A stranger. Never known a moment without fear even though I’ve done many courageous things in my 78 years. I have no idea who I would be without fear and my body has manifested chronic coccyx pain for 11+ years because I constantly resist and repress the fear which is always lurking behind every thought I have. It began in childhood and is deeply ingrained in my neurology.
Without fear, I would pursue my life’s passion without the feeling that I’m incompetent and that others in my field more qualified than myself. I would be able to speak in front of large groups and help others without always questioning myself.
I would approach my work and new experiences with a curiosity and openness instead of this elaborate system I use to see if the dangers outweigh any benefit I could get. I would allow people to see my true self when they look into my eyes.
Thank you Tara for these 3 wonderful windows into the healing of chronic fear and anxiety. There were several ideas presented that led me to pondering what I see in my clients and in myself. For instance: I had not thought about what might be the difference between anxiety and fear. I have worked with individuals dealing with domestic violence.. who certainly are anxious… yet they are also fearful – living in home that is like a war zone. I also will be giving more thought to the concept of worry as an ‘addiction’… I am initially hesitant to use this particular word. I suppose it depends on how one holds that word; It seems, in our American culture, to carry with a lot of baggage of shame and blame. Sometimes such a word sounds like a ‘character defect’ and can be further discouraging to a people who may have turned, in desperation, to a substance that will transport them out of reality too painful to be in. In working with clients I have found that this kind of disembodiment is impervious to the fact that the substance is killing them… they know no resource to connect to that gives them a reason to live. For many trauma patients there was no comforting hug, no kind words of encouragement, and sometimes, no ‘corrective experience’ that they can recognize and embrace. “Addiction” can be a scary label.. maybe I will try ‘accustomed’ to worry… I loved the self -giving of compassion in step 3 ( a kind re-parenting) … and the story of the vice-pres who, through the steps… created a ‘corrective experience’ for himself !!!!! yeah! and with the use of mindfulness he was able to notice his change and embody the expansive experience so he was needing to employ less worry and withdraw. Fabulous!
Hello Ruth in your closing remarks be for the “Free Videos”shut down you asked for some comments, Well Fear is a topic on which I believe we all have some Experience With “SO AH” The Sharing with so many people across the worlds Spectrum brought Insights that wouldn’t be found any where else !! For Love, or Money! Great going ……
Who would I be if………….? I would be such a loving, caring person for myself and others. I wouldn’t shrink if someone close to me is judging me; I wouldn’t be afraid of how people will feel and I wouldn’t feel so responsible for other people’s feelings. Especialy after waking up I can remember something I didn’t do and feel so bad about myself, when my heart is closed. It would be so wonderful without this so limiting belief. What if these 3 steps could bring that about…..
“Who would you be without fear?”, excellent question! This should spark some conversation and get help get people unstuck from the grip of fear and self-doubt.
Without fear – I would be able to be fully present with others – with myself and would be able to move forward in my life – helping others create the transformative shifts I believe they are capable of… With the fear – I am holding myself back – living only partly as I incorrectly allow the fear of REAL but not true control me and hold me hostage. Thank you for a beautiful 3-part, gentle and powerful series.
I’ve lived in fear since childhood and always kept active, I was running from the fear. Now that I have chronic pain, I can’t keep constantly busy, so now I have anxiety and have to sit with the fear but don’t know how to get rid of the constant fear that causes my anxiety.
Unlimited, free, Whole, confident, at peace, full of vitality and the living presence of Love. Thank you, Tara. I’m deeply grateful and looking forward to learning more about the program.
I believe that I would feel free to be the person I have always hoped I could be, that I could go through life believing in myself, knowing that what I do, what I feel & what I think is ok. I could be more gentle with myself, I could respect myself & feel love for myself that has never been allowed to develop through my life. My future would be bright & filled with the love I have denied myself of having because somehow, some way I failed not only myself but others also. If I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, I would be filled with esteem fo me, & with that I could help others to reach their full potential, to be able to love themselves & be kind to themselves too.
Without the fear that paralyses and clouds my perception, I would be trusting. I would be able to let myself be as I am, and let others be as they are, with curiosity, interest, clear discernment and appreciation. I would have creative energy to pour into what my heart knows is real and true. I would be able to pay attention to what is really happening instead of what my fear and anxiety tell me is happening.
Thank you for this insightful information. As a consultant and NLP practitioner I often confront the DMN, the looping, phrases clients repeat over and over again.
I often ask who would you be without…..then follow up with it with another question…..who do you want to be.
Thank you again
Josette
Such a great question. The answer for me would be that I would be in tune with my Teacher. The journey to finding a cure or solution to a problem is first to recognize the problem, then to find a qualified person to administer the correct medicine with the proper dosage.
This has been a great series, thank you so much. I work with people who have suffered child sexual abuse so those with severe childhood trauma – an obvious target group for this work because of the long-habituated survival mechanisms. this series has broken down that complex work into a set of simple procedures that are easy to remember and ‘easily taught’. Having said that, experienced practitioners know that none of this is simple. however, the steps you have given are the essence of what we are trying to achieve in the middle of all of that complexity.
I also see many who suffer from long-term anxiety for all sorts of reasons, and this is just as appropriate for them. I have found this series has ‘sharpened’ those approaches I already use.
In another part of my work life I teach new counsellors in a Masters programme. Something like this needs to be set in a framework of safety including supervision and referral for the student so that the client and themselves have somewhere to go when trauma arises unexpectedly. Nonetheless, this information and the steps demonstrated are a process that can be taught and practiced.
thank you so much for this series.
This talk switched a lightbulb on for me; after the story of the boy with the recurring dream I suddenly remembered I also used to have a recurring nightmare as a child, where I would be out on the street in the dark where a fox (or a wolf) would be chasing me, and the air was thick so I couldn’t run away fast enough. This seemed to happen regularly for years.. and then I remember a point when in my dream I realised that the air was so thick that if I pushed down with my arms, I would rise upward as if the air was water. So I would rise above the dark street and be flying away from the wolf and looking over the whole neighbourhood with a feeling of being like
a bird. I remember the joy of having overcome the thing I was afraid of and the new version of the dream kept repeating for
A while until it stopped altogether. Remembering this now at 42 I think what a fantastic metaphor for dealing with the fear that I now live with constantly. ? thank you.
I love your question, “Who would I be if I didn’t believe something is wrong with me?” I up with a very strong message that I was not good enough or competent. And in every situation where I feel anxiety, I tend to revert back to that belief. Besides that, one of my biggest obstacles is simply noticing my self-talk. If I can be mindful and realize what I’m telling myself, then I can implement your “real but not true”. I am working toward that goal and then being able to respond with self-soothing messages.
“Who would i be if i didnt believe something was wrong with me ….. “ wow, i feel i could be anything…..this thought opens my mind to the possibility of being anything!
I would be more trustful (of myself and others), more confident and more adventurous. Thank you for your teachings, I appreciate your talks as well. <3
Thank you for this valuable knowledge and questioning ourselves.
To answer your question, I think I will be a much happier person and accomplish more than I have ever thought I could. Wish I have this knowledge in my younger days. But, it’s never too late for me and my clients. Thank you.
I would be able to move, think and create without feeling tethered to my fear. My ability to play and write music and create visual art would unfold naturally, without the stress and judgement that accompanied it often. Thank you Tara!
I believe fear is really the basis of suffering, and is inherent at our existence and keep us out of the here and now. It is thrilling for me to help clients and myself to see what is happening, mainly through mindfulness. I am looking forward the next chapter of this excellent presentation.
I would be much more calm, centered and able to relax. I think I would also be able to live in the moment a little better too. There may also be a fear of letting go of the fear because of the negative belief that the fear actually might protect me somehow. I am beginning to realize that the fear comes from a place that is actually trying to shelter me or prepare me in case something goes wrong. I think the practice of offering compassion to the fearful place is very helpful. The practice of placing my hand on my heart and reminding my fearful part that these are simply worry thoughts, the feelings are real but not true, are very helpful tools. Thank you.
I would be my authentic self. Acting and Responding from my higher self, rather than a programmed reaction. Living fully and being open to all of the possibilities.
And this is the question that gets to the crux. Asking this question always interrupts the chronic self doubt style of thinking. It creates a shift and opens the thoughts to “what could be”…and the barriers that have prevented what could be. At times, however, it can take a great deal of time to make the shift. It entails letting go of an identity that is believed to have protected them – when, in fact, it has not.
I would be a successful health care professional and I would allow myself to feel safe and comfortable expressing love and receiving love. I would allow myself to feel relaxed and hopeful and confident.
I would be a much more creative person without the self doubt. This is such a worthwhile question: “Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?” And I really appreciate the little phrase, “real but not true.” I’m so glad you are making this so accessible as it is everyone’s birthright to be free of self doubt.
I wouldn’t be so hard on myself for not being able to find a job for years & just taking care of the house & my partner. Not working has equaled a loser in my mind for years. Not good enough, not worthy, not contributing etc.
The anxiety and stress is firece.
Great inspiration, great food for though or rather “food for practice” 🙂
Who would I be without fear? I just get a glimpse of it, but it has a lot of energy and power. I’d be a strong and open person for sure, and I’d seek the company of others more than I currently do.
A stranger. Never known a moment without fear even though I’ve done many courageous things in my 78 years. I have no idea who I would be without fear and my body has manifested chronic coccyx pain for 11+ years because I constantly resist and repress the fear which is always lurking behind every thought I have. It began in childhood and is deeply ingrained in my neurology.
joyous!
i would focus on doing things and helping people instead of mainly being concerned with my myself
Full of wonders. What could I be without fear ?
“Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?” I’ll be insatiable, sober, no restraint, just as free as a bird.
Without fear, I would pursue my life’s passion without the feeling that I’m incompetent and that others in my field more qualified than myself. I would be able to speak in front of large groups and help others without always questioning myself.
Thanks interesting videos
I used to be fearless and wondered why… now i wonder where it came from….?
I’d free up the energy to follow my dreams and complete the projects I am passionate about.
Lovely and insightful,
Like a bird in a cage our yearning is to be free!
I would be energetic, productive, relaxed, happy, and more engaged in activities and with other people.
I would approach my work and new experiences with a curiosity and openness instead of this elaborate system I use to see if the dangers outweigh any benefit I could get. I would allow people to see my true self when they look into my eyes.
Thank you Tara for these 3 wonderful windows into the healing of chronic fear and anxiety. There were several ideas presented that led me to pondering what I see in my clients and in myself. For instance: I had not thought about what might be the difference between anxiety and fear. I have worked with individuals dealing with domestic violence.. who certainly are anxious… yet they are also fearful – living in home that is like a war zone. I also will be giving more thought to the concept of worry as an ‘addiction’… I am initially hesitant to use this particular word. I suppose it depends on how one holds that word; It seems, in our American culture, to carry with a lot of baggage of shame and blame. Sometimes such a word sounds like a ‘character defect’ and can be further discouraging to a people who may have turned, in desperation, to a substance that will transport them out of reality too painful to be in. In working with clients I have found that this kind of disembodiment is impervious to the fact that the substance is killing them… they know no resource to connect to that gives them a reason to live. For many trauma patients there was no comforting hug, no kind words of encouragement, and sometimes, no ‘corrective experience’ that they can recognize and embrace. “Addiction” can be a scary label.. maybe I will try ‘accustomed’ to worry… I loved the self -giving of compassion in step 3 ( a kind re-parenting) … and the story of the vice-pres who, through the steps… created a ‘corrective experience’ for himself !!!!! yeah! and with the use of mindfulness he was able to notice his change and embody the expansive experience so he was needing to employ less worry and withdraw. Fabulous!
Hello Ruth in your closing remarks be for the “Free Videos”shut down you asked for some comments, Well Fear is a topic on which I believe we all have some Experience With “SO AH” The Sharing with so many people across the worlds Spectrum brought Insights that wouldn’t be found any where else !! For Love, or Money! Great going ……
Who would I be if………….? I would be such a loving, caring person for myself and others. I wouldn’t shrink if someone close to me is judging me; I wouldn’t be afraid of how people will feel and I wouldn’t feel so responsible for other people’s feelings. Especialy after waking up I can remember something I didn’t do and feel so bad about myself, when my heart is closed. It would be so wonderful without this so limiting belief. What if these 3 steps could bring that about…..
“Who would you be without fear?”, excellent question! This should spark some conversation and get help get people unstuck from the grip of fear and self-doubt.
Without fear – I would be able to be fully present with others – with myself and would be able to move forward in my life – helping others create the transformative shifts I believe they are capable of… With the fear – I am holding myself back – living only partly as I incorrectly allow the fear of REAL but not true control me and hold me hostage. Thank you for a beautiful 3-part, gentle and powerful series.
I’d be able to live my life fully.
I’ve lived in fear since childhood and always kept active, I was running from the fear. Now that I have chronic pain, I can’t keep constantly busy, so now I have anxiety and have to sit with the fear but don’t know how to get rid of the constant fear that causes my anxiety.
Unlimited, free, Whole, confident, at peace, full of vitality and the living presence of Love. Thank you, Tara. I’m deeply grateful and looking forward to learning more about the program.
I believe that I would feel free to be the person I have always hoped I could be, that I could go through life believing in myself, knowing that what I do, what I feel & what I think is ok. I could be more gentle with myself, I could respect myself & feel love for myself that has never been allowed to develop through my life. My future would be bright & filled with the love I have denied myself of having because somehow, some way I failed not only myself but others also. If I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, I would be filled with esteem fo me, & with that I could help others to reach their full potential, to be able to love themselves & be kind to themselves too.
Without the fear that paralyses and clouds my perception, I would be trusting. I would be able to let myself be as I am, and let others be as they are, with curiosity, interest, clear discernment and appreciation. I would have creative energy to pour into what my heart knows is real and true. I would be able to pay attention to what is really happening instead of what my fear and anxiety tell me is happening.
I think there is real power in these techniques. Thank you for sharing them.
Thank you for this insightful information. As a consultant and NLP practitioner I often confront the DMN, the looping, phrases clients repeat over and over again.
I often ask who would you be without…..then follow up with it with another question…..who do you want to be.
Thank you again
Josette
I would be the me that is free from self doubt, self criticism and open to all possibilities. Who faces fear and future with confidence.
Such a great question. The answer for me would be that I would be in tune with my Teacher. The journey to finding a cure or solution to a problem is first to recognize the problem, then to find a qualified person to administer the correct medicine with the proper dosage.
This has been a great series, thank you so much. I work with people who have suffered child sexual abuse so those with severe childhood trauma – an obvious target group for this work because of the long-habituated survival mechanisms. this series has broken down that complex work into a set of simple procedures that are easy to remember and ‘easily taught’. Having said that, experienced practitioners know that none of this is simple. however, the steps you have given are the essence of what we are trying to achieve in the middle of all of that complexity.
I also see many who suffer from long-term anxiety for all sorts of reasons, and this is just as appropriate for them. I have found this series has ‘sharpened’ those approaches I already use.
In another part of my work life I teach new counsellors in a Masters programme. Something like this needs to be set in a framework of safety including supervision and referral for the student so that the client and themselves have somewhere to go when trauma arises unexpectedly. Nonetheless, this information and the steps demonstrated are a process that can be taught and practiced.
thank you so much for this series.
This talk switched a lightbulb on for me; after the story of the boy with the recurring dream I suddenly remembered I also used to have a recurring nightmare as a child, where I would be out on the street in the dark where a fox (or a wolf) would be chasing me, and the air was thick so I couldn’t run away fast enough. This seemed to happen regularly for years.. and then I remember a point when in my dream I realised that the air was so thick that if I pushed down with my arms, I would rise upward as if the air was water. So I would rise above the dark street and be flying away from the wolf and looking over the whole neighbourhood with a feeling of being like
a bird. I remember the joy of having overcome the thing I was afraid of and the new version of the dream kept repeating for
A while until it stopped altogether. Remembering this now at 42 I think what a fantastic metaphor for dealing with the fear that I now live with constantly. ? thank you.
Great presentation
I love your question, “Who would I be if I didn’t believe something is wrong with me?” I up with a very strong message that I was not good enough or competent. And in every situation where I feel anxiety, I tend to revert back to that belief. Besides that, one of my biggest obstacles is simply noticing my self-talk. If I can be mindful and realize what I’m telling myself, then I can implement your “real but not true”. I am working toward that goal and then being able to respond with self-soothing messages.
“Who would i be if i didnt believe something was wrong with me ….. “ wow, i feel i could be anything…..this thought opens my mind to the possibility of being anything!
I would be more trustful (of myself and others), more confident and more adventurous. Thank you for your teachings, I appreciate your talks as well. <3
I would be less tired. I would feel free. I would try more new things, new activities I have been longing to do for some time.
Thank you for this valuable knowledge and questioning ourselves.
To answer your question, I think I will be a much happier person and accomplish more than I have ever thought I could. Wish I have this knowledge in my younger days. But, it’s never too late for me and my clients. Thank you.
I would be able to move, think and create without feeling tethered to my fear. My ability to play and write music and create visual art would unfold naturally, without the stress and judgement that accompanied it often. Thank you Tara!
I believe fear is really the basis of suffering, and is inherent at our existence and keep us out of the here and now. It is thrilling for me to help clients and myself to see what is happening, mainly through mindfulness. I am looking forward the next chapter of this excellent presentation.
Very helpful….clients struggle with letting go of their anxiety and fear….need time and consistent work to see any difference.
Without fear I would be a powerful advocate for the issues closest to my heart
I would be much more calm, centered and able to relax. I think I would also be able to live in the moment a little better too. There may also be a fear of letting go of the fear because of the negative belief that the fear actually might protect me somehow. I am beginning to realize that the fear comes from a place that is actually trying to shelter me or prepare me in case something goes wrong. I think the practice of offering compassion to the fearful place is very helpful. The practice of placing my hand on my heart and reminding my fearful part that these are simply worry thoughts, the feelings are real but not true, are very helpful tools. Thank you.
I would be my authentic self. Acting and Responding from my higher self, rather than a programmed reaction. Living fully and being open to all of the possibilities.
Thank you for this helpful and clear three step process. Will be sharing with clients and others in my life.
I would follow my dreams without letting me bounded by my thoughts.
I would be the me that I glimpse occasionally in moments of clarity that’s suffocates under the stranglehold of fear
Thank you for your teaching. I very much need to learn how to rid myself of chronic fear and anxiety.
And this is the question that gets to the crux. Asking this question always interrupts the chronic self doubt style of thinking. It creates a shift and opens the thoughts to “what could be”…and the barriers that have prevented what could be. At times, however, it can take a great deal of time to make the shift. It entails letting go of an identity that is believed to have protected them – when, in fact, it has not.
I would be a successful health care professional and I would allow myself to feel safe and comfortable expressing love and receiving love. I would allow myself to feel relaxed and hopeful and confident.
I would be a much more creative person without the self doubt. This is such a worthwhile question: “Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?” And I really appreciate the little phrase, “real but not true.” I’m so glad you are making this so accessible as it is everyone’s birthright to be free of self doubt.
I wouldn’t be so hard on myself for not being able to find a job for years & just taking care of the house & my partner. Not working has equaled a loser in my mind for years. Not good enough, not worthy, not contributing etc.
The anxiety and stress is firece.
Great inspiration, great food for though or rather “food for practice” 🙂
Who would I be without fear? I just get a glimpse of it, but it has a lot of energy and power. I’d be a strong and open person for sure, and I’d seek the company of others more than I currently do.
It was great. Just what I needed for one of my client.