What a beautiful segment, “Cultivating a fearless heart”. It has come at a most opportune time for me. One “aha” moment was when Tara said that the combo of a belief and a strong felt sense confirms the realness of the belief…that it deepens the sense that what you believe is actually true! I’d never heard it said quite that way and it helped me understand more the WHY of how beliefs (self-limiting) are so tenacious and difficult to uproot. THANK YOU! And I believe that the next time a fear based belief comes up from my childhood, I will now have one more tool to decondition it, “real, but not true”. Yes, with that, one more ray of light is let in.
I would be less judgmental and critical of my self and others. I would embrace my imperfections and myself as a “perfectly imperfect” human being. I would find peace with all the “unknowing” in my life and find joy in this present moment.
I have been aware of how Fear has ruled my life and have been working on breaking it down into sound bites, with the help of therapists, for years. This will be my next step. Many Thanks!
A wonderful 3 part series on fear/anxiety and its effects on one’s body and impact on day-to-day living. The question “who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you” is a very skilful and subtle way of making people stop, think and open up about their fears. Thank you so much Tara.
I would be a lot less guarded, and much happier not always worrying what other people think of me. I would have more confidence. I would quit being afraid of my own shadow.
Thank you so much for presenting this material and freely. I am training to be an lpc and need as many tools as I can afford in my toolbox to help the patients I have who are dealing with trauma and the repercussions of trauma. I wanted to ask if you plan to give any scolarships for the 6 week program and if so how I may be able to apply for one? Thank you sooooo much for sharing all the materials that you do freely on your site and the ones I ha e been able to buy. I have foundthem crucial in my work thank you!!!
These beliefs that ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘I’m not safe’ are at the core of the pervasive and debilitating anxiety that I have been suffering from for 15 years now. I have worked with many mental health professionals who have all tried their best to help me recover from anxiety using CBT, psychotherapy, medications and mindfulness meditation. I’m still suffering immensely and fear that anxiety will just be my permanent state from now on. Very occasionally the anxiety disappears and my perceptions about myself and the world completely change. I feel energised, optimistic and confident within myself. But what I really love about these moments of respite is that I can be myself without fear of being judged negatively by others. This allows me to open up more and fully connect with others. I feel more empathetic, compassionate and that I’m not alone. There is always that desire to connect with others but fear causes me to be on guard, hypervigilant and defensive. I’m so afraid that I will be rejected. Without fear, I could share more and love more.
Having something physically wrong with me has been such a part of my life I don’t even know how to answer the question. Less tentative, far less worry and attention to my body in a negative way (what’s wrong now?). Not limiting myself beforehand, in anticipation of pain or fatigue. Thanks for the videos; they are a concise distillation of the fear/anxiety process.
I would have more courage. I would see loss as a lesson and my teacher and not an affirmation of a false belief I carry. I would hold less pain in my heart and soul. I would have an open heart and not be so guarded in my relationships. I would choose more suitable partners and not ones who reaffirm my belief that I can’t be happy and have supportive and unconditional love.
My fearless heart would be engaging in relationships that I could relax and be myself in; I would travel and and share my skills and talents without judging I’m not good enough…I don’t know enough. I would be able to speak my truth in public without my nervous system being completely derailed as it is now and words get caught in my throat and I have to cry to release the level of tension in my body.
I would be an un judgemental inner witness to myself careful to discern
when doubt may be a trap or at times something to give me reflection but not fear.
Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?
First of all, my physical health would be MUCH better – no more migraines, tendinitis, and other disabling diseases.
Secondly … I actually find it quite difficult to think about this question, precisely because … it automatically triggers the exact same limiting belief, with feelings of shame flooding my brain and body – shame for not having achieved what I could have achieved, professionally and in my personal life, if I wouldn’t have been convinced for so long (= made mine my father’s constant blaming) that there IS something wrong with me …
What has been challenging for me is to stay grounded in my my confidence when my mother, who has started to really feel her age, and is struggling with some dementia, tries to make me feel bad/guilty, about my efforts to take care of her. Real, but not true, is very helpful in this situation…but very hard to practice when there is a constant attempt by another person, who due to their own unresolved, untreated, pain, tries to diminish you, and you don’t want to (really can’t) abandon the relationship.
I think this is a great question to ask clients “who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you?” as it starts them thinking about the POSSIBILITY that they’re sense of self is simply based upon a belief and not the reality. I think having them break the loop of self-doubt and then self-abasement by focussing upon the mantra “real but not true” is another great strategy. Thankyou for this insight and teaching.
Very timely. Please send me the information about the course. My husband has had an emotional affair with another woman and is disconnecting from me. He is still living at home but says he is leave soon. I need to learn there is nothing wrong with me and be able to love myself regardless of what happens. At the moment it is very hard. But much mindfulness has given me moments of clarity. X Emmeline
I would be more open to other people and new experiences. I would be more at ease and less critical with myself and everything/everyone around me. I would feel that I belong, that I have a right to be here.
Your question, “Who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you,” is intriguing. I’m going to process that question. Thank you. I hope to participate in your upcoming online course on the fearless heart.
Without fear I would have a BSW job and continue on thy o grad school for my MSW, and then :
I would be a confident, compassionate psychotherapist, specializing in infertility and women’s health.
I would feel safe, contented, open to possibilities while grounded in my own unique attributes. And in that acceptance and compassion for myself, I can radiate my love and compassion for others, rippling out to the whole world. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight.
My Truth revealed by living as spirit filled with joy and self confidence, persuing passions freely, loving self and those around me unconditionally and laughing with abandon at life’s absurdities.
Thank you. I do need to relieve my chronic anxiety. I have a mentally ill son who constantly arouses my anxiety. I think most dr.s and folks think I just need drugs to calm me down. I am looking for a more natural way so I can get on with life and enjoy the simple pleasures the universe provides!
I would be so much lighter in spirit, able to laugh easily and to really enjoy living. I would wake up in the morning without an “existential dread” that sets the tone for the entire day. I would see doctors as my partners and not as monsters who determine whether I will live or die. When I asked the question “what am I really afraid of”, I was surprised. I am really afraid of believing in a good outcome, because I don’t feel strong enough to bear the disappointment if the news from the next doctor is devastating. This is not living at all and I so want to find a different way.
I probably wouldn’t have stepped out of the way of a bus or a car and be dead. Since that is the only time fear comes up for me, I would just be my ordinary self.
I’ve actually done the turning around in a dream to face my persuer, because I saw someone suggest it for reoccurring nightmares. I turned around and asked the person what they wanted. They told me they wanted me to forgive them! I was so surprised and I never had that dream again. The subconscious is a wonderful thing and I feel that it knows more than our recurring conscious thoughts.
Real but Not true – what a lovely companion to add to my life. thank you! This entire series seems so accessible to anyone, even those with a hesitant foot not yet falling on the path of self-awareness and healing. I don’t know how, but to get these life-changing messages out to a broader audience would surely begin to change so many lives for the better, relieve so much suffering! Thank you for all you do!
Thanks Tara your insights are always freeing as well as challenging. Sometimes it is the fear of success that holds us back the fear of not being able to live up to expectation. I love the notion of turning around and stepping into the fea, a real act of courage and then the question “So now what do I do going forward….” a tremendous freeing up of possibility….Thank you again
I’d be AWESOME! I’d be a loving, compassionate, caring, intimate, secure, excited, self confident, giving, receiving, healthy, successful, calm, happy, joyous and free wonderful human being who is full of life and loves living it with every day no matter what the challenge may be. I’d be FREE! Can’t really imagine this, but feel such a longing for it…
My fear of not being Loved end of being unsuccessful certainly stem from my childhood. I still find elements of this in my every day life and in the lives of my clients. Thank you for this mini seminar. I look forward to hearing more from you!
I remember a quote from Joseph Chilton Pierce: “Anxiety is the great killer of intelligence.” Also, the killer of creativity, flexibility, access to inner resources, on and on. Without unnecessary fear, I would be more of me.
I am unable to join your course at this time, however I found the knowledge and information you’ve shared to be invaluable and will definitely put what you’ve taught me into practice.
What a beautiful segment, “Cultivating a fearless heart”. It has come at a most opportune time for me. One “aha” moment was when Tara said that the combo of a belief and a strong felt sense confirms the realness of the belief…that it deepens the sense that what you believe is actually true! I’d never heard it said quite that way and it helped me understand more the WHY of how beliefs (self-limiting) are so tenacious and difficult to uproot. THANK YOU! And I believe that the next time a fear based belief comes up from my childhood, I will now have one more tool to decondition it, “real, but not true”. Yes, with that, one more ray of light is let in.
I would be the person I want to be and, deep down, I know I am capable of being, even in my 70s.
I would be free for the first time in my life.
I would be free.
If I no longer believed that there is something wrong with me, I would live with self-respect. Without fear, I would be unstoppable!
I would be expansive, confident, successful in my interactions and goals.
I would be truly happy and I would be able to give more happiness to others as well.
I would be less judgmental and critical of my self and others. I would embrace my imperfections and myself as a “perfectly imperfect” human being. I would find peace with all the “unknowing” in my life and find joy in this present moment.
I would begin to relax in my presence. I would be at peace.
I love ‘real but not true’ and have written it in the front of my work note book. I would be more confident with some ambition.
I have been aware of how Fear has ruled my life and have been working on breaking it down into sound bites, with the help of therapists, for years. This will be my next step. Many Thanks!
A wonderful 3 part series on fear/anxiety and its effects on one’s body and impact on day-to-day living. The question “who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you” is a very skilful and subtle way of making people stop, think and open up about their fears. Thank you so much Tara.
I would be a lot less guarded, and much happier not always worrying what other people think of me. I would have more confidence. I would quit being afraid of my own shadow.
Thank you so much for presenting this material and freely. I am training to be an lpc and need as many tools as I can afford in my toolbox to help the patients I have who are dealing with trauma and the repercussions of trauma. I wanted to ask if you plan to give any scolarships for the 6 week program and if so how I may be able to apply for one? Thank you sooooo much for sharing all the materials that you do freely on your site and the ones I ha e been able to buy. I have foundthem crucial in my work thank you!!!
I would be free.
These beliefs that ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘I’m not safe’ are at the core of the pervasive and debilitating anxiety that I have been suffering from for 15 years now. I have worked with many mental health professionals who have all tried their best to help me recover from anxiety using CBT, psychotherapy, medications and mindfulness meditation. I’m still suffering immensely and fear that anxiety will just be my permanent state from now on. Very occasionally the anxiety disappears and my perceptions about myself and the world completely change. I feel energised, optimistic and confident within myself. But what I really love about these moments of respite is that I can be myself without fear of being judged negatively by others. This allows me to open up more and fully connect with others. I feel more empathetic, compassionate and that I’m not alone. There is always that desire to connect with others but fear causes me to be on guard, hypervigilant and defensive. I’m so afraid that I will be rejected. Without fear, I could share more and love more.
Having something physically wrong with me has been such a part of my life I don’t even know how to answer the question. Less tentative, far less worry and attention to my body in a negative way (what’s wrong now?). Not limiting myself beforehand, in anticipation of pain or fatigue. Thanks for the videos; they are a concise distillation of the fear/anxiety process.
I would have more courage. I would see loss as a lesson and my teacher and not an affirmation of a false belief I carry. I would hold less pain in my heart and soul. I would have an open heart and not be so guarded in my relationships. I would choose more suitable partners and not ones who reaffirm my belief that I can’t be happy and have supportive and unconditional love.
My fearless heart would be engaging in relationships that I could relax and be myself in; I would travel and and share my skills and talents without judging I’m not good enough…I don’t know enough. I would be able to speak my truth in public without my nervous system being completely derailed as it is now and words get caught in my throat and I have to cry to release the level of tension in my body.
I would be an un judgemental inner witness to myself careful to discern
when doubt may be a trap or at times something to give me reflection but not fear.
Thank you for this valuable and practical information. I love Real but not true and who would I be. I will practice them daily.
Your approach is clear and lovely. Seems so very helpful for parents as well as others.
Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?
First of all, my physical health would be MUCH better – no more migraines, tendinitis, and other disabling diseases.
Secondly … I actually find it quite difficult to think about this question, precisely because … it automatically triggers the exact same limiting belief, with feelings of shame flooding my brain and body – shame for not having achieved what I could have achieved, professionally and in my personal life, if I wouldn’t have been convinced for so long (= made mine my father’s constant blaming) that there IS something wrong with me …
So I do hope I will be able to do this course … 🙂
What has been challenging for me is to stay grounded in my my confidence when my mother, who has started to really feel her age, and is struggling with some dementia, tries to make me feel bad/guilty, about my efforts to take care of her. Real, but not true, is very helpful in this situation…but very hard to practice when there is a constant attempt by another person, who due to their own unresolved, untreated, pain, tries to diminish you, and you don’t want to (really can’t) abandon the relationship.
who would I be? a more lighthearted, spontaneous, open (less guarded)/less paranoid person. a magnet for opportunity.
I think this is a great question to ask clients “who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you?” as it starts them thinking about the POSSIBILITY that they’re sense of self is simply based upon a belief and not the reality. I think having them break the loop of self-doubt and then self-abasement by focussing upon the mantra “real but not true” is another great strategy. Thankyou for this insight and teaching.
Kerrie Smith
Clinical Psychologist, Australia
That question is not something I considered….gets to my roots of fear so well and so deep.
I would not be this person who repeatedly expresses fear of the future as elderly people.
Very timely. Please send me the information about the course. My husband has had an emotional affair with another woman and is disconnecting from me. He is still living at home but says he is leave soon. I need to learn there is nothing wrong with me and be able to love myself regardless of what happens. At the moment it is very hard. But much mindfulness has given me moments of clarity. X Emmeline
I would be more open to other people and new experiences. I would be more at ease and less critical with myself and everything/everyone around me. I would feel that I belong, that I have a right to be here.
Your question, “Who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you,” is intriguing. I’m going to process that question. Thank you. I hope to participate in your upcoming online course on the fearless heart.
Expansion of possibilities, reduction of hyper vigilance & self imposed limitations, slowly growing trust. Thank you!
Without fear I would have a BSW job and continue on thy o grad school for my MSW, and then :
I would be a confident, compassionate psychotherapist, specializing in infertility and women’s health.
I would feel safe, contented, open to possibilities while grounded in my own unique attributes. And in that acceptance and compassion for myself, I can radiate my love and compassion for others, rippling out to the whole world. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight.
My Truth revealed by living as spirit filled with joy and self confidence, persuing passions freely, loving self and those around me unconditionally and laughing with abandon at life’s absurdities.
Thank you. I do need to relieve my chronic anxiety. I have a mentally ill son who constantly arouses my anxiety. I think most dr.s and folks think I just need drugs to calm me down. I am looking for a more natural way so I can get on with life and enjoy the simple pleasures the universe provides!
Thank you Tara. Your words and ideas are always so calming and useful. I committ to turning toward my fears and welcoming them in.
I would be so much lighter in spirit, able to laugh easily and to really enjoy living. I would wake up in the morning without an “existential dread” that sets the tone for the entire day. I would see doctors as my partners and not as monsters who determine whether I will live or die. When I asked the question “what am I really afraid of”, I was surprised. I am really afraid of believing in a good outcome, because I don’t feel strong enough to bear the disappointment if the news from the next doctor is devastating. This is not living at all and I so want to find a different way.
I probably wouldn’t have stepped out of the way of a bus or a car and be dead. Since that is the only time fear comes up for me, I would just be my ordinary self.
I’ve actually done the turning around in a dream to face my persuer, because I saw someone suggest it for reoccurring nightmares. I turned around and asked the person what they wanted. They told me they wanted me to forgive them! I was so surprised and I never had that dream again. The subconscious is a wonderful thing and I feel that it knows more than our recurring conscious thoughts.
Great helpful introduction. I can see it as helpful for myself and my clients.
Thank you,
Interesting, informative and helpful, thank you.
Real but Not true – what a lovely companion to add to my life. thank you! This entire series seems so accessible to anyone, even those with a hesitant foot not yet falling on the path of self-awareness and healing. I don’t know how, but to get these life-changing messages out to a broader audience would surely begin to change so many lives for the better, relieve so much suffering! Thank you for all you do!
Thanks Tara your insights are always freeing as well as challenging. Sometimes it is the fear of success that holds us back the fear of not being able to live up to expectation. I love the notion of turning around and stepping into the fea, a real act of courage and then the question “So now what do I do going forward….” a tremendous freeing up of possibility….Thank you again
I’d be AWESOME! I’d be a loving, compassionate, caring, intimate, secure, excited, self confident, giving, receiving, healthy, successful, calm, happy, joyous and free wonderful human being who is full of life and loves living it with every day no matter what the challenge may be. I’d be FREE! Can’t really imagine this, but feel such a longing for it…
My fear of not being Loved end of being unsuccessful certainly stem from my childhood. I still find elements of this in my every day life and in the lives of my clients. Thank you for this mini seminar. I look forward to hearing more from you!
I remember a quote from Joseph Chilton Pierce: “Anxiety is the great killer of intelligence.” Also, the killer of creativity, flexibility, access to inner resources, on and on. Without unnecessary fear, I would be more of me.
Beautifully shared truths.
Thanks Tara. Yes, ‘real but not true ‘ is such a useful phrase and I find it helpful for many of my anxious clients.
I am unable to join your course at this time, however I found the knowledge and information you’ve shared to be invaluable and will definitely put what you’ve taught me into practice.
Thx for sharing!