Dear Tara,
thank you so much for these three beautiful and clear videos which has allowed me to see more clearly my negative and damaging belief system and to learn positive kind loving self regard
I would be the person that felt worthy of love. Not the person that pushed everyone away. The person free from the fear of death. My own mortality and those closest to me. Free from the gut sickening feeling that every time my children go out something terrible is going to happen. Free from making up catastrophe’s in my head. Feeling I was worthy of enjoyment in life.
Hello
It’s made me realise the actuality of what I’m going through. The feeling in my body is so strong and so debilitating that just focusing on this pain has made me realise that I need to get help and support. Thank you for shedding some light on this trauma.
Thank you Tara for giving good thoughts in a beautiful way! I would be an author and a speaker. And I would live with a loving partner, sharing and laughing.
This is a great question to ask for everyone. I’m going to ask most of my clients this very question. Asking myself was liberating and also fun.
I’d be the person that accepts invitations and looks forward to the companionship I’m craving. I might reach out to others instead of coming up with ways to avoid interacting because I fear rejection. I’d spend time doing things to develop my intellect & spend time on hobbies I once enjoyed instead of obsessing about what is going to go wrong. I might value who I am instead of comparing myself to others. I might be someone that finds more joy in life.
I found this video very helpful as a person and a therapist.
I am particularly concerned with a client who recently lost her husband, who was the only source of any self-belief or self-value, who she felt without him she had no self of her own, and when he died, and his company, where she worked for the past 30 years with him closed down, she felt she had nothing and was nothing. She felt she was a shadow of her husband and when he sent she had no self to hold onto. This includes all her interpersonal relationships, including her very poor relationships with her children and grandchildren.
She is the daughter of two very damaged Holocaust survivors, who projected all their pain and suffering onto her, including the fact that she was unlovable,, and that all real feelings and body sensations were bad, disgusting, stinking, shameful etc. If she allowed anyone to look into her eyes they would see she was bad/mad. As a result she learned to disconnect from her body and dissociate from all body sensations. She feels bad, angry, with no belief in her right to experience any happiness or joy. The therapeutic process is slow and very painful, but she is unable to challenge the possibility that the beliefs about her being unlovable and undeserving of any positive feelings about herself or others may be real but not TRUE. I like the distinction and hope that I will be able to help her challenge the beliefs and the biochemical mind-body components of these beliefs, which then push her to behaviors and feelings which prevent any possibility of modifying the feelings, with her children, grandchildren and friends.
I’ve lived most of my life with anxiety, which took different form, different intensity. I still managed to do what I wanted most of the time but since I have kids it’s becoming more out of control . I am glad to discover these tools to find myself again .And to answer your question, I would be me, free, fun And without all the frustration which comes with anxiety! ? Melly
Who would I be without fear? Such a great question.
I can feel my super shero outfit revealing itself now. I would create more connections and opportunities for myself, I’d step fully into my gifts with loving compassion for myself alwAys. Leading the way for other to transform too.
It is a difficult question when self doubt began early in my life. I only know that I did not fulfil the potential I was told I had. Without fear I would be a more peaceful being, able to fully enjoy the many privileges, talents and blessings I have.
I would grow in confidence and curiosity as I seek the places of wonder, engaging in life with joy and compassion as I age. Mindful always of the inevitability of change as change, and welcoming it with acceptance.
I honestly have no idea, which shows just how strong the feeling that there’s something wrong with me really is. But I can imagine “how” I might be, even if I can’t imagine “who.”
Just watching these 3 short videos helped me to identify the root of my fear of flying. Thanks! Without this fear dogging me, I can imagine enjoying the traveling I’ve always wanted to do!!
My life would expand beyond the prison I’ve built from the expectations of others. I would be living the authentic, fulfilling life I am meant to live.
I would be a dancer, writer, healer and ceremonialist. I’d seek and tell the truth – especially to myself. I’d open my heart to myself, and to others. I’d sing from the mountain tops and wash myself in the rain. I’d surrender.
I have several clients who chronically struggle and feel as though they fall short because of their self doubt and harsh inner critic. Thank you for this series.
Wow! Great question. I am really going to have to contemplate it. I do have brief moments when I feel happy, clear, unburdened, sure, confident and just here- but they don’t last long. A heavy feeling seems my natural companion.
I’ve been living with fear as far back as I can remember due to difficult family circumstances. Despite a lifetime of healing it seems I have a ways to go. I come closest to the possibility of this state in nature, connection with creatures wild and domestic, my creativity, and in community.
It’s a difficult question for me to answer as someone who as a child felt both confident in an embodied physical sense and safe in my family yet fearful in new or complex social situations where I was anxious about speaking out in front of people and “making a fool of my self”
Without that fear I’m sure I’d have been more socially involved with the various groups around. However I still had friends …not many, but close ones. Without that fear It’s likely I’d have a greater sense of belonging in a community and possibly now would not be working with other “outsiders” or married to an introvert…a very different person indeed.
I would be a strong women striding towards life with my coat open and flying behind me. I would be engaged in issues I care about without worrying about being judged by anyone. Or if I was judged not worry about it. Thank you so much for the three lectures. I will try to open up to fear and live a fuller life.
Great question! I would be someone who realized I was always good enough, social, fun, intelligent . . . and that the vicious bullies in my life . . . had always been pathetically wrong. Those cowards & deceivers of the world.
Great question! I would be someone who realized I was always good enough, social, fun, intelligent . . . and that the vicious bullies in my life . . . had always been pathetically wrong. Those cowards & deceivers of the world . . . xo
What a creative thought to challenge a negative belief about oneself. I am going to try that on myself next time I am feeling bad about myself. Thanks so much for your insights & compassion. Ellen
I appreciate the exercise about facing our fears. It brought back a memory I had while undergoing my first therapy. I was a toddler running through the basement of a hospital and my mother was chasing me. She looked as big as a giant to me and when I realized she was going to catch me I decided to turn and look at her and meet her, to quit running. Suddenly she became her normal size an when she reached me, she threw me up and laughingly played with me and I was safe. It was the healing dream that my therapist used to remind me that what I might think was true was in fact very wrong. So I was able to move forward in my life and reconnect with my mom and allow her to be my mother for maybe the first time. I also married and became a mother myself within two years. So I love the saying “real but not true”
To challenge my fear. I will use these teachings with my own fearful, self doubting clients . Thank you for your support and sharing with us.
I would be lighter. I would be more hopeful and joyful. I would be able to accept myself as I am and go from there. I think I could more present to others.
I think I would be able to be there for others in an uninhibited way, less aloof and more loving
Dear Tara,
thank you so much for these three beautiful and clear videos which has allowed me to see more clearly my negative and damaging belief system and to learn positive kind loving self regard
much appreciation and thanks
Dharmabandhu Stephen Webster
I would be the person that felt worthy of love. Not the person that pushed everyone away. The person free from the fear of death. My own mortality and those closest to me. Free from the gut sickening feeling that every time my children go out something terrible is going to happen. Free from making up catastrophe’s in my head. Feeling I was worthy of enjoyment in life.
To answer the question…
I’d smile a lot, I’d have an incredible sense of freedom, I’d be easy-going. I’d have so much more energy for the good things.
Hello
It’s made me realise the actuality of what I’m going through. The feeling in my body is so strong and so debilitating that just focusing on this pain has made me realise that I need to get help and support. Thank you for shedding some light on this trauma.
Thank you Tara for giving good thoughts in a beautiful way! I would be an author and a speaker. And I would live with a loving partner, sharing and laughing.
This is a great question to ask for everyone. I’m going to ask most of my clients this very question. Asking myself was liberating and also fun.
I’d be the person that accepts invitations and looks forward to the companionship I’m craving. I might reach out to others instead of coming up with ways to avoid interacting because I fear rejection. I’d spend time doing things to develop my intellect & spend time on hobbies I once enjoyed instead of obsessing about what is going to go wrong. I might value who I am instead of comparing myself to others. I might be someone that finds more joy in life.
I would be more spontaneous and quicker to act. I would feel more confident in my work and enjoy life more.
I found this video very helpful as a person and a therapist.
I am particularly concerned with a client who recently lost her husband, who was the only source of any self-belief or self-value, who she felt without him she had no self of her own, and when he died, and his company, where she worked for the past 30 years with him closed down, she felt she had nothing and was nothing. She felt she was a shadow of her husband and when he sent she had no self to hold onto. This includes all her interpersonal relationships, including her very poor relationships with her children and grandchildren.
She is the daughter of two very damaged Holocaust survivors, who projected all their pain and suffering onto her, including the fact that she was unlovable,, and that all real feelings and body sensations were bad, disgusting, stinking, shameful etc. If she allowed anyone to look into her eyes they would see she was bad/mad. As a result she learned to disconnect from her body and dissociate from all body sensations. She feels bad, angry, with no belief in her right to experience any happiness or joy. The therapeutic process is slow and very painful, but she is unable to challenge the possibility that the beliefs about her being unlovable and undeserving of any positive feelings about herself or others may be real but not TRUE. I like the distinction and hope that I will be able to help her challenge the beliefs and the biochemical mind-body components of these beliefs, which then push her to behaviors and feelings which prevent any possibility of modifying the feelings, with her children, grandchildren and friends.
I would not be everybodies beck and call girl. I really like the idea of taking a look at what is under the fear. Very insightful.
I’ve lived most of my life with anxiety, which took different form, different intensity. I still managed to do what I wanted most of the time but since I have kids it’s becoming more out of control . I am glad to discover these tools to find myself again .And to answer your question, I would be me, free, fun And without all the frustration which comes with anxiety! ? Melly
Who would I be without fear? Such a great question.
I can feel my super shero outfit revealing itself now. I would create more connections and opportunities for myself, I’d step fully into my gifts with loving compassion for myself alwAys. Leading the way for other to transform too.
I would be me flourishing. No longer holding back. Saying yes without fear. No longer covering my shame in hopes of approval of man.
I would be a happy, confident person, free to be who I want to be; a better teacher, a better mother, a better partner.
I would be willing to make changes in my career, leave a job that doesn’t inspire me anymore and try to find a post that suits me more
I would step into a leadership role and try to help those being oppressed or living in fear.
I would feel joyous and free to be who I really am without shame, like a cloak of darkness being lifted.
It is a difficult question when self doubt began early in my life. I only know that I did not fulfil the potential I was told I had. Without fear I would be a more peaceful being, able to fully enjoy the many privileges, talents and blessings I have.
relaxed without stress and good humour. More energy, courage and confident.
Very helpful, it opens up a whole new perspective to what is going on.
I would grow in confidence and curiosity as I seek the places of wonder, engaging in life with joy and compassion as I age. Mindful always of the inevitability of change as change, and welcoming it with acceptance.
I would be absolutely free if I believed 100% that there was nothing wrong with me… H 🙂
Without fear, freedom of movement is possiable, exploration of new and desirable possibilities of living, and the full potential of life is realized.
I would be a confident therapist
I honestly have no idea, which shows just how strong the feeling that there’s something wrong with me really is. But I can imagine “how” I might be, even if I can’t imagine “who.”
I would be wise and really enjoying the life
Just watching these 3 short videos helped me to identify the root of my fear of flying. Thanks! Without this fear dogging me, I can imagine enjoying the traveling I’ve always wanted to do!!
Wonderful insights and wise counsel
Thank you.
My life would expand beyond the prison I’ve built from the expectations of others. I would be living the authentic, fulfilling life I am meant to live.
I would be free, creative and more effective in all areas of my life.
Great question for moving forward.
I am creating and speaking and sharing. I am celebrating the time and process of my life unfolding.
I would be a dancer, writer, healer and ceremonialist. I’d seek and tell the truth – especially to myself. I’d open my heart to myself, and to others. I’d sing from the mountain tops and wash myself in the rain. I’d surrender.
wow! I would just step out instead of ignoring or avoiding
I would be a very confident woman
I would be a calmer, more confident person and certainly enjoy my life more than I do presently.
I have several clients who chronically struggle and feel as though they fall short because of their self doubt and harsh inner critic. Thank you for this series.
Wow! Great question. I am really going to have to contemplate it. I do have brief moments when I feel happy, clear, unburdened, sure, confident and just here- but they don’t last long. A heavy feeling seems my natural companion.
I would be more socially engaged, as I would not fear rejection.
I’ve been living with fear as far back as I can remember due to difficult family circumstances. Despite a lifetime of healing it seems I have a ways to go. I come closest to the possibility of this state in nature, connection with creatures wild and domestic, my creativity, and in community.
It’s a difficult question for me to answer as someone who as a child felt both confident in an embodied physical sense and safe in my family yet fearful in new or complex social situations where I was anxious about speaking out in front of people and “making a fool of my self”
Without that fear I’m sure I’d have been more socially involved with the various groups around. However I still had friends …not many, but close ones. Without that fear It’s likely I’d have a greater sense of belonging in a community and possibly now would not be working with other “outsiders” or married to an introvert…a very different person indeed.
I would be a well-rested, confident and proud. I would be brave, try new things and experience them without boundaries.
I would be a strong women striding towards life with my coat open and flying behind me. I would be engaged in issues I care about without worrying about being judged by anyone. Or if I was judged not worry about it. Thank you so much for the three lectures. I will try to open up to fear and live a fuller life.
Great question! I would be someone who realized I was always good enough, social, fun, intelligent . . . and that the vicious bullies in my life . . . had always been pathetically wrong. Those cowards & deceivers of the world.
Great question! I would be someone who realized I was always good enough, social, fun, intelligent . . . and that the vicious bullies in my life . . . had always been pathetically wrong. Those cowards & deceivers of the world . . . xo
What a creative thought to challenge a negative belief about oneself. I am going to try that on myself next time I am feeling bad about myself. Thanks so much for your insights & compassion. Ellen
I appreciate the exercise about facing our fears. It brought back a memory I had while undergoing my first therapy. I was a toddler running through the basement of a hospital and my mother was chasing me. She looked as big as a giant to me and when I realized she was going to catch me I decided to turn and look at her and meet her, to quit running. Suddenly she became her normal size an when she reached me, she threw me up and laughingly played with me and I was safe. It was the healing dream that my therapist used to remind me that what I might think was true was in fact very wrong. So I was able to move forward in my life and reconnect with my mom and allow her to be my mother for maybe the first time. I also married and became a mother myself within two years. So I love the saying “real but not true”
To challenge my fear. I will use these teachings with my own fearful, self doubting clients . Thank you for your support and sharing with us.
I would be more trusting of the world, more trusting that I am loved and that my life matters, just as I think others matter.
I would be at ease with myself and be more able to see the world as it really is.
I would be lighter. I would be more hopeful and joyful. I would be able to accept myself as I am and go from there. I think I could more present to others.
I would be more open to engaging in the world and with others, more generous and more adventurous.