ishwar Puri, a wonderful teacher of just how to be human; and follow a path that has comforted me when I sit for meditation. I started the same path with a different
approach from a very humble man with a gift only a saint can carry,
and helped me to heal so much insanity, and, groups, and healers who had integrity and sincerity, I cried a lot and perhaps might have developed cancer if I had not grieved
I can say, boy did I grieve ( my dad) who buried his pain, and became a great
psychic sponge but got sick,,
then started some real deep work. and hard work inside all of us which needs to get done, on this plane, to live in higher consciousness, it chooses you, you don’t need to look for it, Anxiety was my introduction.
I finally met the man I am spending my last stretch with, and still sometimes cry when faced with lots of new changes, but I am not embarrassed.
nor do I
feel nuts. anymore!!!!!!, in this process, I have been able to help others who just
show up and if it needed we talk,
I do not take on their stuff, but I could offer to be a good listener, and am empathic, and do not judge, but always have a phone no, for them to call for help.
My ego used to like the power of being able to see through their mask;
then. >>>>>>>> Ah Ha!!
in time as I grew and understood what true humility feels like I let go of the
the role that was feeding a weak ego. that too is changing for the best
one last thing I do not know is if drugs helped my intense life’ but I regret
starting them in my forties. and spending this long on Bromazapines and
Prozac with thee or four attempts to go cold turkey, my doctors
are now finally taking me off Prozac and the Benzoes slowly, and that will
be an interesting challenge with my ego and all that I have learned.
I will end here by saying that anxiety depression and an insane culture such as ours is more now than ever before, can be such a difficult time for those who
really want to get good help.
it was only when I accepted my illness and embraced what it taught me
and was tender, and gentle and not filled with self-hatred while the panic
came up. that I could carry it…. and give my body and soul the love it needed
at the moment, no matter where I was, and it can always happen.
my deepest fear was that it can resurface, but now with love and I am not
talking about bubble gum love, but get quiet enough and access my inner
guides or higher self; with mindfulness see why and allow what needed to
come up come, then I can work to come back into that peaceful place, with mindfulness inside helping to work through it even when walking on the street,
no matter who is watching, it does not matter what others think (at this age
anymore) a late bloomer took me long enough, but I offer so many heartfelt thoughts. to those who want to try: and do not allow anyone to bully you, for what is not right for you.
take the chances, and learn from them; but know that with faith, there is a way to use this illness for creativity and to get close to
the most important part of your being, Your Sacred Self, and keep watching someone like Tara this woman exudes tenderness, and smarts,
Sincerely,
Nina in Montreal Canada
Ignorance is bliss,
in the moment, breath
Understanding where my fear is coming from; i.e. the constant shaming I experienced from my parents and other person’s in authority as a child and into adulthood.
Thanks Tara
Love and appreciate your insights and wisdom
Thankyou for connection of fear to depression