Continually anticipating how the outside will fail me not necessarily the inside and how I can anticipate that lack of support and fulfill
That myself has been where I want to work – can we really do it all alone ? No.
This is so helpful, having a structured way to work with fear and anxiety. Things I have explained to my clients, but now a way of using the knowledge that will give them an approach that will free them
When I worry I can pile other worries on top, to hide the original worry. Really interesting to look at those thoughts in first step.
one worry I constantly have about my son and it wakes me in a panic. I struggle to let go of that but to continue practise to hopefully use inner reserves and intelligence is something to work for. As the worry is not helping change or improve the situation. thank you.
I never realized I was addicted to worry – and my fearful thoughts – definitely a habit, a pattern – this video is very helpful – lately I have trouble sleeping and getting up with a feeling of dread to start the day and go to work – I have tried to push away the anxious feelings in my body – will practice mindfulness – thank you for this coaching
I have been having difficulty sleeping for several months and it was becoming a vicious cycle that when it was time for bed I would be worrying in advance that I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. Practicing mindfulness and listening to sleep mediations has helped along with breathing exercises and other resources I have learned as a therapist.These 3 steps are most helpful, thank you.
Hi, thanks for this video. Just to share my experience: I suffered chronic Anxiety in my youth with the latest episode 32 years ago. It was so painful that I ended up with the psychiatrist and had a treatment for 7 months, got much better. Since then, I have worked a lot with myself, closed some processes and specially starting to do yoga 12 years ago, that has helped me a lot with dealing with my emotions. Fortunately, I have not gone through anxiety for a long time. What helped me a lot was identifying that fear drives me to anxiety, then I understood I have to manage and face the fear to avoid anxiety.
As you said it is a long and hard way, the good thing is that it is possible, patience, constancy and good will are needed and the results are amazing.
Addiction to worry: can it lead to or be the cause of other addictions when the client tries to deal with their anxiety by embarking in other addictive behaviours? Interesting
My habitual worrying about wasting time and not getting enough done – which I’ve had all my adult life – still strips a lot of joy from my life even now I’m retired. My husband has had pretty much the same life as me in the external world yet a totally different, much freer and happier inner experience. For 30 years! Then I double the anxiety at times by berating myself for pouring energy down the drain on anxious thoughts. The practice you recommend is exactly what I need. But you’re also making the point that I can’t just try it once. To achieve the results I want, I’ll need to do it over and over.
I constantly worry about my financial future. I left my career of 30 years sooner than I had financially planned for, due to bullying by my manager. It has been almost seven years since I retired, yet I am unable to work, even though I can’t afford not to. The worry of giving up my time, my health, having to commute, and of course having another bully boss have become my addiction. I am frozen by it, unable to make choices of where to work, how much to work (full vs. part tim), what to do, etc.
This worry has now manifested into insomnia, stomach aches, chest pain, diarrhea and well, constant looping thoughts. I can’t even enjoy an evening out for dinner or music without my thoughts and my body immediately going into my worried state.
Worry robs me of enjoying life, being in the present moment and connecting with others. Always looking around the corner and worrying about something negative that may happen.
Yes, worry does suck the life or vitality out of me, and I’m begining to believe that it does take a great amount of energy that could be used for creative or other beneficial pursuits instead.
I appreciate you calling it an addiction as that is how it does feel to me. Thank you for these three steps and sharing the video. I look forward to trying this.
I was attacked by a pit bull 13 years ago, and I cannot take my dogs for a walk without worrying that I and/or they will be attacked by a dog off-leash. Certain areas I used to hike/walk in I no longer go to. Some days, the anxiety is overwhelming, and I decide to stay safe at home. When I do encounter loose dogs, I have a panic attack and fly into a rage, verbally attacking the dog owners. I was never afraid of dogs before that pit bull tried to kill me, lunging at my throat, locking its jaws on my elbow, biting my thigh, and taking me down to the ground. A horrible experience that changed my life forever.
I felt calmer just listening to this brief message.
I have not managed to get on with my life the way I want to since my husband died tragically. It has now been 10 years and I feel sick. I thought I could get on with things but I have become frozen by depression (rather than anxiety) and have been stuck in mundane but necessary activities, not spending my time purposefully, creatively, which is how I spent 40 years of my life previously.It’s hard to reconnect: I Just can’t find it.The pandemic didn’t help, but I am anxious to find my self again.
I am worrying why I can not sleep and how I will be able to work tomorrow if I spend sleepless night. Then I weak up at 2am and can not fall in sleep again. All kind of thoughts come to me, and finally I have to get up and do some physical activity to stop worrying. I am to anxious for meditation, my mind is to busy,
I feel only moving my body can help.
Julie Moore, Health Education, Oakland, CA, USAsays
No shaming here, gentle acceptance and the 3 steps are clear. Love that you are calling this an addiction, that is a powerful way to think about worry. Thank you! I am a chronic worrier, and if can catch myself I rely on my faith to reset my perspective that I’m not in charge. Having more tools to become more aware about my worrying and putting it aside is always welcome. I also worry about worrying, about the toll it can take on my marriage and the physical effects on my body in the long-term.
I worry that I’m not good enough in relationships and as a mother. I also allow fear to impede opportunities at work and about my security in retirement.
Sometimes I worry while I’m trying to sleep, so depending on the level of anxiety, I start with slower deeper breaths, or different kinds of breathing like alternate nostril etc, counting down from 99, and telling myself, ‘ everything is fine, or I’m fine, or I can handle it , or this too will pass’. Often I’ll write a short note in my gratitude journal by my bed, like ‘call hip doctor’ etc and this gets it out of my mind. Doing Yoga Nidra each nite for 10 minutes before bed or if I wake up at 3am is helpful, and doing a longer session as many nites as possible helps me
find bliss.
Dear Tara,
I have spent many decades thinking about these issues, and training in reality-based self defense, and I have come to disagree deeply with this definition of fear. Anxiety is something you do, because you believe it helps. It is quite possible to feel anticipatory fear. Even if your mind is still, your body can be reacting. We are not just animals: we are human beings and we don’t have to be worrying about something, or immediately threatened, to experience fear. We didn’t survive as a species because we only reacted to immediate threats. A woman who knows violence is likely when her husband comes home doesn’t have to worry. She just has to be conscious. And I believe your definition of fear pathologizes something that is in fact life saving. The woman who feels anticipatory fear might be motivated to escape, because the fear feels worse than the anticipated loss of an attachment figure.
Tara, it is always a great pleasure listening to you. Thank you again for your insights.
It’s true, I worry a lot. I am often conscious of it, both in the mind and the body, although I would like to be able to catch it earlier. I think it serves me often thinking things trough, rehearsing upcoming conversations, because when those conversations actually happen I have useful, productive things to say. So if I could keep thinking productively about challenging future situations, and cutting the worry of in time I would be best off. So practicing mindfulness should help.
I’m worried that my life will always have pain that feels unbearable, and even though I will have periods of time when I feel at peace, grateful, helpful/useful, and even blissful, the pain that feels unbearable will always come back. When I’m grateful, the pain seems like it was a learning experience and made me stronger and more deep or enlightened and able to help others, but when the pain comes back, those moments of gratitude for the challenges seem cruel to that part of me that experiences the pain. My addiction to worry is not constant, and I have breaks from it, but when I am in it, it weakens, saddens, and disheartens me.
Shirley Fischer, Another Field, San Rafael, CA, USAsays
I have read and followed Tara and Rick Hanson for a number of years. Tara’s insights have helped me give myself permission to accept myself (and my chronic anxiety) as I am (an ongoing project). It is interesting to see the three steps for breaking the “worry addiction” are similar to what I have learned to do for myself during my periods of very early a.m. awakenings–transforming panic attacks to times of self-learning and eventually peacefulness that allow me to return to sleep. Thanks for creating these free videos, Tara.
Years of being on the worry gerbil wheel has been part and parcel of depression and the related feelings of lack of self worth.You offer important skills.
I am addicted to worrying about meeting deadlines that require me (self-inflicted) to present outstanding beautiful work. I am addicted to worrying about my children’s happiness (I.e. things I have no control over).
Driving to new locations triggers anxiety and many “what ifs.” I look at different routes but am still not sure which one will work best. Once I get in my car, I begin to relax. I know I will make it eventually – and I do. But the pre-trip anxiety causes knots in my gut, the release of stress hormones, and increased heart rate. I eventually “feel the fear and do it anyway” but at a cost to my mental and physical health.
I often give myself an excuse that if I don’t worry, no one else will. I give myself an excuse that I am a “planner” or an “organiser” but I think instead these worries reduce my capacity to act from my heart with my best self. It’s gonna be alright is the phrase that I will use in times I catch myself worry now. Thank you, Tara 🙏🏼
Generational patterns of valuing worry as the currency of familial love echo through me as I listen. How does cultural and generational trauma impact our ability to have these three steps be effective? I am particularly considering here my own Eastern European Jewish culture but I think our culture is not unique in this way.
I go from worrying about nuclear war to civil war, from racial to gender based violence, and from financial crashes to climate destruction. There are endless “worries” and if I find gratitude and breadth in those moments of anxiety, i am relieved in the moment but the cascade continues. Thank you for sharing the three steps. I will use them!
I am not a therapist, but I have years of experience in worry and anxiety! And therapy! This video and the other two are extremely helpful. I have practiced these steps in therapy, but not on my own. I have avoided body awareness frequently for many reasons, mainly lots of years of body- related trauma as a child, a date rape, and on and on. I was criticized constantly while I was growing up, including being told to straighten my foot. I could not do that because I was born with it clubbed, and after wearing a cast it was S shaped. I felt ashamed and embarrassed by it…. I consciously dissociated during the date rape, telling myself that the rapist was going to have my body, but my body was not me. He couldn’t have me. This video has inspired me to work hard at being conscious of my thoughts, the accompanying emotions, excepting all, but breathing into the pain and nurturing myself. Thank you! Anne
A Marvelous three step process. it was interesting that today when it came to the third part offering a sense of comfort to myself.
My mind went completely blank trying to think of words of comfort and reassurance.
I used the physical connection of my hand on my chest and offering nurture on my in breath.
When I reflected on this just now I realized that i am struggling to remember any of the phrases you offered.
It feels that words of comfort are hiding. I will explore this again later.
Thank you Tara. I’ve noticed that I wake up and there are no conscious thoughts and I feel good but then, I’ll go through the people in my life and start worrying about them, as you say, as if I need to find something to worry about!
Continually anticipating how the outside will fail me not necessarily the inside and how I can anticipate that lack of support and fulfill
That myself has been where I want to work – can we really do it all alone ? No.
This is so helpful, having a structured way to work with fear and anxiety. Things I have explained to my clients, but now a way of using the knowledge that will give them an approach that will free them
When I worry I can pile other worries on top, to hide the original worry. Really interesting to look at those thoughts in first step.
one worry I constantly have about my son and it wakes me in a panic. I struggle to let go of that but to continue practise to hopefully use inner reserves and intelligence is something to work for. As the worry is not helping change or improve the situation. thank you.
I never realized I was addicted to worry – and my fearful thoughts – definitely a habit, a pattern – this video is very helpful – lately I have trouble sleeping and getting up with a feeling of dread to start the day and go to work – I have tried to push away the anxious feelings in my body – will practice mindfulness – thank you for this coaching
Thank you for the steps to help with worry! I felt the calm just practicing the steps here at home!
my mindful thoughts l lots
I totally related to this lesson….it was me top to bottom. Thx for giving me some food for thought to break this nervous addiction.
ken
I have been having difficulty sleeping for several months and it was becoming a vicious cycle that when it was time for bed I would be worrying in advance that I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. Practicing mindfulness and listening to sleep mediations has helped along with breathing exercises and other resources I have learned as a therapist.These 3 steps are most helpful, thank you.
Hi, thanks for this video. Just to share my experience: I suffered chronic Anxiety in my youth with the latest episode 32 years ago. It was so painful that I ended up with the psychiatrist and had a treatment for 7 months, got much better. Since then, I have worked a lot with myself, closed some processes and specially starting to do yoga 12 years ago, that has helped me a lot with dealing with my emotions. Fortunately, I have not gone through anxiety for a long time. What helped me a lot was identifying that fear drives me to anxiety, then I understood I have to manage and face the fear to avoid anxiety.
As you said it is a long and hard way, the good thing is that it is possible, patience, constancy and good will are needed and the results are amazing.
Thanks for let me share my life.
Cecilia
Addiction to worry: can it lead to or be the cause of other addictions when the client tries to deal with their anxiety by embarking in other addictive behaviours? Interesting
i use deep breathing, self massage and walks in nature to calm worriness.
I often describe problematic worry as an over enthusiastic security guard who needs to be told to stand back and you call him when needed!
My habitual worrying about wasting time and not getting enough done – which I’ve had all my adult life – still strips a lot of joy from my life even now I’m retired. My husband has had pretty much the same life as me in the external world yet a totally different, much freer and happier inner experience. For 30 years! Then I double the anxiety at times by berating myself for pouring energy down the drain on anxious thoughts. The practice you recommend is exactly what I need. But you’re also making the point that I can’t just try it once. To achieve the results I want, I’ll need to do it over and over.
Thank you. I hope to practice this technique and help myself!
I constantly worry about my financial future. I left my career of 30 years sooner than I had financially planned for, due to bullying by my manager. It has been almost seven years since I retired, yet I am unable to work, even though I can’t afford not to. The worry of giving up my time, my health, having to commute, and of course having another bully boss have become my addiction. I am frozen by it, unable to make choices of where to work, how much to work (full vs. part tim), what to do, etc.
This worry has now manifested into insomnia, stomach aches, chest pain, diarrhea and well, constant looping thoughts. I can’t even enjoy an evening out for dinner or music without my thoughts and my body immediately going into my worried state.
Worry robs me of enjoying life, being in the present moment and connecting with others. Always looking around the corner and worrying about something negative that may happen.
Yes, worry does suck the life or vitality out of me, and I’m begining to believe that it does take a great amount of energy that could be used for creative or other beneficial pursuits instead.
I appreciate you calling it an addiction as that is how it does feel to me. Thank you for these three steps and sharing the video. I look forward to trying this.
I was attacked by a pit bull 13 years ago, and I cannot take my dogs for a walk without worrying that I and/or they will be attacked by a dog off-leash. Certain areas I used to hike/walk in I no longer go to. Some days, the anxiety is overwhelming, and I decide to stay safe at home. When I do encounter loose dogs, I have a panic attack and fly into a rage, verbally attacking the dog owners. I was never afraid of dogs before that pit bull tried to kill me, lunging at my throat, locking its jaws on my elbow, biting my thigh, and taking me down to the ground. A horrible experience that changed my life forever.
I felt calmer just listening to this brief message.
I have not managed to get on with my life the way I want to since my husband died tragically. It has now been 10 years and I feel sick. I thought I could get on with things but I have become frozen by depression (rather than anxiety) and have been stuck in mundane but necessary activities, not spending my time purposefully, creatively, which is how I spent 40 years of my life previously.It’s hard to reconnect: I Just can’t find it.The pandemic didn’t help, but I am anxious to find my self again.
I am worrying why I can not sleep and how I will be able to work tomorrow if I spend sleepless night. Then I weak up at 2am and can not fall in sleep again. All kind of thoughts come to me, and finally I have to get up and do some physical activity to stop worrying. I am to anxious for meditation, my mind is to busy,
I feel only moving my body can help.
No shaming here, gentle acceptance and the 3 steps are clear. Love that you are calling this an addiction, that is a powerful way to think about worry. Thank you! I am a chronic worrier, and if can catch myself I rely on my faith to reset my perspective that I’m not in charge. Having more tools to become more aware about my worrying and putting it aside is always welcome. I also worry about worrying, about the toll it can take on my marriage and the physical effects on my body in the long-term.
I tend to think that my worrying is a form of caring for others, but perhaps it’s not really so, if it causes so much internal stress.
I felt my feet instantly grabbed and stopped and spastic, once i remembered an a situation where I felt anxious
I worry that I’m not good enough in relationships and as a mother. I also allow fear to impede opportunities at work and about my security in retirement.
Thank you Tara for your great insight.
Sometimes I worry while I’m trying to sleep, so depending on the level of anxiety, I start with slower deeper breaths, or different kinds of breathing like alternate nostril etc, counting down from 99, and telling myself, ‘ everything is fine, or I’m fine, or I can handle it , or this too will pass’. Often I’ll write a short note in my gratitude journal by my bed, like ‘call hip doctor’ etc and this gets it out of my mind. Doing Yoga Nidra each nite for 10 minutes before bed or if I wake up at 3am is helpful, and doing a longer session as many nites as possible helps me
find bliss.
thank you for sharing the 3 steps. I will try practicing it when i get into worrying –especially about something I cannot change.
Dear Tara,
I have spent many decades thinking about these issues, and training in reality-based self defense, and I have come to disagree deeply with this definition of fear. Anxiety is something you do, because you believe it helps. It is quite possible to feel anticipatory fear. Even if your mind is still, your body can be reacting. We are not just animals: we are human beings and we don’t have to be worrying about something, or immediately threatened, to experience fear. We didn’t survive as a species because we only reacted to immediate threats. A woman who knows violence is likely when her husband comes home doesn’t have to worry. She just has to be conscious. And I believe your definition of fear pathologizes something that is in fact life saving. The woman who feels anticipatory fear might be motivated to escape, because the fear feels worse than the anticipated loss of an attachment figure.
Tara, it is always a great pleasure listening to you. Thank you again for your insights.
It’s true, I worry a lot. I am often conscious of it, both in the mind and the body, although I would like to be able to catch it earlier. I think it serves me often thinking things trough, rehearsing upcoming conversations, because when those conversations actually happen I have useful, productive things to say. So if I could keep thinking productively about challenging future situations, and cutting the worry of in time I would be best off. So practicing mindfulness should help.
I appreciate how the information was presented and it makes sense to me on a logical level. I hope now to be able to put it into practice!
Very helpful to me, a 76 year-old, retired psychologist, with continuing work to help myself with my addiction to worry.
I’m worried that my life will always have pain that feels unbearable, and even though I will have periods of time when I feel at peace, grateful, helpful/useful, and even blissful, the pain that feels unbearable will always come back. When I’m grateful, the pain seems like it was a learning experience and made me stronger and more deep or enlightened and able to help others, but when the pain comes back, those moments of gratitude for the challenges seem cruel to that part of me that experiences the pain. My addiction to worry is not constant, and I have breaks from it, but when I am in it, it weakens, saddens, and disheartens me.
as always a precious reminder
I have read and followed Tara and Rick Hanson for a number of years. Tara’s insights have helped me give myself permission to accept myself (and my chronic anxiety) as I am (an ongoing project). It is interesting to see the three steps for breaking the “worry addiction” are similar to what I have learned to do for myself during my periods of very early a.m. awakenings–transforming panic attacks to times of self-learning and eventually peacefulness that allow me to return to sleep. Thanks for creating these free videos, Tara.
Years of being on the worry gerbil wheel has been part and parcel of depression and the related feelings of lack of self worth.You offer important skills.
I am addicted to worrying about meeting deadlines that require me (self-inflicted) to present outstanding beautiful work. I am addicted to worrying about my children’s happiness (I.e. things I have no control over).
Driving to new locations triggers anxiety and many “what ifs.” I look at different routes but am still not sure which one will work best. Once I get in my car, I begin to relax. I know I will make it eventually – and I do. But the pre-trip anxiety causes knots in my gut, the release of stress hormones, and increased heart rate. I eventually “feel the fear and do it anyway” but at a cost to my mental and physical health.
I often give myself an excuse that if I don’t worry, no one else will. I give myself an excuse that I am a “planner” or an “organiser” but I think instead these worries reduce my capacity to act from my heart with my best self. It’s gonna be alright is the phrase that I will use in times I catch myself worry now. Thank you, Tara 🙏🏼
thank you for the reminder of the practice!!
Generational patterns of valuing worry as the currency of familial love echo through me as I listen. How does cultural and generational trauma impact our ability to have these three steps be effective? I am particularly considering here my own Eastern European Jewish culture but I think our culture is not unique in this way.
I go from worrying about nuclear war to civil war, from racial to gender based violence, and from financial crashes to climate destruction. There are endless “worries” and if I find gratitude and breadth in those moments of anxiety, i am relieved in the moment but the cascade continues. Thank you for sharing the three steps. I will use them!
Thank you. This series is very helpful for my nurse coaching practice.
I am not a therapist, but I have years of experience in worry and anxiety! And therapy! This video and the other two are extremely helpful. I have practiced these steps in therapy, but not on my own. I have avoided body awareness frequently for many reasons, mainly lots of years of body- related trauma as a child, a date rape, and on and on. I was criticized constantly while I was growing up, including being told to straighten my foot. I could not do that because I was born with it clubbed, and after wearing a cast it was S shaped. I felt ashamed and embarrassed by it…. I consciously dissociated during the date rape, telling myself that the rapist was going to have my body, but my body was not me. He couldn’t have me. This video has inspired me to work hard at being conscious of my thoughts, the accompanying emotions, excepting all, but breathing into the pain and nurturing myself. Thank you! Anne
I think it’s a very good process and I can see how it can be a helpful tool for being present.
A Marvelous three step process. it was interesting that today when it came to the third part offering a sense of comfort to myself.
My mind went completely blank trying to think of words of comfort and reassurance.
I used the physical connection of my hand on my chest and offering nurture on my in breath.
When I reflected on this just now I realized that i am struggling to remember any of the phrases you offered.
It feels that words of comfort are hiding. I will explore this again later.
nothing new, but nice to be reminded & take a little time for myself here.love the Mark Twain quote!
Thank you Tara. I’ve noticed that I wake up and there are no conscious thoughts and I feel good but then, I’ll go through the people in my life and start worrying about them, as you say, as if I need to find something to worry about!
Spot on. Worry is like a vicious cycle. An endless loop. And we all are addicted to worry, mostly unconsciously.
Appreciate steps. Thanks