Self-compassion – becoming aware of the critic inside us, noticing and substituting a gentle, compassionate encouragement. So often fear and anxiety are stoked by self-criticism, harsh demands on ourselves and shame. Starting with awareness and treating ourselves more gently is what I encourage clients to do and what I have found helpful personally.
Breath
RAIN practice. Hello old friend fear. Acknowledge it’s my Irish birth right to think these thoughts.
Walk into the fear. Just keep swimming.
Visualization
Practice with imagination & defuse the imagery. For instance, visualize a dandelion & blow away the bits
Dance
Music: these boots were made for walking & other songs that resonate
Worry journal: journal a…z on whatever might go wrong with the situation; close the book for a week & live life & check in next week with another journal entry
Shopping is usually therapeutic for me. With a girlfriend. We visit the second hand stores & buy the most outrageous things for our children.
Knitting. You can’t run a mental dialogue while following a more complex pattern. Helps move the brain over to more positive circuitry.
When I confront a fearful situation I ask myself what is the worst thing/outcome that could happen? A lot of times the answer is something irrational, a projection into the future. So I try to face it staying in the present moment
I have a tendency to want to face my fears. What I have to do is understand my fragility and have compassion for myself as a mother does when a child wakes in fear of a nightmare. Then breathe and silently chanting with my right hand on my heart. That works when I only have a few minutes to compose.
Mostly being honest but being mindful of my inner critic. The tendency to blame or shame myself or others. Those things must be addressed before I can lovingly care for myself and others.
Hi, I recently had a colleague return to my team. She sat with her back to me, in part because the office is small and there was nowhere else she could easily put her chair. But, as I tried to sit in a way to accommodate her I worried that maybe this was deliberate and her shunning me.
I felt my heart sink, or more accurately, a knot / adrenaline jolt at the top of my stomach.
I then stopped and asked myself ‘do I know this for sure?’ and realised that I did not. This then allowed to relax and focus on the meeting at hand. Later that day we were getting on ok.
Meditation.
Being kinds to myself. Self-compassion for this experience.
Listening to recorded lessons from my Buddhist teachers.
Remembering books like Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.
Talking with my partner. Being held. Gives the sense of not-alone.
I may be in the wrong space, I do work with people and can be of assistance with looking at and quelling fear in which case I encourage writing, allowing and hot tubs. nurturing self, breath work, mudras, and imagining.
For myself I use breath work, dance, writing, I have opened to feeling it and it can become overwhelming, some of the fear is not my own and that can be confusing. I pick up other emotions, thoughts and think they are my own. For the most part, I can manage the physical response to fear but my mind’s patterns are stuck and that what is what drew me to this site. I want to find a way to move beyond my limits
Hi Tara, what helps me face fear is learning and applying practices from such as yourself, and in that regard, I liked this video because it is succinct and practical.
Facing it head on; I have been able to do this with the help of mindfulness. Prior to practing mindfulness, I just my feelings of fear away, which only made them worse.
Beautiful, truly beautiful, at a time that I’m facing much fear. Wholeheartedly, many thanks.
I’m a practicing lay yogee and I’m trying to comprehend their advice on seeing fear as a making of the mind of which we are not.
Your words help reinforce that, I’ll endeavour to replay it many times.
Muchas gracias.
Hi as a therapist and a human being I am always searching for ways that will help reduce fear. Mindfulness and Tapping are the two sills I have been using recently. Now I am be facing a knee replacement so will be grateful for new ideas of coping with this anxiety.
Being positive.. keeping a chart and realising 8 times out of 10 it didn’t happen.
Affirmation e.g Yes I can…anti -depressants.. regular conversations with my psychologist, mindful breathing, exercise, mindful activities such as zentangle.
This was an excellent presentation.
I teach AlexanderTechnique
With my hands I give an experience of time and space which access their vibrant energy of the present . It is a kind of witness , accceptance.
I let has helped me emensely over the years this witness or observing skill. It has helped many of my students/ clients.
As you mentioned in this teaching, many of my clients have found that making space for fear, rather than treating it as something to get rid of, has helped perhaps more than anything else.
Another helpful way to move toward and “allow” fear is best shared by way of example. Specifically, on one occasion, a client of mine came in to tell me how wonderful her week had been going and how elated she was feeling as a result… Paradoxically, I replied, “don’t get too excited about it, it will be gone soon.” She was upset by this response, wondering why I was trying to (from her perspective) diminish her happiness. She left the session early and, despite not responding to an email asking her to confirm her next appointment, she did show up in my office a week later. Before she even reached her chair, however, she burst into tears, unable to speak for the first several minutes… And as she lifted her gaze up from the floor, unsure of what to say about her pain, I smiled gently and again remarked, “ don’t get too excited about it, it will be gone soon.” Her tears continued in the silence that followed, but this time with a permission and a quiet confidence that more fully realized the ephemeral/transient nature of emotions – both pleasant and difficult ones alike.
As always, sage guidance by Tara. Allowing fear to become conscious instead of chronically evaded, approaching rather than fleeing it, considering it rather than disowning it … this is the path by which we reclaim our sense of being more than fear. The plane goes off of “autopilot” controlled by hidden fear as we take the controls ourselves, aware and conscious. Then: evolution. That which is denied does not evolve; that which is allowed and contemplated does. Thanks for the video, Tara.
I am still in the grips of fear due to a very tragic loss of a child and a very toxic environment. Are used to meditate or be able to relax and sleep well by just being happy.
Meditation helps me, because then I train my mind to realize that any fearful thoughts are simply imaginary, things I’m creating, but haven’t even happened. I almost added, “yet”…hahaha! It’s hard, because I understand the motivation behind my fear is to be prepared. But I’m also learning the value of trusting that i can handle whatever comes, because the only preparation I need is to be fully present.
Fear seems to have its roots in a sense of separation from others and the universe. A lack of belongingness, a sense that I am a separate and isolated being in this world, and other people and other beings are just..others. This is where fear seems to establish itself, forge itself in my consciousness. I need to defend myself continuously in this world of ‘others’.
What helps is the re-establishment of connection to others. Not just in my family, or my race or something, but to really be inclusive in connecting to absolutely everyone. When stepping out, look at other people, connect to their suffering. When suffering ourselves, to really connect to all the beings and people who are undergoing the same suffering and sending them a genuine and authentic heartfelt wish to be free of their suffering.
Morning thank you so much for the inspirational video. If I have a fear that I can feel I can control I will tell myself over and over again that there is nothing to fear and will find a way to minimise it example I used to be afraid of the dark but I then started whistling when I felt fearful and my heart rate increased now its a walk in the park and that anxious feeling no longer happens so often. Or I will talk to myself and laugh at myself for having the irrational feeling.
Some fears I push aside and ignore and hope they will go away or resolve themselves somehow.
When I feel fear it is almost always because there is a situation that I can’t control and don’t know what to do about it. Meditating on the very simple truths about life that I don’t know and can’t really even comprehend – the size and expanse of the universe, the concept of forever and infinity, the miracle of life and the suddenness of death – help me realize that there is so much that I don’t know and for me to expect that I would have all the answers to my fearful heart is silly. I have to trust life and love every day that I wake up and I have to continue that trust to return to life.
I used to physically turn around and say my fear outloud. This was in my 20’s. Now many years later I am preparing to once again face my fears ny accepting? Novel concept.
After listening and watching the video this is what Inwas compelled to write.
—————————————
9
FEAR
In all it’s layers
you leaving
that I am not doing enough, being enough …. hence you chose to be away year after year after year after years
that I am not doing enough, being enough, not enough for you to choose to stay, for me….
In FLIGHT I feed my safety
In DEFENSIVENESS I feed my worth
In my brokenness there is no safety…. there is no worth.
The motivation to work through — and passed — the immediate fear to apply my strengths and skills to help others; to grow and, in ways I’d never know, make an impact that changes others’ lives in positive ways. Knowing from experience that failing to attempt is far worse than failing to make the attempt.
Being really listened to and held.
Writing.
Serving.
Teaching.
Spending time studying religious texts and praying.
Listening.
Walks in nature.
Loving people.
Yoga.
Theatre.
Creative collaboration.
Making.
Ordering.
When social fear arises, I have been practicing thoughts that remind me to just stay connected with myself, at my center, first and foremost, in order to find the feeling of safety–even comfort–i need, within. Meditation has helped me find that gift. I realized I was most often looking outside myself, esp when fearful, for the reassurance, safety and connection I needed, but discovered that this can more reliably and readily be found within–voila!!
Fearlessness is a quality of all us Buddhas. Buddha same as LION. A lion is a winner, a champ. Most all of humanity are victims, full of fear. It takes skills to come out of the victim’s position. These skills can be taught and learned, just like music, it requires a real teacher, real practice and real dedication from the student. Warriors like samuri make good Buddhist monks partly because of the war skills learned (be here now or be dead), and also because of the fearlessness in hand to hand warfare can be expanded to general fearlessness. Also fear can come from wrong doing and the fear of being caught. So a high level of morality is necessary for fearlessness. Fear of death can be softened, by dealing with death, going to several 100’s of funerals, attend autopsies, seeing and thinking about old age sickness and death, and the determination to not let these things rob oneself of happiness. No need to face fear, when afraid, do not wallow in it, take a deep breath and see clearly what the real dangers are, and know that you are not the victim of these dangers, you are the Lion fearless.
Reminding myself that the earth is shooting through space at 64,000 m.p.h. in an infinitely expanding universe. This helps me keep my fears in perspective.
I find the most helpful thing is facing my fear and being with it, but also using EFT or tapping to help reduce the intensity of the physical symptoms. I’m not trying to tap the fear away, as so many people think EFT is all about..(granted that can be how it appears to be taught!) The true premise of EFT is “Even though I have this fear.. I accept it’s here..and I accept and love myself.. WITH the fear!” Today someone was trying to ‘release their hypervigilance’ and found it helpful when I suggested they create a wise calm guardian to be on the calm look out, rather than ask a million year old brain pattern to suspend itself..! No wonder they’re hypervigilant, having no boundaries and protection!! I loved the way you explained it all! I had to face some big fears & sorrows recently and noticed I started to dissociate a bit from my body.. feeling dizzy and weak. I know it’s not deep mindfulness but a quiet cup of tea..and some food helped.. then a good cry and a good tap and a good snooze!! I awoke feeling serene, and the whole situation transformed, I continued to face more fears that day and by the end of it I felt healed and peaceful!! I guess I was at least deeply mindful of how I was feeling!!! My feeling is that not all of us can just sit with it.. some of us need that extra physiological support for our amygdalas..! But iI don’t see it as many seem to..that they’re mutually exclusive.. or one better than the other! You need to be very mindful to tune in to yourself to do EFT, and as long as you’re not creating the ‘running away and resistance’ with the notion of tapping it away.. I’ve found they work very well together. I would love it if the Mindful and EFT crowds could be more accepting of each other.. it’s not so very different!! I have also been able to do the ‘just face the fear and be with it and watch it reduce or vanish into illusion’ mindful thing too! I just like using both, and I find different clients need different approaches! By the way… why isn’t there yet a category for Energy Therapists???? Time to make one perhaps???!!! Thank-you for alloeing me to enter the conversation!
What helps me face fear is an awareness of the physical sensation as it rises and subsides in my body. This sensation could be called anxiety or panic. It could be called sadness or frustration, even anger. Before it becomes say anxiety for example, it is a physical sensation that arises…it may last for sometime…eventually it subsides. Often it is more than physical, it is also emotional, and produces thoughts. The fear can really grow if it is fed.
If I am aware that fear is behind the sutuation, then I can mentally take a step back and look at it and handle it. However, in the moment, I often plow on through and don’t see clearly until it’s over. So, I guess, what helps me face fear is being awake enough to see it in that moment when it happens.
I use breathing exercises and walking meditation.
Self-compassion – becoming aware of the critic inside us, noticing and substituting a gentle, compassionate encouragement. So often fear and anxiety are stoked by self-criticism, harsh demands on ourselves and shame. Starting with awareness and treating ourselves more gently is what I encourage clients to do and what I have found helpful personally.
Breath
RAIN practice. Hello old friend fear. Acknowledge it’s my Irish birth right to think these thoughts.
Walk into the fear. Just keep swimming.
Visualization
Practice with imagination & defuse the imagery. For instance, visualize a dandelion & blow away the bits
Dance
Music: these boots were made for walking & other songs that resonate
Worry journal: journal a…z on whatever might go wrong with the situation; close the book for a week & live life & check in next week with another journal entry
Shopping is usually therapeutic for me. With a girlfriend. We visit the second hand stores & buy the most outrageous things for our children.
Knitting. You can’t run a mental dialogue while following a more complex pattern. Helps move the brain over to more positive circuitry.
When I confront a fearful situation I ask myself what is the worst thing/outcome that could happen? A lot of times the answer is something irrational, a projection into the future. So I try to face it staying in the present moment
I have a tendency to want to face my fears. What I have to do is understand my fragility and have compassion for myself as a mother does when a child wakes in fear of a nightmare. Then breathe and silently chanting with my right hand on my heart. That works when I only have a few minutes to compose.
Mostly being honest but being mindful of my inner critic. The tendency to blame or shame myself or others. Those things must be addressed before I can lovingly care for myself and others.
Hi, I recently had a colleague return to my team. She sat with her back to me, in part because the office is small and there was nowhere else she could easily put her chair. But, as I tried to sit in a way to accommodate her I worried that maybe this was deliberate and her shunning me.
I felt my heart sink, or more accurately, a knot / adrenaline jolt at the top of my stomach.
I then stopped and asked myself ‘do I know this for sure?’ and realised that I did not. This then allowed to relax and focus on the meeting at hand. Later that day we were getting on ok.
Meditation.
Being kinds to myself. Self-compassion for this experience.
Listening to recorded lessons from my Buddhist teachers.
Remembering books like Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.
Talking with my partner. Being held. Gives the sense of not-alone.
I may be in the wrong space, I do work with people and can be of assistance with looking at and quelling fear in which case I encourage writing, allowing and hot tubs. nurturing self, breath work, mudras, and imagining.
For myself I use breath work, dance, writing, I have opened to feeling it and it can become overwhelming, some of the fear is not my own and that can be confusing. I pick up other emotions, thoughts and think they are my own. For the most part, I can manage the physical response to fear but my mind’s patterns are stuck and that what is what drew me to this site. I want to find a way to move beyond my limits
Hi Tara, what helps me face fear is learning and applying practices from such as yourself, and in that regard, I liked this video because it is succinct and practical.
Facing it head on; I have been able to do this with the help of mindfulness. Prior to practing mindfulness, I just my feelings of fear away, which only made them worse.
Beautiful, truly beautiful, at a time that I’m facing much fear. Wholeheartedly, many thanks.
I’m a practicing lay yogee and I’m trying to comprehend their advice on seeing fear as a making of the mind of which we are not.
Your words help reinforce that, I’ll endeavour to replay it many times.
Muchas gracias.
Reflecting why I’m fearful and remind myself I don’t have anything to fear. It’s a bad habit.
Hi as a therapist and a human being I am always searching for ways that will help reduce fear. Mindfulness and Tapping are the two sills I have been using recently. Now I am be facing a knee replacement so will be grateful for new ideas of coping with this anxiety.
Being positive.. keeping a chart and realising 8 times out of 10 it didn’t happen.
Affirmation e.g Yes I can…anti -depressants.. regular conversations with my psychologist, mindful breathing, exercise, mindful activities such as zentangle.
This was an excellent presentation.
Living as match as possible in the present. Being supported by friends and family.
Body scanning, breathing staying in presence
Face the fear, and do it anyway. Gradually and surely, the power of fear becomes less.
I teach AlexanderTechnique
With my hands I give an experience of time and space which access their vibrant energy of the present . It is a kind of witness , accceptance.
I let has helped me emensely over the years this witness or observing skill. It has helped many of my students/ clients.
Understanding it’s roots in childhood
Tolerance of the rush of anxiety
Willingness to be in fear provoking situations.
As you mentioned in this teaching, many of my clients have found that making space for fear, rather than treating it as something to get rid of, has helped perhaps more than anything else.
Another helpful way to move toward and “allow” fear is best shared by way of example. Specifically, on one occasion, a client of mine came in to tell me how wonderful her week had been going and how elated she was feeling as a result… Paradoxically, I replied, “don’t get too excited about it, it will be gone soon.” She was upset by this response, wondering why I was trying to (from her perspective) diminish her happiness. She left the session early and, despite not responding to an email asking her to confirm her next appointment, she did show up in my office a week later. Before she even reached her chair, however, she burst into tears, unable to speak for the first several minutes… And as she lifted her gaze up from the floor, unsure of what to say about her pain, I smiled gently and again remarked, “ don’t get too excited about it, it will be gone soon.” Her tears continued in the silence that followed, but this time with a permission and a quiet confidence that more fully realized the ephemeral/transient nature of emotions – both pleasant and difficult ones alike.
As always, sage guidance by Tara. Allowing fear to become conscious instead of chronically evaded, approaching rather than fleeing it, considering it rather than disowning it … this is the path by which we reclaim our sense of being more than fear. The plane goes off of “autopilot” controlled by hidden fear as we take the controls ourselves, aware and conscious. Then: evolution. That which is denied does not evolve; that which is allowed and contemplated does. Thanks for the video, Tara.
Practicing sacred pause and breathing
The act of caring conversation mixed with honest listening. One can tell if the listener is truly engaged and interested.
Exercise nature being by the sea journalling
I am still in the grips of fear due to a very tragic loss of a child and a very toxic environment. Are used to meditate or be able to relax and sleep well by just being happy.
Meditation helps me, because then I train my mind to realize that any fearful thoughts are simply imaginary, things I’m creating, but haven’t even happened. I almost added, “yet”…hahaha! It’s hard, because I understand the motivation behind my fear is to be prepared. But I’m also learning the value of trusting that i can handle whatever comes, because the only preparation I need is to be fully present.
Gratitude.
Gratitude, breathing, turning it over to God
Fear seems to have its roots in a sense of separation from others and the universe. A lack of belongingness, a sense that I am a separate and isolated being in this world, and other people and other beings are just..others. This is where fear seems to establish itself, forge itself in my consciousness. I need to defend myself continuously in this world of ‘others’.
What helps is the re-establishment of connection to others. Not just in my family, or my race or something, but to really be inclusive in connecting to absolutely everyone. When stepping out, look at other people, connect to their suffering. When suffering ourselves, to really connect to all the beings and people who are undergoing the same suffering and sending them a genuine and authentic heartfelt wish to be free of their suffering.
Morning thank you so much for the inspirational video. If I have a fear that I can feel I can control I will tell myself over and over again that there is nothing to fear and will find a way to minimise it example I used to be afraid of the dark but I then started whistling when I felt fearful and my heart rate increased now its a walk in the park and that anxious feeling no longer happens so often. Or I will talk to myself and laugh at myself for having the irrational feeling.
Some fears I push aside and ignore and hope they will go away or resolve themselves somehow.
When I feel fear it is almost always because there is a situation that I can’t control and don’t know what to do about it. Meditating on the very simple truths about life that I don’t know and can’t really even comprehend – the size and expanse of the universe, the concept of forever and infinity, the miracle of life and the suddenness of death – help me realize that there is so much that I don’t know and for me to expect that I would have all the answers to my fearful heart is silly. I have to trust life and love every day that I wake up and I have to continue that trust to return to life.
I used to physically turn around and say my fear outloud. This was in my 20’s. Now many years later I am preparing to once again face my fears ny accepting? Novel concept.
After listening and watching the video this is what Inwas compelled to write.
—————————————
9
FEAR
In all it’s layers
you leaving
that I am not doing enough, being enough …. hence you chose to be away year after year after year after years
that I am not doing enough, being enough, not enough for you to choose to stay, for me….
In FLIGHT I feed my safety
In DEFENSIVENESS I feed my worth
In my brokenness there is no safety…. there is no worth.
There is only loneliness.
Of my own doing
The motivation to work through — and passed — the immediate fear to apply my strengths and skills to help others; to grow and, in ways I’d never know, make an impact that changes others’ lives in positive ways. Knowing from experience that failing to attempt is far worse than failing to make the attempt.
Being really listened to and held.
Writing.
Serving.
Teaching.
Spending time studying religious texts and praying.
Listening.
Walks in nature.
Loving people.
Yoga.
Theatre.
Creative collaboration.
Making.
Ordering.
Great presentation. Moving towards the fear while working with any parts that show up to help inform us.
Nancy J. Davis, licsw
Remembering that fear is a sensation not a permanent state, and that it will pass.
Seeing that all thoughts and feelings are conditioned things that arise and pass.
That none of it is personal
When social fear arises, I have been practicing thoughts that remind me to just stay connected with myself, at my center, first and foremost, in order to find the feeling of safety–even comfort–i need, within. Meditation has helped me find that gift. I realized I was most often looking outside myself, esp when fearful, for the reassurance, safety and connection I needed, but discovered that this can more reliably and readily be found within–voila!!
Fearlessness is a quality of all us Buddhas. Buddha same as LION. A lion is a winner, a champ. Most all of humanity are victims, full of fear. It takes skills to come out of the victim’s position. These skills can be taught and learned, just like music, it requires a real teacher, real practice and real dedication from the student. Warriors like samuri make good Buddhist monks partly because of the war skills learned (be here now or be dead), and also because of the fearlessness in hand to hand warfare can be expanded to general fearlessness. Also fear can come from wrong doing and the fear of being caught. So a high level of morality is necessary for fearlessness. Fear of death can be softened, by dealing with death, going to several 100’s of funerals, attend autopsies, seeing and thinking about old age sickness and death, and the determination to not let these things rob oneself of happiness. No need to face fear, when afraid, do not wallow in it, take a deep breath and see clearly what the real dangers are, and know that you are not the victim of these dangers, you are the Lion fearless.
Grounded
It is not always easy, but a simple acknowledgment of the fear helps it come to the surface. This way it is not embedded in my body somewhere.
I can see it and then decide what to do about it. This is easier than carrying around a sense of dread all of the time.
Reminding myself that the earth is shooting through space at 64,000 m.p.h. in an infinitely expanding universe. This helps me keep my fears in perspective.
A well developed mindful practice helps my clients to not only recover, but to wake up and become illuminated. mindfullyMAD.org
I find the most helpful thing is facing my fear and being with it, but also using EFT or tapping to help reduce the intensity of the physical symptoms. I’m not trying to tap the fear away, as so many people think EFT is all about..(granted that can be how it appears to be taught!) The true premise of EFT is “Even though I have this fear.. I accept it’s here..and I accept and love myself.. WITH the fear!” Today someone was trying to ‘release their hypervigilance’ and found it helpful when I suggested they create a wise calm guardian to be on the calm look out, rather than ask a million year old brain pattern to suspend itself..! No wonder they’re hypervigilant, having no boundaries and protection!! I loved the way you explained it all! I had to face some big fears & sorrows recently and noticed I started to dissociate a bit from my body.. feeling dizzy and weak. I know it’s not deep mindfulness but a quiet cup of tea..and some food helped.. then a good cry and a good tap and a good snooze!! I awoke feeling serene, and the whole situation transformed, I continued to face more fears that day and by the end of it I felt healed and peaceful!! I guess I was at least deeply mindful of how I was feeling!!! My feeling is that not all of us can just sit with it.. some of us need that extra physiological support for our amygdalas..! But iI don’t see it as many seem to..that they’re mutually exclusive.. or one better than the other! You need to be very mindful to tune in to yourself to do EFT, and as long as you’re not creating the ‘running away and resistance’ with the notion of tapping it away.. I’ve found they work very well together. I would love it if the Mindful and EFT crowds could be more accepting of each other.. it’s not so very different!! I have also been able to do the ‘just face the fear and be with it and watch it reduce or vanish into illusion’ mindful thing too! I just like using both, and I find different clients need different approaches! By the way… why isn’t there yet a category for Energy Therapists???? Time to make one perhaps???!!! Thank-you for alloeing me to enter the conversation!
I notice my body sensations and have compassion for myself. Just noticing that my stomach hurts is an accomplishment that makes me feel better.
Remembering who they are and what they can accomplish. Helps remind that the fear won’t carry them away.
What helps me face fear is an awareness of the physical sensation as it rises and subsides in my body. This sensation could be called anxiety or panic. It could be called sadness or frustration, even anger. Before it becomes say anxiety for example, it is a physical sensation that arises…it may last for sometime…eventually it subsides. Often it is more than physical, it is also emotional, and produces thoughts. The fear can really grow if it is fed.
If I am aware that fear is behind the sutuation, then I can mentally take a step back and look at it and handle it. However, in the moment, I often plow on through and don’t see clearly until it’s over. So, I guess, what helps me face fear is being awake enough to see it in that moment when it happens.
Naming all the unanswered questions about what may it may not happen.