Thank you Tara, I have been in fear all my life and this last year has been one of the worst due to a large trauma that awoke my childhood traumas. Frozen in that fear, flight, freeze for over a year now. Working with a therapist again and using your mindfulness books and videos, but this really grabbed me, (it’s that word “fear”). have been trying to connect with that inner child of so long ago, and finding it very difficult, she doesn’t trust me as I’ve let her down too many times in the past, but I haven’t quite given up yet, looking forward to this.
My mind is finding it difficult to grab on to the question “Who would I be if I didn’t believe there way something wrong with me”, to frozen, but there’s a stirring inside that I want to work on in trying to answer and look at this. Thank you for all that you do, I wish I had found you 50 years ago, but I did find you now and I will keep working.
It’s difficult to accurately respond to your question “ Where would I be without fear?” After 4 years and four different Cancers and chemo and radiation treatments as well as a move to a new small town (my husband’s desire to return to his home state) where I know no one, hence no friends, fear reigns. I feel lost at sea with no life purpose. It’s ironic after a long successful, and busy career. I’m now 76 years old and on the shorter runway in my life span.
Thank you for your succinct talk. I am learning to question my thoughts in a “positive “ way. It’s amazing how the physical symptoms become so real following ruminating that it can become part of “normal “life.
Much appreciated
Vicki Halpern, Social Work, Santa Barbara, CA, USAsays
My husband of 48 yrs. died two years ago. He was my best friend. Since his death, I have developed debilitating fear, anxiety, and depression. I am in therapy and I see my psychiatrist every three weeks. I am taking medication for depression and anxiety, but I am not getting better. I am 72 yrs. old. and I am having great difficulty in just carrying on each day. What else can I do?
Vicki Halpern, retired MSW social worker
Santa Barbara, Ca.
I often wonder who I would be without fear. The logic side of my brain tells me that my fear has kept me safe, that it is healthy to a degree because that fear curbs some of my risk-taking tendencies. It can be comforting in a way and reminds me that I can live in this space. On the other hand, my emotion mind finds fear to be an albatross around my neck, a weighted shackle on my feet that keeps me stuck in a rote existence where everything remains the same. My emotion mind finds fear to be the antithesis to freedom, the squelcher of dreams. …and isn’t it funny that fear is an emotion?
I would probably be dead. Fear is part of the necessary notes on our piano of emotions that we all want to be able to play efficiently and creatively. A new melody every hour of every day.
Thank you. I will use “Pause, pay attention to what’s going on in the moment and mindfully face what we fear” and remember “thoughts may be real but not true”
Lisa Marie Gerhard, Another Field, San Geronimo , CA, USAsays
Simple and beautiful somatic support, thank you 🙏🏼 The first layer for me to the question, “who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?” is more of the same core self-judgement… I would be “too much” for others and this world. Obviously that’s the next layer to bring kindness to.
Francesca Saperstein, Other, Los Angeles, CA, USAsays
Thank you. The question itself has burst open
an inner space of exploration and possibilities!
While I don’t have specific answers yet, the
qualities of faith and hope warm me.
Without fear, I might well not recognize myself and at the same time perhaps I might finally feel seen and heard! I might finally feel I belong, no matter where or with whom I am with. The sense of humanity I feel with everyone from the inside looking out would INCLUDE me, because I would belong to myself in a way that I have not been able to actualize on my own. There would no longer be dissonance between insides and outsides.
Marilyn Korver, Physical Therapy, Camano Island,, WA, USAsays
I believe her question was, who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me? Either way the answer is the same. I don’t know, although I’m excited to find out. I’d like to think I would regularly experience confidence, joy and peace. I would be the real, whole me who I’m just getting glimpses of and I would be pain free.
I’d be a much more self-confident, calm, more outgoing person. I wouldn’t feel the stab of fear when meeting ne people, especially in a group. I wouldn’t feel like I was an impostor. I wouldn’t constantly fear rejection, or engage in behaviors that might invite that.
Celia Huffman, Another Field, Cleveland, OH, USAsays
I believe that phrase/question reveals the differences/chasm between the false and true selves…the true self often buried beneath the lies we have believed about ourselves and the personas we create to shield ourselves from additional pain.
Cynthia Fielding, Counseling, Las Vegas, NV, USAsays
Fear is paralyzing. It stops me doing things I might like to do. It is such an uncomfortable way to live. Compounded by the fear of living without fear; what will happen?
I am a school counselor at an Alternative school (for students that have committed behavioral infractions at their school of record) and I see this play out so often. Students in my office in explosive rage because two classmates “are talking about me.” Real (they are talking) but not true (about me).
On a personal journey, I have seen this play out in my roles as a mother and wife. I have often felt inadequate, or as if I have failed. I am lucky to have a support network that reminds me of my successes and that measuring up to perfection is always failure. Additionally they encourage me to continue to set realistic expectations so I can be happy with my personal performance. I’m truly a perfectionist at heart, but I am learning to recognize what is truly important vs. what I believe to be important in life.
I truly wish I could engage in the 6 week course. With the end of the school year approaching, my time is maxed out. However, I am highly intrigued and would love to attend a summer session if available.
if I didn’t believe something was fundamentally wrong with me, I would be much happier and more likely to take risks. I wouldn’t be so afraid of failure or being “less” than.
I’d be somebody else!!
Fear has been a companion all my life – I find it very hard to imagine who or how I’d be without it by my side. I can imagine how somebody else would be without fear – but can’t really imagine it for myself.
“Real but not true” is a really difficult thought to work with.
I’m so used to think that my head contains truth that I can’t admit that my own brain can even produce false thoughts.
It’s a tough job but also a necessary one.
I hope to be strong enough to walk on this path
I would have my own full private practice that would help those with stress and trauma. I would be teaching awareness and skills and techniques to schools to the teachers and students
Linda Keller, Psychotherapy, Westport, CT, USAsays
Tara…As you spoke about fear, especially the notion of real but not true, I thought about one or two current clients for whom this concept would be of great help. However, when you connected the word ‘fear’ with the word ‘grief,’ I felt a huge sob in the pit of my stomach. No surprise… an image of my mother emerged along with memories of never doing anything that was good enough, never being encouraged and never ever allowed to feel special or triumphant. I have certainly talked about the resentment, hurt, and anger in therapy, but at this moment I am feeling a tremendous sense of grief that I suspect is over never having been able to love myself. For now, I need to sit with that grief, allow it to be, and see where it leads.
Added note: If I think about who I would be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, I would probably be who I am but with a greater sense of freedom.
I would be as free as I was always meant to be before I became enslaved to the mind and nervous system vigilantly trying to protect me.
Aloha
the best version of myself
connie
I would feel more peace and judge myself and others less.
Thank you Tara, I have been in fear all my life and this last year has been one of the worst due to a large trauma that awoke my childhood traumas. Frozen in that fear, flight, freeze for over a year now. Working with a therapist again and using your mindfulness books and videos, but this really grabbed me, (it’s that word “fear”). have been trying to connect with that inner child of so long ago, and finding it very difficult, she doesn’t trust me as I’ve let her down too many times in the past, but I haven’t quite given up yet, looking forward to this.
My mind is finding it difficult to grab on to the question “Who would I be if I didn’t believe there way something wrong with me”, to frozen, but there’s a stirring inside that I want to work on in trying to answer and look at this. Thank you for all that you do, I wish I had found you 50 years ago, but I did find you now and I will keep working.
I would find peace
It’s difficult to accurately respond to your question “ Where would I be without fear?” After 4 years and four different Cancers and chemo and radiation treatments as well as a move to a new small town (my husband’s desire to return to his home state) where I know no one, hence no friends, fear reigns. I feel lost at sea with no life purpose. It’s ironic after a long successful, and busy career. I’m now 76 years old and on the shorter runway in my life span.
I agree that the patterns of belief can manifest in real but not true experiences.
I would be a loving person and able to do the things I prevent myself from doing now because I’m afraid.
Thank you for your succinct talk. I am learning to question my thoughts in a “positive “ way. It’s amazing how the physical symptoms become so real following ruminating that it can become part of “normal “life.
Much appreciated
My husband of 48 yrs. died two years ago. He was my best friend. Since his death, I have developed debilitating fear, anxiety, and depression. I am in therapy and I see my psychiatrist every three weeks. I am taking medication for depression and anxiety, but I am not getting better. I am 72 yrs. old. and I am having great difficulty in just carrying on each day. What else can I do?
Vicki Halpern, retired MSW social worker
Santa Barbara, Ca.
Hmmm….Who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me? Honestly, I really don’t know.
I would be happy and free. And trusting and safe with myself.
I often wonder who I would be without fear. The logic side of my brain tells me that my fear has kept me safe, that it is healthy to a degree because that fear curbs some of my risk-taking tendencies. It can be comforting in a way and reminds me that I can live in this space. On the other hand, my emotion mind finds fear to be an albatross around my neck, a weighted shackle on my feet that keeps me stuck in a rote existence where everything remains the same. My emotion mind finds fear to be the antithesis to freedom, the squelcher of dreams. …and isn’t it funny that fear is an emotion?
I would be free and unstoppable and more successful
A fallen angel of light, an artist, a mystey, a song, an excellent horse whisperer and rider, a mother and more 🧚🏼♂️🫧🕊️🔥🌏🌳💫
I already am but my clients would like to be.
I would be another person, would have lived a different life, would have found myself decades ago.
I would probably be dead. Fear is part of the necessary notes on our piano of emotions that we all want to be able to play efficiently and creatively. A new melody every hour of every day.
Thank you. I will use “Pause, pay attention to what’s going on in the moment and mindfully face what we fear” and remember “thoughts may be real but not true”
A robot?
Simple and beautiful somatic support, thank you 🙏🏼 The first layer for me to the question, “who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me?” is more of the same core self-judgement… I would be “too much” for others and this world. Obviously that’s the next layer to bring kindness to.
Thank you. The question itself has burst open
an inner space of exploration and possibilities!
While I don’t have specific answers yet, the
qualities of faith and hope warm me.
Without fear, I might well not recognize myself and at the same time perhaps I might finally feel seen and heard! I might finally feel I belong, no matter where or with whom I am with. The sense of humanity I feel with everyone from the inside looking out would INCLUDE me, because I would belong to myself in a way that I have not been able to actualize on my own. There would no longer be dissonance between insides and outsides.
I believe her question was, who would I be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me? Either way the answer is the same. I don’t know, although I’m excited to find out. I’d like to think I would regularly experience confidence, joy and peace. I would be the real, whole me who I’m just getting glimpses of and I would be pain free.
I’d be a much more self-confident, calm, more outgoing person. I wouldn’t feel the stab of fear when meeting ne people, especially in a group. I wouldn’t feel like I was an impostor. I wouldn’t constantly fear rejection, or engage in behaviors that might invite that.
I believe that phrase/question reveals the differences/chasm between the false and true selves…the true self often buried beneath the lies we have believed about ourselves and the personas we create to shield ourselves from additional pain.
I could always relax Info my beeing
I would be a much happier person and achieve more.
Fear is paralyzing. It stops me doing things I might like to do. It is such an uncomfortable way to live. Compounded by the fear of living without fear; what will happen?
I will practice with who would l be if I didn’t think something was wrong with me?
I’ve become what I thought and I can change that cycle.
I would be authentic I would be me fully. Creative, kind, loving, thankfull and at peace ❤️🙏 Thank you Tara ❤️😊
I am a school counselor at an Alternative school (for students that have committed behavioral infractions at their school of record) and I see this play out so often. Students in my office in explosive rage because two classmates “are talking about me.” Real (they are talking) but not true (about me).
On a personal journey, I have seen this play out in my roles as a mother and wife. I have often felt inadequate, or as if I have failed. I am lucky to have a support network that reminds me of my successes and that measuring up to perfection is always failure. Additionally they encourage me to continue to set realistic expectations so I can be happy with my personal performance. I’m truly a perfectionist at heart, but I am learning to recognize what is truly important vs. what I believe to be important in life.
I truly wish I could engage in the 6 week course. With the end of the school year approaching, my time is maxed out. However, I am highly intrigued and would love to attend a summer session if available.
if I didn’t believe something was fundamentally wrong with me, I would be much happier and more likely to take risks. I wouldn’t be so afraid of failure or being “less” than.
Real but not true. This is such a great prompt to turn and lean into the habitual thoughts.
Thank you, Tara.
I’d be somebody else!!
Fear has been a companion all my life – I find it very hard to imagine who or how I’d be without it by my side. I can imagine how somebody else would be without fear – but can’t really imagine it for myself.
Thank you!
“Real but not true” is a really difficult thought to work with.
I’m so used to think that my head contains truth that I can’t admit that my own brain can even produce false thoughts.
It’s a tough job but also a necessary one.
I hope to be strong enough to walk on this path
I would feel energised, better at self care and seeing my creative projects through to completion.
I still don’t know exactly who I would be, but I would like to be a better, more loving partner and a better exampe of strength for my children…
Thank you Tara for this clear and powerful teaching. Your insights have the power to help so many who are stuck in suffering.
I may be willing to open up to connection with others.
Courageous enough to rise above the labels of illness
I would have my own full private practice that would help those with stress and trauma. I would be teaching awareness and skills and techniques to schools to the teachers and students
I would be a happier, lively soul engaging with others from who I am as a whole!
I would be the most joyful and compassionate version of myself. Thank you, Tara!
I geuss I would be more creative and playfull. And be more present in my coaching.
Thank you very much for this clear and helpful program!
I would be able to stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and be able to move forward in a new way.
Tara…As you spoke about fear, especially the notion of real but not true, I thought about one or two current clients for whom this concept would be of great help. However, when you connected the word ‘fear’ with the word ‘grief,’ I felt a huge sob in the pit of my stomach. No surprise… an image of my mother emerged along with memories of never doing anything that was good enough, never being encouraged and never ever allowed to feel special or triumphant. I have certainly talked about the resentment, hurt, and anger in therapy, but at this moment I am feeling a tremendous sense of grief that I suspect is over never having been able to love myself. For now, I need to sit with that grief, allow it to be, and see where it leads.
Added note: If I think about who I would be if I didn’t believe something was wrong with me, I would probably be who I am but with a greater sense of freedom.
I would be more courageous pursuing my goals and believe in my abilities.
Less alert with what and what not to say and to do. More spontaneous and free of mind.