I have been suffering from heavy anxiety and fear since early this year. My life has collapse after splitting with my girlfriend, struggling with a depleted social life and a long period of unemployment. This has been overwhelming at times, and with the scarey events and political insanity going on in the world, I’ve becoming intensely fearful at times, feeling helpless, isolated and vulnerable. But, I continue to practice meditation and hope things improve. Looking forward to watching your videos, this could be very helpful. Thank you Tara.
Gratitude and the conscious recognition of the ways I’m supported by my engaging intentional practices of self care and relationships with nature and loved ones.
Thank you Tara, i am really inspired by your video and i also read your book “radical acceptance” twice, i am so moved by your words and thoughts.
I really always feel fear in most of my time, when i was in school, i feared about the scores, when i am working now, i am fearing about my finance and family relationship.
the way i cope with the fear is to do future plan again and again. but i can not follow my plan again and again. i only feel good when i am doing the plan ,but after that, when i can not finish my plan, i will begin fear again and much more.
i really need your help, i feel lost in a negative life circle.
Breathing deeply and slowly into my stomach.
Take a walk in the forest, listen to swirling water and the wind in the trees.
Agree with comment below that the music in background isn’t necessary.
I like to work with clients to externalise fear…draw it, speak to it, visualise it and then invite the fear back and create a different relationship with it.
Your work is very helpful and insightful when working with clients – thank you
As a coach and supervisor I notice so many of peoples’ ‘goals’ are actually just masking over their fears so when they achieve them, they find the same fear in a new form. When they really get in touch with their fear, welcome it, get to know it, so much more becomes available without so many ‘shoulds’, without the need to control and with so much more compassion and deeper knowing.
Thank you Tara, I am still dealing with my own fear about public speaking. I am a chair of a board and I lead a weekly meditation. I still have anxiety the day before these events.
It helps to breathe with the fear and to talk about it or to talk with it. Giving fear a name and a form or colour. And the best of all is to take the fear gently into my arms and hold it.
I share experience with many who have already contributed their comments by my attempts to sooth myself from the damage that fear has on my nervous system by having simple connection with the Life-force around me as a direct antidote to the isolation from Life and growth which fear engenders.
At the most difficult and desperate of times I will simply bring my attention to sense the flow of my breath and at the point at which it enters and exits my body at the nostrils.
Simply that.
After a while it will bring me calm and with it a degree of peace.
Other times I will seek the company and support of loving friends including my three sisters.
I’m also aware how fortunate I am and grateful that amidst my painful feelings which seem to drive a wedge between me and the world I am able to maintain the love and appreciation I have of my good friends.
Sometimes it’s difficult to maintain this appreciation in times of extreme trauma and need and I will express my desperation as frustration and lack of acceptance of other people’s limitations. This can be often met with more frustration and desperation as fear simply seems to escalate.
It is in these times that the balm of self- acceptance can do wonders to repair the wounds of misinterpretation that shared fear creates and through honesty and by demonstrating vulnerability can we disarm one another and invite intimacy once again to restore contact and build trust.
My cat.
Her presence, simply noticing her being helps me to manage my anxiety which extreme fears creates.
What helps me to face fearful feelings is simply that, to firstly “face” the feeling and recognise that I have been investing so much energy in doing the opposite; running constantly in different ways from it, only strengthening its force.
Fear seems, like a seed, to be nourished and flourish in dark soil. And so by shining the light of my awareness or attention on it immediately changes the nature of the action fear has. Almost palpably diminishing its growth, its power over me.
Seeking at times a more humours outlook on the world through other people’s comic talents and encouraging/ welcoming exploration of my own take on how I see humour in different situations.
Allowing and maintaining a naturally playful me to occupy my organism knowing this helps and heals me.
All this helps manage my relationship with fear.
Likewise I acknowledge a need to focus on developing, integrating and accepting the role fear has to play in protecting me at times in a helpful way as I strive for more personal stability through balance and things being sometimes in moderation.
I’ve been helped to understand that my fears come from childhood trauma, and understanding what causes them and the function they serve(d) is very useful. Practicing mindfulness and when fear comes up saying ‘I notice that I’m having xx fearful thought’ also gives me some distance from the thought and I’m more able to untangle from thinking and thank the thought for how it’s trying to protect me. Both things sooth the fearful thoughts and reduce their energy.
Cat McDowell, Psychotherapy, Carmel Valley, CA, USAsays
I use writing, for myself and my clients. List making is helpful. Often the fear is bigger than the reality. When I write down all the things that are overwhelming me, things I think I need to handle immediately, the list is usually smaller than the fear makes it seem. It helps make the fear manageable, lessoning it’s power. I become quiet, breathe deeply, perhaps do a body scan, then ask the fear what it’s message is. I go outside and move. I talk to someone I trust. I ask for guidance from my dreams. I remind myself “This too shall pass.”
fa bunch of things… not getting attached to thoughts… meditating to let mind express itself… walking and spending time in nature… having loving relationships… self-compassion… and embracing the mystery of life…
Many things: walking in nature, Rain practice has been amazing, Trauma therapy, creativity, lots of self compassion and giving voice and tenderness to the fear.
Talking thru my fears with a trusted friend or therapist who can validate & walk with me thru the “what if’s”. Talking thru the worst case scenarios & helping to visualize the other side of my fear…what it looks like to experience my worst fear. I can live thru anything.
I practice mindfulness to allay the fear, otherwise, if I allow myself the time to anticipate, I’ll ruminate on it until I’m stressed out. However, when the “fearful” situation finally arrives and there’s no time to think about, I just go into action.
It’s taken a lot of years of guided meditations and podcasts with Tara and some local ptsd therapy and sometimes nothing works except laying in bed but often now I can believe the terror will be a wave and I might even remember if I hold it with care can ask what is it trying to teach me as I practice RAIN. And be thankful for my fear showing me the way home to love and being creative. Thank you.
Honestly, I am not very good at facing my fears. But, sometimes, I am able to talk to myself, tell myself what I am fearing is a thought. And thoughts are just that – thoughts, not always the truth.
For me and clients consists pretty much in allowing and understanding the need this fear brings, I like to imagine worst case scenario and discuss, usually isn’t that bad as it seems.
Taking a very deep breath before I react to anything which triggers fear in me. I am quite defensive and often talk myself into believing I am right, but usually I am not! I meditate often, and often just sit quietly allowing the feelings to just be, and not overwhelm me.
Thank you for your generosity of sharing and caring.
Taking time off to recuperate from busy periods.
Making hard decisions to cancel commitments if overwhelm sets in without feeling completely hopeless. Accepting that this is what I need for long term health and functioning.
A side issue, would it be possible to have these valuable talks without the music? My anxiety and sensitivity to noise struggles with this addition. I find Tara’s voice alone so very soothing and calming and crave her unadulterated words in their simplicity and purity without a musical back track. Thank you for considering my request.
funny you mention since at one point it threw me too. I know it is a Production and maybe it is nice at the beginning but in places it seems canned. Yet I enjoyed it sometimes too. Jill
Thank you for this training. I am looking forward to these times of learning how to make room for fear . I practice mindfulness and it has helped me to think much more clearly. Thanks again
This is a difficult question.
It is easier to face my fears when I understand they are fabricated in my mind, and perhaps they are not real. Also, when I am able to understand that my lack of control of the situation develops fear. When I understand that my mind has the power to create this situations, I then am able to face my fears.
Frederick Roden, PhD, Other, New York , NY, USAsays
I highly recommend the work of the late Dr Claire Weekes, an Australian physician who first advocated “facing, accepting, floating, and allowing time to pass” for anxiety disorders and phobias. Her first book was published in 1962 after years of medical practice and fortunately her works are still in print. This pioneer revolutionized how to treat “nervous illness” and took away its stigma.
There’s an inevitability to facing fear – it will remain until it has been addressed and integrated. Fear can be slippery and evasive and for me, and being willing to feel it and sometimes be immersed in it, helps me to work with it. Facing it = working with it.
I found identifying the fear and befriending it. Seeing it as an expert that specialises in protecting me. So I thank the fear, ask it what it wants and tell it I’ve got this. I will give it what it needs and I will look after it. It is amazing how quickly I feel calm and able to handle situations once I do that.
Last two years, with Isolation, Depression, PTSD, as well as others, including still having neurological stuff from having Covid. Poverty, limited support/access, to, healthy much anything. Daily struggles and challenges, what it is.
I used to be more courageous.
Admitting fear, I like asking the question , what am I scared of or what am I afraid will happen?
Naming the fears : writing the fear or fears down, get them out of the head and onto the page. Helps to see more clearly.
Acknowledge the suffering fear creates and lean in with self-compassion.
Share with a trusted person your fears.
See this as a part of me, not all of me. Acknowledge courage within myself to face fears, recall courageous times in my life. Feel the peace and strength in my body as I recall these times. Remember from my body what courage feels like but also accept my fear, in accepting it it seems to dissipate. Lean in with acceptance and compassion that my “fear body” sometimes can’t help reacting to perceived threats.
Dearest Tara
I spend a lot of time in reactivity and hiding from my fear and have at times trouble with defensiveness and reactivity
I’m hoping in time I will feel hopeful that I can change
I’ve heard your teaching over the year and for some reason it’s taking me some time for it to become a habit of settling down with this mindfulness as I keep flipping to fear. I tend to feel that I’m getting there and feel good then the Covid gets to me and I feel sad and at times less hopeful. Your teaching is helping me slowly
Thank you so much for your work
Just listening to you helps me feel calmer and safer
Thank you
Warm Regards
Kathy Gibbs
Trusting the universe has my back! As it has often proven to be the case! But your shared wisdoms about sitting with fear and changing you relations ship with fear is very helpful!. Thank you for sharing so generously!
speaking with close friends, relaxing in nature with close friends – these give me the comfort and assurance to know I don’t have to face my fears alone – just by knowing this, my fears are greatly reduced
Remembering gratitude makes fear more accessible…
seeing life on its own terms of gain and loss,
and believing the truth of impermanence..
can balance fear and try to turn it into knowledge.
I don’t know. I know I am afraid, but I keep pushing through the fear. I worry a lot. I am 70 yrs, and fear the future. I distract myself with my art, friends, exercise. However, I am hard wired.
I have been suffering from heavy anxiety and fear since early this year. My life has collapse after splitting with my girlfriend, struggling with a depleted social life and a long period of unemployment. This has been overwhelming at times, and with the scarey events and political insanity going on in the world, I’ve becoming intensely fearful at times, feeling helpless, isolated and vulnerable. But, I continue to practice meditation and hope things improve. Looking forward to watching your videos, this could be very helpful. Thank you Tara.
Gratitude and the conscious recognition of the ways I’m supported by my engaging intentional practices of self care and relationships with nature and loved ones.
Speaking
Thank you Tara, i am really inspired by your video and i also read your book “radical acceptance” twice, i am so moved by your words and thoughts.
I really always feel fear in most of my time, when i was in school, i feared about the scores, when i am working now, i am fearing about my finance and family relationship.
the way i cope with the fear is to do future plan again and again. but i can not follow my plan again and again. i only feel good when i am doing the plan ,but after that, when i can not finish my plan, i will begin fear again and much more.
i really need your help, i feel lost in a negative life circle.
Breathing deeply and slowly into my stomach.
Take a walk in the forest, listen to swirling water and the wind in the trees.
Agree with comment below that the music in background isn’t necessary.
To know, that i am loved.
Dreadful intrusive noise (?music?) playing in the background. Why? I watched 5 mins then withdrew
I like to work with clients to externalise fear…draw it, speak to it, visualise it and then invite the fear back and create a different relationship with it.
Your work is very helpful and insightful when working with clients – thank you
The flow of a river.
A kind word from a friend.
The love of a good dog.
As a coach and supervisor I notice so many of peoples’ ‘goals’ are actually just masking over their fears so when they achieve them, they find the same fear in a new form. When they really get in touch with their fear, welcome it, get to know it, so much more becomes available without so many ‘shoulds’, without the need to control and with so much more compassion and deeper knowing.
Nature
A stroll in a bookshop
Friends
Thank you Tara, I am still dealing with my own fear about public speaking. I am a chair of a board and I lead a weekly meditation. I still have anxiety the day before these events.
I know fear makes my chronic pain worse; and not facing my fears means being stuck in habitual cycles. I know there is a better way to live.
It helps to breathe with the fear and to talk about it or to talk with it. Giving fear a name and a form or colour. And the best of all is to take the fear gently into my arms and hold it.
I share experience with many who have already contributed their comments by my attempts to sooth myself from the damage that fear has on my nervous system by having simple connection with the Life-force around me as a direct antidote to the isolation from Life and growth which fear engenders.
At the most difficult and desperate of times I will simply bring my attention to sense the flow of my breath and at the point at which it enters and exits my body at the nostrils.
Simply that.
After a while it will bring me calm and with it a degree of peace.
Other times I will seek the company and support of loving friends including my three sisters.
I’m also aware how fortunate I am and grateful that amidst my painful feelings which seem to drive a wedge between me and the world I am able to maintain the love and appreciation I have of my good friends.
Sometimes it’s difficult to maintain this appreciation in times of extreme trauma and need and I will express my desperation as frustration and lack of acceptance of other people’s limitations. This can be often met with more frustration and desperation as fear simply seems to escalate.
It is in these times that the balm of self- acceptance can do wonders to repair the wounds of misinterpretation that shared fear creates and through honesty and by demonstrating vulnerability can we disarm one another and invite intimacy once again to restore contact and build trust.
My cat.
Her presence, simply noticing her being helps me to manage my anxiety which extreme fears creates.
What helps me to face fearful feelings is simply that, to firstly “face” the feeling and recognise that I have been investing so much energy in doing the opposite; running constantly in different ways from it, only strengthening its force.
Fear seems, like a seed, to be nourished and flourish in dark soil. And so by shining the light of my awareness or attention on it immediately changes the nature of the action fear has. Almost palpably diminishing its growth, its power over me.
Seeking at times a more humours outlook on the world through other people’s comic talents and encouraging/ welcoming exploration of my own take on how I see humour in different situations.
Allowing and maintaining a naturally playful me to occupy my organism knowing this helps and heals me.
All this helps manage my relationship with fear.
Likewise I acknowledge a need to focus on developing, integrating and accepting the role fear has to play in protecting me at times in a helpful way as I strive for more personal stability through balance and things being sometimes in moderation.
Very, very helpful, Tara. This will definitely become a practice. Thank you.
Acceptance. Authentic recognition and love and kindness conveyed genuinely. Space to talk and time to think.
I’ve been helped to understand that my fears come from childhood trauma, and understanding what causes them and the function they serve(d) is very useful. Practicing mindfulness and when fear comes up saying ‘I notice that I’m having xx fearful thought’ also gives me some distance from the thought and I’m more able to untangle from thinking and thank the thought for how it’s trying to protect me. Both things sooth the fearful thoughts and reduce their energy.
I use writing, for myself and my clients. List making is helpful. Often the fear is bigger than the reality. When I write down all the things that are overwhelming me, things I think I need to handle immediately, the list is usually smaller than the fear makes it seem. It helps make the fear manageable, lessoning it’s power. I become quiet, breathe deeply, perhaps do a body scan, then ask the fear what it’s message is. I go outside and move. I talk to someone I trust. I ask for guidance from my dreams. I remind myself “This too shall pass.”
fa bunch of things… not getting attached to thoughts… meditating to let mind express itself… walking and spending time in nature… having loving relationships… self-compassion… and embracing the mystery of life…
Many things: walking in nature, Rain practice has been amazing, Trauma therapy, creativity, lots of self compassion and giving voice and tenderness to the fear.
Remembering to stop moving, thinking, and to deep breath until the fear begins to dissipate.
Talking thru my fears with a trusted friend or therapist who can validate & walk with me thru the “what if’s”. Talking thru the worst case scenarios & helping to visualize the other side of my fear…what it looks like to experience my worst fear. I can live thru anything.
I practice mindfulness to allay the fear, otherwise, if I allow myself the time to anticipate, I’ll ruminate on it until I’m stressed out. However, when the “fearful” situation finally arrives and there’s no time to think about, I just go into action.
It’s taken a lot of years of guided meditations and podcasts with Tara and some local ptsd therapy and sometimes nothing works except laying in bed but often now I can believe the terror will be a wave and I might even remember if I hold it with care can ask what is it trying to teach me as I practice RAIN. And be thankful for my fear showing me the way home to love and being creative. Thank you.
Honestly, I am not very good at facing my fears. But, sometimes, I am able to talk to myself, tell myself what I am fearing is a thought. And thoughts are just that – thoughts, not always the truth.
My clients are helped when they feel safe in my presence : not judged, not criticised, not humiliated.
For me and clients consists pretty much in allowing and understanding the need this fear brings, I like to imagine worst case scenario and discuss, usually isn’t that bad as it seems.
Hope
Faith
Connection
Taking the time to breathe and give my fear space when I begin to feel fear helps.
Taking a very deep breath before I react to anything which triggers fear in me. I am quite defensive and often talk myself into believing I am right, but usually I am not! I meditate often, and often just sit quietly allowing the feelings to just be, and not overwhelm me.
Thank you for your generosity of sharing and caring.
Taking time off to recuperate from busy periods.
Making hard decisions to cancel commitments if overwhelm sets in without feeling completely hopeless. Accepting that this is what I need for long term health and functioning.
A side issue, would it be possible to have these valuable talks without the music? My anxiety and sensitivity to noise struggles with this addition. I find Tara’s voice alone so very soothing and calming and crave her unadulterated words in their simplicity and purity without a musical back track. Thank you for considering my request.
funny you mention since at one point it threw me too. I know it is a Production and maybe it is nice at the beginning but in places it seems canned. Yet I enjoyed it sometimes too. Jill
Thank you for this training. I am looking forward to these times of learning how to make room for fear . I practice mindfulness and it has helped me to think much more clearly. Thanks again
This is a difficult question.
It is easier to face my fears when I understand they are fabricated in my mind, and perhaps they are not real. Also, when I am able to understand that my lack of control of the situation develops fear. When I understand that my mind has the power to create this situations, I then am able to face my fears.
Taking a moment to breath, allow myself to take a moment and try to adjust my thought process.
I highly recommend the work of the late Dr Claire Weekes, an Australian physician who first advocated “facing, accepting, floating, and allowing time to pass” for anxiety disorders and phobias. Her first book was published in 1962 after years of medical practice and fortunately her works are still in print. This pioneer revolutionized how to treat “nervous illness” and took away its stigma.
There’s an inevitability to facing fear – it will remain until it has been addressed and integrated. Fear can be slippery and evasive and for me, and being willing to feel it and sometimes be immersed in it, helps me to work with it. Facing it = working with it.
I found identifying the fear and befriending it. Seeing it as an expert that specialises in protecting me. So I thank the fear, ask it what it wants and tell it I’ve got this. I will give it what it needs and I will look after it. It is amazing how quickly I feel calm and able to handle situations once I do that.
Eating healthily – whole food vegan – avoiding compulsive eating and avoiding alcohol and toxic relationships.
Last two years, with Isolation, Depression, PTSD, as well as others, including still having neurological stuff from having Covid. Poverty, limited support/access, to, healthy much anything. Daily struggles and challenges, what it is.
I used to be more courageous.
Admitting fear, I like asking the question , what am I scared of or what am I afraid will happen?
Naming the fears : writing the fear or fears down, get them out of the head and onto the page. Helps to see more clearly.
Acknowledge the suffering fear creates and lean in with self-compassion.
Share with a trusted person your fears.
See this as a part of me, not all of me. Acknowledge courage within myself to face fears, recall courageous times in my life. Feel the peace and strength in my body as I recall these times. Remember from my body what courage feels like but also accept my fear, in accepting it it seems to dissipate. Lean in with acceptance and compassion that my “fear body” sometimes can’t help reacting to perceived threats.
Dearest Tara
I spend a lot of time in reactivity and hiding from my fear and have at times trouble with defensiveness and reactivity
I’m hoping in time I will feel hopeful that I can change
I’ve heard your teaching over the year and for some reason it’s taking me some time for it to become a habit of settling down with this mindfulness as I keep flipping to fear. I tend to feel that I’m getting there and feel good then the Covid gets to me and I feel sad and at times less hopeful. Your teaching is helping me slowly
Thank you so much for your work
Just listening to you helps me feel calmer and safer
Thank you
Warm Regards
Kathy Gibbs
Meditation
Trusting the universe has my back! As it has often proven to be the case! But your shared wisdoms about sitting with fear and changing you relations ship with fear is very helpful!. Thank you for sharing so generously!
Supportive people and compassion
speaking with close friends, relaxing in nature with close friends – these give me the comfort and assurance to know I don’t have to face my fears alone – just by knowing this, my fears are greatly reduced
Being present to what is happening. Acknowledging what triggers the fear and trying to distract from it with less emotional triggers.
Remembering gratitude makes fear more accessible…
seeing life on its own terms of gain and loss,
and believing the truth of impermanence..
can balance fear and try to turn it into knowledge.
courage and knowing there is a resource that knows me well and encourages, coaches, and waits for my readiness to address the fear.
I don’t know. I know I am afraid, but I keep pushing through the fear. I worry a lot. I am 70 yrs, and fear the future. I distract myself with my art, friends, exercise. However, I am hard wired.