A better partner by not fearing the absolute worst possible things happening to others or me doing them. I’d be able to be present and not over analyze the past or odd thoughts I’ve had and simple recognize them as thoughts. I would be more present in my studies and focus more on the big things instead of blowing up the small things. I could enjoy time with my family while I can.
I would be present, peaceful, authentic and calm. I have always lived in fear! Where it was as a child and being abandoned, or as a teenager and struggling to fit in. To being an adult and struggling to really connect with my spouse and others, including myself! Fear is the prison I create for myself. Daily it seems
I would be an artist – painter, singer, performer, dancer, writer. I would be FREE to create! I am in the process of unearthing those buried parts of me. Fear and self-doubt haunt me daily as I recover from a terribly abusive childhood. Tara, thank you for this mantra, “real but not true.” I look forward to learning more to help myself and the sacred souls I accompany.
I honestly don’t know who I would be without fear. I don’t have it all the time, but it rears its ugly head more often than I care to admit and causes me to forget what I would be like without fear. I work through it with my mindfulness activities, many of which I’ve learned from Tara Brach, and then I’m ok for awhile until fear hits me again, mostly when dealing with family members these days, but in the past it was usually when I was very successful and then would fear that I wasn’t worthy of the success I was having and felt like a fake. I worked hard to get where I was and indeed don’t feel I was ever a fake, but can’t get rid of the feeling. Now that I’m retired I find myself drifting back to those feelings of fear and doubt because I’m not happy in my retirement, feel lonely, somewhat depressed, embarrassed that I don’t have a mate to grow old with, don’t have enough money to do what other retired persons are doing, like travel and help their adult children. The truth is I don’t need to help my very successful adult children. They are there for me any time I need them and have been so wonderful to me. I just fear they might get tired of helping me, but I know I’m worrying unnecessarily. I want them to be proud of me.
As far as a mate to grow old with, I am trying to feel ok about being a single 77 year old and see glimmers of success with that, but truthfully I would love to have a companion to hang out with and talk with. I’ve been married twice and have had two other long-term relationships that I feel were successful. I don’t need to travel and I don’t need to do for my adult children or grandchildren, but I would love to have a male friend in my life. Actually, I don’t have many women friends either. That has always been ok with me because I tell myself I’ve been rejected by women all my life because I was pretty. That’s my excuse when I really was afraid of being rejected by women and in reality I think I was admired by women and men but just felt like I wasn’t worthy of that admiration. This sounds so sad and confusing, I’m sorry I went into it but I’m sending it anyway.
I think if I didn’t have fear I would have more friends, be more confident, laugh more, sing and dance more, and love myself more. That would be so comforting. My whole life I haven’t felt good enough, no matter how much I accomplished or now successful I was.
I would be a workshop facilitator, freely sharing what I have learned with others and engaging participants in the process and encouraging them to share what they have learned.
Brenda Kerr Minno, Marriage/Family Therapy, Sammamish, WA, USAsays
Thank you so much for your beautiful, insightful message, Tara. I will no longer be afraid of my upcoming surgery. I think it will be very beneficial to my clients as well.
Wow,to be fearless and not have to constantly try to please others out of fear of rejection.Maybe I could truly learn what makes my heart happy and at peace. I’m going to try to remember “real but not true” Thank you.
I’ve been fearless and joyful for most of my life, I can remember my mother telling me that she wished she was as strong as I was. I traveled to different cities on my own and lived in places where I had no other family … and I used to really enjoy doing that, but I’ve made some bad decisions along the way, personally and financially and now I’m feeling hesitant & fearful that I’m going to make a mistake again and it will affect me for the rest of my life. I could forgive myself and enjoy life so much more without this fear.
I would be a writer and I’d pursue my interest in children and a gift I have for connecting with them. Many times in my life children have sought me out for attention or recognition. These children did not know me, they come up to me in the grocery store, offices where I was waiting for an appointment, on the street. Once a child of came up to me in a laundry mat and started up a conversation, even sang a song for me. His mother came up to me with tears in her eyes and said I’ve been watching him and I can’t believe my ears, he’s non-verbal. Having no logical explanation for these encounters I have to assume it is a bonafide gift.
The one word answer that immediately comes to mind is ‘free’. To expand, I would be liberated from the heaviness that fear instills and therefore able to pursue purpose, enjoy the abundance that this life has to offer and to connect with others in a deep and meaningful way.
It is hard to imagine what I’d be like without fear, it seems to be a very pervasive survival type strategy that longs to protect. My first initial imagination is I’d disassemble into a pool on the floor, my structure not supported nor protected, a wet quivering jell. Recognizing when it is a needed feeling, or not useful, real, but not true is the best I can come up with. It’s like love, what is that feeling.? Is it a feeling? Or is it an intention? Is it a basket containing kindness, mercy, acceptance, protection, etc? Or an intention to try to not judge, to look for the good, to understand the effects of unskillful behaviors, to want others to be happy and safe, etc? Terminology is difficult as so many words convey different meanings to different people who think they are communicating. So many unloved children grow into adults who don’t know what or how love feels like. Hard to imagine without experiencing it a little. Is love protecting my child, or a survival program? Is saving a drowning entity an act of courage? Love? Or innate recognition of need for survival? These are the type of blockages for many of us who hear the word love, or let go of fear because it means faith in something other than one’s self.
Someone willing to move her body and explore the world with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning anticipating and expecting wonderful things. Someone with joy and love that radiates.
I would be a less perfectionist, more loving towards my daughters, less judging of my family, easier on myself , and fearful of being rejected by my friends as I was as a young child rejected by my family.
I don’t really know who I would be but I hope I would be a person who knew who she was, a person who liked herself, a person who with some sort of confidence. I would maybe be a woman who could have friends instead of always isolating herself. I could possibly have had enough belief in myself to go to college and get a degree. Maybe I wouldn’t have been struggling with alcoholism for the last 23 years of my life. (A few rehabs, in and out of AA, many periods of sobriety and relapse, longest sober time was 7 years, now sober just over 3 years)…If I didn’t live in Chronic Anxiety mode all the time I could potentially be any number of amazing things or have perhaps accomplished some things that I just never even tried to and still never do try to because something inside me always tells me that I can’t.
Thank you. In just 9 mins you gave me something to think about, and it was very clear. It helped my existing knowledge to expand and gain a better understanding of fear, and what it holds back in people, including myself.
I would have been in loving committed relationships.
I would have had the courage to have born and become a great mother.
I would have been a loved daughter, sister and auntie.
I would have been an artist.
I have situation where a client, according to the client and her sibs ,define the mother as ‘narcissistic,’ manipulative, status conscious, etc.
My sense is ‘fear of failure’ stemming back to childhood where the mother experienced little love or attachment. Consequently in order not to have to face her fear of ‘not good enough’ has to present herself as important, admired, so as to offset her fear of rejection, lack of approval.
Tara’s talk is most helpful in the journey of further understanding ,in a practical way , the fear of failure, and how it can present itself.
I would be a totally different person, someone who would really enjoy life and herself the beautiful way she actually is.
Thank you for your precious teachings
A better partner by not fearing the absolute worst possible things happening to others or me doing them. I’d be able to be present and not over analyze the past or odd thoughts I’ve had and simple recognize them as thoughts. I would be more present in my studies and focus more on the big things instead of blowing up the small things. I could enjoy time with my family while I can.
Kiinnostavaa. Ehkä kuitenkin tekisin töitä ihmisten kanssa edelleen.
I would be a woman who was more outgoing, try new things and go places, all things that fear have. Prevented me from doing.
I would be present, peaceful, authentic and calm. I have always lived in fear! Where it was as a child and being abandoned, or as a teenager and struggling to fit in. To being an adult and struggling to really connect with my spouse and others, including myself! Fear is the prison I create for myself. Daily it seems
I would be less tense, more open, more spontaneous, more loving, more committed to my dreams.
I would be an artist – painter, singer, performer, dancer, writer. I would be FREE to create! I am in the process of unearthing those buried parts of me. Fear and self-doubt haunt me daily as I recover from a terribly abusive childhood. Tara, thank you for this mantra, “real but not true.” I look forward to learning more to help myself and the sacred souls I accompany.
The phrase, Real but not true, is so helpful to our clients.
Strong, free to be myself and live without fear.
I honestly don’t know who I would be without fear. I don’t have it all the time, but it rears its ugly head more often than I care to admit and causes me to forget what I would be like without fear. I work through it with my mindfulness activities, many of which I’ve learned from Tara Brach, and then I’m ok for awhile until fear hits me again, mostly when dealing with family members these days, but in the past it was usually when I was very successful and then would fear that I wasn’t worthy of the success I was having and felt like a fake. I worked hard to get where I was and indeed don’t feel I was ever a fake, but can’t get rid of the feeling. Now that I’m retired I find myself drifting back to those feelings of fear and doubt because I’m not happy in my retirement, feel lonely, somewhat depressed, embarrassed that I don’t have a mate to grow old with, don’t have enough money to do what other retired persons are doing, like travel and help their adult children. The truth is I don’t need to help my very successful adult children. They are there for me any time I need them and have been so wonderful to me. I just fear they might get tired of helping me, but I know I’m worrying unnecessarily. I want them to be proud of me.
As far as a mate to grow old with, I am trying to feel ok about being a single 77 year old and see glimmers of success with that, but truthfully I would love to have a companion to hang out with and talk with. I’ve been married twice and have had two other long-term relationships that I feel were successful. I don’t need to travel and I don’t need to do for my adult children or grandchildren, but I would love to have a male friend in my life. Actually, I don’t have many women friends either. That has always been ok with me because I tell myself I’ve been rejected by women all my life because I was pretty. That’s my excuse when I really was afraid of being rejected by women and in reality I think I was admired by women and men but just felt like I wasn’t worthy of that admiration. This sounds so sad and confusing, I’m sorry I went into it but I’m sending it anyway.
I think if I didn’t have fear I would have more friends, be more confident, laugh more, sing and dance more, and love myself more. That would be so comforting. My whole life I haven’t felt good enough, no matter how much I accomplished or now successful I was.
I would be a workshop facilitator, freely sharing what I have learned with others and engaging participants in the process and encouraging them to share what they have learned.
A less anxious and stressed person who would enjoy life more!
A fearless champion for children, women and the environment
Thank you so much for your beautiful, insightful message, Tara. I will no longer be afraid of my upcoming surgery. I think it will be very beneficial to my clients as well.
Wow,to be fearless and not have to constantly try to please others out of fear of rejection.Maybe I could truly learn what makes my heart happy and at peace. I’m going to try to remember “real but not true” Thank you.
Real but not true like so many other things, very helpful phrase.
Relaxed and at peace with myself and others.
Without fear, I would just be happier, freer, fearless myself.
I’d be more confident to express my true feelings!
I’ve been fearless and joyful for most of my life, I can remember my mother telling me that she wished she was as strong as I was. I traveled to different cities on my own and lived in places where I had no other family … and I used to really enjoy doing that, but I’ve made some bad decisions along the way, personally and financially and now I’m feeling hesitant & fearful that I’m going to make a mistake again and it will affect me for the rest of my life. I could forgive myself and enjoy life so much more without this fear.
I would be a writer and I’d pursue my interest in children and a gift I have for connecting with them. Many times in my life children have sought me out for attention or recognition. These children did not know me, they come up to me in the grocery store, offices where I was waiting for an appointment, on the street. Once a child of came up to me in a laundry mat and started up a conversation, even sang a song for me. His mother came up to me with tears in her eyes and said I’ve been watching him and I can’t believe my ears, he’s non-verbal. Having no logical explanation for these encounters I have to assume it is a bonafide gift.
The one word answer that immediately comes to mind is ‘free’. To expand, I would be liberated from the heaviness that fear instills and therefore able to pursue purpose, enjoy the abundance that this life has to offer and to connect with others in a deep and meaningful way.
I would be more loving and compassionate without judgement.
A more confident, creative and compassionate human being.
I would be calm, less reactive, more giving with my love and affection, more open to correction/criticism from loved ones.
Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me is alchemy.
I would be free to be myself.
Thank you Tara!
A person at peace!
les worried and not caring about others judgement
It is hard to imagine what I’d be like without fear, it seems to be a very pervasive survival type strategy that longs to protect. My first initial imagination is I’d disassemble into a pool on the floor, my structure not supported nor protected, a wet quivering jell. Recognizing when it is a needed feeling, or not useful, real, but not true is the best I can come up with. It’s like love, what is that feeling.? Is it a feeling? Or is it an intention? Is it a basket containing kindness, mercy, acceptance, protection, etc? Or an intention to try to not judge, to look for the good, to understand the effects of unskillful behaviors, to want others to be happy and safe, etc? Terminology is difficult as so many words convey different meanings to different people who think they are communicating. So many unloved children grow into adults who don’t know what or how love feels like. Hard to imagine without experiencing it a little. Is love protecting my child, or a survival program? Is saving a drowning entity an act of courage? Love? Or innate recognition of need for survival? These are the type of blockages for many of us who hear the word love, or let go of fear because it means faith in something other than one’s self.
More peaceful
Someone willing to move her body and explore the world with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning anticipating and expecting wonderful things. Someone with joy and love that radiates.
Fun!
I would be a less perfectionist, more loving towards my daughters, less judging of my family, easier on myself , and fearful of being rejected by my friends as I was as a young child rejected by my family.
I don’t really know who I would be but I hope I would be a person who knew who she was, a person who liked herself, a person who with some sort of confidence. I would maybe be a woman who could have friends instead of always isolating herself. I could possibly have had enough belief in myself to go to college and get a degree. Maybe I wouldn’t have been struggling with alcoholism for the last 23 years of my life. (A few rehabs, in and out of AA, many periods of sobriety and relapse, longest sober time was 7 years, now sober just over 3 years)…If I didn’t live in Chronic Anxiety mode all the time I could potentially be any number of amazing things or have perhaps accomplished some things that I just never even tried to and still never do try to because something inside me always tells me that I can’t.
L would be authentic me
Thank you. In just 9 mins you gave me something to think about, and it was very clear. It helped my existing knowledge to expand and gain a better understanding of fear, and what it holds back in people, including myself.
This is really helpful and helps me overcome anxiety.
Thank you, Tara.
endless opportunity….
i would be joy-filled, appreciating life, having energy and excitement for all my remaining years.
I would be able to follow thru with ideas that I have. I’m worried they won’t be good enough or I can’t do the work successfully.
braver and happier
A happier more fulfilled person. A person empowered to love myself and others more deeply, and without judgements.
I think I would have less addictive behaviour. Less need to occupy my thoughts and mind with repetive behaviour like solitare.
I would have been in loving committed relationships.
I would have had the courage to have born and become a great mother.
I would have been a loved daughter, sister and auntie.
I would have been an artist.
Giving and joyfull
I have situation where a client, according to the client and her sibs ,define the mother as ‘narcissistic,’ manipulative, status conscious, etc.
My sense is ‘fear of failure’ stemming back to childhood where the mother experienced little love or attachment. Consequently in order not to have to face her fear of ‘not good enough’ has to present herself as important, admired, so as to offset her fear of rejection, lack of approval.
Tara’s talk is most helpful in the journey of further understanding ,in a practical way , the fear of failure, and how it can present itself.
Listening again and again…practicing and practicing. I am enjoying the fruits and feeling
more freedom.
Fully myself in love and peace
I would be a totally different person, someone who would really enjoy life and herself the beautiful way she actually is.
Thank you for your precious teachings