I think I’d be more relaxed, less focused on trying to make everything perfect or trying to help fix my family and friends’ problems all the time. I’d be comfortable with who I am and what I want to do, not what I think others expect me to do or how they expect me to do it. I’d stop punishing myself by self-sabotaging the things I know bring me joy and give me positive energy and start doing those things again. I’d feel worthy of taking care of myself first and not putting everyone else’s needs first. I’d feel less afraid of being judged.
I would be free! Free to run and jump and laugh and cry, and to be the unique and great musician i am…without the fear of being different..and the fear of rejection!
I would be more able and open to trusting and believing in myself so that it might give me greater courage to lean into the discomfort of stepping out of my “comfort zone” (which is no longer “comfortable” but simply “familiar” and has in reality become my prison) to take a risk, back myself, follow my passion and live more authentically.
Thank you for the beautiful work you do Tara, and for your generous and loving heart – the world is a richer place for your contribution and gentle, kind spirit. Amber
Beautiful way of describing/language things. Only thing, I am not sure the idea of trance captures the strong biological pull of panic for me. But still great (I think is more so captures way I go about life, disconnected & in a trance re what is important) & I am working with it.
If I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, without that fear, I would enjoy being out socially and meeting new people. I would also be trying new things, but fear of rejection makes it so hard, if I do push myself and try something new, the anxiety makes it hard to enjoy. Thank you for the phrase “real but not true”, I think it will help!
I would be Joy, love, happy, not constantly hypervigilant, free to express and speak up amongst other things. Shame, worry, non-safe feeling robs me of living life.
I would be living life in a higher energy field – full of positivity, vibrancy and openness. This would enable me to form more meaningful relationships.
I would be very kind, sure in myself, with confidence, funny, interesting person willing to give her love to all humans, nature, animals, Earth, protector of children and with open hurt and mind to fit them all in 🙂
I would be a grown up. Somehow I feel my fears are rooted in the fact I’ve failed to develop a sense of adult responsibility. And as I grow older, this sense of lack, feeds the fear.
This was so helpful Tara…Real but not true was so powerful for me to think about. I have been trapped and incapacitated by fear and anxiety and this so helpful. I am in therapy but would like to learn more mindfulness tools.
June Traibman, Psychotherapy, Brooklyn, NY, USAsays
I would be the loving, compassionate joyful being I naturally am no matter what negative stuff is happening because I have a belief in the goodness of the universe and the vast potential of life.
scott Dinham, Another Field, WINTHROP, WA, USAsays
The first thing that popped into my mind was the person I’m when I’m sober.
I have a long history of alcoholism which eventually leads to self sabotage. In many ways I feel like I’m a split person. Who I’m when I’m sober, “my best self” who I’m when I’m drinking “under control”, numb and detached, and then there are the times when I self sabotage and I’m a crazy person totally out of control, saying and doing things out of desperation to get somebody’s attention.
I’m sober now and committed to staying sober I look forward to seeing who I become when I’m my, best self all the time. Not having to spend all my time repairing and rebuilding relationships. I think with without fear. I will happier and have way more time to do the things I love. I will be more present. I will not feel like two different people. I will maybe break the life long habit of hiding the part of my that I’m ashamed of.
Dear Tara: Please consider not using words like “decondition” with clients who struggle with conditions of anxiety, OCD & PTSD. The word, “decondition” unintentionally communicates to clients they can somehow erase or “unlearn” fear learning. This is not grounded in the reality of our human brain’s structure & function. Thank you for your ongoing service to our field. & in response to your question – I accept with the whole of experience & this human condition
Thank you so much for this teaching. The concept of ‘Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me’ is both scary and inspiring at the same time. Who would I be?
If I did not believe something was wrong with me, I would feel less the need to judge others as a reassurance that there is also something wrong with them. That would make me kinder, more generous and more curious more often.
Reframing the question
Who would I be if I didn’t believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me? and the fear everyone will suddenly realize I am not good enough disappeared. This a huge question.
I think I would be confused, and probably fall over.
I believe my sense of well-being would improve immediately. My need to project would be unnecessary I would be myself. My fear that drives my need to please because I feel unworthy would disappear. So it possible my social circle would change. My boundaries would be strong when they needed be and much more flexible to change in the light of new learning and experience.
I would be more accepting of refusal disappointment would be a rejection of my ideas and not a rejection of me and if it was a rejection of me. I can choose to ask why or let it go. The internal dialogue of how I could of done that better would still be there but not the damming thought I was never going to be good enough in the first place. I would be more honest with myself and others.
It would feed new habits and fire new neurons in brain To try new things, smile more laugh more and be accepting of outcomes feelings success and failure would be simply success or failure with feelings not being damned for the latter.
Feelings would be felt and more likely expressed in the moment. So I would need to learn a new language of expression.
It would allow me to be more empathic and compassionate with others and more honest when I don’t feel such things but I can still be present with the person. So taking responsibility for my own self- care no I cannot help you at this moment or in that way because… I may still feel guilty by refusing but I would not feel ashamed for my failure.
Lots of things.
I struggle with this question, on the one hand because of your teaching I THINK that I would just be me, living free to do what I enjoy. But what I FEEL, I suppose because of the teaching of my childhood is that I would be a horrible entitled, selfish person and an embarrassment.
I will have to continue to sit with this question. It’s hard for me to imagine myself without a feeling of self doubt and fear of failure, it’s been a part of me for so long.
Shanti Gibian, Other, Yorktown Heights, NY, USAsays
Without fear I would be a person who feels relaxed and at peace with being a caregiver for her elderly mother. I would be more present for what arises each day. Without fear I would not worry so much about the future. I would trust that life will support me and I would be able to relax and enjoy the moment.
I would have a fuller life and reach my true potential.
I think I’d be more relaxed, less focused on trying to make everything perfect or trying to help fix my family and friends’ problems all the time. I’d be comfortable with who I am and what I want to do, not what I think others expect me to do or how they expect me to do it. I’d stop punishing myself by self-sabotaging the things I know bring me joy and give me positive energy and start doing those things again. I’d feel worthy of taking care of myself first and not putting everyone else’s needs first. I’d feel less afraid of being judged.
I would be free! Free to run and jump and laugh and cry, and to be the unique and great musician i am…without the fear of being different..and the fear of rejection!
Hi
Thank you for your teaching You are amazing
..True but not real ….
I’m in the fashion business through a tough time
I’m heading towards collapse
My life would be finished … stress has gripped me
My days at art school and that Happy guy seems but just a memory
…. True but not real … Is difficult when things close in
I fight on with love
Paul
Paul Hely
07525203388
I would be unstoppable!
Such a great question.
I would be a much happier person, more open and definitely more friendly, more smiling, more loving 🙂
I would be a person whose steps and heart are lighter who could engage with others with confidence and happiness. Finding the joy in life.
Very special and helpful…especially the question: “Who would you be if you didn’t believe something was wrong with you?”
Thank you, Tara!
Thank you Tara! The 3 steps are so simple yet powerful. I will be using them.
I would be more able and open to trusting and believing in myself so that it might give me greater courage to lean into the discomfort of stepping out of my “comfort zone” (which is no longer “comfortable” but simply “familiar” and has in reality become my prison) to take a risk, back myself, follow my passion and live more authentically.
Thank you for the beautiful work you do Tara, and for your generous and loving heart – the world is a richer place for your contribution and gentle, kind spirit. Amber
What a powerful question, it opens the door of hope, and the imagination and creativity to heal.
Thanks Tara for giving us these tools.
Beautiful way of describing/language things. Only thing, I am not sure the idea of trance captures the strong biological pull of panic for me. But still great (I think is more so captures way I go about life, disconnected & in a trance re what is important) & I am working with it.
I would be more open to life. Not always looking for threats or for what bad thing might happen next. I could be free to enjoy everything around me.
If I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, without that fear, I would enjoy being out socially and meeting new people. I would also be trying new things, but fear of rejection makes it so hard, if I do push myself and try something new, the anxiety makes it hard to enjoy. Thank you for the phrase “real but not true”, I think it will help!
I would be Joy, love, happy, not constantly hypervigilant, free to express and speak up amongst other things. Shame, worry, non-safe feeling robs me of living life.
Infinite
I would be living life in a higher energy field – full of positivity, vibrancy and openness. This would enable me to form more meaningful relationships.
I would be very kind, sure in myself, with confidence, funny, interesting person willing to give her love to all humans, nature, animals, Earth, protector of children and with open hurt and mind to fit them all in 🙂
I would be the person I was probably meant to be – a writer, a musician or an actor or all of them together. I would also love myself and others more.
I would be a writer! More than journaling I would share my successes and failures (growth) with others beyond being a counselor.
I would be a grown up. Somehow I feel my fears are rooted in the fact I’ve failed to develop a sense of adult responsibility. And as I grow older, this sense of lack, feeds the fear.
I’d allow my self that which I have denied.
To be living my highest good while being respected and loved fully, in the present moment.
This was so helpful Tara…Real but not true was so powerful for me to think about. I have been trapped and incapacitated by fear and anxiety and this so helpful. I am in therapy but would like to learn more mindfulness tools.
A giver of strength and compassion. I’d feel light and joyful. A mistake would just be an opportunity for growth.
I would be lighter and brighter. I would be playful and curios. I would be whole.
I’d be more consistently vibrant, happy and energized, and life would feel lighter.
A fountain of joyful energy
I would be the loving, compassionate joyful being I naturally am no matter what negative stuff is happening because I have a belief in the goodness of the universe and the vast potential of life.
The first thing that popped into my mind was the person I’m when I’m sober.
I have a long history of alcoholism which eventually leads to self sabotage. In many ways I feel like I’m a split person. Who I’m when I’m sober, “my best self” who I’m when I’m drinking “under control”, numb and detached, and then there are the times when I self sabotage and I’m a crazy person totally out of control, saying and doing things out of desperation to get somebody’s attention.
I’m sober now and committed to staying sober I look forward to seeing who I become when I’m my, best self all the time. Not having to spend all my time repairing and rebuilding relationships. I think with without fear. I will happier and have way more time to do the things I love. I will be more present. I will not feel like two different people. I will maybe break the life long habit of hiding the part of my that I’m ashamed of.
I would feel freer, lighter, more joyful. I would be more confident and feel like I belong no matter where I am. I’d be more willing to take risks.
I would be a confident, active person with a ‘can do mind set
Who would I be conjured an image of a energetic, happy, outgoing person who radiates love and fun. I’d love to find her within me.
Dear Tara: Please consider not using words like “decondition” with clients who struggle with conditions of anxiety, OCD & PTSD. The word, “decondition” unintentionally communicates to clients they can somehow erase or “unlearn” fear learning. This is not grounded in the reality of our human brain’s structure & function. Thank you for your ongoing service to our field. & in response to your question – I accept with the whole of experience & this human condition
I’d be free to be my true self.
Thank you so much for this teaching. The concept of ‘Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me’ is both scary and inspiring at the same time. Who would I be?
A powerful woman that feels happy most of the Time, that trusts her self.
confronting the subject of your fear is a mighty tool
Fear…the bottom line…this work is profound
If I did not believe something was wrong with me, I would feel less the need to judge others as a reassurance that there is also something wrong with them. That would make me kinder, more generous and more curious more often.
I would feel free liberated space
Reframing the question
Who would I be if I didn’t believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me? and the fear everyone will suddenly realize I am not good enough disappeared. This a huge question.
I think I would be confused, and probably fall over.
I believe my sense of well-being would improve immediately. My need to project would be unnecessary I would be myself. My fear that drives my need to please because I feel unworthy would disappear. So it possible my social circle would change. My boundaries would be strong when they needed be and much more flexible to change in the light of new learning and experience.
I would be more accepting of refusal disappointment would be a rejection of my ideas and not a rejection of me and if it was a rejection of me. I can choose to ask why or let it go. The internal dialogue of how I could of done that better would still be there but not the damming thought I was never going to be good enough in the first place. I would be more honest with myself and others.
It would feed new habits and fire new neurons in brain To try new things, smile more laugh more and be accepting of outcomes feelings success and failure would be simply success or failure with feelings not being damned for the latter.
Feelings would be felt and more likely expressed in the moment. So I would need to learn a new language of expression.
It would allow me to be more empathic and compassionate with others and more honest when I don’t feel such things but I can still be present with the person. So taking responsibility for my own self- care no I cannot help you at this moment or in that way because… I may still feel guilty by refusing but I would not feel ashamed for my failure.
Lots of things.
tbh l am not sure if l relate to this question. l shall give it consideration though
Thank you so much for this. I will definitely use some of your phrases to help clients with limiting thoughts and beliefs.
Thank you again
Thank you for this lovely talk. Powerful take aways: ‘Real but not true & Who would you be…’
A happier person, able to cope better with more difficult times.
Very freeing process.
I struggle with this question, on the one hand because of your teaching I THINK that I would just be me, living free to do what I enjoy. But what I FEEL, I suppose because of the teaching of my childhood is that I would be a horrible entitled, selfish person and an embarrassment.
A more confident, peaceful human being that can be more compassionate towards myself and others.
I will have to continue to sit with this question. It’s hard for me to imagine myself without a feeling of self doubt and fear of failure, it’s been a part of me for so long.
Without fear I would be a person who feels relaxed and at peace with being a caregiver for her elderly mother. I would be more present for what arises each day. Without fear I would not worry so much about the future. I would trust that life will support me and I would be able to relax and enjoy the moment.