What helps me most is discussing a fear with someone I trust who won’t treat it as their problem to solve. Sometimes I just need to hear it spoken and to have its presence acknowledged. I’m very grateful to be able to participate in these talks.
Listening to this, has reinforced the RAIN tool that I learned about while listening to Tara’s book, radical acceptance. It has helped me immensely to face all of my feelings, rather than trying to think them away. I am deeply grateful for her and her gentleness, knowledge, and wisdom.
Our beliefs and our feelings determine our perceptions of how we relate to ourselves, each other and the environment we inhabit. If we believe we are separate from each other, then that is precisely what we experience. The false perceptions of the experience create a deeper fear which furthers the separation, thus causing each individual to seek methods for controlling the fear. The controls can be conscious or unconscious and always generates dissociation from others. The fear increases the sense of aloneness and the feelings which excerabate the sense of separation, further empowering the fear. Fear and control are the primaary elements in the disruption of unity, for they are the source of the disempowerment of the individual and the group. Each time we fear or attempt to control another individual, we are ultimately harming ourselves, for we are strengthening a shared perception that we are alone and unsafe in the world. And for most people, all of the above occurs unconsciously, which makes it all the more baffling.
Mindful breathing has helped me immensely. It has stopped me from leaving the room or shouting out defensively. I still give in to this automatic response sometimes but regular meditation has encouraged me to develop mindful breathing in moments of fear. Keeping a journal that enables me to understand my emotions and also to recognise that these emotions do not define me has also reinforced my understanding.
The mindfulness helps a lot and the deep breathing.I find that a lot of the younger generation don’t allow themselves to feel any so called “negative” emotions like fear or sadness etc. because of this new age religion..ha..that dictates that those feelings are unacceptable(not enlightened) so they go into denial about their feelings and then use pot or whatever else they use to numb or some other distraction to not feel those particular emotions.I try to talk to them about accepting all of our feelings.I suggest not getting stuck in them but allowing.
Your Rain process really helps me and them.I read the Rumi poem to them.”.This guest house”…welcome them all.
I have been experiencing a lot of fear these last three years too because it has been pretty crazy in the world but when I start to worry I just say to myself..in this moment everything is ok and if I were to die in the next 5 minutes would I want to spend that time worrying or just enjoying my life.No one wakes up in the morning thinking they are going to die that day but people do all the time so it puts things in perspective ha
I used to do tonglen more and want to start doing it again for the people involved in wars or that are suffering.As Chogyam Trungpa said ,make friends with fear and treat yourself with unconditional friendliness.Most of my fears are future based and that ain’t happening Now..ha
I’ve also been doing homeopathics for trauma issues that have caused my fybro.and arthritis .The remedies calm my nervous system.Dancing and just shaking my body works too for fear.
Some of us have taken on a lot in this lifetime ,healing generational trauma etc..so I try to remind myself and others to be gentle and kind.
One day at a time;Just for today and Only love is real are slogans I use.
Namaste,and hug someone today.Even if it’s just you.We chose to come here (I like to say I didn’t read the small print so maybe I wouldn’t have..ha but..)here we are and we aren’t alone even if we feel like we are sometimes.I walked on the beach today and saw a yellow bellied snake.Who knew? ha Love Denny
I love the concept of Memento Mori mentioned below. I recall specifically in my younger days when I came to terms w/ this idea and it put the rest of life’s situations into perspective. I didn’t know it was an official concept!!
Fear has kept me from doing a lot in my life: fear of failure, fear of being physically uncomfortable and unwell, fear of rejection and disapproval of others, fear of being alone……………………Yikes – that’s a lot. I have found that if I get myself to a place where I can plunge into a once fearful situation and just go thru it, I realize that I can handle a lot more than I thought I could, that I am not going to “die”, and I am then more willing to take risks going forward in life. Just do it!! But you have to do it when you’re ready and not when others think you are. Looking forward to getting more tools to deal w/ fear as the world is becoming more scary over time and we will need all the tool we can get!! Thank you for this.
Having my own back, supporting my abilities
Speaking to the presence of my fear, recognizing it; challenging it
Choosing on my own, the direction through the path of fear
Diana Duhaime, Another Field, Bradford, VT, USAsays
• Direct confrontation while promoting the assurance of a loving safety net around them at all times.
• Creating an environment of a peaceful and forgiving soft landing for any jump they need to take towards freedom from the shackles that bind them.
• Curating trust through examples of graceful integrity and kind consistency.
Mindfulness, breathing, grounding, prayers, relaxation, taking care of yourself. Dealing with stress and tension in a healthy way- using the aforementioned techniques.
What helps me face fear is knowing that I am not the only person who feels this way. That often it’s not “my” fear, that it’s actually a programmed response, something I inherited from my family or my culture. That gives me some space to explore what’s actually going on (i.e., is this situation really dangerous or fraught? Or have I been triggered by a small something, a remnant that no longer applies?)
Listening to calm music, focusing on my breath and/or reading something spiritual and comforting. This helps me get out of my mind which is being gripped by circular thinking at that moment with existential fear, generalized anxiety and negativity. That almost always helps to ground me and brings me back to a more grounded and calmer state.
Knowing that nothing really changes even though their is a dynamic dance in front of me. Also, when public speaking, I start by making my talk interactive and get super curious about what others have to teach me.
Kristy Gledhill, Another Field, GIG HARBOR, WA, USAsays
Breathing definitely helps me as well, and then thinking deep into the fear at hand to try to understand its root. One time I was able to do that and identify the fact that it was actually my mother’s fear and I had adopted it as my own! What a freeing realization that was. I told her about it and asked her to not let her fear scare me into jumping off the “wagon” of my plan to do a thing (long story) and she blinked and said, “OK!” and it worked! She was very supportive from then on and stopped letting her fear get all over me. 🙂 Happy ending. It doesn’t always go that way, obv, but I’ve found that that success is worth remembering from time to time.
The kindness in your voice when you speak about fear. The room your voice leave me to enter whiteout judging my fear. Thank you so much Tara 🙏❤️ Much love from Marianne in Denmark
– Prolonging my out-breaths.
– Noticing that it’s one part of me that’s afraid, not all of me and offering that part compassion. Keeping my attention where it’s present in my body, bringing my loving presence to that
– shifting from anxiety to excitement, tapping into my adventurous side and the joy of the unknown.
Fear is easier to face once you truly accept the concept of memento mori. Not every situation is a matter of life and death, but really knowing that we all eventually die help put all other situations into a better perspective.
As in the example, I developed a strong sense of fear when I have to periodically (monthly) present my CEO the performance of the company I am managing ; I really suffered for it and my anxiety skyrocketed over the last 3-4 years. Insomnia also showed up.
At this stage , I have to admit that mindfulness helped me a lot: pausing, labeling and accepting fear (in this case , anxiety) changed or is changing, at least, the entire perspective. It’s taking time, but stepping back made the difference. Acceptance and not rejection, along with letting things go as much as possible, was a major shift in all the process…but the journey continues…
What helps me face my fear is befriending myself with self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-love; without criticism, judgement, or condemnation. I use sacred journaling and expressive art to engage with this act of befriending myself and what I’m experiencing and encountering internally through the journey of daily life. When the intensity of fear and it’s many manifestations seems to be accelerating, I know I need to take some personal space… usually turning to nature to calm this energy down… to reground my sense of being… to bring my awareness back to my intimate connection with Spirit. As I engage with this spiritual reality, there’s an honest open vulnerability of sacred communion and union that begins unfold; a heart to heart communication of truth-telling evolves… in which emerges a new perceptual understanding of different responses available for me to choose from, rather than reacting out of fear. As I begin to converge with this inner wisdom being intuited, through this engagement of relationship with all aspects of my being, nature and Spirit… I then am empowered to face my fears, disentangling myself from its threads… with compassion, love and mercy. It’s a fourfold cyclic movement from the Via Negativa, to the Via Positiva, which leads to the Via Creativa and the Via Transformativa, which unfolds, evolves and emerges within Creation Spirituality that I practice.
kara y, Marriage/Family Therapy, Reno, NV, USAsays
Positive self-talk, remembering times when challenges were faced successfully, considering the ways past scary situations have contributed to positive aspects of life now.
For me fear is like a chaotic scared little creature iratically hiding and running around looking for new hiding places. Yet on the outside nothing appears disturbed and there is a personal of independent calm. it’s so hilarious as I describe it. That already is healing for me because right there with my humor I can cry for the frightened little aspect of me that is hiding in the woods. I instantly recognize her as my scared unloved and confused little girl. So step one for me is to find her – there she is already looking out and watching me watching her. She is so smart and so intuitive but she knows how to hide and how to be unseen. So I communicate to her that I see her and now I give her space to be witnessed.
Dear Tara
Thank you for the good video explaining fear. In Germany I use Some phrases where the client accepts his fears and forgives himself. an example:
Even if I blame myself for reacting anxiously and insecurely in certain situations, I value and accept myself the way I am.
and now I forgive myself with all my heart that I realize that I couldn’t do anything else and I now stand by that
What helps me manage fear is recognizing it. When I can see it for what it is, I can often just let it go. If that’s not the case, I acknowledge it for what it is and be a self watcher with the intention of handling the fear with kindness.
Tessa Barrows, Marriage/Family Therapy, Pleasant Hill, CA, USAsays
Breath! Breathing through it, allowing the emotions space to express and release with intention. I am an LMFT and have been a breathworker for 20 yrs so using the power of breath is the most gentle and powerful way I hace found to meet fear and transite it on all levels – mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. 🙏🏼
I try and remember to practice Acceptance
– “it” is what it is and being fearful / anxious etc of a situation, is not going to help either resolve ( or just accept ) it ; that only adds to whatever “ it “ is
Margaret Gilfoyle, Another Field, Fort Collins, CO, USAsays
Sometimes healing is accepting what is, yet in the “what is” acceptance there can be a greater relaxation and openness that allows further growth to happen on an energetic level.
I had a beautiful session with a client yesterday, whose intention was to clear her mind and body for decision making on her next life steps. Several animals had already appeared in the session – great horned owl, llama, mountain lion – and as we were coming back to work more deeply at her heart, I saw a white shape jut out, and then back into the center of her chest, then back out again – it was a white chicken! Jutting its head and neck out then pulling it back in, wild eyed, jittery. The client laughed, and I said does that mean anything personally to you? Are you chicken?! We both laughed, and she said yes! I’m chicken about what I’m going to do, what I’m going to say, how people are going to react to me, etc etc! Then I saw an image of the client holding the chicken in her arms, right at her heart, stroking and smoothing the feathers, until it calmed and clucked and nestled in. The guidance was for her to envision doing this too if she liked. Her heart then relaxed, as she held and embraced her fear, her heart, her chicken – and more space was energetically created for the deep spiritual breaths and greater clarity that then blossomed in the rest of the session. She said she knew that feeling worry was part of her reaction to things, and it was ok.
Blessings, blessings to us all, making space in ourselves to love.
♥️🐓♥️
I loved your story of the chicken.I’ll say to people at times ,”I’m so brave I impress even myself(ha) and other times I’m a complete chicken shit”.Its all good…all part of being human .I love Tara’s teachings of radical acceptance.
Blessings,Denny
What helps me most is discussing a fear with someone I trust who won’t treat it as their problem to solve. Sometimes I just need to hear it spoken and to have its presence acknowledged. I’m very grateful to be able to participate in these talks.
Listening to this, has reinforced the RAIN tool that I learned about while listening to Tara’s book, radical acceptance. It has helped me immensely to face all of my feelings, rather than trying to think them away. I am deeply grateful for her and her gentleness, knowledge, and wisdom.
Our beliefs and our feelings determine our perceptions of how we relate to ourselves, each other and the environment we inhabit. If we believe we are separate from each other, then that is precisely what we experience. The false perceptions of the experience create a deeper fear which furthers the separation, thus causing each individual to seek methods for controlling the fear. The controls can be conscious or unconscious and always generates dissociation from others. The fear increases the sense of aloneness and the feelings which excerabate the sense of separation, further empowering the fear. Fear and control are the primaary elements in the disruption of unity, for they are the source of the disempowerment of the individual and the group. Each time we fear or attempt to control another individual, we are ultimately harming ourselves, for we are strengthening a shared perception that we are alone and unsafe in the world. And for most people, all of the above occurs unconsciously, which makes it all the more baffling.
Mindful breathing has helped me immensely. It has stopped me from leaving the room or shouting out defensively. I still give in to this automatic response sometimes but regular meditation has encouraged me to develop mindful breathing in moments of fear. Keeping a journal that enables me to understand my emotions and also to recognise that these emotions do not define me has also reinforced my understanding.
The mindfulness helps a lot and the deep breathing.I find that a lot of the younger generation don’t allow themselves to feel any so called “negative” emotions like fear or sadness etc. because of this new age religion..ha..that dictates that those feelings are unacceptable(not enlightened) so they go into denial about their feelings and then use pot or whatever else they use to numb or some other distraction to not feel those particular emotions.I try to talk to them about accepting all of our feelings.I suggest not getting stuck in them but allowing.
Your Rain process really helps me and them.I read the Rumi poem to them.”.This guest house”…welcome them all.
I have been experiencing a lot of fear these last three years too because it has been pretty crazy in the world but when I start to worry I just say to myself..in this moment everything is ok and if I were to die in the next 5 minutes would I want to spend that time worrying or just enjoying my life.No one wakes up in the morning thinking they are going to die that day but people do all the time so it puts things in perspective ha
I used to do tonglen more and want to start doing it again for the people involved in wars or that are suffering.As Chogyam Trungpa said ,make friends with fear and treat yourself with unconditional friendliness.Most of my fears are future based and that ain’t happening Now..ha
I’ve also been doing homeopathics for trauma issues that have caused my fybro.and arthritis .The remedies calm my nervous system.Dancing and just shaking my body works too for fear.
Some of us have taken on a lot in this lifetime ,healing generational trauma etc..so I try to remind myself and others to be gentle and kind.
One day at a time;Just for today and Only love is real are slogans I use.
Namaste,and hug someone today.Even if it’s just you.We chose to come here (I like to say I didn’t read the small print so maybe I wouldn’t have..ha but..)here we are and we aren’t alone even if we feel like we are sometimes.I walked on the beach today and saw a yellow bellied snake.Who knew? ha Love Denny
I love the concept of Memento Mori mentioned below. I recall specifically in my younger days when I came to terms w/ this idea and it put the rest of life’s situations into perspective. I didn’t know it was an official concept!!
Fear has kept me from doing a lot in my life: fear of failure, fear of being physically uncomfortable and unwell, fear of rejection and disapproval of others, fear of being alone……………………Yikes – that’s a lot. I have found that if I get myself to a place where I can plunge into a once fearful situation and just go thru it, I realize that I can handle a lot more than I thought I could, that I am not going to “die”, and I am then more willing to take risks going forward in life. Just do it!! But you have to do it when you’re ready and not when others think you are. Looking forward to getting more tools to deal w/ fear as the world is becoming more scary over time and we will need all the tool we can get!! Thank you for this.
rain meditation and loving awareness
Therapy with Pastor Bob, meditation, prayers and being outside building a fire to release the fears through intentions…
Having my own back, supporting my abilities
Speaking to the presence of my fear, recognizing it; challenging it
Choosing on my own, the direction through the path of fear
Getting immediately aware of the felling/state & interruping it!
Breathing, gratitude, journaling, embodied presence…love.
• Direct confrontation while promoting the assurance of a loving safety net around them at all times.
• Creating an environment of a peaceful and forgiving soft landing for any jump they need to take towards freedom from the shackles that bind them.
• Curating trust through examples of graceful integrity and kind consistency.
Mindfulness, breathing, grounding, prayers, relaxation, taking care of yourself. Dealing with stress and tension in a healthy way- using the aforementioned techniques.
I suffer all kind of fears, but it helps me to take deep breaths
affection, calm music, programs like the one you are offering, humorous books, tv etc.
What helps me face fear is knowing that I am not the only person who feels this way. That often it’s not “my” fear, that it’s actually a programmed response, something I inherited from my family or my culture. That gives me some space to explore what’s actually going on (i.e., is this situation really dangerous or fraught? Or have I been triggered by a small something, a remnant that no longer applies?)
sitting with the fear, breathing into the fear. often I will still have the fear it just will not be as strong.
Being in Nature breathing strategies
Restorative Yoga. Heart math.
Self Compassion Meditation qigong
Appropriate Rest and Nutrition
Ellyn Kirschner lntegrative Self Care Practitioner-in North Caroline
Listening to calm music, focusing on my breath and/or reading something spiritual and comforting. This helps me get out of my mind which is being gripped by circular thinking at that moment with existential fear, generalized anxiety and negativity. That almost always helps to ground me and brings me back to a more grounded and calmer state.
Knowing that nothing really changes even though their is a dynamic dance in front of me. Also, when public speaking, I start by making my talk interactive and get super curious about what others have to teach me.
Being in nature and talking to myself. Connecting with all of me in that safe space.
Lying on my back in corpse pose, and allowing the fear/all pain to surface and cry it out; a good wail of pain until it’s out of my body.
I talk to myself and remind myself that I’m safe.
Breathing definitely helps me as well, and then thinking deep into the fear at hand to try to understand its root. One time I was able to do that and identify the fact that it was actually my mother’s fear and I had adopted it as my own! What a freeing realization that was. I told her about it and asked her to not let her fear scare me into jumping off the “wagon” of my plan to do a thing (long story) and she blinked and said, “OK!” and it worked! She was very supportive from then on and stopped letting her fear get all over me. 🙂 Happy ending. It doesn’t always go that way, obv, but I’ve found that that success is worth remembering from time to time.
The kindness in your voice when you speak about fear. The room your voice leave me to enter whiteout judging my fear. Thank you so much Tara 🙏❤️ Much love from Marianne in Denmark
After recognizing the fear I try to stay with it. Not be the fear but be by it. As a friend standing next to it. Being present.
prayer. my gratitude journaland affirmation practice.
honesty, authenticity. a safe container, validation. knowing not a long, only one who struggles. effective , easy to use tools for growth.
– Prolonging my out-breaths.
– Noticing that it’s one part of me that’s afraid, not all of me and offering that part compassion. Keeping my attention where it’s present in my body, bringing my loving presence to that
– shifting from anxiety to excitement, tapping into my adventurous side and the joy of the unknown.
Fear is easier to face once you truly accept the concept of memento mori. Not every situation is a matter of life and death, but really knowing that we all eventually die help put all other situations into a better perspective.
Grounding and breath, a safe place with a safe person. Compassion and care in abundance.
Giving fear a name.
remembering
“Perfect love casts out fear”
Polyvagal theory, feeling love to friends
As in the example, I developed a strong sense of fear when I have to periodically (monthly) present my CEO the performance of the company I am managing ; I really suffered for it and my anxiety skyrocketed over the last 3-4 years. Insomnia also showed up.
At this stage , I have to admit that mindfulness helped me a lot: pausing, labeling and accepting fear (in this case , anxiety) changed or is changing, at least, the entire perspective. It’s taking time, but stepping back made the difference. Acceptance and not rejection, along with letting things go as much as possible, was a major shift in all the process…but the journey continues…
As you said. I feel the fear and do it anyway.
What helps me face my fear is befriending myself with self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-love; without criticism, judgement, or condemnation. I use sacred journaling and expressive art to engage with this act of befriending myself and what I’m experiencing and encountering internally through the journey of daily life. When the intensity of fear and it’s many manifestations seems to be accelerating, I know I need to take some personal space… usually turning to nature to calm this energy down… to reground my sense of being… to bring my awareness back to my intimate connection with Spirit. As I engage with this spiritual reality, there’s an honest open vulnerability of sacred communion and union that begins unfold; a heart to heart communication of truth-telling evolves… in which emerges a new perceptual understanding of different responses available for me to choose from, rather than reacting out of fear. As I begin to converge with this inner wisdom being intuited, through this engagement of relationship with all aspects of my being, nature and Spirit… I then am empowered to face my fears, disentangling myself from its threads… with compassion, love and mercy. It’s a fourfold cyclic movement from the Via Negativa, to the Via Positiva, which leads to the Via Creativa and the Via Transformativa, which unfolds, evolves and emerges within Creation Spirituality that I practice.
Hi Jeanette Metler,
Thank you for your sharing, your words resonate with my experience, too. You have written it so eloquently.
Accepting change as a live force
Breathing into My Body. RECOGNITION OF WHERE FEAR IS BEING HELD IN MY BODY. Processing Emotions held there with COMPASSION.
Positive self-talk, remembering times when challenges were faced successfully, considering the ways past scary situations have contributed to positive aspects of life now.
For me fear is like a chaotic scared little creature iratically hiding and running around looking for new hiding places. Yet on the outside nothing appears disturbed and there is a personal of independent calm. it’s so hilarious as I describe it. That already is healing for me because right there with my humor I can cry for the frightened little aspect of me that is hiding in the woods. I instantly recognize her as my scared unloved and confused little girl. So step one for me is to find her – there she is already looking out and watching me watching her. She is so smart and so intuitive but she knows how to hide and how to be unseen. So I communicate to her that I see her and now I give her space to be witnessed.
Profound Dorothy,
Your way of describing the human condition touches me.
Dear Tara
Thank you for the good video explaining fear. In Germany I use Some phrases where the client accepts his fears and forgives himself. an example:
Even if I blame myself for reacting anxiously and insecurely in certain situations, I value and accept myself the way I am.
and now I forgive myself with all my heart that I realize that I couldn’t do anything else and I now stand by that
Beautiful healing words and ideas Jo
Awareness and faith (spiritual practice )biggest reliever of fear for my clients. Then we challenge the beliefs that led to the fear.
Breathwork.
Taking deep breaths
What helps me manage fear is recognizing it. When I can see it for what it is, I can often just let it go. If that’s not the case, I acknowledge it for what it is and be a self watcher with the intention of handling the fear with kindness.
Breath! Breathing through it, allowing the emotions space to express and release with intention. I am an LMFT and have been a breathworker for 20 yrs so using the power of breath is the most gentle and powerful way I hace found to meet fear and transite it on all levels – mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. 🙏🏼
I try to breath deeply and send love to what is making me afraid.
Stopping, breathing, give myself a break, listening to what thoughts come up and sort them out. Nuture kindness to myself and close ones.
When safety is present and willing to allow the fear to speak its wisdom.
Breathing and curiousity. Settling in and asking myself what am I responding to.
I try and remember to practice Acceptance
– “it” is what it is and being fearful / anxious etc of a situation, is not going to help either resolve ( or just accept ) it ; that only adds to whatever “ it “ is
Sometimes healing is accepting what is, yet in the “what is” acceptance there can be a greater relaxation and openness that allows further growth to happen on an energetic level.
I had a beautiful session with a client yesterday, whose intention was to clear her mind and body for decision making on her next life steps. Several animals had already appeared in the session – great horned owl, llama, mountain lion – and as we were coming back to work more deeply at her heart, I saw a white shape jut out, and then back into the center of her chest, then back out again – it was a white chicken! Jutting its head and neck out then pulling it back in, wild eyed, jittery. The client laughed, and I said does that mean anything personally to you? Are you chicken?! We both laughed, and she said yes! I’m chicken about what I’m going to do, what I’m going to say, how people are going to react to me, etc etc! Then I saw an image of the client holding the chicken in her arms, right at her heart, stroking and smoothing the feathers, until it calmed and clucked and nestled in. The guidance was for her to envision doing this too if she liked. Her heart then relaxed, as she held and embraced her fear, her heart, her chicken – and more space was energetically created for the deep spiritual breaths and greater clarity that then blossomed in the rest of the session. She said she knew that feeling worry was part of her reaction to things, and it was ok.
Blessings, blessings to us all, making space in ourselves to love.
♥️🐓♥️
Thank you for your post Margaret. Your intuition is such a gift to your clients!
I loved your story of the chicken.I’ll say to people at times ,”I’m so brave I impress even myself(ha) and other times I’m a complete chicken shit”.Its all good…all part of being human .I love Tara’s teachings of radical acceptance.
Blessings,Denny