Faith.. I am more fearful not to venture out than to have never tried to change the fear that has attached to so many areas in me. I numb out and try to be still..
Attending The Brain Injury Association and ĺearn.. find acceptance and feel in a safe environment with an amazing worker.
For me it is a three step process. The first is recognition. I can not constructively address my fear if I don’t recognize that my behavior or thinking on any one topic has a component of fear. The second is an honest look into the quantity of fear is present as this helps indicate for me how serious or committed I need to be in addressing the matter. And thirdly I work to find a workable “tactic” in finding the freedom to move fear out of the equation and incorporating it into my own processes.
It helps me to slow down, make time for fun and beauty, spend less time on the internet picking up all the “future fear” about very real climate changes happening even now. Listen to good music, and make the time for meditation, slowing down that mind-chatter and challenging it too. Thank you for offering this to us!
Here is a combination of several approaches that have helped in many situations: It can be guided – or taught as a self healing tool/option….
I welcome any thoughts about it….
(as in approaches suggested by Katherine Woodward Thomas):
1) If feeling an unconfortable emotion, asking – a person or oneself – where in your body do you feel it?
2) On a scale of 1-10, (1 minimal, 10 profound) what would you rate the discomfort or intensity of what you are feeling?
3) If that part of the body could talk, what might it be called?
4) How old might it be?
5) This excercise can help to identify it, and to hear what it might be trying to tell us
6) This excercise can potentially help to transform and begin to heal that, too….
I recently heard the term “our Emotional Family” and the words just resonated – something started to come together …..
If we all do have our own inner emotional family, what might unconditional love for each and every member of our emotional family (and ourselves) look and feel like?
I could envision a home filled with the spectum of emotions – our “Emotional Home” and want it to be welcoming….
And what if an unconfortable emotion, like “Fear” showed up at the front door?
Instead of resisting, what if we genuinely welcomed Fear in…. ?
What if we were able to genuinely greet and welcome, sit with, and deeply listen to Fear …. from our deepest place within fromour core of natural wisdkm, love, compassion…. wholeheartedly?
What if we said :
“We’re soooo glad you are here….! Please come inside, we have been waiting for you – we have a spot here just for you. You belong, are loved, and are appreciated ….
Feel free to stay as long as you would like…. You are always welcome. And we additionally appreciate what you do – you are a protector, thank you….
You have always been a hard working messenger – so helpful, and always bring with you important information.
Ae’re glad you are here. And, We want to hear anything /everything you would like to share, for as long as you would like…. and anything you would like to let us know….
(Then listening deeply, until fear has nothing left to say….. )
Acknowledging and thanking them for their sharing offering sincere greatfulness, support, encouragement and unconditional love…..
We can then ask (such as encouraged by Katherine Woodward Thomas)
What are you feeling? …..
with caring response…. “I can see that you are feeling _______”
and
“Please share – What are you needing? ”
(like Love, Compassion, Support, etc….)
(Next, I like an approach by Jennifer McClean, who, in addition to asking “what are you feeling, and what are you needing?” in her 7 step process she calls Spontaneous Transformation, she then offers….)
Can you imagine and feel what it might be like to experience your need being met in full, right now?
(such as – experiencing right now what it might feel like to experience unconditional love being fully received)
How does it feel? (the response is usually “amazing”)
I can see that you feel “unconditional love”
Can you then also sense what it then might feel like to experience and embody having that need met in full, and also radiating that need, outward to others, too at the same time?
Such as fully feeling and sending out unconditional love at the same time?
(response it typically yes)
“How does that feel?”
(the response is typically, “Amazing”
“I can see that you feel _______”
Next, in Jennifer Mclean’s Spontaneous Transformation, she instructs:
You can now “claim it” (transform it) ….
On the count of 3 by saying
“I am ___X (unconditional love, etc)___”
1, 2, 3 :
“I am unconditional love!”
How does that feel?
And now you are able to provide that from yourself, to yourself, at anytime, anywhere….!
Now, on a scale of 1-10, what number would you give it?
You now have that additional ability to help transform things like that, and other issues, feelings, or things that bother you – even in “real time” from now on….
I hope this adaptation /combination of several approaches, can be of additional help to others…..
Please consider sharing any thoughts or ideas any of you might have about this process ( :
A rational conversation with myself that the fear won’t go away unless I address it usually motivates me to face it, regardless of what I think the consequences will be. I close my eyes and jump, and usually what is on the other side is better than what I felt in the face of fear.
As part of my job I have to set meetings with potential clients over the phone. Sometimes when I know it’s a big account I get very anxious before the call. Even to the point where I hope they won’t answer. Once they call begins the anxiety dissolves and I’m able to continue without any issues but why go through all that in the first place? Your advice here is very helpful and simply recognizing what’s happening makes it better. Sometimes I try telling myself that everything will be fine as it always is and use some positive motivational mantras. Like I’m amazing, smart, likeable etc. Also taking a few deeps breathes and focusing on my breathing helps clear and reset my mind. I hope that eventually it will stop happening all together.
Thank you for a very positive message I liked it very much after having a cup of coffee which I don’t usually drink and it gives me the flight or flight response. So I will work with what you said. I also feel aggression boiling up periodically. Thanks again and have a wonderful day when you wake up because it is 10:58 A.M. here in Thailand where I moved 20 years ago from Boulder, CO and eastern time in the U.S. it would be 10:58 P.M. Peace
Response to Fear (Revisited)
It has been many years since I referred to this prayer but over the past few days it came to mind. “The Prayer of St. Francis” (“The Peace Prayer of St. Francis”) is a proactive prayer invoking God’s transference of peace through intercession, and the actions of the supplicant. In the prayer there is the call to dispel the world of darkness, hatred and despair and to plant the seeds of hope, faith and love; to actively, not passively, share compassion for all.
It is said that perfect love (truth and grace?) casts out fear. I know Love does not extend the paycheck. I learn to make do with what I have. Is there a faith that there is a benevolent master plan? Compassion does not erase a sudden violent outburst and the subsequent fears. The harmful circumstances will never change, but compassion and understanding promote the healing of injury and the renewal of trust over time.
Laughter dispels fear even if it is a bit nervous at the start. (“A smile is something everybody, everywhere does in the same language…”)
My troubles and cares: the doubt, despair, darkness, sadness, and fear. These need diversion whether it is “the still small voice,” Lizzie’s cold nudging nose, the comfort and companionship of a friend. These are reminders that whatever it is, I need to get off my mental merry-go-round and move on. Move towards the light and the mountain top. Follow my path. Easier said than done. Yes, but take the first step.
On the other side of fear is courage. I have heard it said that fear is universal; fear becomes attached when we try to fight it, resist it or wrestle with it; and there is a way out of fear… Those who are courageous move ahead, step by step, despite the threatening fear. They have a way to stay present, unmoved and confident amid the waves. They have nothing to prove to themselves or anyone else. I try to find my mantra, my medal, something to believe in, something to internalize, but ultimately, I realize my unworthiness. The truth is that it is something that has been there all along. This is that something inside of me that moves me forward; it just must be uncovered. What is it outside of me that moves me forward? It is that something greater than myself and my fear. It lifts me up. It inspires me.
Let go. Go loose. Let it be. Take up courage!
I use these responses for clients and self
Breathing and movement – so the body can retain some control of any fear and anxiety this can include removing self from a situation before I “just react”
Focusing on what is at the root of the trigger – fear of rejection or fear of judgement or fear of retaliation fear of not being worthy/ or lacking integrity etc
Working on strategies to deal with that fear and situation- questioning
– is it real and or rational
– is it intentional – understanding the why
– is it that bad – consequences of the trigger and scaling reactions
– taking positive action – things under personal control through to no influence or control. Breathe and move all the way.
what helps me deal with fear is praying and meditation. increasing my spiritual contact with my higher power and transcendental meditation. more so in times of deep stress!!
There are many reasons for fear to be paramount in my life…abuse as a child and adult, unexpected losses of people dear to me, including my child, my brother, my fiancé, health issues that have caused terrible pain and some amount of helplessness. But when I was a child of seven years, I decided that threats of death from an abusing uncle were not real to me because I had no fear of death. So I ran away from him, went into a local church to hide, and felt very good about taking the action I did.
When fear tries to take hold of me, I remember how strong and brave I was at seven. I bring my consciousness to that little church where I felt comfort and security, and where I learned that I am not alone and death is nothing to fear.
Trying my best knowing I may succeed and if I fail it can be a learning opportunity. Not trying at all, avoidance has made me miss out on so many things. At 59 I want to live without regrets, I need to push beyond my fears. That realizations helping me face my fears.
Trying my best knowing I may succeed and if I fail it can be a learning opportunity. Not trying at all avoidance has made me miss out on so many things. At 59 I want to live without regrets, I need to push beyond my fears.
I developed anxiety while driving 2.5 years ago when I had a panic attack while on the freeway. I have avoided freeway driving for the most part, except for short distances. I used to be a road warrior and I want that freedom back!
Thank you. Helping myself and clients face fear has involved becoming aware of the emotion and the thoughts we have that increase it. Practicing mindfulness daily with compassion also helps.
I meditate/journey and face fears that confront me. I am not sure if it has helped my life in this dimension, probably in some unseen way as I still have a lot of fear and anxiety in living every day.
In the last several months, I have used your guided meditations and talks almost every day. It’s incredible how simple it has become to sooth my anxiety, to quiet my mind, and to allow and embrace the fears that arise. To think that it wasn’t until the age of 54 that I discovered that my coping mechanisms really weren’t serving me.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!!
Recognize the feeling and state it out loud.
Meditation.
Deep breathing.
Prioritizing.
Exercise.
Sleep hygiene.
Healthy eating.
Substance use reduction.
Reduce stimulants such as caffeine, sugars and carbs.
Teas: chamomile
Communication skill building.
Conflict resolution skills.
Drumming and singing.
Arts.
Knowledge is power.
Community involvement.
Social network.
Groups.
Apps for meditation or mindfulness.
Empowering the client and identifying strengths.
I believe that clients (and I!) are best helped to deal with fear when we enhance our ability to recognize and then accept its presence, learning that there is a reason and even a purpose for their existence (and not that I’m ‘sick’ or ‘messed up’) but, as Tara noted, we learn how to accept it but not let it ‘take over’ us. Mindfulness is very important in recognizing fear’s presence. It is also helpful for us to realize that we have voices/parts (like IFS) and we can develop the ability to recognize their presence and then enable our ‘captain’, to not have the ‘pirate’ take over the ship. This certainly takes practice and guidance, but it is doable.
Knowledge and information helps me with fear. I am a mother of a mentally ill son and I face fear mainly due to him. So I attend NAMI meetings and connect with parents with sons or daughters with similar diagnosis. With more knowledge and help from them all, I tend to quiet my anxiety due to the actions of my adult son.
With everyday anxiety I find that if I make a list of what I am avoiding or putting off, I can then go right to the hardest thing – and do it! The phone call I dread, the pile of papers, the doctor appointments I need to make, the thing I need to say no to. If I do the hardest first the rest is easier and I feel such relief. As for some actual phobias – I need help there!
I have to leave the situation or find a way to break my focus on the fear. Then the overbearing presence is gone and I can go back & react to the situation not the fear.
What helps me face fear? Support from Loved Ones.
Faith.. I am more fearful not to venture out than to have never tried to change the fear that has attached to so many areas in me. I numb out and try to be still..
Attending The Brain Injury Association and ĺearn.. find acceptance and feel in a safe environment with an amazing worker.
Thank you.
I try to carry on no matter what, we have to,
Thank you so much. Very helpful. I know some of this at my age —but fear is a huge amnesiac!
When I see no other options
I run away and hide
Thank you.
For me it is a three step process. The first is recognition. I can not constructively address my fear if I don’t recognize that my behavior or thinking on any one topic has a component of fear. The second is an honest look into the quantity of fear is present as this helps indicate for me how serious or committed I need to be in addressing the matter. And thirdly I work to find a workable “tactic” in finding the freedom to move fear out of the equation and incorporating it into my own processes.
It helps me to slow down, make time for fun and beauty, spend less time on the internet picking up all the “future fear” about very real climate changes happening even now. Listen to good music, and make the time for meditation, slowing down that mind-chatter and challenging it too. Thank you for offering this to us!
Here is a combination of several approaches that have helped in many situations: It can be guided – or taught as a self healing tool/option….
I welcome any thoughts about it….
(as in approaches suggested by Katherine Woodward Thomas):
1) If feeling an unconfortable emotion, asking – a person or oneself – where in your body do you feel it?
2) On a scale of 1-10, (1 minimal, 10 profound) what would you rate the discomfort or intensity of what you are feeling?
3) If that part of the body could talk, what might it be called?
4) How old might it be?
5) This excercise can help to identify it, and to hear what it might be trying to tell us
6) This excercise can potentially help to transform and begin to heal that, too….
I recently heard the term “our Emotional Family” and the words just resonated – something started to come together …..
If we all do have our own inner emotional family, what might unconditional love for each and every member of our emotional family (and ourselves) look and feel like?
I could envision a home filled with the spectum of emotions – our “Emotional Home” and want it to be welcoming….
And what if an unconfortable emotion, like “Fear” showed up at the front door?
Instead of resisting, what if we genuinely welcomed Fear in…. ?
What if we were able to genuinely greet and welcome, sit with, and deeply listen to Fear …. from our deepest place within fromour core of natural wisdkm, love, compassion…. wholeheartedly?
What if we said :
“We’re soooo glad you are here….! Please come inside, we have been waiting for you – we have a spot here just for you. You belong, are loved, and are appreciated ….
Feel free to stay as long as you would like…. You are always welcome. And we additionally appreciate what you do – you are a protector, thank you….
You have always been a hard working messenger – so helpful, and always bring with you important information.
Ae’re glad you are here. And, We want to hear anything /everything you would like to share, for as long as you would like…. and anything you would like to let us know….
(Then listening deeply, until fear has nothing left to say….. )
Acknowledging and thanking them for their sharing offering sincere greatfulness, support, encouragement and unconditional love…..
We can then ask (such as encouraged by Katherine Woodward Thomas)
What are you feeling? …..
with caring response…. “I can see that you are feeling _______”
and
“Please share – What are you needing? ”
(like Love, Compassion, Support, etc….)
(Next, I like an approach by Jennifer McClean, who, in addition to asking “what are you feeling, and what are you needing?” in her 7 step process she calls Spontaneous Transformation, she then offers….)
Can you imagine and feel what it might be like to experience your need being met in full, right now?
(such as – experiencing right now what it might feel like to experience unconditional love being fully received)
How does it feel? (the response is usually “amazing”)
I can see that you feel “unconditional love”
Can you then also sense what it then might feel like to experience and embody having that need met in full, and also radiating that need, outward to others, too at the same time?
Such as fully feeling and sending out unconditional love at the same time?
(response it typically yes)
“How does that feel?”
(the response is typically, “Amazing”
“I can see that you feel _______”
Next, in Jennifer Mclean’s Spontaneous Transformation, she instructs:
You can now “claim it” (transform it) ….
On the count of 3 by saying
“I am ___X (unconditional love, etc)___”
1, 2, 3 :
“I am unconditional love!”
How does that feel?
And now you are able to provide that from yourself, to yourself, at anytime, anywhere….!
Now, on a scale of 1-10, what number would you give it?
You now have that additional ability to help transform things like that, and other issues, feelings, or things that bother you – even in “real time” from now on….
I hope this adaptation /combination of several approaches, can be of additional help to others…..
Please consider sharing any thoughts or ideas any of you might have about this process ( :
Thank you
– Stephanie ( :
Courage to lean into the growth that comes from it
A rational conversation with myself that the fear won’t go away unless I address it usually motivates me to face it, regardless of what I think the consequences will be. I close my eyes and jump, and usually what is on the other side is better than what I felt in the face of fear.
Thank you, Tara.
As part of my job I have to set meetings with potential clients over the phone. Sometimes when I know it’s a big account I get very anxious before the call. Even to the point where I hope they won’t answer. Once they call begins the anxiety dissolves and I’m able to continue without any issues but why go through all that in the first place? Your advice here is very helpful and simply recognizing what’s happening makes it better. Sometimes I try telling myself that everything will be fine as it always is and use some positive motivational mantras. Like I’m amazing, smart, likeable etc. Also taking a few deeps breathes and focusing on my breathing helps clear and reset my mind. I hope that eventually it will stop happening all together.
Prayer helps me.
Thank you for a very positive message I liked it very much after having a cup of coffee which I don’t usually drink and it gives me the flight or flight response. So I will work with what you said. I also feel aggression boiling up periodically. Thanks again and have a wonderful day when you wake up because it is 10:58 A.M. here in Thailand where I moved 20 years ago from Boulder, CO and eastern time in the U.S. it would be 10:58 P.M. Peace
tapping, energy exercises, meditation, chanting, humming
Allowing it, although scary, often works for me
Response to Fear (Revisited)
It has been many years since I referred to this prayer but over the past few days it came to mind. “The Prayer of St. Francis” (“The Peace Prayer of St. Francis”) is a proactive prayer invoking God’s transference of peace through intercession, and the actions of the supplicant. In the prayer there is the call to dispel the world of darkness, hatred and despair and to plant the seeds of hope, faith and love; to actively, not passively, share compassion for all.
It is said that perfect love (truth and grace?) casts out fear. I know Love does not extend the paycheck. I learn to make do with what I have. Is there a faith that there is a benevolent master plan? Compassion does not erase a sudden violent outburst and the subsequent fears. The harmful circumstances will never change, but compassion and understanding promote the healing of injury and the renewal of trust over time.
Laughter dispels fear even if it is a bit nervous at the start. (“A smile is something everybody, everywhere does in the same language…”)
My troubles and cares: the doubt, despair, darkness, sadness, and fear. These need diversion whether it is “the still small voice,” Lizzie’s cold nudging nose, the comfort and companionship of a friend. These are reminders that whatever it is, I need to get off my mental merry-go-round and move on. Move towards the light and the mountain top. Follow my path. Easier said than done. Yes, but take the first step.
On the other side of fear is courage. I have heard it said that fear is universal; fear becomes attached when we try to fight it, resist it or wrestle with it; and there is a way out of fear… Those who are courageous move ahead, step by step, despite the threatening fear. They have a way to stay present, unmoved and confident amid the waves. They have nothing to prove to themselves or anyone else. I try to find my mantra, my medal, something to believe in, something to internalize, but ultimately, I realize my unworthiness. The truth is that it is something that has been there all along. This is that something inside of me that moves me forward; it just must be uncovered. What is it outside of me that moves me forward? It is that something greater than myself and my fear. It lifts me up. It inspires me.
Let go. Go loose. Let it be. Take up courage!
Noticing it, feeling my breathing, and just spending a little time in kind awareness of it.
Giving it shape, form,color, temperature, texture and sound.
Feeling resourced and supported
I use these responses for clients and self
Breathing and movement – so the body can retain some control of any fear and anxiety this can include removing self from a situation before I “just react”
Focusing on what is at the root of the trigger – fear of rejection or fear of judgement or fear of retaliation fear of not being worthy/ or lacking integrity etc
Working on strategies to deal with that fear and situation- questioning
– is it real and or rational
– is it intentional – understanding the why
– is it that bad – consequences of the trigger and scaling reactions
– taking positive action – things under personal control through to no influence or control. Breathe and move all the way.
what helps me deal with fear is praying and meditation. increasing my spiritual contact with my higher power and transcendental meditation. more so in times of deep stress!!
There are many reasons for fear to be paramount in my life…abuse as a child and adult, unexpected losses of people dear to me, including my child, my brother, my fiancé, health issues that have caused terrible pain and some amount of helplessness. But when I was a child of seven years, I decided that threats of death from an abusing uncle were not real to me because I had no fear of death. So I ran away from him, went into a local church to hide, and felt very good about taking the action I did.
When fear tries to take hold of me, I remember how strong and brave I was at seven. I bring my consciousness to that little church where I felt comfort and security, and where I learned that I am not alone and death is nothing to fear.
Trying my best knowing I may succeed and if I fail it can be a learning opportunity. Not trying at all, avoidance has made me miss out on so many things. At 59 I want to live without regrets, I need to push beyond my fears. That realizations helping me face my fears.
Awareness. Meditation, acceptance
Trying my best knowing I may succeed and if I fail it can be a learning opportunity. Not trying at all avoidance has made me miss out on so many things. At 59 I want to live without regrets, I need to push beyond my fears.
Instead of seeing judgment, lack or fear in situations, I try to see and be love.
Fear of failure..being misunderstood. Secure..
Developing skills to deal with what is feared so there can be increased confidence in one’s ability to deal with it.
I developed anxiety while driving 2.5 years ago when I had a panic attack while on the freeway. I have avoided freeway driving for the most part, except for short distances. I used to be a road warrior and I want that freedom back!
Thank you. Helping myself and clients face fear has involved becoming aware of the emotion and the thoughts we have that increase it. Practicing mindfulness daily with compassion also helps.
I dont know, perhaps being by myself as there is nothing to fear when alone.
The 5 Immeasurables
Feeling safe, secure and supported
I meditate/journey and face fears that confront me. I am not sure if it has helped my life in this dimension, probably in some unseen way as I still have a lot of fear and anxiety in living every day.
I pray,meditate,give myself reiki,breathe,call in my angels,or just vent.
Prayer to Jesus helps me! Would like to experience me time.
In the last several months, I have used your guided meditations and talks almost every day. It’s incredible how simple it has become to sooth my anxiety, to quiet my mind, and to allow and embrace the fears that arise. To think that it wasn’t until the age of 54 that I discovered that my coping mechanisms really weren’t serving me.
I’m very grateful to have found you.
Friends suppoer family facing ut mediation
Feel the fear and do it anyway!!
Recognize the feeling and state it out loud.
Meditation.
Deep breathing.
Prioritizing.
Exercise.
Sleep hygiene.
Healthy eating.
Substance use reduction.
Reduce stimulants such as caffeine, sugars and carbs.
Teas: chamomile
Communication skill building.
Conflict resolution skills.
Drumming and singing.
Arts.
Knowledge is power.
Community involvement.
Social network.
Groups.
Apps for meditation or mindfulness.
Empowering the client and identifying strengths.
Meditation, self-hypnosis recordings, cannabis
Support and lack of judgement from others. My team practice unconditional positive regard with our clients every day.
I believe that clients (and I!) are best helped to deal with fear when we enhance our ability to recognize and then accept its presence, learning that there is a reason and even a purpose for their existence (and not that I’m ‘sick’ or ‘messed up’) but, as Tara noted, we learn how to accept it but not let it ‘take over’ us. Mindfulness is very important in recognizing fear’s presence. It is also helpful for us to realize that we have voices/parts (like IFS) and we can develop the ability to recognize their presence and then enable our ‘captain’, to not have the ‘pirate’ take over the ship. This certainly takes practice and guidance, but it is doable.
Focused breath
meditation
Daily exercise
Knowledge and information helps me with fear. I am a mother of a mentally ill son and I face fear mainly due to him. So I attend NAMI meetings and connect with parents with sons or daughters with similar diagnosis. With more knowledge and help from them all, I tend to quiet my anxiety due to the actions of my adult son.
Physical exercise like walking or dancing.
With everyday anxiety I find that if I make a list of what I am avoiding or putting off, I can then go right to the hardest thing – and do it! The phone call I dread, the pile of papers, the doctor appointments I need to make, the thing I need to say no to. If I do the hardest first the rest is easier and I feel such relief. As for some actual phobias – I need help there!
I have to leave the situation or find a way to break my focus on the fear. Then the overbearing presence is gone and I can go back & react to the situation not the fear.